We quietly left our little group, our hands intertwined together. The night was silent as we crept away from the flaming fire. My boyfriend caught a hold of my wrist, pulling me closer once we were out of range from everyone else. With little help from the crackling firelight his profile was sharp, handsome.
Clouds suddenly moved away from the moon, making the brilliant silvery light flood down on us. I met his eyes as we were bathed in the moonlight. A slow smile curved Daniel’s lips upward as he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. I returned the kiss, intertwining my hands in his light shirt, bringing him closer to me. He pressed one hand to the small of my back while the other was buried into my hair.
Our kiss was fiery as it became passionate, taking my breath away. I let my eyes close as I stood up on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around his neck as I did so. I felt him smile against my lips.
I was breathless when he pulled away, mischief sparking in his eyes. My lips felt like they were on fire, and I carefully raised my left hand to them, pressing the back of it against my tingling lips. Daniel silently watched me, his eyes never missing a beat. He reached out and gently touched my cheek, running his finger across my cheekbone. I smiled shyly at him, wrapping my own fingers around his.
In that moment it was as if we were the only two alive as I gazed into his dark eyes. I heard laughter coming from our classmates, but I barely spared them a glance. I was alone with the most perfect guy anyone could imagine. Why would I bother to look at them?
“Kelly,” he murmured into my hair as he took a step closer. “Where is your mind wandering to now?”
“Nowhere.”
“Oh, please. I can see it in the way your eyes glint-the way your smile suddenly brightens to one-hundred. Something has caught your mind. Is it something for your story again?”
“Don’t be silly. If it does then I probably won’t let you be this close to me. After all, I like my space while I’m thinking. You of all people should know that.”
“Then what is it?”
I hesitated, wondering how much I should tell him. Of course, I knew I was being silly. After all the only thing that would-could-cross my mind in this moment would be him. Why doesn’t he think of that?
“Kelly?”
“Yeah?” I muttered.
“What is it?” he asked, running his index finger in slow circles along the small of my back. I rest my cheek against his chest, sighing as I let my eyes close.
“It’s you,” I responded without much of anything. I carefully wrapped my arms around his waist as I spoke, hoping he wouldn’t push me away. “What else could it be?”
“I always thought when I saw that glint in your eyes it was because of a new idea. Am I wrong?”
“Sometimes it is, but mostly it’s you.”
He sighed, and I felt his heart skip a beat. I pulled back slightly, watching him as he stared off into the distance. “What do you think they’re doing?” he asked. I followed his gaze back to the fire and the ring of students that surrounded it.
“Probably beginning to wonder where we are.”
“Maybe.” Daniel suddenly crushed his lips to mine, and my heart skipped a few beats. I gasped as the kiss grew deeper, more intense than before. I kissed him back with the same hunger. Everything around us-all the little noises in the background-was suddenly cut out as my world became crystal clear of just me and Daniel. No one else existed except us.
I was on the edge, caught between my desire and mind. I wanted to go farther, but knew I couldn’t. Not here or now. Maybe not even when we weren’t on spring break.
“Kelly.” The moment was shattered with that single word as Daniel pulled back away from me, staring at the twinkling stars. “I love you. You know that, right? I’ve always have. Ever since I first laid my eyes on you. I know you think that’s impossible, but it’s true.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered, breathing heavily.
“I guess I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way. It’s crazy, I know, but I could never shake that feeling. I was going to a few times before this, but whenever I tried we were always interrupted, or I backed down. I shouldn’t have ever done that. I should have told you the minute I realized my true feelings.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I almost lost you a few times. Remember?”
“How couldn’t I? My heart breaks every time I think of it.”
The memories flooded over me as I spoke. Him walking away from me when he confronted me about my passion for writing. He had told me then it was too much and I couldn’t if I wanted to be with him. I remember the time when I walked away from him that day I caught him kissing his ex-girlfriend. Of course, we weren’t together then, but we had been good friends, and I thought he’d cared deeply for me, no one else. That time when I was hanging out with my two best friends more than him. I cried myself to sleep over all of those. No one should go through that.
“I’m sorry for those. Honestly, I was acting like an idiot. I know that now, and can’t even come to forgive myself over almost losing you over such stupid things.”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. My mind was racing the way it does when I get a new idea, but this had nothing to do with that. My boyfriend was confessing his love for me. Who knew this would ever happen?
“I do, Kelly. I really do love you with all of my heart and soul.” A few tears streak down my cheeks, and I silently cursed at them. “Is there something wrong?”
Instead of answering him, I wrapped my arms around him, holding Daniel close as I silently cried. How could I ever forget those? My heart was aching for him to kiss again, but I shook that thought away. He had just confessed his love for me, and I was crying. What for? All because of stupid memories. Memories I wasn’t even sure I wanted. I sighed as pain reignited within me, twisting my heart.
