“Do you really worry what other people think about you that much?” I’d known she was shy, but I thought that was just because she was...shy. Not worried or insecure.
“Um...yeah. Wouldn’t you worry if you did this all the time?” She lifted her arm, and when it immediately twisted at a funky angle and her wrist curled in, I sighed through a frown, caught her arm and lowered it back to her side.
Honestly, I barely noticed the shaking these days. I actually got a little unnerved by being near people who were too still. But that wasn’t the issue. The issue was—
“You’ve never said anything about it.”
Sarah blinked at me as if I was insane. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me every single day.”
I shook my head, frowning and upset with myself for not catching on to this before. I’d always assumed she didn’t care what anyone thought. But all this time, my best friend had been suffering inside, and I’d been clueless.
God, I sucked.
“Has someone been messing with you?” I asked, remembering how Zach Bledsoe had bullied her last year and even knocked her wheelchair over. After I’d beaten his ass, he’d never bothered her again. That I knew of. But if he was—
“No,” she said, causing my shoulders to fall in relief. “No one even talks to me. They either keep their distance or try to avoid me completely. And the few people who do approach, talk to me like I’m two years old and can only understand, like, five words, or worse yet, pat me on the head.”
“I don’t treat you that way.”
She blew out a breath and sent me a brief scowl. “Well, you’re the only one. You, and Mason, and Reese. But I can’t be around you three every hour of every day.”
Suddenly feeling shitty that I’d been hogging her all to myself, I made myself a promise that I’d bring her to my house more often so Noel, and Aspen, and Colton could get to know her better and help her widen her circle. I even thought up some fellow football players I could force to befriend her. Not that I’d ever let her in on my intentions. She’d probably kill me if she knew.
“Hey,” I murmured. Since she looked as if she were on the verge of tears, I caught her chin and stared her straight in the eye. “If someone can’t look past a little shaking and see what kind of amazing person you are, then they’re a fucking idiot, and you don’t need to befriend someone that stupid, anyway.”
A single tear tracked down her cheek. I wiped it away. “You just being yourself is what made you my favorite person, so just keep being you, okay?”
Another tear wavered in her lashes, but she smiled and nodded. “Thank you. I love you so much.”
My lips parted as all the air in my lungs suddenly went on vacation. Her words rang through my head, blaring so loud they buzzed in my ears. My heart thudded, reverberating out my arms and legs.
Brain unable to function past the fact that Sarah loved me, I blurted, “I love you, too.”
She grinned, her entire face lighting up until she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I swear, her cheeks glowed, her blue eyes sparkled, even her dark hair vibrated with vivacity. Everything in me screamed to lean in and press my mouth to hers.
Seal the moment with a kiss.
But she beat me to it, stamping her lips to my cheek and pulling away before I even realized what was going on.
“You always know how to cheer me up. You’re like the best friend whisperer or something.”
I gulped, too frozen to react. Suddenly glad I hadn’t kissed her, I realized she’d meant a totally different kind of love than I had. Shit, this was humiliating. My face warmed, and I glanced away.
It kind of hurt to know I’d been feeling something so different than she had.
Clearing my throat, I rubbed my damp palms on the legs of my jeans and focused my attention on her window. “Uh...yeah. I guess that’s my one talent.”
“Oh, whatever. You’re great at everything.” Sarah pushed the laptop off her and onto the bed between us. “I’m going to change into my pajamas. Are you staying?”
I didn’t want to stay. I wanted to run and hide. I felt too vulnerable and exposed to stick around. But when it took me too long to speak and she glanced back for my answer, I couldn’t tell her no, so I nodded. “Sure.”
“Great. You can help me brush my hair.”
Dammit, I loved brushing her hair as much as I loved her...like love her loved her. Why the hell had I never realized that until this very moment?
This was bad. This was so bad. What if she found out and freaked because she could only love me as a friend? She’d never once done anything to show any kind of romantic interest, so it was likely I’d scare her away completely if I didn’t control this right now.
