“It doesn't taste like that gross caviar, fish fart stuff, does it?” asked Lola, sneering at the plate.
“It's like chicken. It's good,” Eloisa whispered back.
Balbino Jr. cleared his throat until he caught Lola's and Marta's attention, and then sternly showed them to put their cloth napkins on their lap. Doña Chona already had hers like a bib in front of her chest. Balbino Jr. threw horrified glances at her, but she continued eating, oblivious to her son’s immense and pained consternation. After the meal was over, Ivana harshly eyed Balbino Jr. and nodded her head in their secret language.
“I'm so glad you were able to come, Mother. I know you have to go now,” Balbino Jr. blurted.
Doña Chona looked at him, puzzled. “Caramba, we don't have to—”
Eloisa's upper lip trembled. “Yes, you're right, brother, we have to go. Thank you for inviting us to your fancy soiree,” she muttered with a steely undertone.
“You're welcome,” Balbino Jr. rushed, not having caught his sister's thorny tone. “Please don’t forget your belongings as you depart.”
When the family was waiting for the attendant to bring the car, Doña Chona turned to Eloisa. “Caramba, why did we have to leave?”
“Mama, it’s clear they don't want us here,” Eloisa answered.
“I don't care. We were having a good time,” Doña Chona remarked. “That chicken was very good.”
“It was pheasant, Mama,” informed Carmela.
“Whatever it was, it was delicious, very, very tasty,” Doña Chona asserted.
Lola nodded. “At least it was better than the fish farts.”
“We should’ve stayed! How am I supposed to get boyfriends for you now?” questioned Doña Chona.
“You don't need to get boyfriends for us,” stated Eloisa.
“Caramba, I just don’t want you to end up with losers who’ll break your hearts!” Doña Chona explained.
Eloisa smiled. “You worry about us too much, Mama.”
“What else is a mother to do?!” Doña Chona burst. “If I don’t protect you then who will?”
“Mama, you can’t protect us from everything,” Eloisa asserted. “We have to learn to take care of ourselves.”
“Fernie,” murmured Carmela, looking at a young man coming towards them.
Chapter 4
Eloisa looked over to the smiling gentleman approaching. She didn't like the disapproving stare that Dario was giving him from a distance.
“Hi, again.” Fernie uttered nervously.
“Hi,” Carmela returned.
“I . . . I . . .”
“Yes?” Carmela asked him shyly.
“Spit it out, son. Caramba, what do you want to tell my daughter?” questioned Doña Chona with a wide grin on her face.
“I just wanted to invite you to my birthday party next Saturday at seven,” he finally said.
“Only Carmela is invited?” asked Doña Chona, frowning.
“No, not just her,” he laughed. “All of you are invited. It'll be a blast. I'm having a dance and plenty of food.
“A dance!” exclaimed Lola, wiggling excitedly. “With lots of cute guys?”
Fernie smiled. “I don't know if they're cute, but many guys will be there.”
“What kind of food will you be serving?” questioned Marta.
“No caviar-caca I hope!” Lola burst. “Fish farts are mega-yucky!”
Fernie chuckled. “There will be tamales and other assorted Mexican food,” he answered.
“Great!” Lola and Marta exclaimed in unison.
“Thank you for the invitation, young man. On behalf of the family we accept,” declared Doña Chona.
“I live next door, so you shouldn't have any problems getting here.”
All looked in the direction where Fernie was pointing and were dumbstruck. Eloisa had seen beautiful homes before, but this one took the cake and the pie too. It was a red villa in Mediterranean style.
“What a house!” exclaimed Doña Chona. “Caramba, are you gazillionaires?”
Carmela looked at Eloisa with a horrified look.
“Yeah, are you like gazillionaires with a house made of gold, robot servants, and rare awesome animals in your backyard?!” Lola burst. “I saw that on the Discovery channel! Is your house anything like that?”
“Don’t be so rude, girls,” Eloisa rushed. She was concerned for Carmela who looked positively miserable and embarrassed.
“It’s okay. They can ask me anything they want,” Fernie interjected, smiling “No, I’m not quite that rich, girls. And my house isn’t made out of gold—it’s really not that spectacular.”
