She found herself wishing he would turn around. Lucas didn’t accommodate her. He buttoned up his pants and walked over to the side of the bed. His chest was covered with a thick mat of dark hair. It tapered to a vee at his waist.
The ship suddenly lurched again. Taylor was so mesmerized by the sight of her husband, she forgot to brace herself. She went flying. He caught her in his arms just as she was about to be pitched to the floor.
Her reaction surprised him. She laughed. He hoped to God she wasn’t getting hysterical on him.
“What’s so amusing?”
She shrugged. His skin was warm to her touch. She noticed that when she wrapped her arms around his neck. The ship rocked again. It was an excuse she had been waiting for. She put her head on his shoulder and held tight.
“You aren’t going to go back up on deck, are you? You’ll only get wet again.”
“I’m not going back up on deck.”
She didn’t loosen her hold. She wasn’t about to let him get away. Being alone was too frightening. Lucas had become her safe haven against the storm.
“You can’t sleep on the floor,” she blurted out. “The trunks will drive you to distraction, flying about the way they are.”
“What do you suggest?”
“You’ll have to sleep with me.”
He almost dropped her. She leaned back and looked up at him. Damn but she had the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen. And mouth. A man could get lost staring into those blue eyes and thinking about what he would want her to do to him with those sweet sexy lips.
“I’ll sleep under the covers and you may sleep on top,” she rushed out. The look on his face confused her. She didn’t want him to think she was being brazen, just practical.
“It’s a sound solution,” she announced with a nod. “And very civilized.”
He tossed her into the middle of the bed. Taylor realized her nightgown was bunched up around her knees. She hurried to straighten her gown and get under the sheets. While he stood there watching her with his hands on his hips and a strange, indefinable look on his face, she squeezed herself up against the wall, fluffed her pillow behind her head, and closed her eyes.
Lucas was too tired to figure out why Taylor wasn’t acting frightened by him any longer. He fully intended to take advantage of his temporary good fortune. He would get into bed before she changed her mind. He went over to the lantern, turned the flame down, shoved a trunk out of his path, and then walked back over to the bed.
She tried to stay on her side, but the rocking of the ship made that extremely difficult. She didn’t have enough bulk to keep her still or an anchor to hold onto, and Lucas had only just stretched out on his back when he found her plastered up against his left side. She apologized profusely, then scooted back to the wall.
She kept coming back. Each time the ship rocked she slammed into his side. He suspected she’d be black and blue by morning. Each time she hit him, she groaned. The moans soon became a prelude to her pleas for forgiveness.
It was like sleeping with a fish. Lucas’s patience was quickly worn out. He rolled to his side, threw his arm around her waist and his thigh over her legs, and pulled her up close to him.
She didn’t protest. She was, in fact, thankful for the anchor. She reached up to nudge his head out of her way, then lifted her hair back from where he’d trapped it with his shoulder. She pushed the thick curls to the other side of her neck. She should have braided her hair before going to bed, she supposed, but it had seemed silly to do such an ordinary chore when death was behind the next wave. As soon as the storm had begun, she’d hurried down to Victoria’s cabin to make certain she was all right, and by the time she’d made it back to her own room, she could barely walk a straight line.
Everything was going to be all right. Taylor let out a loud yawn. Odd, but she wasn’t at all afraid now. The warmth from her husband’s body soothed her, and it only took a few minutes for her to completely relax.
“Mr. Ross?”
He didn’t answer her. “Lucas?”
“Yes?”
He sounded surly. She pretended not to notice. “Are you sleepy?”
“Yes.”
She folded her arms across her chest, being careful not to touch his arm.
“Isn’t it odd neither one of us has become seasick?”
“Go to sleep, Taylor.”
A full minute passed before she spoke again. Lucas thought she was going to cooperate. He was wrong. “I’m very weary,” she whispered. “But not at all sleepy. Isn’t that odd?”
He didn’t answer her. “Perhaps, if you talked to me, I might become sleepy.”
“Why would my talking make you sleepy?”
“You might be boring.”
He grinned. She said the damnedest things. “Fine, I’ll talk you to sleep. Do you have any particular topic in mind?”
“Tell me about Redemption.”
He was surprised she remembered the name of his town. He couldn’t imagine why she would be interested enough to hear anything more about the desolate place.
“I already told you all about Redemption. You’d hate it. Why don’t you think about all the parties you’ll attend in Boston. That should put you to sleep. God knows it would me.”
Parties were the last thing she wanted to think about. She hated formal affairs, and the thought that she would never again have to attend an artificial gathering filled with pompous, self-opinionated bigots made her smile. She knew Lucas believed she wanted to be part of Boston’s society, and she saw no reason to dissuade him. She supposed most young ladies would like all the frivolity. She wasn’t like most, however. Maybe she really was almost as peculiar as her great-uncle Andrew, as Madam had proclaimed on more than one occasion.
“You don’t hate Redemption, do you?”
“I’m starting to,” he answered with a yawn. “It’s already getting crowded and growing every day. I’ll be glad to leave.”
“Leave? Why would you leave?”
“I don’t like crowds.”
