She stood in front of one of the book shelves, deep in thought, not taking in the dozens of book spines she was staring at.
“What are you thinking?”
The voice—his voice—startled her so much that she wheeled around and lost her balance. His arm shot out and prevented her from falling. The movement caused her to stumble against him. They stood pressed against each other, Felicia short of breath and not only surprised but instantly tempted. The way his cool body felt against her hot limbs was magical. Standing there and feeling the electricity rush through her blood filled her with desire. Where his fingers gripped her arm, they burned themselves into her skin through the thin cotton blouse. Not like fire but like icy cold spreading from his hand through her veins. She stared up into his eyes, and they were burning too, with the same cool intensity that had haunted her dreams last night. Being so close, his scent was all around her, like a soft cloth or a feather brushing lightly across her over-sensitive skin and igniting her nerve endings.
When he bent his head low in agonizing slowness as if he wanted to kiss her, the fire core inside her doubled its strength, spread its arms of flames through her body and searched for a way to get out. The fear of having something dangerous happen made it possible for her to step away, and yank her arm out of his grip.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing here, sneaking up on me?”
Her heart beat wouldn’t slow down, not even with some space between them and slightly less possibility of an internal volcanic eruption.
There was a hint of amusement glimmering in his eyes, one corner of his mouth riding up in a grin that had also prominently featured in her dreams.
“This is a library. As far as I know, people are supposed to walk in and move around quietly at a place like this.”
“They are. But why do I get the feeling you did this on purpose to catch me off guard?”
He shrugged nonchalantly, his grin intensifying. Instead of denying it, he stepped back some more and leant casually against a bookshelf, hands in his pockets.
“You aren’t very alert, are you?”
His voice and choice of words made her bristle.
“And why’s that your business?”
“People like you and I can’t afford to be caught off guard. Alertness is a big advantage, even—or especially—if we’re lost in thoughts,” came his calm, assured reply. It took the wind out of her sails.
What did he mean with “people like us”, and why did his remark hit home so much? It was indeed dangerous that she got caught off guard so easily. She knew what could happen if she got too scared or angry or sad. But what did he know about it and about her?
Before she could reply, he asked her another question.
“Did you get my present?”
The anger and self-defense were back.
“It did get it. What the heck makes you think you’re in a position to give me gifts? And how did you find out where I live?”
“I’m a champion at finding people. I should be. It’s my job.”
Didn’t anything ever shake his confidence?
“What are you? Some kind of head hunter?”
He threw back his head and laughed, sending the fire core inside her into knots and spirals at the sound of it.
“Almost. I’m a private investigator.”
Made sense, didn’t it? Instantly, she was suspicious.
“Has anybody ordered you to follow me around?”
An inexplicable look flitted across his now humorless face.
“Do you think there’s any reason to follow you around?”
He hadn’t answered her question.
“Do you always answer a question with one of yours?”
She folded her arms across her chest, in a gesture of keeping him at a distance as much as in a vain effort to keep the fire inside her at bay.
The grin appeared and disappeared.
“Yes, I guess I do. I’m an expert at not answering questions, as well.”
“Well, so am I. You can go back to whoever is your boss and stop snooping around. I’m a normal person going about her daily life. A boring, common librarian who doesn’t need and want to be followed and certainly doesn’t need and want your gifts.”
He gave up his casual pose, at once intense and purposeful again.
“You are not common or normal or boring.”
It was stated as a matter, like a truth not to be questioned either by her or anybody else.
She swallowed. How much did he know about her? What did he know about her?
“How … why do you think I’m not?”
He stalked toward her. Instinctively, she moved back until her back hit the bookshelf behind her and there was no escape. He came closer still and reached out to put his hand on her arm. His fingers pressed down gently against where her pulse was throbbing in her wrist.
By now, Felicia couldn’t explain what she was feeling. Did she want him to let her go or to keep touching her? Did the spark of current between them hurt her or fuel her fire?
“I can feel it,” he said, his voice deeper and more intimate than before. “I know it.”
She shivered, not sure whether it was from his touch or his words or from both.
It dawned on her that he must be different too. The way he obviously felt the heat she radiated, she could feel his coldness. What if he was like her, somebody with a kink who tried to fit in as best as they could because they were afraid of their otherness? On the other hand, he was far from afraid or ashamed or simply unsure. He was not like her.
