“Guys?” I called as I walked into the apartment.
Aidan stood outside on the balcony, staring out at the view, his hands in his pockets. Although I couldn’t see his face, his posture was rigid. That and his lack of greeting at the door put me on alert. I looked behind me but there was no Sylvie. When I stopped to listen, however, I could hear the faint sound of music playing from her room.
I moved over to the patio doors and pulled it open. Aidan’s head turned slightly but he didn’t look at me. He was so remote.
I stepped out onto the balcony and placed a hand on his back. I studied his profile, willing him to look at me, and finally he did. What I saw in his expression made my body lock in fear.
There was raw anger and grief. “Aidan?”
He shook his head and looked back out at the view and my insides jangled with nerves.
“Aidan, please, tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m afraid if I speak,” he bit out, “that’ll I do something stupid. Like … fucking kill him.”
Dear God, what the hell was going on? “Okay, you’re freaking me out.”
Instead of answering, he whipped around and marched back inside the apartment. I hurried after him, closing the door behind us and locking out the cold. He’d been standing out there in nothing but a thermal henley and jeans.
“Where’s Sylvie?”
“In her room. Listening to her idol’s new album. Clueless. The way I want her to stay.”
“Aidan, you have to talk to me.”
His answer was to grab my hand and lead me down the hallway to a door I’d only peeked in. It led us into the master suite. A spacious room decorated in dove gray and accented with navy. Masculine, tranquil. He had a huge bed and bedside tables, a big comfy armchair, and not much else. Off the master suite I saw an open door to a dressing room, and opposite the bed another door leading to a private bathroom.
He closed the door behind us and then suddenly hauled me into his arms. I wrapped mine around his waist as he bent his head to the crook of my neck and held me. To my ever-mounting concern, I felt tremors run through him and I tightened my embrace, as if that could somehow ease whatever had done this to him.
After what felt like forever, he pulled back, cupping my face in his hands and staring at me like he wished I could ease his pain too. But what pain? What was going on? “Aidan?”
“He’s taking her from me.” His eyes glistened as his anger hit me full force. “Cal’s taking Sylvie.”
Stunned, horrified, confused, I could do nothing but stare at him as I tried to work out what the hell he could mean. “What? No. Wh—Aidan, that’s not possible. I thought that wasn’t possible. You have guardianship. Full custody.”
He shook his head, scrubbing his hands over his short beard like he wanted to rip the thing off in frustration.
I didn’t understand. Hadn’t Jan told me Nicky had full custody and she’d left Sylvie to Aidan’s legal care?
“There was never anything legal about the custody arrangements between Nicky and Cal,” he gritted out. “They agreed that she would have full custody and he would see Sylvie whenever he could. When Nicky died, he didn’t even question that she’d asked me to take care of Sylvie.”
Anger was building in my gut. “So why now?”
Aidan caught my flare of fury and fed off it, his face darkening. “Well, according to him, he always wanted to but he didn’t want to put Sylvie through too much change. She’d been living with me for months with Nicky. But now … now the fucker is getting married and he wants to give Sylvie a more stable environment to grow up in. His fucking words.”
“There has to be something we can do.”
“I’ve already spoken to my lawyer. She wasn’t …” He looked away, his throat working as if he was trying to hold down emotion. His voice hoarse, he said, “She wasn’t hopeful. But she says we can try. That there’s evidence to prove he’s been an unstable parent in her life.” Aidan looked back at me, his fear right at the surface. “We have to try, Nora, because he’s … he’s moving to California.” He flexed his hands, eyes burning with unshed tears. “He’s moving my wee girl away from me.”
I let my tears fall on his behalf, shaking my head. No. Cal couldn’t do this to him. I wouldn’t let him. “No.” I shook my head. “No.”
Aidan pulled me into his arms, kissing my hair, wrapping me up so tight. But in the end, it was me comforting him, whispering words of fierce assurance that nothing on earth would stop us from keeping that little girl with him.
