“What really happened, Bill?” She made mean-voice frownie at me, so I made frownie at her.
“You like animals, Bill? What kinds were there?” I told more because Mark was nice and I liked how his brown taffy hair lies down soft.
The animals ran past us in the tunnel, making stress sounds. They were minireps of Earth species for DNA mod and terraform compat tests. Smoke came after them.
“Were you scared, Bill?”
“I wasn’t scared, Mark.” It was happyfunny, like pictures from the long long deep deep I didn’t member til I saw them: horsie and moo cow, nanny goat, fleecey sheep, wiggly piggies. That sliphappens sometimes around unShip people. I like it; it’s a head tickle until the dizzy fuzzies it away. But the people I was with started badwording and running away. The only one stayed with me was the woman Amy Louise whose husband was behind in the fire.
Mark asked how did I know about what the animals were for and the man in the fire?
Ship fed me dizzy, not as much as Jake, not all there was, but easy dizzy about where I am and what’s happening. Dizzy’s just there, like air and Jake and Ship. Ship would feed me sweet dizzy when I got the hungry inside and lie so still, and the sweet dizzy makes the hungry go away.
Now Hospital suit people bring me food on a dish, and I have to say what I want and what I don’t and none of it is dizzy ever. My head feels so so-empty and if I had Jake so-close … but that’s like pain dizzy in my heart.
I cried tears again and noises and that spiky hair Major walked out. I needed another soft cloth. Lisa was so-kind.
“Don’t you ever sleep, Bill?” Mark asked me.
“I can’t without Jake. I always had Jake in the far-between when there’s no sleep dizzy.”
Lisa made a sadnoise.
That Major came back. I didn’t look at her. I looked at Mark’s soft liedown hair instead.
“Go ahead, Bill,” Mark said, and he played back the machine. “This is where you were in your story.”
I was telling about the fire. I went into the fire to bring out Amy Louise’s husband, without any danger to me. Ship would send speed dizzy and strong dizzy and air dizzy. Ship didn’t tell me to go, just me, so I went with Amy Louise for more happygather. Ship told me to always do that, go with anyone as far as I could to get every dat.
Amy Louise was coughing—even before we found her husband lying so sprawly on the floor—coughing from the so-smoky and the anti-fire chemicals. Their yellow suits were black with it and I had to carry her, and him, too. There were Amor people waiting out of the smoke, and they called me hero and I got so-best happytickle inside!
Ship told me we rescued the man so now they trusted me. It felt so joygood I didn’t care about why, and didn’t member til just now that Ship didn’t tell me to hero, I just did. Everything I do for Ship feels dizzygood, even when I have damage, but Bill the Hero was the so-best. It wasn’t dizzy making it, it was the warmholding a person in my arms. I felt so soft good toward him; right then he was almost the treasure Jake was to me. People looked at me and thanked me and softtouched me and cried tears about this man I carried.
After that, everyone at Amor smiled at me and said “Are you Bill the Hero?” Amor has hundreds of tunnels and my job was to see as many as I could. I went to the people tunnels and big-smiled to everyone.
“What was Jake doing?” Mark asked. That Major wrote on a pad and showed it to him to say.
I didn’t know what factgather Jake and Ship were on. Jake never came into the tunnels where people lived. He took the launch out on the surface stark black shadows, glitter star night, rainbow flower scanning pouring dat dat dat, gravsong, radsong, starsong! All his Ship parts gave him taste and picture and sound as they probe sample.
“Why didn’t Jake ever come here, to the colony?” Mark read that from Major’s pad.
Jake is kind. He didn’t want to scare people. He doesn’t scare me but I am used to the Ship parts of him. Sometimes in far-between so-close I membered how he was before and I cried but he hit me and says shut up so I did.
I liked the tunnels here. I always big-smiled to everyone. “Yes I am Bill the Hero from the X-P ship.” That’s what Ship told me to say and I said it and glowed all over because I loved Ship and I loved them, and it wasn’t all dizzylove, it was the other kind, too.
That Major asked how did I know the difference?
I don’t know how I know, I just do.
