Page 21
Author: Teresa Mummert
Epilogue - Colin
Obsession by definition is a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. It suits what Annie and I had perfectly. Her voice carried the whispers of my subconscious. Her breath gave me new life. Her submission gave me purpose. There must be goodness to counter evil in order to accurately gauge the weight of the sin. She was my hope, my reflection, my everything.
I pressed a kiss to Annie’s forehead before leaving the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her from her sleep. I felt light and relaxed, but I knew I was depleting that from her. I knew I was going to use up her goodness until I drained her dry and there was nothing left. The idea made my stomach turn, but I was like a junkie needing his next hit. Annabel was my drug of choice.
Crave.
Use.
Crave.
Use.
Destroy.
My heart palpitated, skin flushed and my eyes dilated, trying desperately to take in everything that she was. The beginning and end of all things. The logical side of my brain, the small part of my subconscious left sober, knew it was limerence but it didn’t matter. I craved her just the same.
If I could make her happy, keep her safe, I would redeem myself. I ran my hands roughly through my hair, hating the convoluted path my thoughts were taking. I should be happy, but all I felt was worry in the depths of my stomach that I would somehow take this precious flower and crush her in my palm.
Winning her heart was only a victory for myself. I knew that. But I would try. I had to try to rid my mind of the cancerous past so I could give her the future she deserved.
I paced the floor for hours as I struggled to control my inner demons. They should have died along with my father, but I could still feel them clinging to my soul. Love wasn’t an easy fix. It would take time for me to overcome and change, adapt for her. I sat at the dining room table, empty glass in hand that still held a few lingering drops of whiskey. The stairs creaked under Connor’s weight as he cleared his throat.
“I didn’t think you’d be up,” he said as he walked around me and into the kitchen. He returned with a glass and his gaze fell to the nearly empty whiskey bottle. I picked it up and filled out glasses as he sat down at the head of the table.
“I couldn’t sleep. ”
“Death of your father will do that to you. ”
I slid his glass to him and he nodded in appreciation. “That was a long time coming. I only wish it was me who pulled the trigger. ” I took a drink, my gums long numb.
“To justice finally being served. ” He raised his tumbler before drinking back the amber liquid without flinching. I shook my head, anger with no direction consuming me.
“Where is the justice for Annabel? Her life is ruined. She can’t go back to school. ”
“The day I found the two of you along the road, I knew I had to help you. The look in your eye when you told me about Annie was something I had seen in my own nearly twenty years ago. I wasn’t able to save Charlotte, but I knew I could help you save Annabel. ”
“Charlotte had cancer. You couldn’t have done anything. ”
“That may be, but your situation wasn’t much better. You risked your life for her. I knew there would be a day when you both would stop fighting what was between you. ”
“Annie could be saved…” I shook my head as I poured the rest of my drink into my mouth.
“When she needed you, you were always there. You are not your father. ”
“I’m not the hero either. ”
“I bet she would say differently. ” He raised his eyebrow as he spun the glass in his fingers.
“She doesn’t understand. ”
“Doesn’t she? She came face to face with Taylor. You had a choice, and once again, you chose her. ”
“He ruined me, Connor. He destroyed me. ”
“That’s not true, and you proved it again. What is really scaring you, Colin? We both know you would die before you hurt her, so what is really plaguing you?” He leaned forward against the table.
“I can’t give her what she needs. ”
“What is it she needs?”
“Love. ” My eyes met his and my vision blurred.
“You don’t think what you feel for her is love?”
“I have no idea. ”
“Is her face what you see when you go to bed, what you dream of when you sleep?”
“Since the day I met her. ”
He smiled and his gaze fell as he thought. “I don’t think that’s your problem at all. I think you’re scared to let her love you back. ”
“She deserves better. ”
“Love…” He ran his hand over his chin and relaxed back in his chair. “Let me tell you something, son, that I should have told you a long time ago but was too stubborn in my own right to understand. Love isn’t something you can take. You give it, and if you’re lucky, it is given to you. You deserve to be happy. ”
“Do you really believe that, knowing what all I have done?”
“If I didn’t you wouldn’t be sitting at this table with me. I may be old, but I would have done whatever needed to be done to keep that girl safe. But you were just a child yourself, Colin. This isn’t your burden to carry. ”
I hung my head as I thought about his perception of me. It baffled me that a man that I respected so much could look at me and not see a monster. It was then that I realized I was nothing like Taylor. He never felt any guilt or remorse. He took from people until they had nothing left to give but their lives. I could never do that to Annabel.
Epilogue – Annabel
My body ached and I rolled over, groaning as my hands splayed over empty sheets. My eyes shot open and I looked around the empty room. Colin was gone. My heart began to race as panic set in. Had he left me now too, now that I no longer had to worry about his father? Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and pushed my knotted blonde hair from my face.