Friends. We’re just friends, I commanded myself as Sarah maneuvered herself off her bed and into her wheelchair without any assistance from me. As she left the room briefly, I paced the floor, forcing every lovey-dovey thought I’d ever had for her back into my head.
I felt lots better, and back in control of whatever the hell had just happened when the door opened again, and she rolled into the room. Until I looked up and lost it once more. But she was so pretty in a classically flawless, innocent way. The only word that tumbled around in my head when I looked at her was: mine.
It was freaking weird.
“Sorry,” she said, looking chagrined. “Reese caught me coming out of the bathroom and offered to brush it. I couldn’t tell her you were in here waiting to do it.”
It took me a moment to understand what she was talking about until she motioned to her silky hair that was perfectly brushed.
“Oh,” I stumbled out. “No, that’s okay. No problem.”
I jammed my hands awkwardly into my pockets as I stood there like a dumbass and watched her struggle out of her chair and back onto the bed. My pulse accelerated as she lifted the blankets and crawled under. Then she scooted in enough to make room for me.
When I didn’t move, she finally looked up. “What’s wrong?”
Shit. I hurried forward, quickly saying, “Nothing.”
She sent me an odd look, but then shrugged and lay down with her back toward me. I fumbled as I toed off my shoes. Then I gritted my teeth and silently commanded myself to calm the fuck down. I’d slept next to her tons of times. This would be no different.
Except it felt so completely different.
I held my breath as I joined her on the mattress. She let out a content sigh and I closed my eyes because the sound sent a strange tremor through me. As soon as I rolled onto my side and faced her, the familiar scent of her hair filled my nostrils. I breathed in deeply, loving the scent. Scooting forward, I buried my nose into the silky soft tresses, letting them caress my cheeks.
She had the most beautiful, dark hair. Since she’d moved in with her brother, Reese had taken up the job of styling it and fixing it a lot, so it always looked cute, but I had to admit, I liked it best grown out a little like it was now and floating down around her shoulders.
Her breathing deepened and her shaking calmed, telling me she’d fallen asleep. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pillowed my head into her hair and just...let it all go, glad I’d stayed after all. I loved sleeping with her. It was the most peaceful, stress-relieving time of my day. And I really needed to relieve a little stress right now.
Despite how tense and uncomfortable I’d been moments ago, I was totally relaxed now.
I passed out within seconds with a smile on my face while petting my cheek against strands of her hair.
When I woke up some time later, I don’t think I’d been dreaming because I couldn’t remember any dream. But I was throbbing hard and I knew exactly why. Sarah’s ass was pressed snug against my lap and my hand had somehow found its way under her shirt where I was cupping a naked breast.
Before I was fully awake enough to realize what was going on, my thumb slid over a hardened nipple, which shot a pulse of painful need through my dick and had me moaning and pressing myself ha
rder against her ass.
In the next instant, I woke completely, yelping, “Holy shit,” as I yanked my hand off her breast and jerked my hips backward.
Sarah didn’t even stir. She’d always been a heavy sleeper, but for the longest moment, I was sure she had to be faking it to avoid the awkwardness of this moment, because goddamn, I was wide fucking awake. I mean, I’d just had my hand on her... And my dick had been... Jesus.
I was going to best friend hell for sure.
But Sarah’s body remained still; she was clearly out cold. Thank God.
Sitting up, I wiped my hand over my face. Fear killed my erection as I blew out a shaky breath. I couldn’t believe I’d touched her so inappropriately. Sarah was everything pure and sweet and good. Sex was dirty. Dirty and Sarah should never even be breathed in the same sentence.
