CHAPTER I
The morning that followed the fateful interview with Dounia andher mother brought sobering influences to bear on Pyotr Petrovitch.Intensely unpleasant as it was, he was forced little by little to acceptas a fact beyond recall what had seemed to him only the day beforefantastic and incredible. The black snake of wounded vanity had beengnawing at his heart all night. When he got out of bed, Pyotr Petrovitchimmediately looked in the looking-glass. He was afraid that he hadjaundice. However his health seemed unimpaired so far, and looking athis noble, clear-skinned countenance which had grown fattish oflate, Pyotr Petrovitch for an instant was positively comforted in theconviction that he would find another bride and, perhaps, even a betterone. But coming back to the sense of his present position, he turnedaside and spat vigorously, which excited a sarcastic smile in AndreySemyonovitch Lebeziatnikov, the young friend with whom he was staying.That smile Pyotr Petrovitch noticed, and at once set it down against hisyoung friend's account. He had set down a good many points against himof late. His anger was redoubled when he reflected that he ought not tohave told Andrey Semyonovitch about the result of yesterday's interview.That was the second mistake he had made in temper, through impulsivenessand irritability.... Moreover, all that morning one unpleasantnessfollowed another. He even found a hitch awaiting him in his legal casein the senate. He was particularly irritated by the owner of the flatwhich had been taken in view of his approaching marriage and was beingredecorated at his own expense; the owner, a rich German tradesman,would not entertain the idea of breaking the contract which had justbeen signed and insisted on the full forfeit money, though PyotrPetrovitch would be giving him back the flat practically redecorated. Inthe same way the upholsterers refused to return a single rouble of theinstalment paid for the furniture purchased but not yet removed to theflat.
"Am I to get married simply for the sake of the furniture?" PyotrPetrovitch ground his teeth and at the same time once more he had agleam of desperate hope. "Can all that be really so irrevocably over?Is it no use to make another effort?" The thought of Dounia sent avoluptuous pang through his heart. He endured anguish at that moment,and if it had been possible to slay Raskolnikov instantly by wishing it,Pyotr Petrovitch would promptly have uttered the wish.
"It was my mistake, too, not to have given them money," he thought, ashe returned dejectedly to Lebeziatnikov's room, "and why on earth was Isuch a Jew? It was false economy! I meant to keep them without a pennyso that they should turn to me as their providence, and look at them!foo! If I'd spent some fifteen hundred roubles on them for the trousseauand presents, on knick-knacks, dressing-cases, jewellery, materials, andall that sort of trash from Knopp's and the English shop, my positionwould have been better and... stronger! They could not have refused meso easily! They are the sort of people that would feel bound to returnmoney and presents if they broke it off; and they would find it hard todo it! And their conscience would prick them: how can we dismiss a manwho has hitherto been so generous and delicate?.... H'm! I've made ablunder."
And grinding his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovitch called himself afool--but not aloud, of course.
He returned home, twice as irritated and angry as before. Thepreparations for the funeral dinner at Katerina Ivanovna's excitedhis curiosity as he passed. He had heard about it the day before; hefancied, indeed, that he had been invited, but absorbed in his own careshe had paid no attention. Inquiring of Madame Lippevechsel who was busylaying the table while Katerina Ivanovna was away at the cemetery, heheard that the entertainment was to be a great affair, that all thelodgers had been invited, among them some who had not known the deadman, that even Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov was invited in spite ofhis previous quarrel with Katerina Ivanovna, that he, Pyotr Petrovitch,was not only invited, but was eagerly expected as he was the mostimportant of the lodgers. Amalia Ivanovna herself had been invited withgreat ceremony in spite of the recent unpleasantness, and so she wasvery busy with preparations and was taking a positive pleasure in them;she was moreover dressed up to the nines, all in new black silk, and shewas proud of it. All this suggested an idea to Pyotr Petrovitch and hewent into his room, or rather Lebeziatnikov's, somewhat thoughtful. Hehad learnt that Raskolnikov was to be one of the guests.