Doña Chona eyed him with disbelief. “It sure looks spectacular from here. Do you entertain a lot of women in that beautiful home, young man? Are you one of those rich people who has wild parties with people hanging from chandeliers and things like that?” she asked sternly.
Carmela shot another agonized look at Eloisa.
Fernie chuckled. “No, ma'am.”
“Mama,” said Eloisa. “I'm sure Fernie has better things to do than to be answering all these questions.”
“Caramba, if we are to go over to his home next weekend, I need to know these things,” stated Doña Chona. “You never know what kind of crazy people are in this world, especially those with money who can do almost anything they want.”
“We're not like that, Doña Chona. I assure you,” he said.
“Good. I can't wait to see what your mansion looks like from the inside,” asserted Doña Chona.
“Yeah, we can’t wait!” Lola burst.
“When you come next weekend, I'll personally give you a tour,” offered Fernie.
“Thank you,” murmured Carmela.
“If it wouldn't be too much of an imposition, can I have your phone number in case of any changes?” Fernie asked.
Doña Chona eyed him sternly. “Before she gives you our number, we need to know a few things.”
Carmela eyed Eloisa with her most agonized and pained face.
“Mama—” Eloisa blurted before being interrupted.
“Ask me whatever you like,” Fernie chimed in, smiling.
“Young man, do you fart or pick your nose in public?”
Fernie’s pleasant expression turned startled. “No, ma’am.”
“Mama—” Eloisa burst again.
“Do you like to work?” Doña Chona questioned sternly.
Fernie lost his surprise and grinned. “I love my job.”
“Okay, you passed the good caramba test for now. Give him our phone number, Carmela,” said Doña Chona.
Carmela nervously wrote it on a piece of paper from her purse and handed it to him. When he kissed her hand, Lola and Marta giggled.
“It was nice meeting all of you, and I'll see you on Saturday. I'll talk to you soon, Carmela,” he declared as he walked away.
Doña Chona's face was one huge smile. Eloisa ushered everybody into the car.
“As soon as he walked into the church, I knew he wouldn't be able to resist your beauty, Carmela,” announced Doña Chona.
“Ay, Mama,” said an embarrassed Carmela.
“Caramba, I couldn't be more pleased,” stated Doña Chona. “He seems a responsible and a very polite young man.”
“I think a man with a big house for a big party is definitely a winner,” commented Lola, giggling.
“And he's serving tamales instead of bland chicken,” remarked Marta.
“Pheasant,” Eloisa and Carmela said in unison and everyone in the car chuckled.
Chapter 5
Fernie called Carmela the next day. He asked her question after question about herself. What was her favorite meal? Her favorite color? Her ideal evening? And on and on. After the conversation, Carmela was exhausted but in a good way. He sent her a dozen perfect red roses. By Wednesday, he told her he didn’t want to wait until the weekend to see her again.
“Will you go out with me
tonight?” he asked anxiously. “My brother will come with us as a chaperone.”
“Okay,” she said, grateful that she didn’t have classes at El Paso Community College that night. Her evening was completely open.
When she told her mother, Doña Chona scratched her head with her index finger.
“That boy is really fond of you,” Doña Chona said. “But . . .”
“But what?” asked Carmela.
“I don't like his sourpuss brother going with you. Caramba, he'll ruin everything. He probably won't let you two get a minute to yourselves.”
“Should I cancel?” asked Carmela.
“No! Definitely not!” Doña Chona exclaimed as she poked her head out of the kitchen. “Eloisa! Eloisa, come here!”
Eloisa headed to the kitchen from her bedroom. “Is there a problem, Mama?” she asked.
“Caramba, there's a problem. A big problem! And you have to help,” stated Doña Chona.
“What is it?” asked Eloisa.
“Fernie has just asked your sister out for tonight,” explained Doña Chona. “He'll be here in an hour, and you're going with her,”
Eloisa’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“Caramba, he's bringing his sour brother as a chaperone, so you have to go,” stated Doña Chona.
Eloisa grimaced. “I don't like the sound of this at all.”
