CHAPTER III
He waked up late next day after a broken sleep. But his sleep had notrefreshed him; he waked up bilious, irritable, ill-tempered, and lookedwith hatred at his room. It was a tiny cupboard of a room about sixpaces in length. It had a poverty-stricken appearance with its dustyyellow paper peeling off the walls, and it was so low-pitched that a manof more than average height was ill at ease in it and felt every momentthat he would knock his head against the ceiling. The furniture was inkeeping with the room: there were three old chairs, rather rickety; apainted table in the corner on which lay a few manuscripts and books;the dust that lay thick upon them showed that they had been longuntouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the whole of one wall andhalf the floor space of the room; it was once covered with chintz, butwas now in rags and served Raskolnikov as a bed. Often he went to sleepon it, as he was, without undressing, without sheets, wrapped in his oldstudent's overcoat, with his head on one little pillow, under which heheaped up all the linen he had, clean and dirty, by way of a bolster. Alittle table stood in front of the sofa.
It would have been difficult to sink to a lower ebb of disorder, but toRaskolnikov in his present state of mind this was positively agreeable.He had got completely away from everyone, like a tortoise in its shell,and even the sight of a servant girl who had to wait upon him and lookedsometimes into his room made him writhe with nervous irritation. He wasin the condition that overtakes some monomaniacs entirely concentratedupon one thing. His landlady had for the last fortnight given up sendinghim in meals, and he had not yet thought of expostulating with her,though he went without his dinner. Nastasya, the cook and only servant,was rather pleased at the lodger's mood and had entirely given upsweeping and doing his room, only once a week or so she would stray intohis room with a broom. She waked him up that day.
"Get up, why are you asleep?" she called to him. "It's past nine, I havebrought you some tea; will you have a cup? I should think you're fairlystarving?"
Raskolnikov opened his eyes, started and recognised Nastasya.
"From the landlady, eh?" he asked, slowly and with a sickly face sittingup on the sofa.
"From the landlady, indeed!"
She set before him her own cracked teapot full of weak and stale tea andlaid two yellow lumps of sugar by the side of it.
"Here, Nastasya, take it please," he said, fumbling in his pocket (forhe had slept in his clothes) and taking out a handful of coppers--"runand buy me a loaf. And get me a little sausage, the cheapest, at thepork-butcher's."
"The loaf I'll fetch you this very minute, but wouldn't you rather havesome cabbage soup instead of sausage? It's capital soup, yesterday's. Isaved it for you yesterday, but you came in late. It's fine soup."
When the soup had been brought, and he had begun upon it, Nastasyasat down beside him on the sofa and began chatting. She was a countrypeasant-woman and a very talkative one.
"Praskovya Pavlovna means to complain to the police about you," shesaid.
He scowled.
"To the police? What does she want?"
"You don't pay her money and you won't turn out of the room. That's whatshe wants, to be sure."
"The devil, that's the last straw," he muttered, grinding his teeth,"no, that would not suit me... just now. She is a fool," he added aloud."I'll go and talk to her to-day."
"Fool she is and no mistake, just as I am. But why, if you are soclever, do you lie here like a sack and have nothing to show for it? Onetime you used to go out, you say, to teach children. But why is it youdo nothing now?"
"I am doing..." Raskolnikov began sullenly and reluctantly.
"What are you doing?"
"Work..."
"What sort of work?"
"I am thinking," he answered seriously after a pause.
Nastasya was overcome with a fit of laughter. She was given to laughterand when anything amused her, she laughed inaudibly, quivering andshaking all over till she felt ill.
"And have you made much money by your thinking?" she managed toarticulate at last.
"One can't go out to give lessons without boots. And I'm sick of it."
"Don't quarrel with your bread and butter."
"They pay so little for lessons. What's the use of a few coppers?" heanswered, reluctantly, as though replying to his own thought.
"And you want to get a fortune all at once?"
He looked at her strangely.
"Yes, I want a fortune," he answered firmly, after a brief pause.
"Don't be in such a hurry, you quite frighten me! Shall I get you theloaf or not?"
"As you please."