Since Nicky had never filed with the court for full custody, since there was never any legal mention that Cal hadn’t been around when Sylvie was little, and since he’d provided financial assistance even if he hadn’t provided emotional assistance, Aidan’s lawyer gave him the bad news less than a week later.
I’d called him every day as soon as I got off work, and I’d wanted to meet him after my volunteer session on Wednesday but he’d told me he was bogged down with work and the legal situation and we’d talk later. Trying not to feel useless, I told myself I understood, but what I really wanted was to be there for him.
On Thursday after work, I called him as I walked down Cockburn Street toward my bus stop. Just as I was about to hang up, he answered.
And I knew by his tone that it was bad news. “Where are you?” I said.
“At the flat.”
“I’m coming to you.”
“No, Nora, I … I had to tell Sylvie today and she’s not good, I think—” He was cut off at the sound of Sylvie’s petulant cry in the background. “I want Nora!”
Wanting to be there that instant, I said, “Let me come over, Aidan. Let me be there for you both.”
He was quiet and then gruffly agreed. Not wanting to delay, I did what I usually couldn’t afford to do and grabbed a cab. During the short journey, I tried not to think about the fact that Aidan wanted to push me away right now. How could he not understand that the thought of him losing Sylvie crippled me? They’d stolen my heart. It was theirs. And now it was breaking for them.
This time when I stepped out of the elevator, Sylvie was there. She rushed me, knocking me back on my heels, and I let her cling to me, holding her tight as she cried quiet tears.
Once I got her back in the apartment, Aidan took her hand and led her away to clean her face, murmuring to her all the time that everything would be okay. When he came back, he was alone. “She needs a minute.”
I was bristling with fury. “I don’t understand how this is happening.”
“This is happening because Nicky stupidly believed that the arsehole would always put his career before Sylvie. That there was no fucking need for legalities,” he hissed. “And I stupidly fucking let her convince me.”
“Is it this woman?” I asked. “This Sally person. Do you think she’s got something to do with it?”
“Oh, she’s got everything to do with it,” he said, lowering his voice. “She sat in the meeting with our lawyers today looking so fucking smug. If he wasn’t getting married, he would’ve buggered off to California without Sylvie.”
I glanced toward the back of the apartment, remembering the few times I’d met Cal. He seemed to care for Sylvie, but what did I know.
“He upped his visitation over the last year deliberately.” Aidan shook his head, seeming exasperated with himself for not seeing it. “Everything he’s been doing since Nicky died has been calculated.”
“He should’ve told you.”
Aidan’s eyes flew to mine and the heartbreak was too much for me to bear. “Aye.”
We both knew, without saying it, that if Cal had told Aidan his plans from the start, Aidan would’ve had time to prepare. He wouldn’t have spent the last year planning his future as Sylvie’s father.
Tears threatened to spill and I reached for him but he waved me off. “I can’t,” he told me gruffly. “I have to keep it together for Sylvie.”
I nodded. “She seems to understand what’s going on.??
?
“I think she could’ve coped with the idea as long as she was staying in Edinburgh, seeing me, seeing her friends. But dragging her off to fucking California …” He trailed off, shaking his head. “He’s a selfish bastard.”
“Didn’t the lawyers think the same?”
“As far as the law is concerned, Cal is her father. It’s on the birth certificate. He’s provided financial assistance for her upbringing, and he’s getting married and settling down. I’m merely her bachelor uncle with a less-than-stable career. My lawyer said it was so fucking cut and dry, it wouldn’t even make it to court. I’d have to prove that something sinister was going on with Cal, and there isn’t. And in any case, they’d likely put Sylvie through all these interviews with social services and traumatizing shit I couldn’t put her through. As for Cal taking her abroad, she said it was unfortunate that his job is taking him to the US, but—and I fucking quote, ‘The child should remain in the custody of her birth father, especially in light of the recent loss of her mother, and a judge would see it the same way.’”
