I thought I could seduce you in my bed
I thought we would be creating a life together
I thought I’d be with you until my death
I had plans to marry him
I had plans to make love to him
I had everything I am in him
One Night
June.07.2002
you were my one night stand
making love hand in hand
just that one night of passion
you were my dream come true
talking with me until day break
and just listening to me speak
you were my lover by night
with no fights in the day light
and no lives of children to hurt
you were my temptation
in everything I needed to do
and I think I might love you
you were my true friend
my only and very first man
just my lover in everything
you were my one night stand
making love hand in hand
just that one night of passion
you were my temptation
in everything I need to do
and I know that I love you
Not Yet
June.10.2002
I haven’t seen, this guy that I need to see
I haven’t heard, this man’s voice inside of me
I haven’t felt, this man’s touch on my skin
I haven’t been able, to let myself be with him
No we haven’t even met
No I haven’t found you yet
But soon my life will change
If I ever fall in love again
I haven’t seen, this guy that I need to see
I haven’t heard, this man’s voice inside of me
I haven’t felt, this man’s touch on my skin
I haven’t been able, to let myself be with him
His Is Mine
June.14.2002
I can’t believe what I held in my hands
I now know that his body is mine
I know that he wants to have me
But what is this that is keeping him back
He must be afraid I will reject him
That I would forget, laugh at, or desert him
He must be just totally crazy
Or has forgotten who I really am
I have said that I loved him forever
And I never lie but we both need to live
He must be afraid I’ll reject him
I have said that I’ll love him forever
And I never lie but we both need to live
But He Held Me
June.14.2002
I can’t believe he held me
Like he never wanted to let go
I can’t believe he held my hand
And ran his finger up my arm
I can’t believe what we spoke about
I can’t believe I was totally honest and open
And I can’t believe with nothing more than my words
I turned him on to the idea, of possibly being with me again
I can’t believe that he didn’t even call me
After we spoke so freely, he is still with her
I can’t believe that I think I love such a man
That cannot seem to even love me back
I can’t believe that I could fall for such tricks
When there is nothing of me that he really even wants
I can’t believe he held me
Like he never wanted to let go
And I can’t believe that I keep falling
Back in love with this unworthy man
All Set
June.15.2002
my hair is all done up, i am so dressed to kill
but i’m wasting my time, waiting at my window sill
he had said to me, that he’d be here
that he was my man, and i was his woman
but i still always wait, ready to be his
waiting in vain, going totally insane
when he’ll never change, he’ll always be the same
i got all ready, but with nothing to show
i keep wasting my time, waiting to finally say no
No Just Kiss And Run
July.10.2002
The other night I actually kissed this one guy
A kiss means more to me, but I couldn’t stop myself
I still can’t believe I could break my own stupid code
I told myself I never wanted another guy to even touch me
But he held me so close and caressed my back
Such soft hands and arms so very close to mine
Such beautifully sexy perfectly soft lips
So perfect was this kiss
I admit I know I needed this all to be
And I know that nothing of this was wrong
Except I need more than just a kiss and run
How in the hell dare he do this to me
How could he think he was even allowed
How could he give me a fake number
Was it just a blank because he was so drunk
Or did I even really mean anything at all
I want to scream and hit him so badly
And I will find him and do so perhaps one day
I won’t ever forget how this all played out
I just wish I wasn’t so needy and wanting him so
Why do I think I am just a little to dramatic
I should have been the player not the one being played
But he probably just thought it was a kiss
Be he should have known me better than that
I’ll never forget the unexplainable sound he made
As he let go of me after our embrace
I asked him if I was a good or bad kisser
All that he could manage to say was eh
I hope he was lying through his teeth
And I hope the fake number was a mistake
He gave me a number
A fake and I should have known
But he touched me that way
He kissed me then left
But it means more to me
As he forgets I exist
I want to hurt him so badly
And I will find him to do more than kiss
To Need
July.26.2002
To feel his warm hands on my body
To feel him pressed against me
To need him so near I can hold onto
I’d love to make him mine
I can imagine him by my side
You are all I can see
You are in all that I need
You are everything to me
I can imagine how I would move
How you would sound under my groove
I can assume how things would go
And how our love would grow
To feel his warm hands, gliding, sliding, caressing the smooth skin on my body
To feel him hard and hot to the touch pressed against me, entering, being deep inside
To need him, want him, more than anything I’ve ever needed or wanted before
In our need, I’d love to make him mine, I’d love for him to make me his
A Chance
July.29.2002
Just take another chance with me, I know you won’t regret it
Just think of me one more time, you know I’d never hurt you
Just try to remember my soul, and see how much I’ve changed
Just try and look at me now, I’ve always been the same
So let’s go out tonight, out on a real live date
I’ve never been on a real date, with you
I am free this evening, so let’s go out right now
Call me soon baby, because we are meant to be
I can say all I want, to try to not fall in love with you
And how I have been hurt, and how I just don’t trust
But I know you don’t need to care, all you need is me
Bu
t I just need to say, I want to hear you swear my name
Just take another chance with me, I know you won’t regret it
Just think of me one more time, you know I’d never hurt you
Just try to remember my soul, and see how much I’ve changed
Just try and look at me now, I’ve always been the same
Dear Past Love
August.03.2002
I hear about you here and there,
from the usual sources,
from people everywhere,
from our poor mutual friends,
from people that you want more than me
I haven’t forgotten about you
and you know I never ever will
and I’d never put you down
or desert you or harm you
I’d never do anything wrong by you
because you know that I love you
I do miss you love
I just need to say
That I need you
And want you to stay
As my best friend
As my lover in bed
As everything to me
I dearly do miss you
And I still want you back
I’d still take you back
Without any doubts
I really do miss you
And I’d never turn you down
I am still too in love with you
I do really truly love you
I love you with all my heart
Without any doubts
And I’d do anything
To have you in my life again
As anything if you loved me
I hate being ignored
I can’t stand you not missing me
How can you live without me?