"Ah, I forgot! A letter came for you yesterday when you were out."
"A letter? for me! from whom?"
"I can't say. I gave three copecks of my own to the postman for it. Willyou pay me back?"
"Then bring it to me, for God's sake, bring it," cried Raskolnikovgreatly excited--"good God!"
A minute later the letter was brought him. That was it: from his mother,from the province of R----. He turned pale when he took it. It was along while since he had received a letter, but another feeling alsosuddenly stabbed his heart.
"Nastasya, leave me alone, for goodness' sake; here are your threecopecks, but for goodness' sake, make haste and go!"
The letter was quivering in his hand; he did not want to open it in herpresence; he wanted to be left _alone_ with this letter. When Nastasyahad gone out, he lifted it quickly to his lips and kissed it; then hegazed intently at the address, the small, sloping handwriting, so dearand familiar, of the mother who had once taught him to read and write.He delayed; he seemed almost afraid of something. At last he opened it;it was a thick heavy letter, weighing over two ounces, two large sheetsof note paper were covered with very small handwriting.
"My dear Rodya," wrote his mother--"it's two months since I last had atalk with you by letter which has distressed me and even kept meawake at night, thinking. But I am sure you will not blame me for myinevitable silence. You know how I love you; you are all we have to lookto, Dounia and I, you are our all, our one hope, our one stay. What agrief it was to me when I heard that you had given up the universitysome months ago, for want of means to keep yourself and that you hadlost your lessons and your other work! How could I help you out of myhundred and twenty roubles a year pension? The fifteen roubles I sentyou four months ago I borrowed, as you know, on security of my pension,from Vassily Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant of this town. He is akind-hearted man and was a friend of your father's too. But having givenhim the right to receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt waspaid off and that is only just done, so that I've been unable to sendyou anything all this time. But now, thank God, I believe I shallbe able to send you something more and in fact we may congratulateourselves on our good fortune now, of which I hasten to inform you. Inthe first place, would you have guessed, dear Rodya, that your sisterhas been living with me for the last six weeks and we shall not beseparated in the future. Thank God, her sufferings are over, but I willtell you everything in order, so that you may know just how everythinghas happened and all that we have hitherto concealed from you. When youwrote to me two months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a greatdeal to put up with in the Svidrigrailovs' house, when you wrote thatand asked me to tell you all about it--what could I write in answer toyou? If I had written the whole truth to you, I dare say you would havethrown up everything and have come to us, even if you had to walk allthe way, for I know your character and your feelings, and you would notlet your sister be insulted. I was in despair myself, but what could Ido? And, besides, I did not know the whole truth myself then. Whatmade it all so difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roublesin advance when she took the place as governess in their family, oncondition of part of her salary being deducted every month, and so itwas impossible to throw up the situation without repaying the debt.This sum (now I can explain it all to you, my precious Rodya) she tookchiefly in order to send you sixty roubles, which you needed so terrib
lythen and which you received from us last year. We deceived you then,writing that this money came from Dounia's savings, but that was notso, and now I tell you all about it, because, thank God, things havesuddenly changed for the better, and that you may know how Dounia lovesyou and what a heart she has. At first indeed Mr. Svidrigailov treatedher very rudely and used to make disrespectful and jeering remarks attable.... But I don't want to go into all those painful details, so asnot to worry you for nothing when it is now all over. In short, in spiteof the kind and generous behaviour of Marfa Petrovna, Mr. Svidrigailov'swife, and all the rest of the household, Dounia had a very hard time,especially when Mr. Svidrigailov, relapsing into his old regimentalhabits, was under the influence of Bacchus. And how do you think itwas all explained later on? Would you believe that the crazy fellow hadconceived a passion for Dounia from the beginning, but had concealedit under a show of rudeness and contempt. Possibly he was ashamed andhorrified himself at his own flighty hopes, considering his years andhis being the father of a family; and that made him angry with Dounia.And possibly, too, he hoped by his rude and sneering behaviour to hidethe truth from others. But at last he lost all control and had the faceto make Dounia an open and shameful proposal, promising her all sorts ofinducements and offering, besides, to throw up everything and take herto another estate of his, or even abroad. You can imagine all she wentthrough! To leave her situation at once was impossible not only onaccount of the money debt, but also to spare the feelings of MarfaPetrovna, whose suspicions would have been aroused: and then Douniawould have been the cause of a rupture in the family. And it