Because it’s Liam, a little voice inside me whispered.
I sniffed again, telling myself I didn’t want to cry. Tears clogged my throat though, and after a few more stubborn minutes, I rolled onto my belly and buried my face in the pillow.
Tears streamed from my eyes, and I let myself cry some of the frustration, anger, and misery out.
I don’t know how much time passed before the tears faded.
Too much. Not enough.
My head still pounded as I sat up, swallowing the bile that burned in my throat.
I was tired of this. Tired of Dad interfering, tired of him scowling at me about the way I lived my life.
Tired of trying to please him.
“I’m done,” I said softly.
In the back of my mind, ever since Millie had been here, I’d been wrestling with a decision, and in that moment, I made it.
I was going to move to Pleasure Island.
I made myself take something for my headache and brewed a cup of tea before I sat down to call Millie.
I wanted to get my mind settled – and sound somewhat calm – when I called my grandmother.
Part of me was a little unsettled at the decision I’d made. I’d lived in this city my entire life, had thought I’d live here a good while longer.
But as long as I was here, my father would try to intervene in my life.
If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t have ever met Liam to begin with.
I silenced that train of thought, mostly because I wasn’t ready to think about Liam yet. I’d think about him later – hopefully much later, once the ache inside me had faded away.
And it would. It had to.
The sooner I got on with my life, the better, I told myself. And with that thought in mind, I dialed my grandmother.
She came on the phone before the second ring, and despite the lousy day, I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her voice.
“How are you doing, darling?” she asked.
I closed my eyes and told myself not to think too hard about that.
“Well enough,” I lied. “Look, I’ve been thinking about your offer.”
“Oh?” Interest lightened Millie’s voice. “Have you come to a decision? Do you have questions?”
“No.” I braced myself then said in a rush, “Let’s do it. I’ll move to the island and take over.”
25
Liam
As I made a sweep around the perimeter of the bank, I glanced outside.
A woman with long golden-brown hair walked by, and for a second, I wondered if it was Mila. But then she brushed her hair back from her face, giving me a better look at her profile.
No.
It wasn’t Mila.
It had been two weeks since we’d seen each other, but sometimes, it felt like she was everywhere I went. I saw her all the time, or at least I imagined I did.
I missed her.
I wouldn’t have thought not seeing her would get to me like this. What we’d experienced together had been purely physical, and while there was no denying I missed having her close where I could touch her, kiss her, take her, there was more to this than just the physical.
I missed the way she teased me.
I missed the way I could look up and just know she’d be there.
I missed the way I sometimes found her staring at me.
I just plain missed her.
The woman passed out of view, and I made myself keep on walking. I’d found another job. It was in security, but nothing like what I’d been doing. I was the night guard at a big bank not far from Times Square. It was monotonous work, but unless I wanted to do something like work at a store or restaurant, security work was about all I felt qualified for.
Some part of me was still thinking about going back to Texas, but if I did that, it would mean I’d given up. And what was I going to do in Texas anyway? Sure, I could probably find security work or maybe think about becoming a cop – plenty of former military did – but the idea didn’t appeal to me.
Besides, I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave.
I’d miss being around Jake. I already felt closer to him than the rest of my family, and I’d started to build a friendship with Raye, the cousin I’d just found out about as well.
Leaving meant leaving all of that.
Leaving also meant I’d never see Mila again.
Granted, the chance of that was slim to none, but I told myself I could still go by her office or her house. I could even call her, if I wanted to. Not that I’d worked up the nerve.
The past two weeks, I’d all but isolated myself.
I’d barely even talked to Jake and Michelle, and I knew it was bothering them.
I’d deal with that, fix it. Come up with something to tell Jake, too, because I had no doubt he’d want to know what had happened with the job.
But all of those were things I told myself I’d deal with on another day. Tomorrow, or maybe next week.
I just needed more time to resettle myself.
Or so I insisted.
Jake wasn’t inclined to give me that time.
I’d only been asleep about five hours when he called the next day, and I woke up bleary-eyed and stared at the phone on the nightstand as it continued to ring.
I shoved my head under my pillow and willed the phone to stop.
It did.
Only to start ringing again about thirty seconds later.
That pattern kept up for the next two minutes, and finally, I grabbed the phone and snarled into it, “What?”
Jake’s good-humored laugh came across the line. “Good morning to you, too, sunshine.”
“Fuck off,” I said, closing my eyes against the light that seemed to find its way into my little apartment no matter what I did. “I’m tired, Jake. I’ve got to be into work later on this evening too.”
“Yeah, yeah…I know. Don’t forget I’m still waiting for an explanation as to why you quit the last job.”
I rolled my eyes. I should just tell him the truth right then and there – I hadn’t quit. I’d been fired.