Andrey Semyonovitch had been at home all the morning. The attitude ofPyotr Petrovitch to this gentleman was strange, though perhaps natural.Pyotr Petrovitch had despised and hated him from the day he came to staywith him and at the same time he seemed somewhat afraid of him. Hehad not come to stay with him on his arrival in Petersburg simply fromparsimony, though that had been perhaps his chief object. He had heardof Andrey Semyonovitch, who had once been his ward, as a leading youngprogressive who was taking an important part in certain interestingcircles, the doings of which were a legend in the provinces. It hadimpressed Pyotr Petrovitch. These powerful omniscient circles whodespised everyone and showed everyone up had long inspired in him apeculiar but quite vague alarm. He had not, of course, been able to formeven an approximate notion of what they meant. He, like everyone, hadheard that there were, especially in Petersburg, progressives of somesort, nihilists and so on, and, like many people, he exaggerated anddistorted the significance of those words to an absurd degree. What formany years past he had feared more than anything was _being shownup_ and this was the chief ground for his continual uneasiness at thethought of transferring his business to Petersburg. He was afraid ofthis as little children are sometimes panic-stricken. Some years before,when he was just entering on his own career, he had come upon two casesin which rather important personages in the province, patrons of his,had been cruelly shown up. One instance had ended in great scandalfor the person attacked and the other had very nearly ended in serioustrouble. For this reason Pyotr Petrovitch intended to go into thesubject as soon as he reached Petersburg and, if necessary, toanticipate contingencies by seeking the favour of "our youngergeneration." He relied on Andrey Semyonovitch for this and beforehis visit to Raskolnikov he had succeeded in picking up some currentphrases. He soon discovered that Andrey Semyonovitch was a commonplacesimpleton, but that by no means reassured Pyotr Petrovitch. Even if hehad been certain that all the progressives were fools like him, itwould not have allayed his uneasiness. All the doctrines, the ideas, thesystems, with which Andrey Semyonovitch pestered him had no interest forhim. He had his own object--he simply wanted to find out at once whatwas happening _here_. Had these people any power or not? Had he anythingto fear from them? Would they expose any enterprise of his? And whatprecisely was now the object of their attacks? Could he somehow make upto them and get round them if they really were powerful? Was this thething to do or not? Couldn't he gain something through them? In facthundreds of questions presented themselves.
Andrey Semyonovitch was an anaemic, scrofulous little man, with strangelyflaxen mutton-chop whiskers of which he was very proud. He was a clerkand had almost always something wrong with his eyes. He was rathersoft-hearted, but self-confident and sometimes extremely conceited inspeech, which had an absurd effect, incongruous with his little figure.He was one of the lodgers most respected by Amalia Ivanovna, for he didnot get drunk and paid regularly for his lodgings. Andrey Semyonovitchreally was rather stupid; he attached himself to the cause of progressand "our younger generation" from enthusiasm. He was one of the numerousand varied legion of dullards, of half-animate abortions, conceited,half-educated coxcombs, who attach themselves to the idea most infashion only to vulgarise it and who caricature every cause they serve,however sincerely.
Though Lebeziatnikov was so good-natured, he, too, was beginning todislike Pyotr Petrovitch. This happened on both sides unconsciously.However simple Andrey Semyonovitch might be, he began to see that PyotrPetrovitch was duping him and secretly despising him, and that "he wasnot the right sort of man." He had tried expounding to him the system ofFourier and the Darwinian theory, but of late Pyotr Petrovitch began tolisten too sarcastically and even to be rude. The fact was he had beguninstinctively to guess that Lebeziatnikov was n
ot merely a commonplacesimpleton, but, perhaps, a liar, too, and that he had no connections ofany consequence even in his own circle, but had simply picked things upthird-hand; and that very likely he did not even know much about his ownwork of propaganda, for he was in too great a muddle. A fine person hewould be to show anyone up! It must be noted, by the way, that PyotrPetrovitch had during those ten days eagerly accepted the strangestpraise from Andrey Semyonovitch; he had not protested, for instance,when Andrey Semyonovitch belauded him for being ready to contribute tothe establishment of the new "commune," or to abstain from christeninghis future children, or to acquiesce if Dounia were to take a lover amonth after marriage, and so on. Pyotr Petrovitch so enjoyed hearinghis own praises that he did not disdain even such virtues when they wereattributed to him.