wouldhave meant a terrible scandal for Dounia too; that would have beeninevitable. There were various other reasons owing to which Dounia couldnot hope to escape from that awful house for another six weeks. You knowDounia, of course; you know how clever she is and what a strong will shehas. Dounia can endure a great deal and even in the most difficult casesshe has the fortitude to maintain her firmness. She did not even writeto me about everything for fear of upsetting me, although we wereconstantly in communication. It all ended very unexpectedly. MarfaPetrovna accidentally overheard her husband imploring Dounia in thegarden, and, putting quite a wrong interpretation on the position, threwthe blame upon her, believing her to be the cause of it all. An awfulscene took place between them on the spot in the garden; Marfa Petrovnawent so far as to strike Dounia, refused to hear anything and wasshouting at her for a whole hour and then gave orders that Dounia shouldbe packed off at once to me in a plain peasant's cart, into which theyflung all her things, her linen and her clothes, all pell-mell, withoutfolding it up and packing it. And a heavy shower of rain came on, too,and Dounia, insulted and put to shame, had to drive with a peasant in anopen cart all the seventeen versts into town. Only think now what answercould I have sent to the letter I received from you two months ago andwhat could I have written? I was in despair; I dared not write toyou the truth because you would have been very unhappy, mortifiedand indignant, and yet what could you do? You could only perhaps ruinyourself, and, besides, Dounia would not allow it; and fill up my letterwith trifles when my heart was so full of sorrow, I could not. For awhole month the town was full of gossip about this scandal, and it cameto such a pass that Dounia and I dared not even go to church on accountof the contemptuous looks, whispers, and even remarks made aloud aboutus. All our acquaintances avoided us, nobody even bowed to us in thestreet, and I learnt that some shopmen and clerks were intending toinsult us in a shameful way, smearing the gates of our house with pitch,so that the landlord began to tell us we must leave. All this was setgoing by Marfa Petrovna who managed to slander Dounia and throw dirt ather in every family. She knows everyone in the neighbourhood, and thatmonth she was continually coming into the town, and as she israther talkative and fond of gossiping about her family affairs andparticularly of complaining to all and each of her husband--which is notat all right--so in a short time she had spread her story not only inthe town, but over the whole surrounding district. It made me ill, butDounia bore it better than I did, and if only you could have seen howshe endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer me up! She isan angel! But by God's mercy, our sufferings were cut short: Mr.Svidrigailov returned to his senses and repented and, probablyfeeling sorry for Dounia, he laid before Marfa Petrovna a complete andunmistakable proof of Dounia's innocence, in the form of a letter Douniahad been forced to write and give to him, before Marfa Petrovnacame upon them in the garden. This letter, which remained in Mr.Svidrigailov's hands after her departure, she had written to refusepersonal explanations and secret interviews, for which he was entreatingher. In that letter she reproached him with great heat and indignationfor the baseness of his behaviour in regard to Marfa Petrovna, remindinghim that he was the father and head of a family and telling him howinfamous it was of him to torment and make unhappy a defenceless girl,unhappy enough already. Indeed, dear Rodya, the letter was so nobly andtouchingly written that I sobbed when I read it and to this day I cannotread it without tears. Moreover, the evidence of the servants, too,cleared Dounia's reputation; they had seen and known a great deal morethan Mr. Svidrigailov had himself supposed--as indeed is always the casewith servants. Marfa Petrovna was completely taken aback, and 'againcrushed' as she said herself to us, but she was completely convinced ofDounia's innocence. The very next day, being Sunday, she went straightto the Cathedral, knelt down and prayed with tears to Our Lady to giveher strength to bear this new trial and to do her duty. Then shecame straight from the Cathedral to us, told us the whole story, weptbitterly and, fully penitent, she embraced Dounia and besought her toforgive her. The same morning without any delay, she went round to allthe houses in the town and everywhere, shedding tears, she asserted inthe most flattering terms Dounia's innocence and the nobility ofher feelings and her behavior. What was more, she showed and read toeveryone the letter in Dounia's own handwriting to Mr. Svidrigailov andeven allowed them to take copies of it--which I must say I think wassuperfluous. In this way she was busy for several days in driving aboutthe whole town, because some people had taken offence through precedencehaving been given to others. And therefore they had to take turns, sothat in every house she was expected before she arrived, and everyoneknew that on such and such a day Marfa Petrovna would be reading theletter in such and such a place and people assembled for every readingof it, even many who had heard it several times already both in theirown houses and in other people's. In my opinion a great deal, a verygreat deal of all this was unnecessary; but that's