He brought his face closer to her. His gaze, which had been burning into her eyes, lowered itself to her mouth. Automatically, her tongue flicked out to wet her lips. His fingers tightened their grip on her wrist and he made a soft sound somewhere at the back of his throat. Before she knew it, he had bridged the last few inches between them and laid his mouth on hers in a kiss, taking her breath away.
Instant awareness shot throw her like an arrow of fire. His cold, hard lips pressing softly against her hot, soft lips felt like heaven. The contrast in texture and temperature made it more thrilling and somehow more forbidden.
In this moment of physical connection, a message was being transmitted from him to her, wordless but meaningful.
You and I are special. You and I are meant for each other.
With electricity racing through her whole body and making it tingle, Felicia tried to absorb the silent message at the same that she tried to savor the kiss without any holding back, because she wanted it so much, although part of her feared it. She was so focused on the delicious feel of his mouth against hers and on having found a kindred spirit, that for a second, she completely forgot about the fire core inside her. Only when she felt a strange humming vibrate through her body, and he stepped back with a low hiss as though he had been whipped, did she realize something was amiss.
“Look at your hands,” he said, his voice rough with emotion, admiration gleaming in his eyes.
When she did—while a part of her mourned the end of the kiss—what she saw made her gasp. She was glowing from the inside, as though there were liquid fire and not blood coursing through her veins. She also sensed her body temperature had risen, which was probably the reason why he had broken the kiss and stepped away as if burnt.
She stared and stared at her hands, which were now trembling. What was she? What had she done?
“See what I mean about being alert and in control?”
His voice once served to shake her out of her trance. She took a calming breath and realized the glowing was growing less, although she still felt hot.
Looking up at him, she was surprised and somehow deeply relieved there was no shock or fear or repulsion on his face. He must have expected or at least guessed at what he was witnessing. Was that what the talk about being different was about? Did he indeed know about her fiery personality?
“It’s the reason why I gave you the book. I don’t make gifts which don’t make sense to ladies.”
<
br /> There was a certain arrogance to his tone, and it nettled her. But she was still much too confused to mind anything.
This had to be the strangest situation ever. A stranger had kissed her and she had basically turned into a glowing, over-heated freak, and he was taking it as though those things happened to him every day. And what about herself? She had let herself be kissed by this man she knew nothing about, and apparently enjoyed it so much she had almost lost control over the fire dormant inside her. When this thought hit home, she covered her mouth with her hand, the trembling becoming stronger. Hadn’t she vowed never to let this happen again? She had to stop this!
“You… please go.”
She hated sounding so weak and emotional. Why did he have to come into her life and complicate things further?
He looked hurt.
“Why do you want me to go?”
She said the first thing coming to her mind, which was the truth.
“You’re making it difficult for me to control myself. I’m scared.”
Instead of going, he took one step toward her, both arms out, palms up.
“I don’t want you to be scared or lose control. I am here precisely because I can help you with that. Didn’t you have a look at the book I left you?”
She frowned.
“I don’t see what the stupid book has to do with it. It’s about healing energies and meditation and magnetic fields in the body and such esoteric stuff.”
He made an impatient sound. It infuriated her because it made her feel as though he were a teacher and she a disappointing student.
“And you don’t see any connection to you and your special ability?”
Special ability.
“I don’t have any special ability. I am…different. I have some strange quality sleeping inside me. It’s dangerous, not special.”
He shook his head.
“The problem lies exactly here. As long as you view it as something bad and out of your control, something unnatural and something unchangeable that you have to put up with and hide as best as you can, you will not succeed.”
It hurt how much truth rang in his statement, although she wasn’t willing to accept it. He had worded exactly how she felt about her fire core.
“Succeed at what?”
“At being yourself. At living.”
He let it sink in, watching her, again moving closer to her than she liked it. Or rather, not as close as she would like it, but too close for safety.
As much as she hated to admit it, he had hit the nail on the head.
Felicia had never felt whole and never been able to accept herself the way she was. Ever since those incidents in her childhood, she had tried her utmost to deny her strangeness and cover it up. For many years, she had lived a normal life. But never a happy or fulfilled life. The past few months with their pent-up frustration and the fire making itself more noticeable had made her realize everything had been mere pretense. This was not who she was, a demure librarian living cloistered away in her home without any connections to the people around her and the life everyone else lived at her age. She was a young woman with desires and dreams deep down inside. She wanted to live.
And this man, this mysterious stranger who most probably had some hidden ‘special ability’ inside him too, now told her he had the solution.
