“Just listen for a minute, okay?”
“I said, no.”
He sat up and stretched across the bed for her hand, which she yanked away. “Dammit, Tayla, I don’t care if my instincts are responsible or not. I want you.”
“Oh, that’s one hell of a proposal,” she snapped, tugging her robe tight around her. “Excuse me if I don’t run out and reserve a caterer and a church. Oh, wait. You probably can’t set foot in a church.”
“So I need to work on my delivery . . .”
“You need to work on finding someone who doesn’t mind being the 3:00 a.m. wallflower. I might not have anything to my name or any place to go, but that doesn’t mean you can take advantage of me just so you can hold on to your precious medical degree.” She glared at him, daggers of fury that pinned him in place when he would have grabbed her and held her to him. “How dare you lie to get me to fall for your shit? You don’t want me. You can’t. You don’t even know me.”
“I’m not lying. I do want you, and I know all I need to.”
“You know nothing. Nothing. How am I supposed to believe what I am isn’t a problem for you, when it was before? I’m an Aegi butcher. A lemming, remember?”
“I was wrong, Tayla. My brothers are wrong.”
She shook her head. “See, that’s where you are wrong. I am a butcher. Want proof? Proof that you know nothing about me?” When a tremor entered her voice, she cleared it ruthlessly. “Let’s talk about your brother Roag—”
“Don’t say it.” He searched her eyes, seeing an ugly truth in their murky depths. “Don’t. Even. Say. It.”
But she pressed on, leaning forward on fists pressed into the mattress. “I was there. At Brimstone. I was there and I killed anything that moved. When Jagger set the place on fire, the sound of demons screaming didn’t bother me at all.”
Oh, shit. Roag. “It might not have been you . . .” The desperation in his voice was pathetic, and he hated himself for it.
“Or it might have been. I don’t remember seeing a demon like you, but—”
“He could have shapeshifted.”
Eidolon felt his world collapse in on him, felt his chest crack wide open. It hurt. Gods, his heart hurt.
The female he wanted as a mate had killed his brother. Had been involved, at the very least.
“Do you see, Hellboy? Do you see why we can’t be together? Can you really see beyond what I was? Can I ever see beyond what you are?”
But he was no longer listening. “You killed my brother.”
He pushed backward, off the bed, feeling the anger rise in him, feeling something even more horrible churning inside. He could feel The Change pulsing, clawing to the surface.
With a roar, he tore out of the bedroom, out of the apartment, away from Tayla before he did something he’d regret. Because he was pissed, hurt, and he was also out of time.
Twenty-two
A combination of sunlight streaming through the bedroom windows and the sound of the television woke Tayla. A glance at the bedside clock told her she’d slept later than she’d wanted to. Eleven a.m. She’d wasted so much time sleeping. And crying.
She hadn’t bothered chasing after Eidolon last night. He’d clearly been devastated, and besides that, his eyes had gone red, just as they had before he’d turned into the Soulshredder, and she was so not prepared to deal with a repeat of that.
Instead, she’d cried herself to sleep, something she hadn’t done in years. Not since the first night she’d spent at Aegis HQ, when gratitude had overwhelmed her, gratitude that Kynan and Lori had taken her in and given her a safe place to sleep for the first time since her mother died. They’d said they wanted her. Every foster parent had said that, but she’d quickly learned not to believe it.
Her own mother had said it, but if that were true, she would have stayed off the drugs. Yes, she’d had a demon tormenting her, driving her to self-destruction, but Tayla couldn’t shake the belief that if she’d only been a better daughter, her mom would have fought harder.
And now Eidolon said he wanted her. If only she could believe him, could believe that for the first time in her life, she was something special. Worth more than what the state paid someone to take care of her, worth more than her fighting skills.
He’d hurt her last night when he’d hesitated to answer her question, and she’d struck back with Roag’s death, a low blow, and something he hadn’t needed to know.
