Obviously, he’d never driven with Grandma. Considering I couldn’t see for shit and my hands were cuffed, I thought I was doing an okay job. I didn’t mow down the crossing guard, and I’d stopped for most of the lights.
“Where are we going?” Delvina wanted to know.
“It’s on the next block. It’s the narrow building with the underground garage.”
I crept down the street and eased the nose of the armored truck up to the garage security gate.
“Now what?” Delvina asked.
Now I was supposed to flash my key card, but my key card was in my purse and my purse was in the Buick.
“I forgot about the security gate,” I said.
Delvina put the truck in reverse. “Back it up a couple feet.”
I slowly moved the truck back.
Delvina put the truck in drive. “Now ram the gate.”
“What? Are you crazy? I’m not going to ram the gate. It’s not like it’s plywood.”
“This is a armored truck, for crissake. It’s built like a tank.”
Delvina leaned forward, mashed his foot down on the gas pedal, and the truck surged into the gate. There was a lot of noise and sparks and the gate buckled, snapping off its hinges.
With the exception of the private apartments, every inch of Rangeman is monitored, including the pavement outside the gate. When I decided to bring Delvina to Rangeman, I hadn’t counted on ramming the gate. Now I was worried about not only getting shot by Delvina but by Ranger’s Merry Men.
Snuggy and Doug were backed into a corner. Snuggy’s eyes were wide, and Doug’s eyes were narrowed. Delvina lumbered from the truck with the shotgun still leveled on me and ordered me to get out. I swung down just as Tank and Hal stepped out of the stairwell. They looked at me in cuffs, and they looked at Delvina with the shotgun, and the expression in their eyes was oh shit! The elevator doors opened and two more Rangeman guys stepped out with guns drawn.
Delvina opened his raincoat. “See this?” he said. “I’m wired to explode. I’m loaded with plastique. Shoot me, and this whole building goes. So drop your guns.”
Everyone threw their guns on the floor, and Delvina looked around. “Where is he?”
“Who?” I asked.
“You know who. Diesel.”
“He isn’t here,” Snuggy said. “Why have you got aluminum foil on your head?”
“It’s so the horse don’t talk to me.”
Snuggy looked up at Doug. “You talk to him?”
Doug sort of shrugged. Or maybe it was just a muscle twitch in his shoulder.
“This isn’t working out,” Delvina said to me, “and I’m getting real agitated. Every time you get involved in my business, it turns into a cluster fuck. I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna shoot you. And then I’m gonna shoot the horse. And then I’m gonna shoot all these guys in black. And then I’m gonna get the hell out of town.” He scratched at his arm and at his neck. “Look at me. I’m itching again. It’s the damn rash. I need more medicine.”
“You can’t shoot all of us with that shotgun,” I said. “You can only shoot one of us.”
“Yeah. I’m gonna shoot you with the shotgun. Then I’m gonna shoot everyone else with the Glock I got shoved in my pants.”
“Ranger’s gonna hate this,” Tank said. “Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel.”
I looked beyond Delvina and saw Diesel at the garage entrance.
“Hey, Delvina!” Diesel said. “Are you looking for me?”
Delvina turned to look at Diesel, and Doug lunged at Delvina, knocking him down. Tank and Hal rushed at Delvina and wrestled the guns from him.
“This isn’t plastique taped to him,” Tank said. “It’s modeling clay.”
“It was short notice,” Delvina said. “I couldn’t find any plastique.”
Hal looked over at the armored truck. “Where’d that come from?”
“He borrowed it,” I said.
Two police cars angled to a stop in front of the garage.
Diesel ambled over to me and released the handcuffs. “Are you okay?”
“Yep.”
“Good thing I was here to rescue you.”
Doug kicked Diesel in the leg, and Diesel went down to one knee.
“The horse says you’re full of road apples,” Delvina said to Diesel.
Stephanie Plum 13.5 - Plum Lucky
Chapter 12
Lula pushed her way past the police. “Connie and me heard about this on the scanner, and we figured it had to be you,” she said to me. “Where’s Ranger? He still out of town?”
“Yep.”
“I bet you can’t wait to tell him how you drove a armored truck through his fancy-ass security gate.”
Just thinking about it gave me creepy crawlies.
Delvina was going nuts in cuffs. “I itch everywhere,” he said. “Someone scratch me. Scratch my nose. Am I breaking out? I need my medicine. I got a bottle in my pocket. Someone pop a pill in my mouth.”
“I got big news,” Lula said. “You’ll never guess what came in the mail just now. Remember that photographer in Atlantic City? He sent me a letter. He said he was real sorry the photo shoot got moved, but he thought my pictures were hot, and he sold one of them to the tourist board, and they made it into a billboard. And he sent me this check for five thousand dollars and a picture of the billboard.”
I looked at the photo. It was Lula in a red lace thong, and across her boobs was written WE CAN KEEP A SECRET IN ATLANTIC CITY — NO MATTER HOW BIG! Lula’s left boob had to be about five feet wide on the billboard, and I couldn’t even estimate the size of her ass.
“I gotta go to Atlantic City to see my billboard,” Lula said. “This is so exciting. I know us supermodels aren’t supposed to get excited about this shit, but I can’t help it.”
“Doug says he’d like to see your billboard, but we don’t have a horse trailer anymore,” Snuggy said.
“I talked it over with Stephanie’s grandmother, and we’ve agreed that the Delvina money should go toward Doug’s operation,” Diesel said to Snuggy. “The money should more than cover the vet expenses and buy a horse trailer.”
Snuggy’s eyes got red and he swiped at his nose. “That’s real nice of you. Doug says he’s sorry he kicked you. And Doug just had a good idea. Maybe we can buy the RV from Grandma instead of a horse trailer, and then Doug and me can go on trips together.”
“I’m sure Grandma would be happy to sell you the RV,” I said.
“And I have more good news,” Diesel said. “The issue with Doug’s previous owner has been resolved, and Doug is officially in your care. I now pronounce you horse and leprechaun.”
I walked outside with Diesel. “How did you know I was at Rangeman?”
“Lucky guess.”
“I suppose this means you’ll be moving on.”
“Yeah, but I’ll be back, Sweet Thing. Close your eyes and count to a hundred.”
I counted to twenty and opened my eyes. Diesel was gone... and so was my bra.
Table of Contents
Stephanie Plum 13.5 - Plum Lucky
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Janet Evanovich, Plum Lucky
(Series: Stephanie Plum # 13.50)
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