Who was he?
“Who are you?”
A smile was forming on his handsome face.
“Joshua Norton. Private investigator. 32 years old. As you already know from my library card.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
His smile widened.
“See, when you want to know about the real me, you hint at the other part of myself. Why can’t you accept that the real you also includes your other part?”
His smugness frustrated her. Still, there was no denying it. Again and again, he spoke the truth. And again and again, he avoided directly answering her questions.
“It’s not going to work like that!” she said, full of determination. She’d give this a chance. It was her only chance, wasn’t it?
“If you want me to reveal myself and let you help me, you will have to play with open cards. For every little thing I show or tell about myself and every lesson you expect me to learn, you will have to give me a part of you in return.”
They stared at each other. Time ticked by. Her heart hammered. What stupid risk was she taking? What would he reveal?
“Since when does the student demand commitment from the teacher?”
“Who said I will be the student and you will be the teacher? Who said this was ever going to be normal when both of us are so far removed from normalcy?” she shot back.
Deep down inside, she wanted him to agree so badly she was ashamed of how important he had become. Like a lifeline thrown to somebody drowning.
His gaze rested on her for long minutes more. Or maybe seconds. It felt long to her, waiting and hoping and fearing.
“Deal,” he replied, holding one hand out with his palm up.
“Deal.”
Biting her lip, she briefly laid her hand in his, barely touching his skin for fear of another electricity shock and loss of control. He gripped her fingers. Closing his eyes, he was doing something or maybe concentration hard. She could sense a change of atmosphere. From his hand, coldness was spreading, seeping into her. His fingers felt like ice, hard and so cold. His snow-white skin was almost translucent, as though his blood had turned to ice. Her hand felt as though she had stuck it into the freezer and kept it there for several minutes.
Felicia gasped and yanked her fingers away, gaping at him.
He opened his eyes, an unreadable expression on his face.
“This is me,” he simply said, sounding calm and confident as always.
“I’m pleased to meet the real you,” he added, a hint of a smile tugging at his bluish lips and reflected in his bluish-greyish eyes.
She knew her voice trembled when she answered.
“Same here.”
His smile turned into a full grin.
“You know, this has got to be the weirdest introduction ever between two people,” he said.
She nodded, but it was difficult to lapse back into normal, relaxed behavior after what had happened.
A sound from the front room did help to come back to her senses and realize with a start she was at her workplace doing and saying things that could not only get her fired but landed in a lunatic asylum.
Joshua—yes, she’d better call him by his name now, for hadn’t he kissed her, and hadn’t they established some mysterious kind of deal—drew himself up. The last traces of anything icy inside him had long vanished and he looked way too handsome in his black polo shirt and faded jeans.
Half turning toward the front room as though he wanted to leave, he shot her a meaningful look over his shoulder.
“I’d suggest you read the book properly. It’ll teach you about how to think of your special ability and about how to handle it.”
She was annoyed at his commanding behavior again.
“Hold on, hold on. I thought this was about you revealing things to me and not about reading who knows what kind of book. I could do that fine by myself, I don’t need you or a deal.”
He narrowed his eyes at her.
“I thought reading is what you do day in, day out? And as I said, I don’t make gifts for fun. That particular book, which I dare say you would never have so much as glanced at without my suggestion, will do you a world of good for starters. I’ll get back to you when you’re ready.”
He was slowly walking away, hands again stuffed into his pockets, narrow hips and tight buttocks too tempting even in her rage.
“But … but …”
Oh, how she hated spluttering like a fool! Resisting the urge to hurry after him and grab his arm, she fought hard to follow at normal speed and think of a reason to hold him back.
“How will you know when I’m ready, supposing I do read the book?”
He stopped so abruptly she almost ran into him, part of her wishing for another physical collision.
“You will read it. And I will know,” he said, putting the emphasis on “will” and sounding more smug than ever.
“Trust me, Felicia,” he added when she opened her mouth to protest.
The way he said her name sent a thousand butterflies dancing inside her stomach. Could butterflies survive in fire? Maybe those were moths about to throw themselves into the flames.
In a strange gesture that left the fire core inside her grumbling and spiraling with renewed desire and regret, he laid his cold hand against her bare, hot neck for a fleeting moment, turned and walked toward her office, leaving her trembling. He crossed the room with a curt nod to the lady who was waiting at the desk, and simply left, his last sentence ringing in her ears.
Could she trust him?
Chapter 4