Once upon a time, I thought the sun rose and set with my father.
Look where that had gotten me.
“No,” I finally answered Molly.
“You should do it tonight,” she advised. “If he’s leaving. I’d love to be able to tell my grandkids I lost my virginity to a cute Scottish guy passing through town. In fact, I still might. A lie is better than Kenny Stringer behind the bleachers.”
“You’re going to tell your grandkids how you lost your virginity?”
“Sure, if they ask.”
“And Kenny Stringer? Behind the bleachers? Really?”
Molly wrinkled her nose. “We were fourteen.” She shuddered. “I’m surprised I even gave sex a shot again after that.”
Wait a minute … something niggled at my memory. “You told me you lost your virginity to Cory’s cousin Caden in the eleventh grade.”
“Well, I didn’t want to admit the truth. To be fair, though, Caden was the first boy who was actually any good at it.”
I shook my head. “I’m not you, Molly. I can’t just sleep with someone.”
“But it’s his last night here. I bet he’s expecting it.”
Butterflies raged war in my belly at the thought. Surely not? Jim had said he didn’t want to push for that … then again, he’d said that without thinking about the fact that he was leaving. We both knew his departure was coming but we’d ignored the reality of it.
Now that reality had come home to roost, maybe Molly was right. Maybe Jim would want to have goodbye sex.
I worried my lip with my teeth.
“Nora.”
The butterflies were making me feel sick.
“Nora.”
My knees started to quake a little.
“Nora!” Molly snapped her fingers in front of my face. “God, you’re white as a sheet. Shit. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?”
I nodded, dazed. “Molly, I’m not ready …”
“Then don’t.” She squeezed my shoulder. “You don’t owe this guy anything.”
Just as I finished my shift, I saw the Mustang pull into the parking lot. Although Molly’s reassurance had helped some, my anxiety hadn’t fully dissipated. I was worried about disappointing Jim. As much as I was fighting it, he’d come to mean a lot to me.
“You’re done.” Molls grinned at me. “Have fun!”
I gave her a shaky smile and hurried into the back to grab my purse. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a change of clothing so I was going to have to hang out with the guys in my uniform. There was no way in hell I was going home to change because my mom would insist on me staying to watch Dad.
Just once … just this once, I wanted to be reckless and irresponsible and totally selfish.
Jim and Roddy were grabbing burgers to go as I came out from the back.
“We got ye something to eat,” Jim said, nodding to the to-go bags.
I wasn’t a huge fan of having to eat the food I’d been serving all day, but it was sweet of them. I smiled my thanks.
Jim, Roddy, and I had just walked out of the restaurant when the sight of a tall blond getting out of his GMC truck made me falter.
“Shit,” I muttered.
Cory Trent.
Jim’s hand rested on my lower back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, let’s go.” Unfortunately, we had to walk by Cory and his cousin Caden.
Even before Cory’s dad bought my dad’s company, he’d been a giant asshole to me. His assholery had only worsened when he asked me out our senior year and I shot him down. That had not gone over well with Cory, who thought he was God’s gift to women everywhere.
Word was he was spending the summer before college in Palm Springs where Caden’s mom had moved after his parents’ divorce.
Apparently, not all summer.
“Well, well, well,” Cory called out as he strode toward us.
He wore board shorts, flip-flops, and a green polo shirt, and swaggered like he was the big man in town. Give a boy a little money and popularity and he turns into a dipshit.
Or at least this one had.
In saying that, he’d pretty much been a dipshit since preschool.
“Cory,” I sighed.
Jim must have sensed something in my body language or maybe it was the lascivious and angry way Cory was dragging his eyes over my body. Whatever it was, I felt the boys on either side of me go on alert, and Jim stepped a little in front of me.
Cory’s eyes flicked to him and then back to me. He sneered. “How the mighty have fallen, huh, Nora?”
“What’s yer problem?” Jim asked, a warning in his voice.