“Aidan.”
“And I know they’re right. Rationally, I know that. I could even get on board with letting her go to him eventually, but why the fuck does he have to take her so far away from me? Eh? Why would he do that to a kid he proclaims to love when she’s already lost so fucking much?”
I tried to hold on to my anger, for his sake, to be the calm in his storm, and it took every ounce of control to do so. Still, I whispered, “Because he’s selfish.”
“I’m okay now.” Sylvie’s voice brought our heads around. She stood by the kitchen counter, her cheeks pale with red splotches from crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed but clear, and she wore a resolute look on her beautiful face that made me want to bawl like a baby. “Can we order pizza, Uncle Aidan?”
“We can order anything you want, sweetheart.”
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to scream, throw a tantrum and curse the world for its utter fucking merciless unfairness!
However, I didn’t.
I pasted on a shaky smile and joined them in the sitting room as Aidan called to order pizza.
We could do this. For Sylvie, we could pretend for a little while that everything was going to be okay.
I looked around at the familiar living room, confused. The TV faced out at the room from a walnut cabinet it had sat in as long as I could remember, a huge couch positioned in front of it, with a glass coffee table I hated because it needed dust and fingerprints removed every five minutes.
There was a photo framed on the wall above the television. The picture was taken when I was about nine years old. I’m in my dad’s arms and Mom is leaning into us. We look like a close family. Maybe we even were back then.
“There you are.”
I spun around, shocked to hear my dad’s voice, and even more shocked to see him pushing himself into the room in his wheelchair. He hadn’t changed a bit since I’d left.
“Dad?”
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he snapped. “Where have you been?”
“She won’t tell us.” Mom walked into the room behind him, shrugging into her jacket. “And I don’t have time to stick around and listen to her excuses.”
“They’re no excuses.” Jim brushed by her.
My heart stopped. “Jim?”
He gave me a sad smile. “Ye look like ye’ve seen a ghost.”
“You’re here? How are you here?”
Ignoring my parents muttering between themselves, Jim strode right up to me and cupped my face in his hands. “I’m always here, Nora.”
“Pixie?”
I spun around, out of Jim’s touch, reeling at the sight of Aidan and Sylvie standing by the fireplace. “How?” How did they get there?
“I thought you were with us, Pixie?” he asked, expression grim. Then just like that, Sylvie disappeared. I cried out her name and Aidan looked at the spot she’d been standing in. “With me,” he whispered. “I thought you were with me.”
“I am!” I cried, wanting to rush to him but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t budge. “Aidan!”
“Calm, Nora, I’ve got ye.” I glanced over my shoulder to see Jim looking down at the floor. I followed his gaze, terror suffusing me to see skeleton hands had burst through the floor. They had an unearthly grip on my feet, locking me in place.
“No!” I screamed, trying to pull away.
“Shhh,” Jim hushed me, wrapping his arms around my upper body to pull me against him. “Ye cannae leave me, Nora. Ye owe me.”
“Jim, please,” I sobbed.
“Pixie?”
I looked over at Aidan to find him glaring at me in hostile disappointment. He lifted a hand and my fear grew as finger by finger, his hand disappeared. “Aidan!”
“Nora! Nora, what’s happening?”
My eyes flew back over my shoulder to see my mother and father wearing twin looks of horror as they watched their own limbs start to disappear. “Nora!”
“Jim, let me go!” I screamed, struggling to get to them.
“There’s nae point, Nora. Ye’ll never reach them all in time. It’s better ye stay with me than tae choose.”
“That is choosing!” I shrieked in outrage.
“Then choose me. Finally, fuckin’ choose me. Ye owe me.”
“Jim …” I leaned into him. “I’m so sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.”
“Pixie.”
Aidan was disappearing. “No.” I fought against Jim, hitting and shrugging and punching but he held me supernaturally fast. “No!”
“I wish I’d never met ye, Pixie.”