Desperate to hold off on a confrontation that would surely end in his kicking her onto the streets, she showered, taking a long time to inspect the new decorations on her arm. They weren’t as sharply defined or as dark as Eidolon’s, but they were otherwise identical—and she knew because she’d traced every one of his with her tongue.
Whatever Eidolon had done to her had also sealed The Wound That Wouldn’t Heal. Not even a scar remained, though she’d had to use his scalpel to remove the stitches.
When the water started to run cold, she rinsed and dressed in leather fighting pants and a lace tank top, and when she couldn’t stall any longer, she entered the living room.
Where Gem was standing, holding Mickey. The recliner behind her was rocking; she must have heard Tayla coming and gotten to her feet. A map of the abandoned zoo lay spread out on the coffee table, along with photos and a notebook with wildly scratched notes next to it.
“What are you doing here?” Tayla growled.
“Eidolon called me last night. He wanted someone here with you.”
Tayla’s heart squeezed painfully. He’d been so angry, probably on the verge of violence and hatred, and yet, he hadn’t wanted her to be alone. “How did he sound?”
“Destroyed. On edge.” Her gaze flickered to Tay’s arm, where the markings on her skin itched. “What did you do to him?”
Why did everyone automatically assume she’d done something to him? Maybe because this time, she had. “That’s none of your business. Get out. I thought I’d made it clear that I never wanted to see you again.”
“Yeah, about that . . .” Gem cleared her throat. Swallowed a few times. That was when Tay noticed her puffy, bloodshot eyes. Gem must have been up all night. “I killed him.”
“What? Who?”
“Our sire.” Gem sank into the chair, her midnight-blue skirt squeaking on the leather cushion. Always an emotional barometer, Mickey scampered down and under the couch. “When I was sixteen. He came to me. We fought. I stabbed him. It wasn’t pretty.”
“Jesus,” Tay whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me this last night?”
“You flipped out before I had the chance.” She peered up at Tayla through watery eyes. “And I think I kinda wanted to hurt you.”
“Hurt me? Why?”
“I was jealous. Of how you grew up. Of how you have this ‘Teresa was my mom and not yours’ vibe going on. You knew her. You got to do things with her.” Gem hung her head and played with one of her two braided ponytails. “All I have are a few grainy pictures taken from blocks away and a fading memory of what her voice sounded like.”
“Gem, I didn’t know her that well. She was killed just as we started to mesh.”
“You still . . . you still had a life I didn’t have.”
“Yeah. You had everything.”
“Except a mom,” she said quietly.
“But you had—”
“Demon parents who were always disappointed in me.” She sighed. “Don’t get me wrong. I love them. And they love me in their own way. But I couldn’t be everything they wanted me to be. I didn’t even want to be a doctor. I did it for them. You grew up in one world. It might have sucked, but it was one world. I was the product of two worlds, and they never let me forget it. Even today, I can’t tell humans what I am, and I can’t tell demons I’m half-human. Only you and the Axis of Evil know the truth.” When Tay raised an eyebrow, Gem elaborated. “Eidolon, Wraith, and Shade. I’ve called them that for years, mainly because it annoys them.”
Tayla laughed at that, the discharge of ten
sion and emotion a welcome release. “You really are my sister.”
Gem tugged on a thick braid. “So we’re cool? Me and you?”
Listening to her instincts, which told her she needed to let her sister into her life, Tayla nodded. “Yeah. We’re cool.” But what now? She was willing to accept Gem into her life, but that was the Gem she saw before her now, the one that appeared human. What lurked beneath the pretty, pierced exterior? “Can I ask a favor? Can I see what you keep locked away behind the tattoos?”
For a moment Gem looked as if she would refuse, and then she nodded, slowly, sadly. “I guess you need to.” Closing her eyes, she concentrated. A low moan dredged up from deep in her chest. Her entire body began to vibrate, and then she just . . . exploded. Like a kernel of popcorn. One second she was a cute Goth chick, and then next . . .
Sweet Jesus.
“Well? This is my other side.”
Gem hadn’t spoken in English, but Tay understood her. Knees practically knocking, she forced herself to move closer to the beast in front of her, a strange cross between human and Soulshredder, a terrible, beautiful creature with red skin, black claws, and Gem’s eyes.