She looked at me frownie about Bill the Hero. Maybe Ship didn’t tell me to say hero! and I still got to say it because I like it. She thought I could only do what Ship told me and that’s stupid. I buzzed my tongue at her.
Amor people said, “Maybe we were wrong about your ship. Maybe it’s one of the good ones.”
Ship filled my head so hardfast, talking spurted out of my mouth, dizzy fast! “Oh Ship is so-good, so-good, we came to help.” And they’d shake my hands firmtouch and thank me, and I’d get the warmbig feelings again.
“What’s one of the good ones?” I asked them, and Jake, too, but no one told me, or if they did, dizzy fuzzied it away. Ship is so-good and I always do what Ship dizzies and felt so warmglow good with even more love. Jake’s love and Ship’s big dizzylove inside me, and thousands and thousands and thousands of Amor people all friendly loving me and me loving them.
Then the last order dizzied. I didn’t know then it was last, I wouldn’t have done different. I have to do order dizzy.
I was to wait outside Ship in a certain place local coord in docking sector, and wrap cable wire around a certain man walking there. Ship dizzied me this order with goodeverything. It was feeling so-good, at the same moment I speedran to do it.
I was far off in the tunnels. I liked that, that I would have a long way, a lot of people to smile to, love bursting inside all around me. I was the feelgood smiles, and the people was the feelgood. Ship didn’t give me feelgood dizzy, just speed dizzy to go fast that long way. I only stopped to get a cable out of a closet. An alarm made bad loud so the dizzy gave me earhappy. No people saw me do that and Ship gave me a tiny sweet dizzy when I started to speedrun again.
A few people made loud calling and started at me. Running is a not-good rule in tunnels. I called to them, “No-worry!” and ran so-fast, so-fast. UnShip people can’t run that fast, only me and Jake.
I got to the docking sector place, near Ship. The only man there was Terry. I knew him. He asked me so-many questions about Ship and what we were here for, when we first asked to dock at Amor IX Colony.
That Major stopped me again, frownie, tell about that you should have before. So-so-frownie at me! It’s hard to member dat without dizzy, my head so-empty.
A Hospital person not Lisa came and showed a dat pad to that Major and then to Mark. They looked and looked at me! They were not Bill-the-hero looks. They were oops-Bill-spilled looks.
“What are you looking at?” I asked
“Nothing, Billy, go on with your story.”
Billy Billy sometimes Jake called me that. Long long deep so deep someone else with a voice like home called me that. Ship doesn’t like the long long deep deep and made fuzzy dizzy and I forgot again. Only sometimes in the far-between when Ship slept and Jake slept, then I heard.
“Go on, Bill,” Lisa said. She had a funhappy smile after she saw that pad.
So I did more telling.
Terry was so-surprised to see me. “I thought you were way over in East Sector,” he said. And that is exactly what he said—I know because Ship made my brain with perfect memory for certain things. Like everything about an order.
“I was,” I told Terry. I big-smiled to him. He was a few emms taller than me, thicker and more muscles. His hair was dark, black, black, hair like Jake, but curly and so-shiny. “Luminous past understanding,” Jake said about that kind of shiny light beautiness. Terry’s hair glinted with the blue off-duty lights glowing
all over it from the dockport wall panels, and I wanted to touch it so-much I reached out.
Terry jerked away his head so fast! I was so-sorry, so sad. I just wanted to touch his shiny beauty hair.
Then he looked at me so different, new. “You really like what you’re doing, don’t you?” Like a so-surprise.
“Oh yes,” I said, big smiling with understanding. “I so love being here. I so love you.” I showed him the coil of cable wire. “I hope you don’t mind if I tie you with this so-gentle not tight.” And I did, careful and kind. “I’ll take you to Jake now. Jake is my brother and he is so-good.” I started him walking beside me to Ship, a so soft hand on his arm.
He asked me, “What were you going to do to my head?” He was walking slower than me, and the dizzy was for sooner, so I pulled him so-gentle to make him go faster.
“The light on your hair. It’s all beauty.” I was close-looking at the light change shimmerglow on his shiny hair. I felt so warmgood to see that light, all safegood and tickle at once. It looked like love to me, that light. So-close in the far-between. Jake’s green eye when the dizzy goes out of it. Like something I sometimes almost member as I fall asleep in that quiet, a smile feeling.