“Hey guys!” Cindy called as she came bounding over to us. My best friend had a knowing look in her eyes as she took us in. “Why do you leave our group?” she asked, pretending to pout.
“Like you need us over there,” I said, watching her carefully. “Seemed like you were having a good time without us.”
“Oh, please. The people over there are idiots.”
“Hey, be nice. Our best friend is still over there.”
“I know this. Soo why did ya leave us?”
“Why not?” I retorted, seeking a glance at Daniel who was smiling as he quietly listened to our banter. There was a sharp glint in his eyes as he caught me looking, meeting my gaze with his dark one. I smiled, shaking my head slightly as I turned my eyes back onto my best friend. I could feel Daniels gaze on me still, but I focused on Cindy as she watched me. After a moment of silence I realized that she had caught our little shared glances.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “I get it. You wanted to be alone.” A mischievous smile suddenly lightened up her face as she backs away. “Just so you know, we are leaving soon. Gotta be moving on.”
“Come on,” Daniel said suddenly, speaking for the first time since Cindy showed up. “Let’s go join them. Don’t want anyone else noticing.”
“Right,” I murmured as my boyfriend intertwined our fingers together. We silently followed Cindy back to the group who seemed to be way too drunk.
“What have they been doing while we were gone?” I whispered to Daniel, keeping my voice low enough so Cindy couldn’t hear me.
“Having way too much fun,” he replied, casting me a sideways glance.
“Like us college students should.”
“Yeah,” he murmured in my ear. I felt his hot breath against my flesh as we settled down in the firelight. Daniel slipped his arm around me, and I leaned my head against his shoulder, letting everything that’s happening around me ease my mind as I let my thoughts wander back t
o my laptop and my writing.
The last time I had added another chapter onto my story was almost a month ago; I had gotten too busy with school, my friends and boyfriend to be able to do anything else. A ghost of a smile lingers on my lips as I thought of the times I spent with my characters well into dawn. I remember the times I zoned out in class as I thought of a new plot or twist to add into my story.
But I also remember the uncertainty.
When I first started out I would always have the desire to ask someone how it is or if it’s good. I’d always have to bite it back so I hardly ever print anything out. In all honesty I obsess over every little thing, perfecting anything that may be unclear, adding onto my characters, and then changing my mind. I close my eyes as words began to spell out in my mind, a new chapter beginning. I felt my heart slowing, my breathing becoming shallow as those words painted a picture that was crystal clear with no flaws anywhere.
While my thoughts were racing I was playing with the hem of Daniel’s shirt. He silently placed his hand over mine, kissing the side of my head. I shivered at the cool breeze, opening my eyes to watch the flames flicker and flare, dancing along the wood, quickly devouring it. The scene still played in my mind, but it was distant. Daniel ran his hand along my bare arm, attempting to keep me warm.
Heat embraced us as the fire began to be build up again, I watched the flames flicker and flare, dancing in a way I never could. Soon, I find my eyes wandering towards the sky as millions of glittering stars danced along the dark blue night sky, weaving with each other. In the middle of all that was the silver moon, its light casting us half in shadows and half in firelight.
“What are you looking at?” Daniel murmured in my ear, following my gaze.
“The sky,” I replied. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Uhh…okay?” he said, and I heard the hint of a snort within his voice. “I guess.”
“Oh, you just can’t see it.”
This time he did snort, shaking his head.
“Okay, then, tell me what do you see when you look at the stars?” I asked, pulling away from my boyfriend slightly as I studied him carefully.
Daniel sighed, rolling his eyes upward. “Stars and the sky,” he said, sarcasm dripping in his voice.
“Daniel!” I exclaimed, slapping his arm. “You are so not artistic.”
He laughed, grabbing my hand as I laid it onto my lap. With our fingers intertwined together, he laid our linked hands on my lap, his arm still wrapped around me. With his free hand he grabbed for a drink, taking a long swig before offering it to me. I held up our hands, shaking my head.
“Oh, right,” he sighed, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He pulled me closer to him, his arm wrapped tightly around me. “Do you want some?” he asked barely giving me anytime to reply when he pressed it against my lips, tipping it upward. I closed my eyes as the nice cool liquid went down my throat.
After a few minutes Daniel removed the bottle, taking another long drink. I watched him as he began to take up a conversation with one of his friends, laughing and tapping his bottle against his leg. A smile lit up his eyes as he spoke about whatever way the conversation went.
“Kelly, weren’t you pregnant for a time being?”
“What?” I exclaimed as shock coursed through my body, numbing it.