Raising an eyebrow, Cory looked at Jim before turning to snort at his cousin. “Who’s the fucking foreigner?”
“Guys, let’s go.” I tugged on Jim’s sleeve and took a step forward when Cory was suddenly in my face.
“What’s the rush, O’Brien? Don’t you think it’s time you admit you made a mistake?” His eyes dropped to my breasts, and I wanted to cover them … or kick him in the balls. Actually, I wanted to do both.
Not that there was any need because suddenly Jim was there. He planted a hand on Cory’s shoulder and shoved him. Hard. “Back off.”
Cory shrugged his polo shirt back into place and scowled at us. “Nice to see you get what you deserve, Nora. You always thought you were better than everyone else. It seems now you know that’s not true, you’re finally opening those bird legs of yours.”
“Ye might want to shut up, mate,” Jim warned.
“Oh, I wouldn’t get all worked up about this one,” Cory said. “She may act like she’s something special but she’s not.” Caden stood there grinning like a dumb sidekick. “Ain’t that right, Nora? You know I only asked you out because I felt sorry for you, right? It would have been a pity fuck. Pussy is still pussy, after all.”
Something instinctual inside of me must’ve known how Jim would react, and if it hadn’t been for my fast reflexes, Jim would’ve been on Cory before I’d even blinked. As it was, I moved as Jim sprung forward and used all my strength to wrap my arms around him to pull him away.
“Forget him. He’s not worth it.” I gently nudged Jim toward the car, throwing Roddy a “help me” look.
Roddy skirted around me and put a hand on his friend’s back to push him while I shot Cory a filthy look over my shoulder. I was used to his abuse, but it was humiliating to hear him say that stuff in front of my new friends.
“Use her, fuck her, and run, man, that’s my advice,” Cory said. “That bitch will only leak loser all over you.”
Jim swung back around but he was too late.
Roddy had already dropped our food on the lot, took three strides back to Cory, and punched him so hard, Cory’s knees buckled. There was silence as Cory lay flat out on the lot, rolling his head from side to side, dazed, as blood trickled out of his nose.
Caden put his hands up as Roddy glared at him. “Hey, man, I didn’t say shit.”
Without saying a word, Roddy strolled back to us, glowering. He grabbed the bags of food, opened the car door, and got in.
I looked from Cory on the ground to Jim, a mean look of satisfaction on his face.
“What just happened?”
“Get in the car so we can eat!” Roddy’s muffled yell sounded.
Jim broke out into a wide grin. “He likes ye.”
My gaze flew back to Cory, who Caden was finally helping to his feet. “Apparently so.”
We were parked outside the guys’ motel room on the outskirts of town. Roddy sat on the sidewalk, finishing his burger, while Jim and I sat on the hood of the Mustang eating ours.
No one had mentioned Cory or the fact that Roddy had come to my defense. In fact, no one had said much of anything while we ate. There was an awkward, heavy silence.
“Well,” Roddy crumpled up his now empty brown bag and stood up, “as scintillating as this conversation is, I’m goin’ tae hit the sack.” He walked over to the car and s
topped right in front of me. “Get off the hood.”
I did so instantly. Roddy was more than a little intimidating.
And then to my shock, I found myself wrapped in a bear hug. He lifted my feet right off the ground and I had no choice but to hug him back, a surprised giggle bursting from between my lips.
When he put me back on my feet, he gave my waist one last squeeze. “Ye’er a sweetheart, Nora. Dinnae let any bastard tell ye different.” He winked at me, and I blushed.
“Thanks, Roddy.”
“Aye. Well.” He gave me a stoic nod and then walked off toward the motel room.
Realizing that was his goodbye, I called out, “Bye! Have a great trip!”
He threw his hand up in a wave without looking back and then disappeared inside the room.
When I finally turned back to Jim, he wore a wounded look that caused a pang of pain across my chest. I shimmied back onto the hood beside him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m leaving, that’s what’s wrong.”