Pyotr Petrovitch had had occasion that morning to realise somefive-per-cent bonds and now he sat down to the table and counted overbundles of notes. Andrey Semyonovitch who hardly ever had any moneywalked about the room pretending to himself to look at all those banknotes with indifference and even contempt. Nothing would have convincedPyotr Petrovitch that Andrey Semyonovitch could really look on the moneyunmoved, and the latter, on his side, kept thinking bitterly that PyotrPetrovitch was capable of entertaining such an idea about him andwas, perhaps, glad of the opportunity of teasing his young friend byreminding him of his inferiority and the great difference between them.
He found him incredibly inattentive and irritable, though he, AndreySemyonovitch, began enlarging on his favourite subject, the foundationof a new special "commune." The brief remarks that dropped from PyotrPetrovitch between the clicking of the beads on the reckoning framebetrayed unmistakable and discourteous irony. But the "humane" AndreySemyonovitch ascribed Pyotr Petrovitch's ill-humour to his recent breachwith Dounia and he was burning with impatience to discourse on thattheme. He had something progressive to say on the subject whichmight console his worthy friend and "could not fail" to promote hisdevelopment.
"There is some sort of festivity being prepared at that... at thewidow's, isn't there?" Pyotr Petrovitch asked suddenly, interruptingAndrey Semyonovitch at the most interesting passage.
"Why, don't you know? Why, I was telling you last night what I thinkabout all such ceremonies. And she invited you too, I heard. You weretalking to her yesterday..."
"I should never have expected that beggarly fool would have spent onthis feast all the money she got from that other fool, Raskolnikov. Iwas surprised just now as I came through at the preparations there, thewines! Several people are invited. It's beyond everything!" continuedPyotr Petrovitch, who seemed to have some object in pursuing theconversation. "What? You say I am asked too? When was that? I don'tremember. But I shan't go. Why should I? I only said a word to her inpassing yesterday of the possibility of her obtaining a year's salary asa destitute widow of a government clerk. I suppose she has invited me onthat account, hasn't she? He-he-he!"
"I don't intend to go either," said Lebeziatnikov.
"I should think not, after giving her a thrashing! You might wellhesitate, he-he!"
"Who thrashed? Whom?" cried Lebeziatnikov, flustered and blushing.
"Why, you thrashed Katerina Ivanovna a month ago. I heard soyesterday... so that's what your convictions amount to... and the womanquestion, too, wasn't quite sound, he-he-he!" and Pyotr Petrovitch, asthough comforted, went back to clicking his beads.
"It's all slander and nonsense!" cried Lebeziatnikov, who was alwaysafraid of allusions to the subject. "It was not like that at all, itwas quite different. You've heard it wrong; it's a libel. I was simplydefending myself. She rushed at me first with her nails, she pulledout all my whiskers.... It's permissable for anyone, I should hope,to defend himself and I never allow anyone to use violence to me onprinciple, for it's an act of despotism. What was I to do? I simplypushed her back."
"He-he-he!" Luzhin went on laughing maliciously.
"You keep on like that because you are out of humour yourself.... Butthat's nonsense and it has nothing, nothing whatever to do with thewoman question! You don't understand; I used to think, indeed, thatif women are equal to men in all respects, even in strength (as ismaintained now) there ought to be equality in that, too. Of course, Ireflected afterwards that such a question ought not really to arise,for there ought not to be fighting and in the future society fighting isunthinkable... and that it would be a queer thing to seek for equalityin fighting. I am not so stupid... though, of course, there isfighting... there won't be later, but at present there is... confoundit! How muddled one gets with you! It's not on that account that Iam not going. I am not going on principle, not to take part in therevolting convention of memorial dinners, that's why! Though, of course,one might go to laugh at it.... I am sorry there won't be any priests atit. I should certainly go if there were."
"Then you would sit down at another man's table and insult it and thosewho invited you. Eh?"
"Certainly not insult, but protest. I should do it with a good object. Imight indirectly assist the cause of enlightenment and propaganda. It'sa duty of every man to work for enlightenment and propaganda and themore harshly, perhaps, the better. I might drop a seed, an idea.... Andsomething might grow up from that seed. How should I be insulting them?They might be offended at first, but afterwards they'd see I'd done thema service. You know, Terebyeva (who is in the community now) was blamedbecause when she left her family and... devoted... herself, she wrote toher father and mother that she wouldn't go on living conventionally andwas entering on a free marriage and it was said that that was too harsh,that she might have spared them and have written more kindly. I thinkthat's all nonsense and there's no need of softness; on the contrary,what's wanted is protest. Varents had been married seven years, sheabandoned her two children, she told her husband straight out in aletter: 'I have realised that I cannot be happy with you. I can neverforgive you that you have deceived me by concealing from me that thereis another organisation of society by means of the communities. I haveonly lately learned it from a great-hearted man to whom I have givenmyself and with whom I am establishing a community. I speak plainlybecause I consider it dishonest to deceive you. Do as you think best.Do not hope to get me back, you are too late. I hope you will be happy.'That's how letters like that ought to be written!"
