That you must never know my friend
Just how my heart just feels.
We chat we talk of many things,
I’m far too scared to say
the things that really cross my mind
may frighten you away.
My mind’s become just so confused
that if you showed some sign,
I may just think my mind played tricks
or miss the magic line.
I’ve looked for it and longed for it
in everything you say.
But if I speak way out of turn
I’ll lose you from that day.
You’d then just think I was a fool
to hold out forlorn hope.
My heart just then could not withstand
the cutting of the rope.
For we are bound so differently
to each others path.
Though you will never know the bonds
from me to you by half.
For you are in my thoughts all times,
But I can’t give a clue
how much I wished you thought of me
just like I think of you.
I know that I could make you proud
if you just thought of me
as what I am, not who I am,
then you might really see;
That side of me that I must hide,
The warmth I’m scared to show
the person that I know you seek,
but cannot let you know.
Maybe your hearts with someone else,
you’ve taken mine from me.
But you don’t know just what you’ve done,
I can’t tell you, you see?
So you’ll be there and never know
just what you’ve meant to me.
And I will see you everyday,
but you wont see all me.”
**********
FAIR WEATHER LOVER
“My mind begged
for reassurance.
My body craved
for security in your arms.
But my mouth
could not speak of my fears,
As you
turned away
and switched off your mind.
To me,
you switched off your love
when I most needed it.
When my confidence wavered
you made it worse
by walking away,
like I feared you would.
See the tight-rope walker,
and see the pole he carries.
When his confidence wavers,
the pole gives him back
a balance that he seeks.
He doesn’t always need it,
but when the doubts appear,
it’s there to help.
You just want to be
just a fair-weather lover.
While I need your help
through the gales and storms,
as well as fair weather.
My confidence in you
to stand by me,
is being washed away.
Just like my beach built dream castles,
You’re built of sand.”
**********
WINDSURFER, WINDSURFER
“Windsurfer, windsurfer,
Who do you love?
the wind or the sea?
As your sail caresses the wind,
And you board makes love with the sea,
are you loyal to either?
Or are you just the broker
that joins the wind and the waves
in a fleeting marriage?”
**********
FOR SOMEONE
“Tonight,
I stayed out as late as possible,
Not wanting to think
of the alternative, probable,
and ultimate conclusion to the evening.
I didn’t want to return
to an empty house.
Not hearing the lilt of your voice.
Not receiving the touch of your hand
or seeing the warmth of your eyes.
Now home, I sit,
nursed only by the chaise,
and some cushions.
Though tired,
so very tired,
not wanting to retire.
Not wanting a cold and lonely bed,
without you
beside me,
cuddling in warmth.
I know too,
that by the time
these thoughts reach you,
Your heart will already have soared
to the company of another.
So fear not.
I will cope.
Having done so before
I will do so again.
So goodbye dear friend,
And thank you for the time,
love and warmth
that you did give me.”
**********
BED AND BLANKETS
“Can you feel the cold wind?
It traps you beneath the bed covers
as you pull the sheets
around your neck.
Tug at the blankets
to keep the warm in close.
But what’s the use?
It sneaks down
your unprotected back.
Plays an icy finger
along your spine.
So the shudder rises quickly
from your spine
to the hairs on your neck.
Just pass it off
as someone walking over your grave,
and pull the blankets closer.”
**********
LOVE IS CRYSTAL
“Love is as fragile
as the finest crystal.
Untarnished, unchipped, and polished,
it is the most beautiful thing.
But neglected
and abused
it fails to meet the close up test.
**********
IT’S LIKE THE WAY
“Have you seen big red balloons
so fat they’re near to bursting?
It’s like the way my heart feels
inflated by your love.
You know you’ve seen white fluffy clouds
and marveled at their softness.
It’s like the way my body feels
when cradled in your arms.
Have you seen that fragile crystal
that sparkles in the light?
It’s like the way my eyes see
when you are in my gaze.
This is the way I think of you
and hope it grows that way.
My heart, my life, is in your hands
as long as you want me I’ll stay.”
**********
EFFIGIES FAIL
“Last night as you lay sleeping,
my eyes crossed the shape of your face.
Amazement crossed my mind
as to why you should want to spend
time with me.
Then my mind wanders back to the beauty
I protect in my arms.
From your forehead to your chin,
my mind tried to chisel in granite
the features I don’t want to forget.
Yet your face is so soft
that granite or marble
would not tell a true story.
Justice could not be done
to your beauty.
Stone is so hard,
you are so soft.
I could not put such life and warmth
in a chiseled image.
But your face,
asleep and warm,
remains clearer in my mind
than cold false effigies.
I still hope to awake many more mornings
with your head next to mine.
To catch your waking warmth.
To see your morning beauty,
and once more, make love.”
*********
*
FLYING FRIEND
“Tonight we spoke, and bridged
the hundreds of miles between us.
I felt your pain
and forgot mine,
for you needed help.
What a turn around.
I phoned you for help,
and begged your company,
and you being you are coming.
But within minutes you needed me,
my support,
and my ever ready shoulder.
To you dear friend,
my troubles
will always be second.”
**********
UNDER THE HEADPHONES AFTER SWEETWATERS
“Oh music,
with cans on.
I can leave this world.
Its noisy intrusions
blotted behind padded ear muffs.
This inner world
of crashing noise,
volume high.
I was there,
there when they played this.
The sound is all around me.
As I was before,
the sound puts me there now.