“Please come with me, sister,” implored Carmela.
“But that Dario guy is so arrogant. I can't stand him,” asserted Eloisa. “The thought of spending an evening with him makes my skin crawl.”
“Eloisa, we all have to make sacrifices for the family,” announced Doña Chona.
“Please, please dear sister. I'm begging you,” supplicated Carmela.
Eloisa let out a deep breath. “I'm going to regret this but okay. For you Carmela.” She looked at Doña Chona. “No one can ever accuse me of not sacrificing for the family.”
“Of course not, mija. It's just that your sister needs your help,” asserted Doña Chona.
Eloisa and Carmela headed to the bedroom they shared to get ready for the date. Eloisa threw on the first outfit she found—a cotton turquoise sundress. Carmela stared at her side of the closet with bewilderment.
“You'd better decide fast, Miss Carmela,” said Eloisa. “The clock is ticking.”
“I usually don't mind that we don't have a lot of pretty things, but today I do,” she murmured sadly.
“Carmela, stop this,” Eloisa declared. “You don't have to worry about what you wear. No stupid garment will ever compare to your stunning beauty.”
“Thank you,” said Carmela with tears forming.
“Don't cry, sis. Get dressed.”
Carmela smiled and put on her favorite lilac dress. Eloisa was always taken aback when Carmela wore it because it brought out her sister's purple eyes. Carmela had the same color of eyes as the late great Elizabeth Taylor. Once people had a look at them, they couldn't stop their fascination with the unique hue. Carmela applied makeup and started brushing her straight, thick, reddish-brown hair until it glistened.
“I'm leaving mine loose too,” informed Eloisa. “I'm not pulling it up. I don't care how many times mama calls it a mop.”
“Your hair is beautiful, Eloisa.”
“It's a big wild mess, but it's mine.”
They waited patiently in the living room for Fernie and Dario to arrive. As Carmela smiled at her sister, Eloisa squeezed her hand and smiled back.
“What a dweeb,” declared Lola, giggling. “Bringing a chaperone.”
“Even though I don't like his particular chaperone, I like the idea,” asserted Doña Chona. “It's very proper that a chaperone accompany a couple on their first date.”
“Mama, that's sooo old fashioned,” affirmed Marta.
“I hope you don't think you're coming along on my next date,” burst Lola.
“If you keep this up, I will come along,” announced Doña Chona, pretending to be stern. Everyone in the room chuckled.
Noticing a run in her pantyhose, Eloisa sighed, grumbling. She stood up. “I'll be right back.” But before she could leave, a noise outside stopped her.
As the sound of a car reverberated in the room, Doña Chona smiled. Carmela gulped. Eloisa groaned deeply and shook her head as she rushed to her bedroom to change her stockings. Doña Chona ran to the door.
“Please, Mama, don't open the door until they knock,” pleaded Carmela.
Impatiently, Doña Chona waited until she heard a knock, and then she swung the door open. Dario's hand was still in the air since he was only able to pound on the door once.
“Come in, come in,” gushed Doña Chona as she led them into the house.
“How are you tonight, Doña Chona?” asked Fernie.
“Well, very well. Caramba, but look at my Carmela. Doesn't she look beautiful?”
“You're absolutely beautiful,” Fernie told Carmela.
“Good evening,” mumbled Dario.
“You remember my youngest daughters, Lola and Marta, don't you?”
“Yes, of course,” said Fernie.
“We can't wait for your party!” exclaimed Lola.
Fernie smiled. “I guarantee it'll be fun.”
“I've got a special favor to ask of you,” said Doña Chona.
Fernie nodded. “Whatever you need.”
“My eldest daughter rarely gets out, so I thought it would be a good idea if she goes with you.”
“Will it be okay?” Carmela asked shyly.
“The more the merrier,” Fernie stated.
Eloisa stepped back into the living room to find Dario intently staring at her. Her hand self-consciously went to her wild hair to try to smooth it.
“Hi,” Eloisa greeted.
“You look very nice tonight, Eloisa,” articulated Fernie. “Dario and I are very happy you'll be joining us.”