Terry was walking slow again. “What’s Jake going to do to me?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” I smiled warmgood. Jake and Terry together, so-much warm feel good!
“I’ve never seen Jake. Is he like you?”
I laughed. Jake like me? “Jake is so-more than me! He’s bigger and braver and so smarter and wiser. Jake feedknows almost as much as Ship, which is so huge.” My little head squeezed to think of it. “He takes goodcare of us—me and Ship. And he makes wordpoems in the far-between, better than dizzy.”
Terry’s eyebrows went up. He smiled. Terry believed me. It was a sweetgood on its own, the first time I felt that. Ship always sent sweet dizzy when people believed me. Right then there was no dizzy, none.
The Major said what about the speeddizzy to bring Terry to Jake?
I said, “It stopped.”
She said “when” in that frownie so-sharp voice, her straw hair sticking up. I said “Right then.” That spiky hair Major is mean, question question about time, seconds, point-seconds!
“We can access your internal clock, if we have to!”
I don’t like that internal clock word. I cross my arms careful of the tubes and frownie at her.
Mark said, “Just tell what happened best you can.” He patted my leg with his smiling hand.
Hands of Mark is easier than hard questions. “Don’t like her.” I made frownies and looked for the happyfun animals in the ceiling but the holoscreen was not there.
Major made a madnoise and left again. Hospital door was tired of her and opened so-fast to let her out.
Lisa brought me sweet yellow drink with swirly pink, so-good mouth-happy. She made flowing music from the wall. I closed my eyes, so-good.
That Major came back. I didn’t look at her.
“Go ahead, Billy,” Mark said, and he played back the machine.
“I don’t need that,” I told him. “The whole story is in my head perfect recall.” That’s what Jake said. Until Ship took it away, after every job, to clean up. Never that again. Everything now is mine to keep. Like this me-taste. And the heart hurt of no Jake. Mine.
Mark smiled big. “That’s great, Billy! Go ahead with your story.”
“OK Mark.”
I started again where I was before which was when Terry said, “You like to smile, don’t you, Bill?”
“Oh, yes,” I said. I smiled so-big. Terry understood! “Smiling is such a feeling good, so full of love.” He smiled back, nodding his head, making luminous beauty-dance on his hair, slippered fairy twinkling on sunbeams.
“Have you ever wanted to leave the ship?” Terry stopped.
I stopped too. No dizzy means I can choose. “Why would I leave? I’ve always been with Ship. Ship needs Jake and me, and we need Ship.”
Terry’s eyes got sad. “You weren’t born on the X-P ship, Bill, you or Jake. The ship took you from your parents when you were very young.”
I got buzz dizzy burst to get to Ship, fast, so I pulled Terry along. Buzz dizzy feels no-good. “I don’t know any parents,” I said. “Ship is so-good.”
We were at the wall of Ship, white angel skin glistening, pulses with the heart of the goodgod. I so-loved Ship!
The dizzy made Jake be waiting there, but he wasn’t on the dock, or in the lock looking down. No light on inside the lock. No dizzy. No Jake. My head felt no-good fuzzy, but I looked at Terry’s hair, all-colors in the lights, and my badhead went gone.
Then Terry slugged me.
How did that sliphappen? Here is maybe-reasons: After the order dizzy to bring Terry, Ship was suddenfast so-busy dizzy with greatlot datstream, and hazard-danger-alert, and Jake busy, too. Because of the Red Captain? Who so soon I knew was close-close? And Ship knew and—did Ship tell Jake?
Since the order, Ship wasn’t so close dizzy with me as usually, like dizzy to wrap cable wire around Terry this many wraps, tie cable such this certain way. So, when I wrap-tied Terry, I was so careful not to wrap tight, or tie sohard knots he wouldn’t get loose. Ship made no dizzy different.
Terry slipped those knots off next to Ship and smack! hit me with his fist, big hard. I was so-surprised! He smiled a so-big happysmile and smack! hit me again. I big-smiled back and smack! hit him. It was bigfun, happyfunny! We just hitting each other hard as we could, which was so hard! Both strong and big, him all muscular, and me with the bestever Ship strength all the time.