But I didn’t want to listen to the disappointment I feared would show in Jake’s voice. He’d gone out of the way for me, helping me get that job and what had I done but screw it up?
Pushing the thoughts aside, I focused on the call. “What are you calling about? You clearly wanted to talk to me.”
“Yeah, well, if you’d bothered to answer any of my other calls, or even a text, you’d know. Michelle and I want to talk to you. When can you come over for dinner?”
“I work nights now, Jake,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, but you don’t go in until ten. You told me that in one of those one-minute phone calls you’ve bothered to give me over the past week. You can show up around six for dinner, can’t you?”
It was pathetic how badly I wanted to lie to get out of it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Jake.
I just wasn’t ready to face anybody after my epic screw-ups.
“Look, you can either show up on your own, or I’ll come to that shoebox where you’re living and drag you out,” Jake said after my silence continued.
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I can come over tonight. I’m still getting used to these night shift hours so don’t expect me to be the best, or most awake, guest you’ve ever had.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Jake sounded satisfied. “Our place at six then. You better show up.”
He disconnected the call, and I laid on my narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling for long, long moments. Finally, I rolled back onto my belly and shoved my head under the pillow, determined to get another couple hours’ of sleep.
I got to Jake and Michelle’s door a few minutes past six.
I’d overslept.
Hoping he wouldn’t razz me over a couple of minutes, I knocked on the door.
Michelle answered it, and she ushered me inside with a quick hug and smile. “I hear you’re working a new job…night shift?”
r /> I nodded.
“That must suck.” She made a face, her nose wrinkling just a little.
“I’m getting used to it.”
She led me into the kitchen where Jake was standing guard over the stove. The scent of meat hit my nose. “Please tell me those are burgers you’ve got going over there.”
“Hit the nail on the head,” Jake said cheerfully. He cast me a glance over his shoulder. “You’re late.”
“Jake, hush,” Michelle said, tapping him on his shoulder. She turned and smiled at me. “Want a beer?”
I accepted and sat down at the kitchen island where they ate most of their meals. “Need help with anything?” I offered as I twisted the top off my bottle.
“No.” Michelle grinned at me. “Jake handles a lot of the cooking these days. I think he enjoys it. So, I leave him to it.”
We chatted about a little bit of everything as Jake finished up the burgers. Michelle pulled out a salad and Jake scooped steaming fries from a pot on the stove.
“Nice healthy meal,” Jake said with a grin.
“There’s a salad,” Michelle responded with a sniff.
I watched the two of them as we settled down to eat. They fit together insanely well. I couldn’t deny a rub of envy, but I shoved it aside. I was happy for Jake. Really happy.
He didn’t have to know that watching him with his girlfriend made me think that much more about Mila.
Not that we’d had anything close to what Jake and Michelle had.
But I realized now that part of me had been…hoping. Hoping for what, I didn’t know. But hoping for something.
“How is the new job going?” Jake asked, drawing my attention away from the brood I’d been about to sink into.
I shrugged. “Boring. Easy.”
“What happened to the last job?” Michelle asked, her head tilted to the side in interest. “Weren’t you doing bodyguard work or something like that?”
“Or something,” I said, trying not to let anything show in my voice. “My services were no longer required. It was just a short-term job anyway.”
Jake eyed me, and I could tell he had questions, but he kept silent about them.
As dinner came to a close, Jake and Michelle started acting…weird. They shared secretive little looks and kept leaning over to whisper to each other.
Once, Jake caught her mouth in a quick kiss, and when they didn’t come up for air for a few seconds, I cleared my throat. “I can head out if you guys need some time to yourselves,” I offered in a wry voice as Jake shot a look at me.
“No.” Michelle blushed and got up from the island, carrying her plate over to the sink. “There’s something we wanted to tell you. We told Raye a couple days ago. We, um, tried to invite both of you for dinner so we could tell you both at the same time, but you said you couldn’t get away and…well, I was so excited…”
“You’re rambling,” Jake said, getting up and crossing to her.
I watched as he cupped her face in his hand then lowered his head, kissing her.
That was when I looked away.
It was too intimate a moment for me to be sharing, but they didn’t seem to mind.
“You can look now,” Jake said, his voice full of amusement. “It’s safe.”
I shot him a dark look.
He shrugged. “I can’t help it. Michelle can’t keep her hands off me,” he said, grinning widely.
Michelle jabbed him in the ribs. “You’re the one who can’t keep his hands to himself these days,” she replied in a huff.
“Yeah, well, that’s because you’re so damned beautiful.” Jake bent over her again.
I cleared my throat. “Should I go?”
“No!” they both replied at once.
Michelle wiggled out from between Jake and the counter and joined me back at the island.
“Like I said,” she told me, beaming. “We’ve got news.”
