He eyes me intently. "You're worth everything."
I'm melting. Really melting.
Chapter 12
As far as I can tell, nothing about me pops up on the internet that evening. Maybe Benjamin's telling the truth about being in love with me. His words of love flip over and over in my mind. If only I had had the guts to tell him how I felt. Sometimes a secret weighs heavily on you, and you wish with all your heart you could set it free.
During dinner, my family notices how quiet I am. I tell them I've got a lot on my mind with school just having started. They leave me to my privacy. I can't help but think about how my parents would have a conniption fit if they knew where I had spent the afternoon.
If they knew that Benjamin had told me he loves me!
Yikes!!!
After dinner, I get a text message from Benjamin.
R U OK?
Fine, I text back.
U aren't 2 freaked out about everything, R U?
Maybe a little, I answer him.
We'll figure it out. Can't wait to see u tomorrow.
How could I not melt with his words? That night I dream that we're holding hands outside my house. We're carefree and not worried about our parents. What an awesome dream. I wake up in a very good mood.
During lunch, we glance at one another, our eyes locking. Our wonderful secret only shared by the two of us. He’s sitting with Peebo, and I'm with Lorena and Suzy. They're going on and on about the upcoming cheerleading tryouts. I politely hear them out, but am bored to death. It's a good thing I have Benjamin to daydream about.
Chantilly steps out of the food line with her tray and a salad and moves towards Benjamin. The cafeteria turns quiet. Everyone wants to see what she's about to do. She plops down next to Benjamin. Both Peebo and Benjamin stare at her with surprise.
Chantilly starts some kind of a conversation with Peebo. Of course I can't hear it since I'm far away from them and the cafeteria starts buzzing again. It seems like a casual conversation, though. Benjamin eyes me with a frown and an apology as if he's sorry about what just happened.
"Look at that!" Suzy gushes excitedly.
"They must be back together again," Lorena blurts.
Suzy nods vehemently. "I hope so. That would be so great to have our prince and princess together again."
I frown and stay very quiet.
Sorry about lunch, Benjamin texted me after I had left the cafeteria and was on break before the bell rung.
Not your fault, I type.
Remember that I don't love her. I love U.
I feel all giddy. When he steps into Social Studies, I give him a huge grin. He returns it. It's difficult to concentrate on the class with Benjamin being so close to me. If I really stretch my arm to my right I can touch him. I won't of course, but it freaks me out that I can.
Between classes he texts me to meet him right after school at the same place as yesterday. When classes are finally over, I call my mom to tell her I'm going to be late. Today is my turn to help with dinner but because Carina has a slumber party this weekend, I'm going to do laundry for her, and she'll help mom with supper today. Everything for Benjamin and me seems to be falling into place.
Lupita's Ice Cream is practically empty when I get there. There's only a woman I don't know and her three children enjoying dessert. Benjamin is in the same private back booth that is shut off from view with a partial pretty pink wall in front. He's standing up again so I can see him, and he grins as he ushers me to where he's at.
"Hi, Zuri," he murmurs, his eyes on me.
I nervously slide in the booth when I notice that a banana split and a shake are on the same side. He notices my puzzled expression and chuckles.
"Scoot over, I want to sit next to you today," he tells me.
I scoot down, my stomach fluttering like crazy. I can't believe I'll be so close to him!
"Thank you," he murmurs, plopping down next to me.
The side of his body is touching mine. He's the one who has completely invaded my space, but it's me who won't scoot further down. His amazing presence intoxicates my senses—all of them.
"I just wanted to make sure we were okay after what happened at lunch," he says softly as he turns to look at me.
It's so difficult to be so near him and breathing him in, but I do want to talk to him about his ex-girlfriend. I'm compelled to.
"What happened with Chantilly?" I blurt.
He frowns deeply. "I had to have another talk with her."
"What about?" I snap. I don't like the thought of him being alone with her!!! The sharp possessiveness I feel toward him freaks me out. I'm being so jealous when I don't even know if this thing between us is real.