So why had I been so tempted to get dirty with her a few seconds ago? Before I’d realized what I’d been doing, my natural instinct had been to tighten my hand around her breast, roll my thumb over her nipple again and press my mouth to the back of her neck for a taste while I humped her ass. And that was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Hell, even watching her now as the moonlight spilled into the room and bathed the back of her bare shoulder with a warm glow, I wanted to reach for her, touch her, kiss that smooth beautiful flesh. And shit, I guess my boner hadn’t completely died because it suddenly sprang back to life.
Cursing myself, I scurried off the bed and shook my limbs, hoping to shake away this disturbing sensation. Visions of my mom kneeling in front of me and taking me into her hand as she poised her lips over the head of my cock sent a sick chill to my stomach. A tremor of dread and revulsion moved through me as I yanked on my shoes, then fumbled to open the window latch and crawl outside.
The temperature had dropped, but I relished the cold. I wished it could freeze all the bad from me so I could never ever get aroused by Sarah again.
The next morning, I was still disturbed by what I’d nearly done to her and had ached to do to her. I managed to avoid her before the first bell rang. We didn’t have first hour together, but we did share a study hall second hour. I made sure to slip in late so all the seats around her would be full. I found a spot all the way across the room and in the back to sit.
She, of course, didn’t even notice. I don’t know how she did it, but when the girl studied, she put all her attention into her work. And as she stared down at one of her textbooks, reading, I couldn’t take my eyes off the pen she was chewing on, or more specifically off her lips where they were wrapped around the barrel.
Why I had never realized she had the most amazing lips until that moment, I’ll never know. Her cerebral palsy sometimes made them purse in the most adorable ways. But I could suddenly picture them wrapped around my cock as I pushed deep and slow into her mouth.
Seconds after that mental picture had my jeans growing uncomfortably tight, the vision of Daisy doing that to me surfaced. Bile rose in my throat and my erection shriveled. I turned my attention from Sarah, feeling filthy. I couldn’t believe I wanted to do such base, disgusting things to my favorite person on the planet. I was no better than my monster of a mother.
For the rest of the day, I avoided Sarah. I had to. I couldn’t look her in the eye without the guilt slaying me. If she knew what I’d been thinking she’d be disgusted.
I had to get these stupid hormones under control. To do that, I tried avoiding her.
Three days passed before she finally messaged me, realizing something was different.
Hey, I haven’t seen you in a few. Are you okay? You’re not mad at me, are you? Did I do something wrong?
So innocent. So sweet. And she’d automatically thought she was the problem.
Now my stomach burned with even more guilt and self-revulsion.
You mean you actually CAN do wrong? I wrote back immediately. Impossible. Of course, I’m not mad at you, dork. Just been busy. I’ll visit again as soon as I can.
Which meant now I had to visit. Soon. And be normal about it.
She wrote back, You’re right. I am flawless. I don’t know what I was thinking. Can’t wait to see you again when you have the time, I’m going to make you start watching a Smallville marathon with me.
I smiled. Watching Smallville with her actually sounded wonderful.
I’d visit her tomorrow.
But the next day, I bumped into the hottest senior girl, Shayla Birmingham, in the halls. I mean, literally bumped into her, making both of us spill all our books onto the floor. We laughed it off and then crouched at the same time, helping each other pick up our things before going our separate ways again.
The next hour, my phone buzzed with a new text.
Hey, this is Shayla. I think we switched phones when we collided in the hallway.
Oh, shit. She was right. I had her phone. My black case was a lot more scuffed than this one.
We texted a couple more times to figure out the best meet and exchange times until we decided I’d just pick it up from her house after football practice since she was busy with cheerleading until then.
She sent me the smiley face emoticon more than once and told me I was funny because of the way I worded things. But I didn’t think I’d impressed her that much, not until I showed up at her place that evening and she invited me in before telling me her parents were gone.
Then she shoved her tongue down my throat and her hand down my pants.
Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either.
But I was a horny teenage boy, she was a pretty girl known for getting around, and Sarah only saw me as a friend.
So what followed was primal filth full of sweaty moans and a couple of classic claw marks.