Jake came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned back against him, and Jake kissed her temple before looking at me. He put his hand on her belly. “We’re going to have a baby,” he said.
I blinked.
Involuntarily, my eyes dropped to Michelle’s flat belly where Jake’s hand rested, then immediately looked back up.
They were both clearly waiting for my response. “You…” I stopped and scratched my head. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” they both said.
“Stop doing that,” I told them, shaking my head. “Talking in sync like that is…creepy.”
Michelle made a face at me while Jake just laughed.
“You’re pregnant,” I said after a few more seconds to process it. Then I looked at Jake full-on. “Son of a bitch, you’re going to be a daddy.”
He grinned, looking happier than I’d ever seen him. “Damn straight.”
Getting up from my stool, I went around the island and clapped my cousin on the back, then dropped a kiss on Michelle’s cheek. She smiled at me with misty eyes and caught my hand, squeezing it. I squeezed back, looking between the two of them.
“A daddy,” I said again, shaking my head.
“Hard to believe, isn’t it?” Jake pulled Michelle back up against him, hugging her tight.
“We want to get married – like soon,” Michelle said a little while later. She puffed out her cheeks and held her arms in front of her. “Like before I start showing.”
“Any dates in mind?” I asked.
Michelle’s mouth formed a pout, and I looked over at Jake. He slid an arm around her shoulders. “We’re having trouble finding a venue that can do, a for-real wedding in such a short time. We thought about just going to a justice of the peace, but…”
“I want a real wedding.” Michelle gave me a wobbly smile. “It’s going to be a pretty tall order, I guess, finding a way to make this happen before I get all big with the baby.”
“You’ll be beautiful,” Jake told her.
She stuck her tongue out at him. “I want to be beautiful and able to fit in the dress I found.”
While they commented back and forth, my thought strayed.
I found myself thinking about the island where I’d been with Mila, about that day on the beach when she’d gotten the cramp.
Then I thought about her grandmother and the offer Millie had made.
“I might have an idea,” I said softly.
26
Mila
Chaos was the proper way to define how the past few weeks of my life had gone.
I was traveling back and forth between the island and New York City as I wound down my practice there. I was trying to help my current clients find new therapists that met their needs although, for some of them, I knew I’d probably continue to see them on and off for the next little while.
That was what happened when you offered a rather niche service like what I had built my practice on. A few of them were disappointed, but upon hearing my reason, they all seemed to understand.
When I wasn’t traveling, I was busy incorporating a form of the sessions I specialized in into the amenities offered by the resort. I wouldn’t be able to offer the kind of one-on-one sessions I’d offered in private practice, but I still felt it was something I could do that would help couples be happier together. So far, I’d come up with several various workshops.
My first one was this afternoon, and I had two couples I’d be working with. We were talking erotic massage on this one – something nice and easy until I was used to working in a different sort of arena.
Two couples weren’t exactly a full classroom, but since I was used to working with people one-on-one – or one-on-two – this would be a nice way to get my feet wet, so to speak.
As the session wore on, I found myself relaxing and settling more comfortably into my new role. I was more of a teacher now than a therapist.
As my clients – or students – switched roles, the masseuse switching to be on the receiving end, I paced back to my seat up front and grabbed a bottle of w
ater.
Tension at the base of my neck reminded me that I could benefit from the skills of a good masseuse, something I’d have to look into before the tension turned into a mother of a headache.
“Okay…now. Back to the basics,” I said once I saw that everybody was ready.
Millie came inside as the last of my couples left the bungalow I’d been given to use for my workshops.
She looked around, taking her time as she took in the changes I’d made.
This particular building had been used for various other functions, but it suited my needs so I planned on making this my permanent spot for workshops in the future.
“How are things going?” Millie asked, a smile on her face as she approached me. “You’re so busy, I rarely see you, and you live here now.”
“I’m still making adjustments,” I told her, shrugging. “And I won’t be traveling back and forth between here and the city forever. I just have to get my clients settled first. I can’t really just abandon them.”
“Of course you can’t.” Millie shook her head in agreement. “Any regrets about your decision to come here?”
“No.” I smiled at her, determined not to think about the one small regret I had – Liam. I hadn’t seen him in over three weeks, and I had no idea if I’d ever see him again.
You made the right move, I told myself.
“Do you have any other sessions set up for today?” Millie asked, unaware of my distraction.
“No. It’s going to be a little slow as we get me acclimated to working in this sort of environment. It’s not really therapy that I’m doing anymore. It’s teaching, and we’ve got to get me into the regular schedule of events.” I made a face. “Which will be easier once I’m not traveling as much, but I hope this will only last for a few months.”
“It’s not a concern,” Millie said, waving a hand. “You had a busy life in the city, responsibilities. I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to honor those responsibilities even as you’re helping out an old woman.”