As soon as the table was clear, Seri gave her a look and a nod. Aquilla got the laptop, Seri got the blanket.
“Hey, where you guys going?” Monica called, pouting because she wasn’t invited.
“To the lake,” Seri called without turning, and throwing her hand up.
Monica stood beside Liz watching the two of them walk to the lake and spread the blanket.
“Hang in there. She’s leaving tomorrow,” Monica assured her, rubbing circles on her back.
Liz smiled a sad smile, wishing Aquilla wanted to spend the time with her that she did Seri.
Aquilla inserted the two passwords and went to the bookmarked page. They read in silence, only speaking when Aquilla asked her if she was ready before turning the page. They read a lot about the real Aquilla, and his mother. They both sniffed more than once. They read about different times that Julius had taken care of her, like when she was nine and had to have her tonsils removed.
They read two whole pages about their sex together. Julius went into quite the detail, like he wanted her to remember it too.
“Jesus, Seri. I’m horny now,” Quill admitted.
Seri laughed. “Yeah, I could use that now too,” she agreed, reading the very explicit details of his and Quill’s sex life.
Aquilla sat up from her laying position when she started reading the last of Julius’s message to her.
“Quill, this is going to be as hard for me as it is you. I am presuming that if you are reading this, you are back in New York with your family. Quill, you belong there. I want you to promise me that you will make the best of your life there. Don’t spend your time trying to find me. I want you to find a man when you are ready that will always be there for you.
I need you to promise me, Quill. Don’t wait for me. I’m not looking for you. I’m letting you go. You deserve more than I am ever going to be able to give you. Be happy, Quill. Please, for me. I love you so much and you will always be my Quill, but I am done hurting you. I am done exposing you to the life that you don’t belong in.
I’ll never forget you, baby. Not as long as I live. You will always be my Quill. Please know that I am doing this for you. This is the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I love you, and I will never forget our time together. I will go to my grave loving you.
Goodbye, baby.
Aquilla hadn’t even realized that she was crying. He was letting her go? He wasn’t coming for her? He didn’t want her to find him? He said goodbye. Did he really just say goodbye to her? She suddenly felt like she had inherited her mother’s asthma. There was no air. She couldn’t breathe.
“Quill?” Seri tried, placing her hand between her shoulder blades.
Aquilla stood up and wiped her face with her shirt. “He doesn’t want me,” she sobbed.
“He didn’t say that. He wants you to have more.”
“Oh God, Seri, now what? I can’t stay here.”
“Quill, sit down.”
“No! I don’t want to sit down. I want out of here!” Quill wailed, with her head back screaming to the top of her lungs.
“Quill, stop it. You’re going to have the whole place over here,” Seri tried, coming to her feet.
Aquilla dropped to her knees and cried. She couldn’t help it. Her whole reason for existing was gone.
“What the hell happened?” Monica yelled with Liz, Reese, and her Aunt Kerri right behind them.
“Julius, we were talking about Julius,” Seri lied.
“Why? You’re not supposed to be talking to her about that stuff,” Monica yelled.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” Aquilla screamed when her mother tried to comfort her. “I have to get out of here. Seri, get me the fuck out of here!!!!” she screamed. She was crazy. She was hysterical.
Seri didn’t have a choice. She had to calm her down. She took her to the ground with flailing arms and legs. Quill gave up after a few moments and sobbed into the freshly mowed grass with Seri’s elbow holding her head down. Seri eased up and held her as Aquilla threw herself in her arms and cried.
Aquilla stayed locked away in her room for the entire day. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink and did nothing but stare into space, wishing her life was over. She couldn’t comprehend what was happening. She couldn’t comprehend the fact that Julius didn’t want her.
Seri had to spend 20 minutes lying to Monica about their conversation. Monica was pissed. She felt that they had made a lot of progress and Seri had ruined it. She would be back at square one with her.
Seri showered just before nine and joined her in the now dark room. “Go take a shower, Quill.”
“No.”
“What are you going to do, Quill? Are you just going to turn into a cocoon and wither away?”
“I hope so,” Aquilla replied and turned away from her.
“Go take a shower and I will burn one with you.”
Aquilla opened her eyes. Hmmm. She would like to do that. She sat up. “I don’t need a shower,” she said, but did want to smoke.
“Yes, you do. I’m not sleeping with you till you do. I’ll sleep on the couch, and I’m not smoking with you till you do. Go take a shower,” Seri demanded again.
“You’re such a bitch,” Aquilla blurted, grabbing clothes from her bag.
Seri was leaning against the headboard when Aquilla returned. She handed her the lighter and joint as she scooted beside her.
They never spoke while they passed the joint back and forth.
“What am I supposed to do, Seri?” Aquilla finally spoke after refusing the joint. She’d had enough.
“What do you want to do, Quill?”
“What I want doesn’t want me.”
“I don’t know how we read the same thing. That’s not what I heard at all. He’s letting you go because he loves you, Quill. He wants more for you,” Seri explained.
“Have you ever been in love, Seri?” Quill asked, turning to face her.