Marfa Petrovna'scharacter. Anyway she succeeded in completely re-establishing Dounia'sreputation and the whole ignominy of this affair rested as an indelibledisgrace upon her husband, as the only person to blame, so that I reallybegan to feel sorry for him; it was really treating the crazy fellow tooharshly. Dounia was at once asked to give lessons in several families,but she refused. All of a sudden everyone began to treat her with markedrespect and all this did much to bring about the event by which, one maysay, our whole fortunes are now transformed. You must know, dear Rodya,that Dounia has a suitor and that she has already consented to marryhim. I hasten to tell you all about the matter, and though it has beenarranged without asking your consent, I think you will not be aggrievedwith me or with your sister on that account, for you will see that wecould not wait and put off our decision till we heard from you. And youcould not have judged all the facts without being on the spot. Thiswas how it happened. He is already of the rank of a counsellor, PyotrPetrovitch Luzhin, and is distantly related to Marfa Petrovna, whohas been very active in bringing the match about. It began with hisexpressing through her his desire to make our acquaintance. He wasproperly received, drank coffee with us and the very next day he sentus a letter in which he very courteously made an offer and begged for aspeedy and decided answer. He is a very busy man and is in a great hurryto get to Petersburg, so that every moment is precious to him. At first,of course, we were greatly surprised, as it had all happened so quicklyand unexpectedly. We thought and talked it over the whole day. He is awell-
to-do man, to be depended upon, he has two posts in the governmentand has already made his fortune. It is true that he is forty-five yearsold, but he is of a fairly prepossessing appearance and might still bethought attractive by women, and he is altogether a very respectable andpresentable man, only he seems a little morose and somewhat conceited.But possibly that may only be the impression he makes at first sight.And beware, dear Rodya, when he comes to Petersburg, as he shortly willdo, beware of judging him too hastily and severely, as your way is, ifthere is anything you do not like in him at first sight. I give you thiswarning, although I feel sure that he will make a favourable impressionupon you. Moreover, in order to understand any man one must bedeliberate and careful to avoid forming prejudices and mistaken ideas,which are very difficult to correct and get over afterwards. And PyotrPetrovitch, judging by many indications, is a thoroughly estimable man.At his first visit, indeed, he told us that he was a practical man, butstill he shares, as he expressed it, many of the convictions 'of ourmost rising generation' and he is an opponent of all prejudices. Hesaid a good deal more, for he seems a little conceited and likes to belistened to, but this is scarcely a vice. I, of course, understood verylittle of it, but Dounia explained to me that, though he is not a manof great education, he is clever and seems to be good-natured. You knowyour sister's character, Rodya. She is a resolute, sensible, patient andgenerous girl, but she has a passionate heart, as I know very well.Of course, there is no great love either on his side, or on hers, butDounia is a clever girl and has the heart of an angel, and will makeit her duty to make her husband happy who on his side will make herhappiness his care. Of that we have no good reason to doubt, though itmust be admitted the matter has been arranged in great haste. Besides heis a man of great prudence and he will see, to be sure, of himself, thathis own happiness will be the more secure, the happier Dounia is withhim. And as for some defects of character, for some habits and evencertain differences of opinion--which indeed are inevitable even inthe happiest marriages--Dounia has said that, as regards all that, sherelies on herself, that there is nothing to be uneasy about, andthat she is ready to put up with a great deal, if only their futurerelationship can be an honourable and straightforward one. He struck me,for instance, at first, as rather abrupt, but that may well comefrom his being an outspoken man, and that is no doubt how it is. Forinstance, at his second visit, after he had received Dounia's consent,in the course of conversation, he declared that before makingDounia's acquaintance, he had made up his mind to marry a girl ofgood reputation, without dowry and, above all, one who had experiencedpoverty, because, as he explained, a man ought not to be indebted to hiswife, but that it is better for a wife to look upon her husband as herbenefactor. I must add that he expressed it more nicely and politelythan I have done, for I have forgotten his actual phrases and onlyremember the meaning. And, besides, it was obviously not said of design,but slipped out in the heat of conversation, so that he tried afterwardsto correct himself and smooth it over, but all the same it did strikeme as somewhat rude, and I said so afterwards to Dounia. But Dounia wasvexed, and answered that 'words are not deeds,' and that, of course, isperfectly true. Dounia did not sleep all night before she made upher mind, and, thinking that I was asleep, she got out of bed and waswalking up and down the room all night; at last she knelt down beforethe ikon and prayed long and fervently and in the morning she told methat she had decided.