"Is that Terebyeva the one you said had made a third free marriage?"
"No, it's only the second, really! But what if it were the fourth, whatif it were the fifteenth, that's all nonsense! And if ever I regrettedthe death of my father and mother, it is now, and I sometimes thinkif my parents were living what a protest I would have aimed at them! Iwould have done something on purpose... I would have shown them! I wouldhave astonished them! I am really sorry there is no one!"
"To surprise! He-he! Well, be that as you will," Pyotr Petrovitchinterrupted, "but tell me this; do you know the dead man's daughter, thedelicate-looking little thing? It's true what they say about her, isn'tit?"
"What of it? I think, that is, it is my own personal conviction thatthis is the normal condition of women. Why not? I mean, _distinguons_.In our present society it is not altogether normal, because it iscompulsory, but in the future society it will be perfectly normal,because it will be voluntary. Even as it is, she was quite right: shewas suffering and that was her asset, so to speak, her capital whichshe had a perfect right to dispose of. Of course, in the futuresociety there will be no need of assets, but her part will have anothersignificance, rational and in harmony with her environment. As to SofyaSemyonovna personally, I regard her action as a vigorous protest againstthe organisation of society, and I respect her deeply for it; I rejoiceindeed when I look at her!"
"I was told that you got her turned out of these lodgings."
Lebeziatnikov was enraged.
"That's another slander," he yelled. "It was not so at all! That was allKaterina Ivanovna's invention, for she did not understand! And I nevermade love to Sofya Semyonovna! I was simply developing her, entirelydisinterestedly, trying to rous
e her to protest.... All I wanted was herprotest and Sofya Semyonovna could not have remained here anyway!"
"Have you asked her to join your community?"
"You keep on laughing and very inappropriately, allow me to tellyou. You don't understand! There is no such role in a community. Thecommunity is established that there should be no such roles. In acommunity, such a role is essentially transformed and what is stupidhere is sensible there, what, under present conditions, is unnaturalbecomes perfectly natural in the community. It all depends on theenvironment. It's all the environment and man himself is nothing. AndI am on good terms with Sofya Semyonovna to this day, which is a proofthat she never regarded me as having wronged her. I am trying now toattract her to the community, but on quite, quite a different footing.What are you laughing at? We are trying to establish a community ofour own, a special one, on a broader basis. We have gone further in ourconvictions. We reject more! And meanwhile I'm still developing SofyaSemyonovna. She has a beautiful, beautiful character!"
"And you take advantage of her fine character, eh? He-he!"
"No, no! Oh, no! On the contrary."
"Oh, on the contrary! He-he-he! A queer thing to say!"
"Believe me! Why should I disguise it? In fact, I feel it strange myselfhow timid, chaste and modern she is with me!"
"And you, of course, are developing her... he-he! trying to prove to herthat all that modesty is nonsense?"
"Not at all, not at all! How coarsely, how stupidly--excuse me sayingso--you misunderstand the word development! Good heavens, how... crudeyou still are! We are striving for the freedom of women and you haveonly one idea in your head.... Setting aside the general questionof chastity and feminine modesty as useless in themselves and indeedprejudices, I fully accept her chastity with me, because that's for herto decide. Of course if she were to tell me herself that she wanted me,I should think myself very lucky, because I like the girl very much; butas it is, no one has ever treated her more courteously than I, with morerespect for her dignity... I wait in hopes, that's all!"
"You had much better make her a present of something. I bet you neverthought of that."