Seri thought for a second. “Nah, I don’t really do the love thing.”
“Why not? Don’t you want to find that one special person that you can’t live without?”
“No. I’m good in the love department.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, Quill. Monica says it’s a defense mechanism because I have lost so many people in my life that I loved. She says I have an array of shields covering me to keep from getting too close to anyone. I use men to my advantage.”
“For sex?”
“Yup,” Seri admitted. She knew she probably shouldn’t be disclosing this information to her. She needed guidance and direction.
“So you have sex on the first date?”
Seri snorted.
“What?”
“Nothing, Quill, we were talking about you, not me.”
“No. I want to know. I tell you everything. I even let you read about the things that Julius and I did. You have to tell me, Seri.”
“I don’t date either,” Seri honestly told her mater-of-factly.
“You don’t date, but you have sex with men? I don’t get it.”
“Look, Quill, I wouldn’t call myself normal in that department. I don’t date because I don’t want to know men on a personal basis, hell, I don’t even want to know their name.”
“You just want to fuck?”
“Yes. And don’t you dare tell Monica I confessed that to you. She is already furious with me because of your little meltdown earlier.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just stay strong, Quill, I’ve never met anyone like you. You’ve got a lot going for you. You’ll find that special someone that you speak of. It doesn’t have to be Julius.”
Aquilla took a deep breath. She didn’t need that special someone. She would take Julius to her grave too. She wouldn’t love anyone like that, EVER. She’d be just like Seri. She would use them. That’s what she would do. Fuck…That would be her new love.
“What are you thinking about, Quill?”
“Nothing, you?
??re going to leave tomorrow.”
Seri smiled. “But I’m only a phone call away.”
“Are you still going to go after Julius?”
“I feel like Julius has somehow slipped through the cracks. He’s un-locatable.”
Aquilla laughed. “That is so not a word.”
“But it should be.
“Thanks, Seri, for everything. I can’t imagine going through this without you in my court. And even if I can be a bitch, I do appreciate all that you’ve done.”
“You’re welcome, Quill,” Seri smiled, sliding down into the covers. She hit Quill in the face with the extra pillow. “It was probably the orgasm, the fact that I brought you to your knees with a mind blowing orgasm,” she teased.
“Jesus, Seri. Stop doing that. You make me question my sexuality.”
Seri laughed as they both snuggled into bed.
<><><>
Seri got up and got the hell out of dodge before daylight. She couldn’t stand goodbyes. She would send her a text and tell her goodbye in a couple of hours.
Monica didn’t get that one last session she had wanted to get in with Quill because of her breakdown the day before, but told her she would see her three times the next week rather than the planned two. Aquilla was fine with it. She liked Monica.
Aquilla woke to the sound of a crow bellowing right outside her window. She grabbed Seri’s pillow and buried her head. She rose up when she felt the paper in her hand.
“Quill, I hate mushy goodbyes. Call me later,” was the extent of the note.
Aquilla smiled. Seri was gone. She knew she would talk to her and hopefully still see her, but it still wasn’t the same. She was going to miss her like crazy.
She sat up when she heard the tap on her door.
Liz smiled at her and she smiled back. “You okay?” Liz asked, still worried about the day before.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“Do you want something to eat? We have to get going. Reese and Lil have cheerleading practice.”
“Yeah, I’m starving.” She was starving. She had refused to eat lunch or dinner the night before.
Liz smiled as Quill slid off the bed, pulled on a pair of shorts and flipped her long hair into a messy bun on the back of her head.
Aquilla felt a little ashamed as she walked out to the deck with her mom. The whole family was there. They had all witnessed her little episode and she was a little embarrassed by it. Nobody made her feel bad about it. They talked as if nothing had happened. Quill was glad, not that she thought any of them would have had the nerve to mention it, but still.
Quill ate two plates of the scrambled eggs and three slices of toast with her grandmother’s strawberry jam. It was delicious, either that or she was really that hungry.
Aquilla tried to get away without all the hugs. It didn’t work. They all went down the line and hugged her along with Reese and her mother. As soon as her Uncle Jake was finished, she jumped in the passenger seat. That was enough of that.
Aquilla was quiet all the way back to their house. She rolled her eyes more than once at the two giggly girls in the backseat. By the time the hour and half drive was over, she was ready to pull her hair out, or theirs. She and Seri did text back and forth several times, and she talked to her mother when she would ask a question, other than that, she stared blankly out the window.
<><><>
Aquilla settled in as much as she could. She spent most of her days alone in her room. She talked to Seri every single day, and met with Monica twice a week. Her mother asked her constantly to go places with them, practices, ball games, dinner, but she wasn’t interested. She wasn’t trying to be difficult, she just didn’t want to do the things with them that they wanted to do. She knew it wasn’t fair, and she was being unfairly angry at the wrong people. She just didn’t know who she should be angry at. Was it Julius for not wanting her? Was it her father for being involved in something that put them in danger? Was it Seri for bringing them down? Was it her mother for letting her be taken? She didn’t know. She was angry at so many people for uncontrollable reasons.
“You ready?” Liz asked, tapping on Quill’s bedroom door.