"I have mentioned already that Pyotr Petrovitch is just setting off forPetersburg, where he has a great deal of business, and he wants to opena legal bureau. He has been occupied for many years in conducting civiland commercial litigation, and only the other day he won an importantcase. He has to be in Petersburg because he has an important case beforethe Senate. So, Rodya dear, he may be of the greatest use to you, inevery way indeed, and Dounia and I have agreed that from this very dayyou could definitely enter upon your career and might consider thatyour future is marked out and assured for you. Oh, if only this comes topass! This would be such a benefit that we could only look upon it as aprovidential blessing. Dounia is dreaming of nothing else. We have evenventured already to drop a few words on the subject to Pyotr Petrovitch.He was cautious in his answer, and said that, of course, as he could notget on without a secretary, it would be better to be paying a salary toa relation than to a stranger, if only the former were fitted for theduties (as though there could be doubt of your being fitted!) but thenhe expressed doubts whether your studies at the university would leaveyou time for work at his office. The matter dropped for the time, butDounia is thinking of nothing else now. She has been in a sort of feverfor the last few days, and has already made a regular plan foryour becoming in the end an associate and even a partner in PyotrPetrovitch's business, which might well be, seeing that you are astudent of law. I am in complete agreement with her, Rodya, and shareall her plans and hopes, and think there is every probability ofrealising them. And in spite of Pyotr Petrovitch's evasiveness, verynatural at present (since he does not know you), Dounia is firmlypersuaded that she will gain everything by her good influence over herfuture husband; this she is reckoning upon. Of course we are carefulnot to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pyotr Petrovitch,especially of your becoming his partner. He is a practical man and mighttake this very coldly, it might all seem to him simply a day-dream. Norhas either Dounia or I breathed a word to him of the great hopes we haveof his helping us to pay for your university studies; we have not spokenof it in the first place, because it will come to pass of itself,later on, and he will no doubt without wasting words offer to do it ofhimself, (as though he could refuse Dounia that) the more readily sinceyou may by your own efforts become his right hand in the office, andreceive this assistance not as a charity, but as a salary earned by yourown work. Dounia wants to arrange it all like this and I quite agreewith her. And we have not spoken of our plans for another reason, thatis, because I particularly wanted you to feel on an equal footing whenyou first meet him. When Dounia spoke to him with enthusiasm aboutyou, he answered that one could never judge of a man without seeinghim close, for oneself, and that he looked forward to forming his ownopinion when he makes your acquaintance. Do you know, my preciousRodya, I think that perhaps for some reasons (nothing to do with PyotrPetrovitch though, simply for my own personal, perhaps old-womanish,fancies) I should do better to go on living by myself, apart, than withthem, after the wedding. I am convinced that he will be generous anddelicate enough to invite me and to urge me to remain with my daughterfor the future, and if he has said nothing about it hitherto, it issimply because it has been taken for granted; but I shall refuse. I havenoticed more than once in my life that husbands don't quite get on withtheir mothers-in-law, and I don't want to be the least bit in anyone'sway, and for my own sake, too, would rather be quite independent, solong as I have a crust of bread of my own, and such children as you andDounia. If possible, I would settle somewhere near you, for the mostjoyful piece of news, dear Rodya, I have kept for the end of my letter:know then, my dear boy, that we may, perhaps, be all together in avery short time and may embrace one another