“Aren’t your brothers there?”
“The ranch is a day’s ride away from the town.”
“Well then?”
He let out a loud sigh. She really wasn’t going to stop nagging him until she had her answers. Lucas gritted his teeth in frustration. She poked him in the shoulder. “Do you actually plan to abandon your brothers?”
“Jordan and Douglas have enough cattle and horses now. They don’t need me any longer. I’ll help Kelsey, the youngest, get settled, then I’ll leave. They’ll do just fine.”
She believed his attitude was callous and cold, but she kept her opinion to herself. She didn’t want to alienate him. Besides, she wanted answers, not an argument.
“Where will you go?” she asked.
“Hunting.”
“Hunting for what?” she asked.
“A man.”
She hadn’t expected that answer. She thought he would tell her he wanted to hunt for gold or silver. Even though the rush was officially over, she’d read there were still reports of veins located further west. But hunting for a man?
“And when you find him?”
Lucas didn’t answer her for a long while. He wasn’t about to tell her the truth, that he had every intention of killing the bastard. He didn’t think her delicate nature could handle knowing exactly what was on his mind, and so he simply said, “I’m going to finish what he started.”
“Is he an evil man?”
“Yes.”
She thought about that for several minutes. The differences between the two of them were startlingly clear to her. She was running away from evil; Lucas was going to confront it. Was he a man of courage or was he letting vengeance rule his life?
She decided to find out. “Was he . . .”
He cut her off. “When I’m finished, I’ll go back to the mountains, where a man can’t be hemmed in.”
She took the hint. Mr. Ross obviously wanted to end the discussion. She decided to
let him have his way. She was a patient woman. She could wait to find out all the particulars.
“Madam told me you were born in Kentucky.”
“Yes.”
“But you fought on the side of the North?”
“Yes,” he answered. “I moved North a long, long time ago.”
“Before Montana Territory?”
“Yes.”
“Did you believe in the war?”
“I believed every man in America has a right to freedom.”
“And every woman and child,” she interjected. “They should have the same rights. No man should have the power to own another . . . isn’t that right?”
“Yes.”
“You said you were eventually going back to the mountains. You want to be completely free, is that it? To go where the wind takes you.”
“Yes.”
“Won’t you get lonely?”
“No.”
“You’re very antisocial.”
He couldn’t help but smile. She sounded as though she felt sorry for him. “You don’t have to pity me, Taylor. I don’t want a family.”
Too late, she almost blurted out. He had a family, and it didn’t matter to her that he might not want one. The babies came first. They were too young to fend for themselves. “And so you’ll turn your back on . . . everyone?” Me, she silently added. You’ll turn your back on me. Lord, what would she do if she needed him? How would she and the twins and Victoria and her baby ever get along?
Taylor’s burst of panic was short-lived. She calmed herself almost immediately. She would do just fine. She hadn’t planned on needing or wanting Lucas Ross in her life. It was ridiculous to feel even a bit of nervousness. She was an independent woman of means.
When she first heard the news of George’s death and knew she was going to go to Boston to take on the responsibility of raising her nieces, she thought she would find a small city somewhere out West and take the little ones there. She would hire a housekeeper, and when the girls were older, she would make certain they had the finest tutors in America so they would be properly educated. Why, there might even be an acceptable school they could attend. The children were going to have every advantage, but more important, they would be safe from harm. Taylor wanted to make certain her uncle Malcolm never found them.
She was now reevaluating her decision. Every city in America had access to the telegraphs . . . and trains. They could easily be found in a city such as St. Louis or even Kansas City. Neither place was far enough away or difficult enough to get to should her uncle decide to send someone after her.
She let out a little sigh. Her voice was a bare whisper when she spoke. “Have you ever had a fear so unreasonable, it consumed you?”
She didn’t wait for him to answer her. “I remember once, when I was a little girl, being unreasonably afraid of a falcon my father brought home. It wasn’t enough that the predator was in a cage. I couldn’t even stay inside the barn. Then the yard wasn’t acceptable either. I ended up hiding in my room.”
Lucas was curious by what he considered a damned odd reaction. “Why do you think you were so afraid?”
“My uncle Malcolm told me the falcon liked blue eyes. I still get the shivers when I think about what he told me. Have you ever noticed how sharp a falcon’s claws are?”
“Your uncle had a cruel sense of humor.”
“I was afraid of my uncle as well as the falcon,” she confessed in another whisper.
“Was it unreasonable, too?”
“No. I was right to fear him. It’s easy to find someone in a city, isn’t it? Now that the telegraph has become so fashionable, and trains run almost everywhere, it is awfully easy to find someone . . . if you’re looking. Isn’t it?”
“Yes,” he answered. “Why do you ask?”
She didn’t want to tell him the truth. Perhaps she was being overly anxious. Surely once Uncle Malcolm received his mother’s money, he wouldn’t think twice about her or the twins. He wouldn’t have any reason to come after her.
And yet she knew he would.
“I’m being foolish,” she told Lucas.
“What other unreasonable fears did you have?”
“I used to bolt my bedroom door every night for fear someone would come inside while I was asleep.”