“I have to change back,” Gem said. “Every second like this reduces my human instincts.”
The vibration started again. Tayla leaped back, and then Gem was standing there, sweating bullets. “Man, that stings.”
Shaking a little, Tayla circled the other woman, checking for . . . what? Leaks? “So, you can control yourself when you shift?”
“To some extent,” Gem said, watching as Tayla came around front again. “I can’t when it happens spontaneously, which is why I got the tats.”
“So if I were to integrate, I could control it?”
Gem grinned. “Does that mean you’re thinking about it?”
Tayla looked down at herself, wondering how her body would change should she be integrated. Then she sighed. “It might not be an option anymore. Eidolon hates me.”
“What happened between you two?”
“Mainly, I killed his brother.”
“But I just saw—”
“It was Roag.”
Gem blew out a long breath. “God, Tayla. He was devastated when Roag died.”
“Did you know Roag?”
“Not well. Roag wasn’t around much. He and Wraith fought like vamps and slayers—” She shot Tayla a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Guardians. Eidolon was always afraid they’d kill each other, especially after Roag went through his s’genesis.”
Tayla rubbed her eyes, exhausted and bitterly regretting what had happened between her and Eidolon. She should have kept her mouth shut about Roag. Had she known more about the s’genesis and the mating requirements, maybe she wouldn’t have flipped out like she had. But then, how was she supposed to have known? The Aegis had an extensive library at its disposal, but anything but the most basic of books had to be ordered from headquarters, approved by the Regents, and now it was too late to do any of that.
“Tayla? Are you okay?”
Not at all. “I just wish I knew more. About Seminus demons. About Soulshredders.”
“Yeah, well, don’t beat yourself up. I grew up with demons, and I know exactly squat.” She straightened her skirt, which had bunched up during her transformation. “Have you checked out E’s library?”
Tayla resisted the urge to thunk herself on the forehead. “You’re a genius.”
In the den, they sifted through the hundreds of tomes on the shelves until Gem found what amounted to an encyclopedia of demon species. Tay sat down with it, started with the section on incubi, and specifically, Seminus demons. The information, while a bit more generic than she’d hoped for, still gave her some insight into Seminus behavior, mating rituals, and dermoire symbols.
“Gem, you’ve been friends with Eidolon and his brothers for a long time, haven’t you?”
Gem glanced up from one of the medical texts she’d been reading. “Years. My parents took me to UG for most of my medical appointments.”
“Has . . . has Eidolon really been searching for a mate for so long? Is he really that desperate?”
“God, Tay, I’m sorry I said that—”
Tayla cut her off with a shake of the head. “Wraith said something like that, too.”
“Listen to me.” Gem slammed the book closed with such force that Tayla jumped. “Eidolon isn’t an idiot. He’s one of the most logical, annoyingly intelligent males I’ve ever met, human or demon. He isn’t so desperate that he’d lock himself into a lifetime of misery with a female who might turn on him or who might be a bad mother to his children. Yes, his life and his hospital mean everything to him, but he’d rather die than be bound to a female he doesn’t love. He loves you, Tayla.”
“I don’t think—”
“I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. We’re Soulshredders, sis, which means that we can sense weakness and pain in others. Eidolon’s weakness is you. But you could also be his strength. He loves you, even if he hasn’t admitted it, even to himself.”
Tayla slouched in her seat, feeling miserable and lost and guilty as hell. “Doesn’t matter. I hurt him. He wants nothing to do with me.”
“I know how that is,” Gem muttered. She glanced at her watch and laughed, a bitter, scornful sound. “Perfect. It’s time to get to the hospital. Kynan should be there soon.”
“He isn’t involved in what happened to your parents.” Tayla spoke with the confidence she wanted to feel.
Gem’s black-painted mouth tightened into a grim slash. “I hope to God you’re right. If anything has happened to them . . .”