While you once said you never could
When you once said you’d never leave
When you once told me you loved me
Forever and always
I will always love you my love
More And More
August.10.2002
no matter what I do,
or whoever I see.
I just keep thinking,
and talking about him.
no matter how much time,
or experience, or life passes.
I just keep wanting him,
more and more….. and more.
this is driving me crazy,
how everything for me is him.
I really can’t seem to get over,
or move on from him.
but I guess I’ll keep on trying,
with some might I guess.
we’ll see how things go,
I have doubts that my heart will heal.
One
August.22.2002
Everything went from wrong to right
The second I laid eyes upon you
You are the only one for me
I just know that we were meant to be
I just wish you felt the same way…
Everything went from wrong to right
With every little thing in my life
Being with you I found my way
Through all the hell that is my life
I sometimes wish I was your wife…
Everything went from wrong to right
The very second I laid eyes upon you
I think you are the only one
I think that we were meant to be
I just wish you felt the same way about me…
X Thing
August.25.2002
I am that ex-girlfriend…
who was dumped by him.
that ex-woman, that ex-lover, that ex-woman,
… who never fell out of love with him.
and yes I know he might hate me now,
he might despise my efforts in not just disappearing,
be annoyed by my presence and existence at all.
but it’s not all my fault,
he told me he loved me, that he really truly loved me,
and I honestly believed every word that he said.
so I’m sorry, to her, and to him, but I’m still in love,
even against the odds, the stupidity of it all,
… and yes I know he doesn’t feel the same, any more.
I wonder why we can’t just be friends,
I wonder, why he can’t still love me, at all, in any way,
and I wonder, why he has to be with her,
what’s so damn great about her…
I’ll say I am sorry to that bitch
but all I ever wanted was to be with him.
I never ever wanted to hurt any one,
but she must know she is a bitch
I am that ex-girlfriend…
another notch on his belt, another game that was played,
another woman that has to mend after a broken heart.
but it’s not all my fault,
he told me that he loved me, we made plans together.
I am that ex girlfriend…
who was dumped by him,
but whether I love him or not,
he is still with her right now,
and I am just his ex-girlfriend…
Just My Friend
August.27.2002
He is just a friend to me
I don’t see him in that way
But he wants me in that way
Sometimes I don’t know what to say
Because friends is all I see in him
But he always jokes like we are more
I just need him as a friend
But I know he needs more from me
But that is all I need to be right now
I am everyone else’s friend
To talk and to hang around with
I am always nothing more
I’ll hide before I open up
I’ll try to be alone before I say more
But my problems aren’t right now
They are all hiding in the past
And I’ll not speak of them
Even to my friends
Because I know no one wants to listen
They just want to talk about themselves
I am not what is in the light
What is in the light is him
And I don’t want to settle for less
He is great but not in that way for me
Because he is just my friend
Stupid List
September.08.2002
it makes me sick to my stomach, to be on that list
on his big fat dirty list, of used and rejected lovers
to know i wasted, any moment of my time
to know i just wasted, parts of my life waiting
i never wanted, to be his ex-girlfriend
i never thought, he’d just up and leave me
i never wanted, anything but his love
i never wanted, to have these parts in my story
i hate to know, that i was used by him
in so many ways, i was just thrown away
and i hate myself, that i just can’t forget
it just makes me sick, to be on that list
No Cares
September.12.2002
i am in love….. and you don’t care
so i don’t know what to do
… when you come calling
and i can’t turn you down
i guess i just have to be hurt
all over and over again
i guess i’ll just never learn
because i am in love with you
and you don’t really care
because you don’t love me back
so i still don’t know what to do
You'll Come Back To Me
September.20.2002
You'll come - falling back to me
Just like I knew - you should
You'll come - falling back to me
Just like I knew - you would
You're the star - I’ve always seen
You were - my every thing
&n
bsp; You're the place - I loved to be
You are everything - to me
You'll find out the truth - some day
Just like I've been - waiting for
You'll find yourself - some day
Just like I've been - hoping for
You're the one - who likes to run
Into places I don't want - to go
You're the one - who doesn't love me
In the kind of way - I had hoped for
But you'll still some day - find out
The things - you already knew
But you'll find things out - again
That you'd come - running back to me
He’s Single Again
September.22.2002
He’s single again, broken apart
Without that bitch, I want him even more
He left her, I think it was today
He didn’t tell me, I just found out through friends
So should I do something, or just sit back and wait…
I didn’t expect this, but it happened inevitably
So I pleasured him one night, and he didn’t call
I’ll just pretend that didn’t happen, I’ll just pretend I don’t care
I’ll be like him, and just keep things cool
I’ll be like him, and be an asshole
I am still single, and in a place of my own
Now he is single too, but for how much longer
He is very weak, as you can tell
A stupid little boy, who will fall for any woman he thinks is pretty, or giving
What pisses me off, is he’d even use me
I guess I am the player, because I used him too
No Beliefs Anymore
September.26.2002
To only find that real true love
I fear I believe in no more
To be with someone forever
I think I am just too scared