“I know.” Glum, I pushed the rest of my burger away and looked at the open road in front of us.
“Ye never told me about Melanie,” he said suddenly.
I tensed, my shoulders hunching toward my ears at the unexpected subject change. “She never came up.”
“I’m sorry ye lost yer friend.”
“Thanks.”
“Ye haven’t told me much about yer parents, either.”
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and found him studying me with a scowl. “What do you want to know?”
“If they’re good to ye. What I’m leaving ye to if I go.”
“If you go?” My head whipped around to stare at him, bewildered. “Jim … you don’t have a responsibility to me.”
His dark eyes smoldered suddenly. “Believe me, responsibility is not what I feel for ye. At least it’s not the major thing I feel for ye. I …” He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Fuck, I don’t know what I’m trying tae say. It’s just, ye’er special, Nora. Ye’er fuckin’ special and when that asshole said those things tonight, I wanted tae kill him. That’s why Roddy did it, punched him, not only because he didnae like hearing that guy say that stuff about ye, but because he knew I would have done a lot fuckin’ worse tae him if I’d gotten near him.”
“Cory is an idiot and not worth your time or your concern. He asked me out senior year and expected me to swoon at his feet like every other empty bimbo who was stupid enough to sleep with him. It hurt his macho pride when I turned him down.”
“That’s not … I’m no’ worried about him. I’m worried about you. Ye deserve more than to be stuck in this dinky wee town, in a shit job.”
“I’ll be okay,” I gritted out. I knew the reality of my situation. I didn’t need Jim pointing out how crappy it was.
“I don’t want ye tae just be okay.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me toward him. “I want yer life to be fucking fantastic, Nora. I think I want that more than I want it for myself.”
I tugged against his hold as he overwhelmed me again. He was always overwhelming me.
Jim wouldn’t let go of my hand. “What does that mean?” he whispered to himself.
“I don’t know,” I whispered back.
And then he was kissing me.
I knew from the fumbling around I’d done with my one and only boyfriend, Steven, when we were in the tenth grade that Jim was a million times better at kissing. His lips were soft yet commanding, and his kisses were nice. Steven’s had been wet and sloppy. Not nice. Not that I had to put up with his fumbling for long. We broke up once he realized how little free time I actually had.
Thoughts of Steven died as Jim slid his arms around me and he pulled me against his chest. As we kissed, one of his hands caressed my hip, while the other drifted upward to gently squeeze my right breast.
I liked when he did that. It caused a fizzle of something low in my belly. But my mind was much too at play still, and as Jim’s kisses became rougher, harder, I worried that Molly was right.
I broke away from him, pressing against his chest to push him back. Embarrassed, feeling young and inexperienced, and concerned there may be something lacking in me, I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I can’t have sex with you.”
Jim was quiet for so long, my heart hammered.
Finally, his fingers slid under my chin and he forced me to look up at him. In his expression, I found hunger but I also found kindness. “I’m not expecting sex, Nora. I told ye … ye mean more tae me than just a quick shag. And anyway,” he glanced around, smiling ruefully, “we’re out in the open and Roddy took the room.”
I laughed softly as relief moved over me. “I’m sorry. I’m not ready.” Or there was something wrong with me, and it would take a miracle to turn me on enough to want to have sex.
“Of course.” He cuddled me into his side. “Let’s hang out and talk. Tell me more about yer mum and dad.”
And because he’d been so sweet to me, always, and I’d never see him again, I gave him a little more of me than I had before. “We’re not close.” I relaxed against him. “My dad and I used to be, but he changed when he got …” I hadn’t told Jim about my dad’s leg and weirdly felt like it wasn’t my story to tell. My dad was so touchy about it, like he was ashamed of it. I didn’t know if that was to do with losing a limb or because if he’d been more careful, he might have been able to prevent its loss.
“Yer dad got…?”