Gem didn’t have to finish the sentence. Tayla knew what would happen, knew now what lurked behind the cage of Gem’s protective tattoos.
“I’m right,” Tayla said. “Let’s go prove it.”
A deep-seated ache throbbed through her. She had a feeling that after meeting with Ky, whatever hope she’d had to somehow maintain her relationship with The Aegis would be as dead as her relationship with Eidolon.
Just as Gem predicted, Kynan arrived at Mercy General with two Guardians in tow. Tayla watched covertly from around the corner of the main waiting room, her heart pounding with nervous energy as Gem approached him. Dressed in blue scrubs that looked tame and out of place alongside her funky hair and piercings, Gem said something that lured him away from Tim and Jon, and they disappeared into an examination room.
A moment later, Gem slipped out of the room where she’d taken Kynan. Tay met her near the door. “I told him Dennis wanted to talk to him privately about one of his guys. He’s not expecting you.”
“Thanks. Wish me luck.”
Gem grabbed Tayla’s arm as she brushed past. “I hope he’s not involved.”
“Me too, Gem. Me too.”
Sucking in a deep, bracing breath, Tay entered the room where Kynan, dressed in his usual jeans and leather jacket, braced his forearm above his head on the windowsill, looking out at the grassy quad. Tufts of spiky dark hair stood up haphazardly as if he’d been running his fingers through it.
“Hey, Dennis.” He swung around, his combat boots squeaking on the tile.
“Hey, Ky.”
“Tayla. Jesus Christ.” He came forward as though to embrace her, but battlewise wariness sparked in his eyes, and he halted a stang’s length out of arm’s reach. “You’re supposed to be dead.”
His proximity forced her to look up at him, but she wouldn’t be the one to back off. “Disappointed?”
“How can you say that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you tried to kill me? Twice?”
To his credit, he looked stunned. But then, in all the years she’d known Kynan, she’d never known him to be anything but brutally honest. If he appeared to be surprised, he probably was. At least, she’d have believed that before. Right now she wasn’t so sure. Not when her life was on the line.
“I’m not sure what to say.” His voice was a deep rumble that gave nothing away abo
ut what he was thinking. The man was no fool, and his cautious nature had saved his life more than once.
Her temper flared, because she could think of a million things to say. “How about, ‘Sorry The Aegis tried to turn you into a suicide bomber’? Or, ‘Hey, I apologize for putting a price on your head’? Yeah, I can think of a few things you could say. Why don’t you start with what you were told about my death?”
For a long moment he took her in, from her feet to her face, until she had the urge to fidget. “Lori said you were sent to the demon hospital to release a tracking spell. But when you didn’t release the spell or return, Jagger sent Bleak and Cole to your apartment. They were ambushed by demons. We assumed you’d been killed, too.”
“You were lied to.”
Ky stared down at her, the calculation in his denim eyes something that had always fascinated her. He could take in information and process it faster than anyone she’d ever known. To her relief, his angular, hard features softened—minutely—and he stepped back in a minor concession.
“Tell me everything.”
She did, leaving out her parentage and her sexual relationship with Eidolon. Kynan listened, his expression impassive, but his golden-tan skin went the color of pale butter when she told him Jagger had given her the phone that had contained the explosive device but no tracking spell, and that the two Guardians sent to her apartment had claimed that Ky knew about the order to kill her.
“Who killed Cole?” he asked, his voice so devoid of emotion and inflection that she couldn’t get a good read.
“He tried to kill me, Ky.” She refused to elaborate. Cole’s death had nothing to do with what was going on inside the cell.
Ky leveled a probing stare at her. “Fair enough. And you say Lori was in the interrogation room when Jagger gave you the phone?”
Tayla nodded. “I don’t know if she knew—”
“She didn’t,” he snapped. “Fuck.” He rubbed his eyes. Sank into a chair and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Tayla. This is just all so unbelievable.”
“Are you saying you don’t believe me?”
“Not at all. “ He cleared his throat and brought his head up. “But something has gone wrong somewhere. This doesn’t add up. I don’t get why Jagger would want you dead.”