"Are you jealous?" he asks, smiling.
"Maybe a little," I mutter.
He chuckles. "So you like me more than a tiny bit?"
"Don't change the subject," I demand. "What did you and Chantilly talk about?"
His playfulness turns solemn. "She's having a hard time accepting that we broke up."
"That's a no brainer," I spurt out.
"I feel bad—I really do," he sighs. "I just can't be with her anymore."
"I've got to ask you something," I blurt.
"What do you need to know?"
I have to be blunt. "Why would you rather be with me than with her?"
He eyes me and frowns. "Why would you ask me something like that?"
"That's what a lot of people are going to be asking when we go out in the open."
"I don't care what anybody thinks," he snaps.
"I just want to make sure you're not confused about your feelings and will leave me stranded to go back to Chantilly," I rush. There I said it. "I'm not nearly as tough as I look on the outside." I'm not like my Aunt Letty. I wish I was, but I'm not.
He smiles tenderly at me and strokes my cheek. "Okay, I'll tell you why I fell for you and not Chantilly."
I smile at him.
"When we were kids there was a special bond between us."
I nod. So far so good.
"Then our parents fought, and we couldn't be friends anymore. I really missed you."
"I did too," I interject.
"We kept growing up, and you were on your side of the fence and so was I. I kept wanting to talk to you, to be near you. Then one day I realized that what I really wanted to do was kiss you."
"You wanted to kiss me?" I ask incredulously.
He stares at my lips for a few seconds. "Oh, yeah."
I couldn't help flushing.
His hazel eyes shift back to my own. "I was enthralled by everything about you."
"Enthralled?"
"Yes, enthralled with the way you'd discipline your little sisters, with the way you were so responsible, with the way you wouldn't let Suzy take over everything, with the way you became one of the smartest girls in school, with the way you blossomed into a beautiful girl...I can go on and on."
"I didn't know you were noticing my life," I sigh.
"I was noticing everything about you, but I couldn't do anything about it."
I frown. "I know. Our childish parents."
"I started going out with Chantilly to see if I could get over you, but it didn't work. I realized I loved you more than anything."
"I love you too, Benjamin!" I blurt before I can put the brakes on my tongue.
Chapter 13
His eyes widen in surprise. “What?”
“I…I…”
“You were lying to me yesterday?" he murmurs.
"Yes."
His sight sweeps over me. "How long have you loved me?"
"Probably as long as you've loved me—maybe longer."
His eyes land intently on of mine. Tilting his head, his lips start nearing me. My stomach flutters uncontrollably with the anticipation. I can't believe that after so many years of anguished unrequited love, he's going to kiss me. His lips touch mine softly,
like a raindrop from a slow shower. I take a deep breath in as we connect with each other. Wow. Incredible. Amazing. His lips submerge me under the water that is his world. I had kissed other boys, but not one of them had made me feel like this—like a limp rag doll with a completely mushy head.
When we disengage, I have to catch my breath before I do something as ridiculous as fainting. But I’m soooo light headed.
"That was something," he utters. "Something pretty awesome."
"I would say so," I murmur.
His eyes shoot to mine. "We're together now, Zuri, right? No insecurities about our parents or Chantilly will keep us apart, right?"
"Right."
And he kisses me all over again. It's every bit as delicious as the first one.
For the next few weeks, we handle our secret love very well. No one suspects. Mom thinks I'm acting weird, but she can't even begin to imagine what's going on with me. The person I really have to be careful around is Aunt Letty. Her intuition is so sharp that I tread on water when I'm with her.
If she suspects something, she doesn't say anything to me. I do, however, catch her eyeing me oddly sometimes. But I prefer that no one knows for now. I'm convinced it's for the best until Benjamin and I can figure out how to tell our parents.
My BFF's, however, are getting on my nerves with their constant lamentations over Benjamin and Chantilly. Sometimes I want to snap at them.