Everyone near us fell quiet as they stared at me, their gazes flaming with curiosity. I was too dumbstruck to speak. I could feel Daniel’s burning gaze on me, his thumb-which had been rubbing circles onto my palm-came to a halt once those words were said.
“Of course she wasn’t,” Cindy said finally, breaking the monstrous silence. “Why would you say such a thing?”
The girl that had asked the question shrugged, flipping her blonde hair back behind her shoulder. “That’s just what I heard.”
“Well, you heard wrong.” With that she turned her back on the girl, but had scooted closer to me. “You need to tell Daniel the truth,” she murmured into my ear, keeping her voice low enough for only me to hear.
I met her sincere gaze and, after a moment, nodded. She was right. I had to tell Daniel the truth-I couldn’t hide it anymore. The longer it was hidden the more dangerous it could be for our relationship.
I waited a few moments longer, letting everybody get that off their mind so they won’t be suspicious of us when I do make an excuse to go talk to him.
I wasn’t prepared when he untangled himself from me, getting up to get another drink. I swallowed, my nerves tingling as I slowly got up, following him to the cooler.
“Umm…Daniel?” I asked hesitantly, wiping my clammy hands on my jeans. “Can I talk to you?”
“Yeah. About what?”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him a little bit more away from our classmates. When we were a few feet shy of them I said, “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner, but I couldn’t figure a way how-and I didn’t think it was that important, but now I see I was wrong.”
“What are you talking about?”
I took a deep breath before responding, “I had been pregnant before.”
“You what?” Shock replaced his calm that had been there seconds before.
“In high school before we started dating-hell, before we knew each other.” Daniel didn’t say anything when I paused for a few minutes, so I continued, “It was a year before we met. I had gotten pregnant with a baby girl-”
“Why are you now telling me this?” he interrupted, anger flashing in his eyes.
“Because we’re dating, and you deserve to know.”
“I know now. You got pregnant, had a baby with your ex. I’m guessing you guys gave her away. End of story.”
“No,” I whispered. “We didn’t.”
Daniel froze from turning away, his eyes piercing mine as our gazes met. Electricity raced between us even though we weren’t even that close to each other anymore. I felt the prickle of tears as I remembered that day way back then. As I remembered feeling lost and helpless.
“She died in the womb.”
With those words tears broke free, running down my cheeks. I didn’t bother wiping them away. After all Daniel has already seen them so what was the point?
All of the pain I had locked down deep inside me suddenly overflowed me as those horrid words came sweeping through my mind, as clear as when I heard them.
“I’m sorry to say that she’s dead,” the nurse had said solemnly, a few tears glittering in her eyes. “I’m really sorry.”
I wrapped my arms around myself as a shiver racked my body. Daniel didn’t make a move to comfort me; he just watched.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” he said finally, his hands stuffed into his jean pockets. “We’ve been together long enough I’d think you would have already told me.”
“I didn’t know how.”
“You might as well tell me everything,” he said, keeping his distance from me. “What happened?”
“You’re mad at me, and I’m sorry for that. She had suffocated-err, chocked to death-because of the umbilical cord. It was wrapped around her neck when she was born. They tried to save her, but couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry about that.” Pain flashed across his face as he spoke, and I knew it had nothing to do with my daughter. “But right now I can’t do this, Kelly. I need time.” With that he walked away, leaving me crying as a searing hot sensation over flooded me.
I watched him retreat, my heart clinching, twisting as he soon became one with the shadows. I fell to my knees as my grief suddenly came forth, the deep sorrow I had felt about three years ago. I’d buried it within me, always making sure I kept all of the good times up front. I hardly ever let myself think whenever I was surrounded, except for what was going on at the time. I always did that, never letting people see how much
I really hurt inside.
Suddenly, I was remembering everything about my daughter-from the time I found out I was pregnant to the first time I ever saw her in the ultrasound and heard her heartbeat. It was as if I was feeling her now as my stomach flips, curling. I closed my eyes and imagined the first time I ever felt her-the way she lightly kicked me, moving within as if she was a fish moving upstream.
I turned my face upward, letting the coolness of the night wash over me. I stayed like that for some minutes, wiping the back of my hand across my cheeks, willing the tears to stop. After a few mintues they did, like always. I then shakily stood up, heading back to where our group was. My footsteps seemed loud in the quiet night as I walked.
When I finally got there I couldn’t see any light. The chilling breeze whipped through my hair as I looked around, fear tingling up my spine as I realized the horrid truth. “Guys?” I called, my eyes darting, seeking for my classmates. “This isn’t funny. Where are you?”
No reply came. I shivered as I sank to the hard ground, knowing exactly what they’ve done. A stray tear fell down my cheek, and I wiped it away. The reality bit into my flesh, and I quickly started denying it.