“Thank you,” Eloisa returned, seriously doubting the arrogant fool of Dario was at all happy she was going with them.
Chapter 6
Eloisa, Carmela, Fernie, and Dario started to pile into a dark blue Mercedes while Fernie explained that he had a two seat sports car, so he asked his brother to bring his vehicle.
“You two sit in the front, and Carmela and I will be in the back,” he announced.
Eloisa was relieved with the situation. She wouldn't have to make pleasant conversation with Dario since he was the one busy driving. Eloisa would let those in the back do all the talking.
“If it's okay, I thought we'd catch a movie and then dinner,” Fernie said.
“That sounds nice,” asserted Carmela.
“What do you think, Eloisa?” asked Fernie.
“I'm only along for the ride. It sounds good to me.”
Fernie smiled. “Good. That's what we'll do then.”
Fernie chatted at first with both Carmela and Eloisa. Then he turned his full attention to Carmela. Eloisa didn't mind since she would rather gaze at the sparkling lights of the city and glittering stars of the night than make small talk.
“You've got long hair,” announced Dario.
Eloisa was abruptly brought out of her thoughts. “What?” she asked.
Dario cleared his throat. “I said that you have very long hair.”
“Yes.” What else could she say? Did he want to start a conversation?
“It's . . . It's. . .” he tried to say.
“Curly?” she said, trying to help him along.
“It's nice.”
Eloisa couldn’t believe he had actually complimented her! “Thank you.”
He didn't say anything after that. Can this man get more bizarre? Eloisa thought to herself. She started counting in her head. One—he's arrogant. Two—he's a snob. Three—he's a jerk. Four—he's probably dating Princess Jacqueline. Five—he's weird! By the time the night is over, the numbers will probably be too high to count!
They pulled into the m
ovie theater, and Eloisa was relieved that for the span of the film, she didn't have to talk to Dario. As the four of them sat in front of the screen, before the movie started, they enjoyed candies, popcorn, and sodas. Fernie's smile never left his face.
“Don't get too full on that stuff. We're having dinner afterwards, remember? Maybe we should've gone to eat first,” expressed Fernie.
“This is fine,” said Carmela. “It's perfect.”
Fernie smiled broadly. “Great. I aim to please.”
The lights started to dimmer. Sitting next to the pompous jerk, Eloisa couldn't help regretting that she wasn't next to her sister. Fernie had positioned himself in between both women while Dario had sat at Eloisa's side. Eloisa wondered if his arrogance was like cooties. Could she catch any aspect of his uppity attitude by being next to him?
When commercials started on the screen, Dario made an annoyed sound.
“Excuse me?” Eloisa whispered.
“I prefer to come to the movies to see films and not commercials,” he declared.
“I know what you mean,” Eloisa said. Wow, she thought, they found something to agree on.
After previews, the film started. Eloisa found herself engrossed in the romantic movie from Mexico. It was in Spanish and had a similar storyline to Like Water for Chocolate, one of her all-time favorite films. She wondered if Fernie and Dario were frustrated at having to read the subtitles but when she glanced at Dario, he seemed comfortable.
After the cinema, they sat in Mariscos Acapulco seafood restaurant.
“I actually prefer the one in Juarez, but it's too late to go across the border,” Dario stated. “The traffic back would be impossible.”
“I hope the film wasn't too difficult to follow,” said Eloisa.
“What do you mean?” asked Dario.
“I mean with all the Spanish and everything,” explained Eloisa. “Reading subtitles while trying to watch a movie can really be tiresome.”
“We speak Spanish,” Fernie asserted. “We didn't have to read the subtitles.”
“You speak Spanish?” asked Eloisa, horrified that they had understood when Lola had called Jacqueline an old stupid hag at the christening.
“Yes, fluently,” stated Dario, giving Eloisa a firm look. “It helps when people say things they shouldn't while thinking no one understands them.”
Yep, Eloisa thought to herself, he understood all right.
The next day, as Eloisa arrived home from her job as a receptionist at a marketing firm, she was relieved she had no classes that night. Her best friend, Chencha, who lived next door, was sitting in the kitchen with Doña Chona.