"Chantilly is just so heartbroken," mentions Suzy when we're at her house. "I caught her crying in the girls’ bathroom at school yesterday."
"I can't believe Benjamin hasn't come to his senses."
In order not to give myself away, I shut up. Good thing that Lorena and Suzy are too caught up in their lamentations to pay attention to me.
"I felt so sorry for her," mumbles Suzy. "She told me to get lost, but I didn't mind."
Chantilly is so stuck up. I doubt that she knows our names even if we've been in the same school together since children. Having been caught crying by Suzy must've been embarrassing for her.
"Doesn't Benjamin know what he's doing to her?" Lorena snaps.
I sigh. My secret weighs heavily on me. While I know that he didn't leave Chantilly just to be with me, he broke up with her before knowing how I felt for him, I still feel bad about the whole situation.
"Maybe he's going out with someone else in secret," mumbles Suzy, shifting one eyebrow up.
I almost completely lose my composure!
"What do you mean?" asks Lorena.
"Daniela Lopez has been sniffing around him."
"She has?" I blurt, breaking my silence.
"Oh, yeah. You know they've got two periods together. She exchanged seats in each class to sit next to him."
"She did?" I croak out. Thankfully, no one seems to notice my discombobulated presence.
"She's so beautiful," comments Lorena. "I wouldn't be surprised if they've started going out."
"I think they are and so does Chantilly. That's why she was crying in the bathroom."
Lorena's face is puzzled. "But if Benjamin and Daniela are together then why are they keeping it a secret?"
"That's easy," states Suzy, "Daniela is trying out for the cheerleading squad and doesn't want to mess up her chances."
Lorena nods. "That makes sense! Chantilly is the head cheerleader after all."
"Rumors are that Benjamin and Daniela look very cozy talking to one another in their classes."
By the time I get home, I'm sick to my stomach. Is Benjamin two-timing me with Daniela?!
Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! I scold myself. Why had I confessed to Benjamin that I love him? He's probably been laughing about it since I opened my big mouth.
I rush upstairs. Luckily, no one is here to see my grief stricken face. Everyone in my family is out. Pacing the floors in my bedroom, I try to figure out what to do. I had been so upset that I hadn't even looked up to Benjamin's room while coming home from Suzy's.
I get a text message. When I pull out my cell from my purse, I realize it's from Benjamin.
Saw you rushing past my house. Everything OK?
Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I decide it's time to clear the air.
No, not OK. Need to see U, I punch in.
Sounds serious. Should I be worried?
I ignore his question. R your parents home?
No.
I didn't want to ask him to meet me at our usual hangout at Lupita's. It's the weekend and probably full. Meet me in backyard.
OK.
I would be able to talk to him through the chain link fence. Fortunately, the neighbors on the other side of us are hardly ever in their backyards, and it's Saturday so the landscapers aren't working today. By the time I make it to my backyard, Benjamin is already impatiently waiting next to the chain link fence.
"What's going on?" he asks me with concern.
I exhale a long breath. "Daniela Lopez."
"What?"
"Rumor has it that you're seeing her in secret," I snap.
His reaction completely throws me for a loop. He starts chuckling as if it's a joke. I glare at him.
"Benjamin, why are you laughing?"
"Me and Daniela Lopez? Really, Zuri! How can you believe that?"
"I don't know what to believe," I mumble.
"Believe that the only girl I'm crazy about is you," he murmurs quietly. "I don't know why you're having such a hard time accepting it."
He looks so sincere. I'm starting to question the silly rumor. "It's just that Suzy said that Daniela has the hots for you and has two classes with you and made sure to sit next to you."
Benjamin rolls his eyes. "Well, I made sure I sat with the girl I wanted to sit next to. I didn't wait for her to come to me." He grins at me.
I smile back. "Yeah, you picked the desk next to mine."