They wouldn’t do this.
My thoughts were jumbled. They’re my classmates so why would they leave me behind? What did I ever do to them?
All of a sudden, I heard a cry sound in the far distance; it almost sounded human. The sharp noise of it rang in my ears as my breathing went ragged. I closed my eyes, seeing the faces of my two closest friends and my boyfriend. Where are they?
“Please,” I whispered. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me like this.”
I knew it didn’t do any good, but I couldn’t help myself. I just couldn’t think of them abandoning me; something must have happened to them. I shook that thought away, trying to stay positive. I couldn’t let my fears get a hold of me.
A low roaring sound came from the trees that loomed in front of me. My head shot up from being pressed into my knees as a snapping sound came from behind me.
My heart was suddenly racing as I jumped to my feet, bolting from the noise and my possible attacker. Keep calm…just keep calm. The words chanted in my mind as icy wind painfully hit me in the face, making my chest burn.
A scream wrenched its way free as I tripped and stumbled, falling down. Pain seized me the second I hit the rocky ground. I gasped for breath as I attempted to shake off the pain.
A screeching noise came from my right and I whirled around, my eyes scouring the darkness that surrounded me. I held my breath, biting my lip so hard blood poured into my mouth, rich and salty. I coughed, choking on the taste.
I couldn’t breathe.
I felt like I was being suffocated, the air from my lungs slowly disappearing. I gasped, blood spilling down my chin as I did so. I coughed again, collapsing onto my hands and knees.
What’s going on?
I tried to calm myself, to focus on my breathing, but it didn’t help any. Don’t freak…don’t freak…don’t freak…I closed my eyes as those words kept repeating, and it suddenly seemed like a voice was whispering it in my ear. I felt hot breath against my flesh. I kept my eyes closed, clenching my fists into the dirt. Stay still, and it’ll go away, I told myself, knowing that it’s not even the slightest bit true. But it was reassuring.
I carefully, slowly, laid on my side, curling up into a ball. With each twig that snapped my eyes, in turn, snapped opened, staring up at the inky darkness that seemed to stretch on forever. I could hardly see the twinkling stars through the thick trees, their leaves dancing in the brisk breeze.
I felt a whisper, as if a laugh, course over my body, making me shiver. I had the sinking feeling that I was being surrounded, with no daring way to escape. Tears cascaded down my fleshed cheeks as I realized what that meant. I didn’t bother wiping them away, just let them stain my cheeks with water streaks as dirt now embeds itself into my skin.
Kelly…
A singsong. The voice was soft and sweet, metallic.
Kelly…come with us…
I froze as my thoughts disappeared, my breathing coming to a standstill as those words filled my mind, claiming me. I screamed as pain flitted through my mind, expanding throughout my body, coursing in my veins.
I couldn’t move. It was like I was paralyzed as the metallic voice swept through me, caressing my skin. I shivered as it drew closer to me, ever so closer. I wanted to scream, to shake away the feeling that left my skin flaming, but I couldn’t.
Help me, I wanted to shriek. Please, please help me! But the words wouldn’t form. Nausea began clouding my thoughts, and each touch I now felt made me wince.
The temperature around me suddenly dropped, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I shivered, gasping. My heart started racing as I tried to gather my scrambled thoughts, trying to figure a way to save myself.
Nothing came to me.
I was starting to become frantic. I can’t save myself…I can’t… someone please help me. A whimper escaped my lips as pain started lashing out at me. My cries turned into cold terror as I realized there was no way out.
Kelly!
My name was a piercing scream, but I knew it was just a trick. They were trying to get to me. Well, I wasn’t going to break. Hell no.
Leave me alone.
I sent that thought away from me, to whatever power laid beyond my soul. I felt it vibrate within me, exploding. I felt my heart tug as if crying out. I slowly felt my oxygen evaporate, leaving me dizzy and lightheaded.
What’s happening?
My thoughts become blurred together as blackness clouded the edges of my vision, taking over. I closed my eyes, pinching them tightly together as I fought to keep myself awake.
I can’t do this.
The sudden thought slammed into my mind like a bomb going off, making a fiery pain sizzle at the back of my skull. Doubt began consuming me as it pierced my flesh, seeking my fear. I knew I shouldn’t do that, but I couldn’t help it. Everything I felt in that moment overpowered me as if I was drowning, all of my senses gone. I tried fighting back, but knew it was worthless. My thoughts and feelings can be so easily overwhelmed that I have no idea which one is which. I shuddered as my mind was over flooded with my fleeting thoughts. A whimper escaped my lips as my eyes droop closed, unable to fight against the overwhelming sense to go to asleep.
I let my consciousness drift as darkness engulfed me.