“I thought you were gonna sleep all day,” Grace called from my closet, startling me. She walked into the main room with clean clothes in her hands. “Aspirin is on the night stand. ”
I looked to my side, and sure enough, there were too small white pills and a bottle of water. I popped them into my mouth and greedily gulped down the water as Grace sat my clothes on the foot of the bed. I cringed as I pulled the sheet further up my chest, wondering if she knew what Colin and I had done together last night.
“Where is Colin?” I asked trying not to sound worried.
“He left a few hours ago. I’ll get breakfast ready. ” She walked towards my bedroom door.
“What do you mean he left?”
“He went with Connor to the office. He said he would try to be back before you woke. ”
“Oh. ”
She smiled and shook her head as she left my room and slowly made her way down the stairs. I hopped from the bed, grimacing at how sore I was and tiptoed into the bathroom to take a quick shower. I stared at myself in the mirror, not looking any different than I had yesterday, but I felt like a completely different person. The cloud that hung over our heads had now lifted.
I washed as quickly as I could and pulled on my clothes, grinning as I heard Colin and Connor downstairs. I rushed down, my cheeks blushed, stopping short of throwing myself into his arms.
“Don’t hold yourself back on my account,” Connor laughed, and I felt my skin grow deeper red. Grace entered the dining room and set two plates on the table before giving Connor a look. “We’ll let you have a minute. ” They left the room and Colin motioned for me to take a seat. The stoic expression on his face was killing me. Had I done something wrong? Was last night not as mind blowing for him as it was for me?
He took the seat at the head of the table and picked up his fork, pushing scrambled eggs around before looking up at me. I dropped my fork with a loud clatter.
“All
right. Just say it. Spit it out already. ”
He laughed, his smile showing in his eyes. “You’re wearing one of your own shirts,” he said with amusement.
“You told me not to wear yours anymore,” I joked back, the tension easing.
“They're yours. Everything is yours,” His voice was deep and gravelly. “I’m yours. ”
“It’s about time you figured that out. ”
“I have something to tell you,” his smile faded and my heart sank once again. “Taylor wasn’t only good at taking; he also was very good at saving. ”
“What do you mean?” I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip, leaning to the side, my body still so sore.
“When they searched the farmhouse, they found a lot of money. ” He swallowed hard, his eyes downcast. “The police are considering the case with the Descendants of God closed. The money goes to his next of kin. ” He glanced back at me, guilt marring his perfect face. “It’s yours. ”
“What? I don’t want your money. ”
“It’s not my money,” he spit out each word as if it made him physically ill. “You deserve it. ”
“I wasn’t the only one who went through this, Colin. ”
“You’re the one who isn’t guilty, Annabel. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. ”
His words cut through me, and my hand went to my chest as if I’d been physically wounded. “Colin…”
“I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to, but you’re in control now. The money, your life, and us. If you ever want to leave me, I won’t stop you. I need to know you understand that. ”
“I understand,” I whispered, but imagining Colin handing over control of anything was a lot to take in.
He stood, dropping his silverware, and walked towards me, fear in his eyes. He stopped in front of me, and I stood as he took my hand in his, his thumb rubbing over my skin lightly.
“It is my job to protect you. I never had a choice. Just like I had no choice but to love you. I will spend every second of the rest of my life undoing every wrong that was brought upon you. If I can make you feel loved, my life will have purpose. You loving me in return would be a blessing, not a necessity. ”
My knees went weak and threatened to give out from under me at the weight of his confession. “How could I not love you, Colin?”
His blue eyes swam with uncertainty, and I wanted to make him feel as safe as he had made me feel from the moment I had met him. He had always been the strong one for the both of us and it was time for me to carry some of that burden. “I don’t need you to protect me or fix my life. ”
He shook his head and I grabbed his chin with my free hand to force him to look me in the eye. “The only thing I have ever feared was losing you. I love you. ”
His lips pressed against mine painfully hard until my lungs begged for a breath.
People say that money doesn’t buy happiness. Those are the people who have struggled and been to the edge, desperate to tip over to end the suffering, but have somehow found the courage to pull back and fight another day.
True happiness was losing everything so you could appreciate its value when you earned it back.
We were fighters. The ones who were preyed upon while weak who came back stronger, fighting our way back to ourselves. As the days ticked by, Colin and I were inseparable. Friends came by to offer support and to hear the true story of the Blakeys. We offered them a watered down version of our past and put the rumors to rest as to what was going on behind closed doors in our home.
But there was one last thing standing in our way of moving on.
I stared at my reflection in the full length mirror, barely able to recognize myself under the makeup. The off-white lace dress hugged my curves and stopped mid-thigh. My legs went on for miles as I balanced atop of my four inch sandstone colored heels that only made my tan look richer.
“You look beautiful. ” I glanced past my own face to see Colin smiling while leaning casually against the doorframe in his black Armani suit with narrow matching tie. I grinned nervously, pushing my curled blonde locks over my shoulder as I looked at his nearly empty glass of amber liquid.