“Aidan, no!”
“Too many ghosts between us,” he whispered.
And then he was gone.
“AIDAN!”
“Nora, wake up. Nora.” I was jolted abruptly and horribly awake, my eyes flying open. I took in the blurry face above my own and winced against the light, completely discombobulated.
Where the hell was I?
“You fell asleep on the couch. We all did.”
“Aidan?” I attempted to blink the weariness out of my eyes and pushed up off the couch, groaning as pain shot up my neck. Oh yeah, I’d definitely fallen asleep somewhere other than a bed.
Aidan’s face came into focus and I realized he was kneeling beside the couch in front of me. His hair was wet and he’d changed clothing. “I let you sleep.”
I bent my aching neck from side to side and yawned. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He gave me an affectionate smile and reached out to push my hair off my face. “I think we all needed it.”
I glanced around his sitting room and frowned. “Where’s Sylvie?” Last night after pizza, we’d had a movie marathon to take our minds off reality. I didn’t remember falling asleep.
“I woke up about two hours ago, put her to bed, had a shower.”
“What time is it?”
“It’s only eight o’clock. I know you start work at ten so I was going to wake you soon, but you were having a nightmare …”
I frowned, trying to remember. “I was?”
He touched my knee, expression concerned. “You kept crying out my name. Like … you’d lost me or something.”
“I can’t remember,” I whispered, reaching down to take his hand. “But it does sound like a nightmare.”
He kissed my knuckles. “Breakfast?”
I nodded. “Let me help.”
In the end, I managed to convince him to sit his gorgeous butt on a stool while I puttered about his kitchen making omelets. We whispered to each other as I worked, attempting to keep the noise level down so as not to wake Sylvie.
“You look good in my kitchen,” Aidan said in a low voice, giving me a soft smile that did nothing to wipe away the sadness in the back of his eyes. I wished I had the power to make everything better. I’d take making him smile as a small win, though.
“Your kitchen is nicer than mine.”
“I wouldn
’t know.”
I grinned cheekily at the reminder. “I’m still sorry about that.”
“Your friend needed you.”
“Yeah, she did. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t need you.”
“Need Uncle Aidan for what?”
I jumped, nearly dropping the spatula.
Sylvie had appeared out of nowhere, standing there in her pajamas, yawning and rubbing her eyes sleepily.
“Do you want breakfast, sweetheart?” Aidan promptly asked, getting off his stool to go to her. Even though she was past the age for it, he swept her up into his arms like she was six years old and carried her over to a stool.
Sylvie yawned again. “Cereal.”
“Coming right up.”
While I finished fixing our breakfast, Aidan poured out Sylvie’s Cheerios and slid a glass of orange juice in front of her.
We ate in silence, but whether it was out of tiredness or the weight of knowing how temporary this moment was, I didn’t know. However, I soaked it up and I knew from the way Aidan kept throwing her glances that he was taking in every moment with his niece while he could.
“Did you sleep over, Nora?” Sylvie suddenly asked, peering around her uncle at me.
Not wanting her to get the wrong idea, I said, “We all fell asleep on the couch.”
She frowned and Aidan supplied before she could ask, “I woke up earlier and put you to bed.”
“Oh. Okay. Last night was fun.” She gave us a tired smile.
“Yeah,” Aidan said, smoothing a hand over her bedraggled hair. “It was.”
I looked away before I did the unthinkable and burst into tears.
Sylvie’s gaze moved from her uncle to me and then back to Aidan. “Can we do something today? All of us?”
“Nora has to work, sweetheart.”
Clearly disappointed, she slumped in her seat.
“I don’t have to,” I blurted out.
Aidan raised an eyebrow. “You don’t?”
“No. Maybe—” I coughed dramatically. “Yeah …” I coughed harder. “I’m definitely coming down with something.”
He grinned. “Is that so?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry, it’s not contagious. I can still hang out with you guys.”