"Peebo wanted to sit at the other side of the class, but I insisted we sit next to the girl I love." He places his fingers on the chain link fence as if wanting his hands closer to mine.
I put my hand on his, our fingers linking together through the fence. Tingles run up my spine. His touch sets my fluttering butterflies in my stomach in a frenzy. "Poor Peebo."
"He's very understanding."
"Understanding?" I blurt.
"He knows about us," he mentions nonchalantly.
"What?"
"He's known for a long time how I feel about you."
"Why didn't you tell me that he knows our secret?!" I question.
"Because I knew you'd freak out like you're freaking out now."
I scrunch my face. He has a point. "Peebo's kept our secret?"
"Yep, and he kept my secret love for you quiet before we got together."
I wish I had the kind of relationships with Suzy and Lorena that Benjamin has with Peebo. I just have felt I couldn't confide my deepest secret to them.
"Zuri, are you done being mad at me for something I didn't do?" asks Benjamin sheepishly.
"Yes."
"Come closer." I do and we kiss through the chain link fence. Gosh, I could smooch this guy for hours and hours. His lips are so sweet and breathtaking.
Chapter 14
Dad is so happy with the results of our backyard that he decides to have a party. Inviting friends, relatives, and the whole neighborhood except the Quintanillas, he’s beside himself. I brace myself for the blow-out fiesta. Unfortunately, neither Lorena nor Suzy will be able to come because their families have prior commitments.
I brace myself for the huge hoopla my dad is eagerly looking forward to. The landscaping in the backyard really does look awesome. Flowers, trees, and shrubbery are everywhere. In the middle is a huge round fountain with water splashing down from a cupid's bow in the center of it. We can stick our feet in and be cooled down from the heated summers.
My maternal grandparents arrive first. They speak Spanish to me so I can practice. My parents we
ren't going to teach me the language because they had seen plenty of discrimination in their youth when they spoke it. My Aunt Letty, however, had dressed them down, telling them that it would practically be a sin not gifting their kids with a second language.
"Don't let the boneheads determine your children's destiny," my favorite aunt had snapped. "Knowing more than one language is like knowing different worlds. Besides, Spanish is their heritage."
I'm thankful that my Aunt Letty convinced my parents to teach me Spanish. It's pretty cool knowing more than one language.
My paternal grandparents arrive next. It gets interesting. My dad's parents are kinda different.
"Zuria!" Grandmother Gloria exclaims, taking me in a bear hug. "You've grown since the last time I saw you!"
Dad's parents don't just speak—they holler with frenzied excitement. My dad had to get his personality somewhere.
"You've grown so much, Zuria!" Grandfather Chemo yelps, hugging me after my grandmother releases me.
I smile. They had seen me just last week since they also live in El Paso. While they live on the other side of El Paso from where we are, unlike my other grandparents that live only a few blocks away, I still try to visit them often.
"And soooo pretty!" Grandmother Gloria remarks. "When are we meeting your boyfriend?!"
Mom growls. "She doesn't have a boyfriend," she states, her voice irritated.
I stay really quiet.
"Why not?" Grandfather Chemo asks, puzzled.
My mom folds her hands in front of her. "She doesn't need a distraction like that. She needs to study to keep up her straight A's."
"Well, Mirta, I'd have to disagree with you," says Grandmother Gloria. "You know what they say about all work and no play."
Mom lets out an exasperated sigh.
"Get yourself a boyfriend, Zuria," my Grandfather Chemo says, peering over his glasses. "Have fun! Life is meant to be muy divertida!"
My grandparents are experts at Spanglish.
"Si, as long as he's a good boy," Grandmother Gloria states, trying to appease my mother in some way.
I can tell my mother is frustrated with them but would never disrespect them. To them, life should be full of games and laughter, and my mom is sometimes put off by them even though she's married to someone who has a lot of their personality traits. Still, even my dad isn't as gregarious as them. I adore them, of course. They remind me not to be so serious all the time.