The next day when I saw Sarah, I paused in the hallway about ten feet away, watching her sit in her wheelchair as she dug a book from her locker. Even though I felt guilty as hell, I knew I shouldn’t because no matter what I felt for her, she didn’t feel that for me, meaning I hadn’t cheated on her. It could only be cheating if she felt the same way I felt, right? And if she had felt the same, then I wouldn’t have done anything with Shayla anyway. So my instant guilt was a moot point.
Bottom line was, Sarah only saw me as a friend, which meant I was going to have to get used to doing things with girls who weren’t her, because my time with Shayla had settled something inside me.
It was as if I’d gotten every animalistic urge I’d been having out of my system. And now...now I sensed I could go back to just being Sarah’s friend and not wanting more. The moment she closed her locker and saw me watching her, I didn’t immediately focus on her mouth and want a blow job. I just saw my friend.
And that was how I needed to keep it.
From that point on, I knew what I had to do to keep life between us clean and pure.
Though I didn’t tell her anything about what had happened between me and Shayla—or any other girl who followed—word got out, and I became “the man” for being the only sophomore to score with the head senior cheerleader. Sarah would’ve had to be deaf and dumb not to hear about it, but she never said anything to me, so I never said anything to her. And that’s how our friendship continued. I kept my sex life private while everything else in me belonged to her.
SARAH
AGE 18
I was full of butterflies. Not just in my stomach. I swear they’d gotten loose from there and were fluttering throughout my entire body, because I was driving all on my very own.
In my own car!
After getting permission from the doctor, going through hours of a special driver’s training class, and getting an SUV to hold my wheelchair on a ramp from the back and hand controls, since my arms worked better than my legs, I finally had a license!
The first place I went—after a twenty-minute talk with Mason to assure him I was going to be okay—was Brandt’s house. It was his birthday and he was set to pick me up in an hour for dinner out to his favorite restaurant. But I wanted to surprise him with my new l
icense and car.
I had a little more difficulty getting out of the vehicle after I parked in front of the Gamble house than I’d had getting in it. Of course, both Mason and Reese had been hovering and were overly helpful getting me into my seat when I’d left home. I inched my way to the back where my chair was. Lowering it to the curb was a bitch. I almost called Brandt to come out and get me, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, plus I wanted to be able to do this all by myself, so I gritted my teeth and just powered through.
It was a good thing I was a patient person, otherwise I would’ve gone batty years ago from all the frustrations my CP gave me. I was still cursing under my breath by the time I finagled my way into my chair and was wheeling up the driveway. No way was I making it up the steps to the front porch, so I went straight to the back where Brandt had rigged up a ramp for me last year.
Being such a frequent visitor, I didn’t bother to knock. And since I was still going for the element of surprise, I didn’t immediately call out a greeting. I hadn’t seen any vehicle in the driveway except for Brandt’s, so I figured he was home alone.
Glad I had my quiet chair today, I snuck down the hall toward his room, unable to contain my grin. I couldn’t wait to show him my new license. He would understand more than anyone how much this little show of independence meant to me. Mason had never once made me feel like a burden, but I’d felt like one to him anyway, ever since Mom had died and I’d moved in with him and Reese. I either wanted to help more or at least be less needy for them. And this was the biggest step I’d taken in that direction.
Tonight was going to be a double celebration: Brandt finally catching up and turning eighteen with me, and me for becoming liberated. I was so caught up in my happy little bubble that I didn’t hear the girl until I was only a few feet from his door.
Jerking to a halt when her laughter floated into the hallway, I gaped at the place his door was cracked open until she spoke again. My heart suddenly beat so loudly through my head it was hard to hear anything else for a second.
And then, a familiar voice of a girl in my trig class—Hope, I think her name was—said, “Well, when you texted, saying you were home alone, I just couldn’t help swinging by and saying happy birthday in person.”