"You don't understand, as I've told you already! Of course, she is insuch a position, but it's another question. Quite another question!You simply despise her. Seeing a fact which you mistakenly considerdeserving of contempt, you refuse to take a humane view of a fellowcreature. You don't know what a character she is! I am only sorry thatof late she has quite given up reading and borrowing books. I usedto lend them to her. I am sorry, too, that with all the energy andresolution in protesting--which she has already shown once--she haslittle self-reliance, little, so to say, independence, so as tobreak free from certain prejudices and certain foolish ideas. Yet shethoroughly understands some questions, for instance about kissing ofhands, that is, that it's an insult to a woman for a man to kiss herhand, because it's a sign of inequality. We had a debate about it andI described it to her. She listened attentively to an account of theworkmen's associations in France, too. Now I am explaining the questionof coming into the room in the future society."
"And what's that, pray?"
"We had a debate lately on the question: Has a member of the communitythe right to enter another member's room, whether man or woman, at anytime... and we decided that he has!"
"It might be at an inconvenient moment, he-he!"
Lebeziatnikov was really angry.
"You are always thinking of something unpleasant," he cried withaversion. "Tfoo! How vexed I am that when I was expounding our system, Ireferred prematurely to the question of personal privacy! It's alwaysa stumbling-block to people like you, they turn it into ridicule beforethey understand it. And how proud they are of it, too! Tfoo! I've oftenmaintained that that question should not be approached by a novice tillhe has a firm faith in the system. And tell me, please, what do youfind so shameful even in cesspools? I should be the first to be readyto clean out any cesspool you like. And it's not a question ofself-sacrifice, it's simply work, honourable, useful work which isas good as any other and much better than the work of a Raphael and aPushkin, because it is more useful."
"And more honourable, more honourable, he-he-he!"
"What do you mean by 'more honourable'? I don't understand suchexpressions to describe human activity. 'More honourable,' 'nobler'--allthose are old-fashioned prejudices which I reject. Everything which is_of use_ to mankind is honourable. I only understand one word: _useful_!You can snigger as much as you like, but that's so!"
Pyotr Petrovitch laughed heartily. He had finished counting the moneyand was putting it away. But some of the notes he left on the table. The"cesspool question" had already been a subject of dispute between them.What was absurd was that it made Lebeziatnikov really angry, while itamused Luzhin and at that moment he particularly wanted to anger hisyoung friend.
"It's your ill-luck yesterday that makes you so ill-humoured andannoying," blurted out Lebeziatnikov, who in spite of his "independence"and his "protests" did not venture to oppose Pyotr Petrovitch and stillbehaved to him with some of the respect habitual in earlier years.
"You'd better tell me this," Pyotr Petrovitch interrupted with haughtydispleasure, "can you... or rather are you really friendly enough withthat young person to ask her to step in here for a minute? I thinkthey've all come back from the cemetery... I heard the sound ofsteps... I want to see her, that young person."
"What for?" Lebeziatnikov asked with surprise.
"Oh, I want to. I am leaving here to-day or to-morrow and therefore Iwanted to speak to her about... However, you may be present during theinterview. It's better you should be, indeed. For there's no knowingwhat you might imagine."
"I shan't imagine anything. I only asked and, if you've anything to sayto her, nothing is easier than to call her in. I'll go directly and youmay be sure I won't be in your way."
Five minutes later Lebeziatnikov came in with Sonia. She came in verymuch surprised and overcome with shyness as usual. She was always shy insuch circumstances and was always afraid of new people, she had been asa child and was even more so now.... Pyotr Petrovitch met her "politelyand affably," but with a certain shade of bantering familiarity which inhis opinion was suitable for a man of his respectability and weightin dealing with a creature so young and so _interesting_ as she. Hehastened to "reassure" her and made her sit down facing him at thetable. Sonia sat down, looked about her--at Lebeziatnikov, at the noteslying on the table and then again at Pyotr Petrovitch and her eyesremained riveted on him. Lebeziatnikov was moving to the door. PyotrPetrovitch signed to Sonia to remain seated and stopped Lebeziatnikov.
"Is Raskolnikov in there? Has he come?" he asked him in a whisper.
"Raskolnikov? Yes. Why? Yes, he is there. I saw him just come in....Why?"
"Well, I particularly beg you to remain here with us and not to leaveme alone with this... young woman. I only want a few words with her,but God knows what they may make of it. I shouldn't like Raskolnikov torepeat anything.... You understand what I mean?"
"I understand!" Lebeziatnikov saw the point. "Yes, you are right.... Ofcourse, I am convinced personally that you have no reason to be uneasy,but... still, you are right. Certainly I'll stay. I'll stand here at thewindow and not be in your way... I think you are right..."