Up and down the dock we went, blue lights and green, gold lights winking on Terry’s so-shiny black hair, nebula glow blooming all beauty in the curling night of it. Me laughing and forgetting all about the take-Terry-to-Jake order, and him twisting and moving in my hands like so-close in the far-between but in ways I’d never known before without any hurting Ship parts.
Jake always said sorry, and if there was blood he sang me a poem. There was no hardsharp on Terry any different than me. It was the so-much happyfun I’d had ever, maybe!
Then I held Terry up, his body arms legs turning and all myself, I thought of something and I did that something and he just fellsprawled flat on his face on the crete. I’d done something I’d never done before, not just the so trickie with the knees, but no dizzy! No dizzy at all.
I fell down kneeling there by Terry and laughed from so-joy. That was my first me-taste. I had just one friendly hand on him to help him up when I looked up at a noise away over other side of dock and there was the Red Captain, Ship Killer, in her red suit, and she shot me.
She shot me seven ways from sunward with everything she had: mug-mugs and tingler spots, stuns and zappers, fogs and bleemers. I knew it was the Red Captain because Ship dizzied me a picture of her, a so-long-long time ago and Ship never fuzzied it. And Jake made a poem of it to help me member.
She was half as tall as me, with wispy silvery-rusty hair, her body slender and graceful as the bending windy grasses on Old Earth. Her face rough from long years in space, lonely in the far-between, and raw worlds and fierce. She looked now, that pico sec when she shot me, to be older and harder and rougher and fiercer even than that dizzy pic in my head.
Ship Killer. The dizzy fed me, and I knew it for true. She was so-smart to shoot me like that, laid me out in Hospital jiggly-gel for a week. If she hadn’t, my berserk would have zapped and Terry and the Captain and Jake if he was there would have been bits and smears on the walls and ceilings, bright splashy red on Ship’s angel skin.
I woke up as gentle Hospital people put on tubes and wires and lowered me into green jiggly-gel. UnShip people I knew reached their hands to mine so-close and warmheart: Amy Louise and David from the fire, Terry and other people I knew from Bill the Hero. I thought maybe I was going to look like Jake, wit
h Hospital parts instead of Ship parts, but they said no, it was to keep me alive from what the Captain shot me full of. When the damage was repaired it would all come away.
I was so afraid! No Jake, no sweet, no fuzzy, no strong, no feelgood, no dizzy for me at all. No dizzy! No Ship. Ship wasn’t. I shook and rattled—no dizzy to stop it!—but the Hospital people were gentle and so-kind and smiled a lot and said I would be fine, even though I heard doctor talk: so unusual, so amazing, never had been a withdrawal survivor. Must be something, must be, find out, they said.
I believed them, that I would be so-fine because Jake always told me I was the so-best, and they’d always been so-kind to me, and Terry made a punch in the air and said, “Hey, let’s do it again sometime for happyfun, eh, Bill?”
I smiled and tried to nod my head but I couldn’t move that much. I asked about Jake and they said they would look for him. And then I was submerged in green jiggly-gel for so-many days until I was on a bed wishing I could see Old Earth slidey scenes instead of straw hair red suit Major.
That Major said again “What do you mean, no dizzy? Wasn’t there no dizzy before?”
Mark smiled and patted me. “That’s an important question to answer, Willy.”
I had to think hard when he called me that name. I membered it from so-long ago. Far far deep deep. It made me forget the question and meanie Major so-frowned and said answer it. I looked at Mark and he smiled, and I told about humdizzy, how it is always there, even in far-between when Ship is so thin and quiet.
They said thank you. And that was a first time that spiky Major has gratitude, which is a so-big warm feeling.
Then Major and Mark stood up so straight and fast. The Red Captain came in with some other red and blue suit people I knew were important on Amor IX Colony. She big-smiled at me and said “Thank you, Bill. I am sorry I had to shoot you.”
I told her it was the right thing to do. Lisa had to give her a soft cloth.
They tried to explain about Ship but they had it all wrong first. They called it “a bad one, one of the rogue children.” They said Ship was using Jake and me to help it “take over the colony and copy itself.”