“That doesn’t sound unreasonable to me.”
“Maybe it wasn’t,” she agreed. “But I also pushed the heavy oak dresser in front of the door as an added barrier.”
“Who did you think would come inside while you slept? Somebody or anybody?”
“Just somebody.” She changed the subject before he had time to question her further. “If you go back to your mountains . . .”
“Not if, Taylor, when,” he corrected.
“What happens if your brothers need you?”
“They’ll know where to look. It would only take a month or two of searching.”
“I’m sure they’ll find that comforting news indeed in the event of an emergency.”
“They’ll do just fine,” he stubbornly insisted.
“I certainly wouldn’t come looking for you.”
“I didn’t think you would.”
She snorted. He smiled. The little woman had a temper. She kept trying to hide it from him, but she wasn’t doing a very good job. She had a death grip on his arm. Her nails were digging into his skin. He doubted she realized what she was doing. He wondered why she was so outraged on his brothers’ behalf. She acted as though he really were abandoning his family. She just didn’t understand. He had made a bargain with his brothers when they had asked him for help, and he’d done everything he promised he would do. Hell, he’d done more than enough.
How could she know what his life was like? She’d been pampered and protected all her life. She certainly had never done without. She couldn’t imagine what it had been like locked in a two-by-four cell without windows but with plenty of rats and screams of death all around him.
Lucas wasn’t going to try to make her understand how he felt or why. He never talked about the war and he wasn’t going to start now. Her opinion of him wasn’t important.
Lucas recognized the lie immediately. For some reason, her opinion of him did matter. He couldn’t imagine why and knew he wasn’t making a lick of sense. He was tired, that was all. Fatigue was making it difficult to think straight. The storm was still raging with just as much intensity, and he wouldn’t have been surprised to hear the warning bell ring alerting the passengers to abandon ship.
He wasn’t going to worry over things he couldn’t do anything about. If the ship went down, he’d grab Taylor and swim for the nearest shore or die trying.
He couldn’t do anything about Taylor’s nearness either. She was so wonderfully soft and silky. She smelled good, too. Like roses. Her smooth, kissable skin could drive a man to distraction, and all he really wanted to do was bury his face in the crook of her neck and fall asleep inhaling her fragrance.
He was lying again. He wanted to make love to her, to bury himself inside . . .
“Do your brothers realize you’re going to desert them?”
He was thankful for the interruption. His thoughts were about to get him into trouble. He didn’t mind that her question was actually insulting. She just didn’t understand. Until she had called Jordan, Douglas, and Kelsey his family, he really hadn’t considered them kin. They were just half brothers. Lucas had been alone for so long now, the notion of family was altogether foreign to him.
“You sound outraged,” he remarked with a loud yawn.
“I believe I am a little outraged,” she responded. “I realize your brothers and their problems shouldn’t be my concern, but—”
He didn’t let her finish. “You’re right. They aren’t your concern. Go to sleep.”
“Are we finished discussing family responsibilities then?”
He ignored her question, letting his silence be all the answer she was going to get.
There was a bright side to the odd t
urn in the conversation, however. Taylor was so caught up in her outrage over what she considered to be disloyal family conduct on his part, she didn’t have time or room to be worried about their situation any longer, and he supposed that was all good and well. His hide could withstand a few insults, especially if it kept her from being afraid. He didn’t want her to think about drowning or dwell on the possibility. God only knew he had enough concern inside him for the two of them. He was beginning to wonder how much more battering the ship could take before being torn apart.
“Taylor, can you swim?”
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“Just wondered.”
“Can you?”
“Yeah.”
A minute passed before she understood the motive behind his question. “Could you swim all the way to Boston?” she asked.
No one could. They were still a good two days away from port, perhaps even more, if the ship had been thrown off course by the high winds and relentless waves. “Sure I could,” he answered without even a hint of laughter in his voice: He hoped his lie would help keep her fears at bay.
“Mr. Ross?”
God, he hated it when she called him that. “What now?”
“I’m really not that gullible,” she said.
He smiled in the darkness. She let out a loud, lusty yawn. “I wonder if I’ll sleep through drowning.”
“We won’t drown.”
“No,” she agreed. “We won’t.”
Several minutes passed in silence. Lucas thought she had finally fallen asleep. He couldn’t stop himself from moving just a little bit closer to her. His head dropped to rest in the crook of her neck. He closed his eyes and tried for a long while to block his lustful thoughts. His discipline deserted him. He knew he should turn away from her. He couldn’t. He should have been able to control his fantasies, damn it all. She was beguiling, yes, with those magical eyes and enchanting mouth and it was only a normal, healthy reaction on his part to get hard and want her. He was in bed with her, after all, and all she was wearing was a thin white nightgown. In the dark, wasn’t one woman as good as another? Of course, he told himself. Taylor wasn’t anything special.
And if that wasn’t a lie, he didn’t know what was. There wasn’t a thing ordinary about Taylor. Lucas gritted his teeth and forced himself to roll away from her. He blocked her from being tossed about with his back, closed his eyes, and willed himself to go to sleep.