On my command, they’ll play again
that same song.
And if I ask again,
they’ll start and stop
at my command.
Yet play as well
As the time before.
So I have left this world.
Yet I need all in this world to leave it.
To leave it is only a fantasy,
of an addled brain.
What of the poets?
Their brains addled too.
For motives for writing vary
between poet and man,
whichever he is.
Is it for love?
Is it for money?
Or is it just pseudo intellectual
with words of length to show your plum,
instead of in our language
to read and enjoy.
Then sickenly linger over interpretations
while the smooth mood escapes.
The money men I comprehend,
For it is the money that chases the poet,
for poets do not chase the money.
If they do,
They become writers of fiction
as cash addles their brain
with dishonesty.
Their escape is to the money tree
whose leaves are dollar notes.
But my escape too
is through a tree.
But a tree whose leaves are love
and warmth.
This is real music
with the cans on.
And the outside world
is padded out.”
**********
WON’T YOU EVER LEARN?
“Hide,
hide again,
a need to lick your wounds.
Run,
run just when,
this time you thought you’d found it.
Time,
need time,
to let the ache subside.
Scars,
more scars.
Why won’t you ever learn?”
**********
YOU ARE EVERYWHERE
“I wander
from room to room,
Forgetting why I went there
to begin with.
I turn on the radio
to keep me company,
Only to hear some song
we had often sung together.
I watch TV alone,
only to recall
your cuddles as we watched.
I escape and drive the car,
only to pass some place
we had been together.
I meet people we both met,
and ache when they ask me
about you.
So back I run
to the shelter of my home,
Only to be reminded,
it was your home too.
I have hidden away
all those tangible reminders
of you in this house.
I’ve opened all the windows
to blow you out of the corners.
But you come back,
with every breath of fresh air.
I just can’t hide away
from the thoughts of you
within my mind.”
**********
FOR MICHELLE’S BIRTHDAY CARD
“Why did you ask for funny lines,
in a card you want from me?
Are you scared that I,
just make you think?
For you know what you are,
though so afraid to show it.
Why be ashamed of feelings?
Learn to make them show.
You’ll find too many shallow souls
that hurt you without care.
And wish you could be shallow too.
But they won’t fly where eagles dare,
or float on cotton wool,
They’ll maybe shed a tear or two
for sadness briefly felt.
But hours will pass,
they’ve forgotten why
they felt down, was it today?
Don’t be afraid of feelings,
just feel the long time joy.
But you’ll learn of pain as well.
The one where the hand is squeezing
your gut so hard,
you don’t want to go on living.
The other side of squeezing
is like a balloon,
so inflated with love,
it too is near to bursting.
Those are times you’ll realize
That the Devil’s grip that gave you pain,
makes your soul learn how
to soar like a gull
ignoring rubbish at your feet.
Trust your heart to tender hands
and they will cherish it
like their own.
I’m sorry I can’t write funny lines.
For in another time span
and somehow we did meet,
I’d want to cradle your heart
in my loving hands.
To have looked behind your eyes,
and soothed away the hurt.
You wouldn’t be able
to hide from me,
behind some funny lines.”
**********
ANOTHER DAY
“Another birthday
Alone.
Another night,
The three-quarter moon
mocking me in a white toothy smile.
Another year
wasted.
Maybe,
Maybe not.
Has it helped me learn more
about myself?”
**********
I LOVE YOUR NEED TO BE CUDDLED
“Your sweet self consciousness
pulling the sheets over your breasts,
Reminds me of my own
self consciousness
of many years ago.
Your need to be
in darkened rooms
as we strip for love.
Your desperate need
to hold me close,
Even with the summer so hot,
you still cling like you need the warmth.
But it’s more to prevent
my glimpsing what you hide,
than a need to hold me tight.
But I don’t mind.
For the warmth of our heaving chests,
locked together,
and lubricated by my sweat,
leaves a legacy of hair
from me on your breasts.
Even out of the darkened room,
and dressed,
I love the need you have,
to cuddle me.
Like the need of a baby
to feel comforting arms
surrounding you.
So the need to be cud
dled
makes me feel strong.
I thank you
for making me feel useful.”
**********
WORDS CAN SAY ANYTHING
“From your list of men,
much too long by far,
you tell me that you love me
like you’ve never loved before.
That this true love is special.
But love is more than words,
For words are lost
like smoke in a wind.
And words are used
in lies.
Have you never learnt
that actions through
a touch,
a glance,
are real?
So especially in love,
the actions are always
more truthful
than the words.”
**********
About The Author
John Muir was born in Hamilton, New Zealand. Attended Palmerston North Boys High School and graduated in accounting from Massey University. Spent 25 years in Sydney, Australia; and time in Asia.
Discover other titles in eBooks by John Muir
-The Siege Of Apuao Grande (novel 1 involving TA)
-Just Cause Wrong Target (novel 2 involving TA)
-Short Shorts & Longer Tales (short stories)
-My Other Shorts & Formal Tales (short stories)
-Denim Shorts & Foxy Tales (short stories)
-An Artist’s Freedom (from Short Shorts & Longer Tales)
-A Sunday Market Seller (from My Other Shorts & Formal Tales)
-A Soap Slippery Bath Imp (A short story for 8-80 year olds)
-Patch (A short story for 8-12 year olds)
Novel soon to be released “Singapore Straits, Diamond Pirates”, (3rd novel involving TA)
**********
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