again after a separation ofalmost three years! It is settled _for certain_ that Dounia and I are toset off for Petersburg, exactly when I don't know, but very, very soon,possibly in a week. It all depends on Pyotr Petrovitch who will let usknow when he has had time to look round him in Petersburg. To suit hisown arrangements he is anxious to have the ceremony as soon as possible,even before the fast of Our Lady, if it could be managed, or if that istoo soon to be ready, immediately after. Oh, with what happiness I shallpress you to my heart! Dounia is all excitement at the joyful thoughtof seeing you, she said one day in joke that she would be ready to marryPyotr Petrovitch for that alone. She is an angel! She is not writinganything to you now, and has only told me to write that she has so much,so much to tell you that she is not going to take up her pen now, fora few lines would tell you nothing, and it would only mean upsettingherself; she bids me send you her love and innumerable kisses. Butalthough we shall be meeting so
soon, perhaps I shall send you as muchmoney as I can in a day or two. Now that everyone has heard that Douniais to marry Pyotr Petrovitch, my credit has suddenly improved and I knowthat Afanasy Ivanovitch will trust me now even to seventy-five roubleson the security of my pension, so that perhaps I shall be able to sendyou twenty-five or even thirty roubles. I would send you more, but I amuneasy about our travelling expenses; for though Pyotr Petrovitch hasbeen so kind as to undertake part of the expenses of the journey, thatis to say, he has taken upon himself the conveyance of our bags and bigtrunk (which will be conveyed through some acquaintances of his), wemust reckon upon some expense on our arrival in Petersburg, where wecan't be left without a halfpenny, at least for the first few days. Butwe have calculated it all, Dounia and I, to the last penny, and we seethat the journey will not cost very much. It is only ninety versts fromus to the railway and we have come to an agreement with a driver weknow, so as to be in readiness; and from there Dounia and I can travelquite comfortably third class. So that I may very likely be able to sendto you not twenty-five, but thirty roubles. But enough; I have coveredtwo sheets already and there is no space left for more; our wholehistory, but so many events have happened! And now, my precious Rodya,I embrace you and send you a mother's blessing till we meet. Love Douniayour sister, Rodya; love her as she loves you and understand that sheloves you beyond everything, more than herself. She is an angel and you,Rodya, you are everything to us--our one hope, our one consolation. Ifonly you are happy, we shall be happy. Do you still say your prayers,Rodya, and believe in the mercy of our Creator and our Redeemer? I amafraid in my heart that you may have been visited by the new spirit ofinfidelity that is abroad to-day; If it is so, I pray for you. Remember,dear boy, how in your childhood, when your father was living, you usedto lisp your prayers at my knee, and how happy we all were in thosedays. Good-bye, till we meet then--I embrace you warmly, warmly, withmany kisses.
"Yours till death,
"PULCHERIA RASKOLNIKOV."
Almost from the first, while he read the letter, Raskolnikov's face waswet with tears; but when he finished it, his face was pale and distortedand a bitter, wrathful and malignant smile was on his lips. He laid hishead down on his threadbare dirty pillow and pondered, pondered a longtime. His heart was beating violently, and his brain was in a turmoil.At last he felt cramped and stifled in the little yellow room that waslike a cupboard or a box. His eyes and his mind craved for space. Hetook up his hat and went out, this time without dread of meetinganyone; he had forgotten his dread. He turned in the direction of theVassilyevsky Ostrov, walking along Vassilyevsky Prospect, as thoughhastening on some business, but he walked, as his habit was, withoutnoticing his way, muttering and even speaking aloud to himself, to theastonishment of the passers-by. Many of them took him to be drunk.