Pyotr Petrovitch returned to the sofa, sat down opposite Sonia, lookedattentively at her and assumed an extremely dignified, even severeexpression, as much as to say, "don't you make any mistake, madam."Sonia was overwhelmed with embarrassment.
"In the first place, Sofya Semyonovna, will you make my excuses to yourrespected mamma.... That's right, isn't it? Katerina Ivanovna standsin the place of a mother to you?" Pyotr Petrovitch began with greatdignity, though affably.
It was evident that his intentions were friendly.
"Quite so, yes; the place of a mother," Sonia answered, timidly andhurriedly.
"Then will you make my apologies to her? Through inevitablecircumstances I am forced to be absent and shall
not be at the dinner inspite of your mamma's kind invitation."
"Yes... I'll tell her... at once."
And Sonia hastily jumped up from her seat.
"Wait, that's not all," Pyotr Petrovitch detained her, smiling at hersimplicity and ignorance of good manners, "and you know me little, mydear Sofya Semyonovna, if you suppose I would have ventured to troublea person like you for a matter of so little consequence affecting myselfonly. I have another object."
Sonia sat down hurriedly. Her eyes rested again for an instant on thegrey-and-rainbow-coloured notes that remained on the table, but shequickly looked away and fixed her eyes on Pyotr Petrovitch. She felt ithorribly indecorous, especially for _her_, to look at another person'smoney. She stared at the gold eye-glass which Pyotr Petrovitch heldin his left hand and at the massive and extremely handsome ring with ayellow stone on his middle finger. But suddenly she looked away and, notknowing where to turn, ended by staring Pyotr Petrovitch again straightin the face. After a pause of still greater dignity he continued.
"I chanced yesterday in passing to exchange a couple of words withKaterina Ivanovna, poor woman. That was sufficient to enable me toascertain that she is in a position--preternatural, if one may soexpress it."
"Yes... preternatural..." Sonia hurriedly assented.
"Or it would be simpler and more comprehensible to say, ill."
"Yes, simpler and more comprehen... yes, ill."
"Quite so. So then from a feeling of humanity and so to speakcompassion, I should be glad to be of service to her in any way,foreseeing her unfortunate position. I believe the whole of thispoverty-stricken family depends now entirely on you?"
"Allow me to ask," Sonia rose to her feet, "did you say something to heryesterday of the possibility of a pension? Because she told me you hadundertaken to get her one. Was that true?"
"Not in the slightest, and indeed it's an absurdity! I merely hinted ather obtaining temporary assistance as the widow of an official who haddied in the service--if only she has patronage... but apparently yourlate parent had not served his full term and had not indeed been in theservice at all of late. In fact, if there could be any hope, it would bevery ephemeral, because there would be no claim for assistance inthat case, far from it.... And she is dreaming of a pension already,he-he-he!... A go-ahead lady!"
"Yes, she is. For she is credulous and good-hearted, and she believeseverything from the goodness of her heart and... and... and she is likethat... yes... You must excuse her," said Sonia, and again she got up togo.
"But you haven't heard what I have to say."
"No, I haven't heard," muttered Sonia.
"Then sit down." She was terribly confused; she sat down again a thirdtime.
"Seeing her position with her unfortunate little ones, I should be glad,as I have said before, so far as lies in my power, to be of service,that is, so far as is in my power, not more. One might for instance getup a subscription for her, or a lottery, something of the sort, such asis always arranged in such cases by friends or even outsiders desirousof assisting people. It was of that I intended to speak to you; it mightbe done."
"Yes, yes... God will repay you for it," faltered Sonia, gazing intentlyat Pyotr Petrovitch.
"It might be, but we will talk of it later. We might begin it to-day, wewill talk it over this evening and lay the foundation so to speak. Cometo me at seven o'clock. Mr. Lebeziatnikov, I hope, will assist us. Butthere is one circumstance of which I ought to warn you beforehand andfor which I venture to trouble you, Sofya Semyonovna, to come here. Inmy opinion money cannot be, indeed it's unsafe to put it into KaterinaIvanovna's own hands. The dinner to-day is a proof of that. Though shehas not, so to speak, a crust of bread for to-morrow and... well, bootsor shoes, or anything; she has bought to-day Jamaica rum, and even,I believe, Madeira and... and coffee. I saw it as I passed through.To-morrow it will all fall upon you again, they won't have a crust ofbread. It's absurd, really, and so, to my thinking, a subscription oughtto be raised so that the unhappy widow should not know of the money, butonly you, for instance. Am I right?"