“I’m ready,” she said looking up from sliding on the new sneakers that she never asked for, “But I still think it’s stupid. I already graduated. I don’t need some aptitude test.”
“You did not graduate, Quill. We’ve talked about this. You have to graduate under Shelby Rimmer. Aquilla doesn’t exist here.”
“Whatever, let’s go,” Aquilla snapped, shoving past her mother. She was sick of having this conversation. She didn’t want to go to some stupid high school with a bunch of drama infested teenagers. They were making her. Her mother even had her dad call and talk to her about it. Like she would listen to him, anymore than her…as if.
“Quill, this test is very important. You need to go in here with all your bearings and do your best. If you don’t do well on this test, you could possibly start in the 10th or 11th grade,” Liz explained as she backed out of the drive.
Aquilla snorted. She wasn’t even going to respond. This lady had no clue. She was oblivious to the fact that she probably had more schooling than she did, and she had a degree. Aquilla’s father paid for only the best teachers and professors since she was four. She had half a notion to go in there and scribble in the circles in five minutes.
Aquilla was led to a room where a very old, frail, looking man sat at the front of the room. He looked sour with a grouchy expression. He nodded to the desk with the test and two sharpened pencils. He explained that she had one hour to complete it and could only use the provided blank pages for figuring, and wouldn’t be permitted to use a calculator. Aquilla didn’t reply and took her seat as her mother saw herself out.
Liz met Connor outside where he waited with coffee. He kissed her on the cheek and gestured toward the bench.
“I miss you,” he said.
“You just saw me two days ago,” she reminded him of their little rendezvous while Reese was at cheerleading practice.
“I want to see you every day. When are these girls going to stay with their father so that I can have you for a whole week?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t want to push Quill into doing anything she doesn’t want to do.”
“Quill doesn’t want to do anything.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, Liz, just that you are letting her control everything about you.”
“How so? You have no idea what this is like, Connor. She doesn’t talk to me. She stays locked away in her room. I offered to take her shopping for a new bedroom set the other day to get her out of the twin bed. She wouldn’t even do that. She is refusing to go to school. I don’t know what to do with her.”
Connor placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing her blonde head. “I’m sorry. I know this has got to be hard for you, and I wish I had answers for you, but I don’t. I do, however, miss you.”
“Do you want to go get something to eat later?” Liz asked, looking up.
Connor kissed her lips. “I can’t. I have to go to my parents for my dad’s birthday. Do you want to come?”
“I will let you know. Reese is going to Lil’s, I’m sure. I just hate leaving Quill alone.”
“Isn’t Quill alone whether you are there or not?”
“Good point.”
Aquilla laid the pencil down 45 minutes later. This test was a joke. If that’s all she needed to graduate in the United States, she was a genius.
“You have 15 more minutes, maybe you want to go over some of the math problems,” the old man who she hadn’t bothered to learn his name suggested.
“Maybe I don’t,” she replied. “Am I done here?”
“Yes, you can be excused Miss Rimmer. We will mail your results.”
“Thanks, and its Miss Chavez,” Aquilla corrected as she exited the room.
Liz stood taken aback when Quill approached. She wasn’t expectin
g her yet.
“Quill, this is Connor Sheffield. He will be your math teacher.”
“I know who he is. I saw him leave the other night around three in the morning. You really don’t have to sneak out. You are grown adults,” she blurted, not mentioning the math teacher remark. He wouldn’t be teaching her anything. She wasn’t going there. “Can we go?”
Liz gave Connor a deep sigh as he kissed her on the cheek. “Let me know if you want me to pick you up,” he whispered.
“I’ll call you,” she answered, following Quill, who had turned her back and walked away.
“That was rather rude, Quill. You could have just said hello.”
“Why? He doesn’t want to know me anymore than I want to know him, and why do you sneak around to see him? I don’t get it.”
“It’s complicated. He’s Reese’s teacher. I don’t want to make things complicated for her.”
Aquilla rolled her eyes. “You use that as an excuse to keep from getting too close. You don’t want to make things complicated that you creating.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know. Monica,” she accused. “Forget it.”
“How was the test?”
“Stupid.”
Liz didn’t reply. She couldn’t reply. Her patience was wearing thin. She needed to keep quiet to keep from saying something that she would regret later.
Aquilla heard the roaring coming from the nearby dirt track as she exited the car.
“I think I will go for a walk,” she decided.
“I’m not sure I like that, Quill,” Liz admitted.
Quill blew out a short puff of air. “You don’t like that I want to go for a walk? Would you rather I go up to my room and isolate myself for the night? I have my phone. I’ll be fine,” Aquilla assured her.
“Okay. I’m sorry. Do you want some lunch first?”
“No. I’m not hungry.”
Aquilla walked down the neighborhood sidewalk, removing her sweatshirt and tying it around her hips. She observed the neighborhood as she walked toward the noise. She smiled at two older ladies discussing flowers as she walked. Another man was talking to himself in a garage as he cussed at a lawnmower he was working on. Kids played in front yards and a dog barked at her from a fenced yard.