“Sick,” I decided on. “When my dad got sick, he pushed us away.”
Jim’s arm squeezed around me in reaction. “And yer mum?”
“She’s not a bad person. She … she doesn’t know how to be close to me, I guess. And she works all the time. Always has.”
“And ye’er left tae look after yer dad?”
I nodded.
I felt his breath on my ear as he whispered, “That’s too much for someone who’s just starting out. Yer parents should be sending ye out into the world, not keeping ye here, looking after them. Ye deserve more than that, Nora.”
I smiled sadly. “What else are family for?”
He grunted like he didn’t agree with me.
“Are you looking forward to the rest of your trip?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“Roddy is.” He sounded so disheartened. “I’m going tae miss you too much. I … really, really care about ye, Nora.”
Emotion immediately clogged my throat as I realized our time together was ending. Panic waited in the wings of my mind. “I’ll miss you too.”
Hearing my voice crack, Jim pulled me into a hard hug, bowing his head in the crook of my neck. I felt him shudder.
My arms tightened around him, and as we held each other as close as two people could, I tried not to give into the fear that by letting Jim go in the morning, I was letting go of the future I was meant to have.
Jim dropped me off at the house. I’d decided there was no point in hiding him from my mom anymore, considering he’d be gone in the morning.
I studied Jim curiously as we pulled to a stop outside, watching to see what his reaction was to our small house, surrounded by those so much bigger. But he barely even acknowledged it. He said, “This is you?”
“This is me.”
He nodded and rubbed a hand over his head, looking anywhere but at me.
“Jim?”
He shook his head, and his hand curled so tight around the steering wheel his knuckles turned white. “I think ye should just go, Nora,” he choked out.
Hearing the emotion in his voice, realizing he couldn’t meet my eyes because he had tears in his, I felt a deluge of tenderness. It was hard not to be affected by how much this boy had grown to care for me in so little time. I didn’t exactly have people lining up to care about me, and I wasn’t going to take his affection for granted.
That rush of fondness, of gratitude, made me reach for him. I touched his cheek, the one he had turned from me, feeling t
he prickle of new stubble against my skin. Gently, I forced him to look at me, my eyes stinging when I saw that he did, in fact, have tears in his.
And something more.
Something that somehow managed to frighten me and call out to my longing at the same time.
“Jim,” I whispered, wondering how it was possible that he could feel so much for me when he didn’t know me at all.
He jerked me to him, his lips crashing down on mine, and at first, I couldn’t react because it was a punishing kiss that scared me a little. All I could do was stroke his cheek, trying to soothe him. It seemed to work, and his kiss grew slower, sweeter, and I enjoyed it more.
He cut off, breathing hard, and pressed one last kiss to my lips.
One last kiss to my nose.
And one last kiss to my forehead.
Tears pricked my eyes at the sweetness of it.
“Please, just go,” he begged suddenly.
Feeling guilty and I didn’t even really know why, I did as he asked, grabbing my purse and fumbling for the door handle. I was about to shut the door and let him drive off when I decided he deserved more. “Jim.” I bent down to look at him, but he was staring stubbornly ahead. “These last two weeks … I’ll never forget them. I’ve felt alone lately, but you showed me it didn’t have to be that way. Thank you.” I closed the door before he could say anything because as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt incredibly vulnerable.
Cursing myself for saying too much, I hurried up the pathway and let myself inside.
I could hear Dad’s football game before I even opened the door.
Mom’s jacket was hanging on the new hook I’d put up, her shoes underneath it.
Pushing Jim out of my mind, I braced myself. It was time to fall back into my life and be at peace with how things were for now. That began right then because I was sure my mom was going to kill me.
I kicked off my shoes, my eyes narrowing on the open doorway of my bedroom. Light spilled out into the hallway. “Mom?” I said, walking toward it.
The sight of her sitting on my bed made me falter in the doorway.
She looked up from her lap and glared at me. “I had to call in sick.”