"I don't know... this is only to-day, once in her life.... She wasso anxious to do honour, to celebrate the memory.... And she is verysensible... but just as you think and I shall be very, very... they willall be... and God will reward... and the orphans..."
Sonia burst into tears.
"Very well, then, keep it in mind; and now will you accept for thebenefit of your relation the small sum that I am able to spare, from mepersonally. I am very anxious that my name should not be mentioned inconnection with it. Here... having so to speak anxieties of my own, Icannot do more..."
And Pyotr Petrovitch held out to Sonia a ten-rouble note carefullyunfolded. Sonia took it, flushed crimson, jumped up, muttered somethingand began taking leave. Pyotr Petrovitch accompanied her ceremoniouslyto the door. She got out of the room at last, agitated and distressed,and returned to Katerina Ivanovna, overwhelmed with confusion.
All this time Lebeziatnikov had stood at the window or walked about theroom, anxious not to interrupt the conversation; when Sonia had gone hewalked up to Pyotr Petrovitch and solemnly held out his hand.
"I heard and _saw_ everything," he said, laying stress on the last verb."That is honourable, I mean to say, it's humane! You wanted to avoidgratitude, I saw! And although I cannot, I confess, in principlesympathise with private charity, for it not only fails to eradicate theevil but even promotes it, yet I must admit that I saw your action withpleasure--yes, yes, I like it."
"That's all nonsense," muttered Pyotr Petrovitch, somewhat disconcerted,looking carefully at Lebeziatnikov.
"No, it's not nonsense! A man who has suffered distress and annoyance asyou did yesterday and who yet can sympathise with the misery of others,such a man... even though he is making a social mistake--is stilldeserving of respect! I did not expect it indeed of you, PyotrPetrovitch, especially as according to your ideas... oh, what a drawbackyour ideas are to you! How distressed you are for instance by yourill-luck yesterday," cried the simple-hearted Lebeziatnikov, who felta return of affection for Pyotr Petrovitch. "And, what do you want withmarriage, with _legal_ marriage, my dear, noble Pyotr Petrovitch? Why doyou cling to this _legality_ of marriage? Well, you may beat me if youlike, but I am glad, positively glad it hasn't come off, that you arefree, that you are not quite lost for humanity.... you see, I've spokenmy mind!"
"Because I don't want in your free marriage to be made a fool of andto bring up another man's children, that's why I want legal marriage,"Luzhin replied in order to make some answer.
He seemed preoccupied by something.
"Children? You referred to children," Lebeziatnikov started off likea warhorse at the trumpet call. "Children are a social question and aquestion of first importance, I agree; but the question of children hasanother solution. Some refuse to have children altogether, because theysuggest the institution of the family. We'll speak of children later,but now as to the question of honour, I confess that's my weak point.That horrid, military, Pushkin expression is unthinkable in thedictionary of the future. What does it mean indeed? It's nonsense,there will be no deception in a free marriage! That is only the naturalconsequence of a legal marriage, so to say, its corrective, a protest.So that indeed it's not humiliating... and if I ever, to suppose anabsurdity, were to be legally married, I should be positively glad ofit. I should say to my wife: 'My dear, hitherto I have loved you, nowI respect you, for you've shown you can protest!' You laugh! That'sbecause you are incapable of getting away from prejudices. Confoundit all! I understand now where the unpleasantness is of being deceivedin a legal marriage, but it's simply a despicable consequence of adespicable position in which both are humiliated. When the deception isopen, as in a free marriage, then it does not exist, it's unthinkable.Your wife will only prove how she respects you by considering youincapable of opposing her happiness and avenging yourself on her forher new husband. Damn it all! I sometimes dream if I were to be married,pfoo! I mean if I were to marry, le
gally or not, it's just the same,I should present my wife with a lover if she had not found one forherself. 'My dear,' I should say, 'I love you, but even more than that Idesire you to respect me. See!' Am I not right?"
Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened, but without much merriment.He hardly heard it indeed. He was preoccupied with something else andeven Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it. Pyotr Petrovitch seemed excitedand rubbed his hands. Lebeziatnikov remembered all this and reflectedupon it afterwards.