Great. Drawing in a breath, I yanked as hard as I could, somehow managing to knock a fur coat off its hanger in the process. As it dropped down over my head, effectively blinding me, I flailed, tripping over some other unidentified object before crashing into the closet door. Which, unfortunately, it turned out Trina had not shut all the way. As I plummeted onto the hard tile hallway floor, coat still over my head, I heard a terrified scream.
“Monster! MONSTER!”
Oh no. I pulled the coat off my head, my eyes falling on a little girl, standing in front of me in a Cinderella dress, a look of abject horror on her toddler face.
“Um, princess surprise?” I tried.
She burst into tears. “Mommy! MOMMMMEEEE!”
“Oh, for goodness sakes!” her mother growled, storming downstairs. “Bella, sweetie, this is not a monster. This is a princess. Princess . . .” She looked at me for help.
Thankfully, I had practiced this part. “Princess Awesome,” I declared. “From the faraway kingdom of Awesomeville.”
From the corner of my eye I could see Trina roll her eyes. I had to admit, it sounded a lot cooler from the comfort of my bedroom.
“Right,” Mrs. Mitchell said. “Bella, this is Princess Awesome. Isn’t she pretty? And, uh . . .” She sighed. “Awesome?”
Bella ducked behind her legs. Clearly, she was reserving judgment.
“So wait, this is the babysitter you got to watch the turd?” Trina demanded, giving me a critical once-over. “What, is she nine?”
I frowned. “I’m thirteen,” I told her. “And I’m very experienced in—”
“Trina, it’s going to be fine. You’ll be right upstairs if she needs you.”
The look on Trina’s face told me I’d better not need her. Under any circumstances.
The doorbell rang. Mrs. Mitchell made a move to open it. Bella clung to her leg like one of those koala-bear clips.
“Don’t go, Mommy! Please don’t go!”
Her mother attempted to pry her off her leg while reaching for the door. “Sweetie, Mommy’s got a very important work thing that she has to do, so I need you to be a good girl while I go and—”
“PARTEEE!” cried the woman behind the door. She was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a bright purple lei.
Mrs. Mitchell turned red. Trina scowled.
“Just so you know, I have a ton of homework,” she told her mother. “I am not going to just take over if this chick can’t handle the turd.”
“MOMMY! DON’T GO, MOMMY!”
“You told me I had the afternoon off. And I am going to take the afternoon off. I am not babysitting under any circumstances.”
“PLEEEEASE, MOMMY, DON’T LEAVE!”
Mrs. Mitchell closed her eyes. “Maybe I should just forget this. . . .”
“No!” I cried, practically tripping over my dress in my haste to get to the door. I could not lose this gig. Not now. “You go. Have fun. Or work hard—whatever. We’ll be fine, I promise.”
I reached into my bag and pulled out my magic wand, a light-up Frozen thing I’d found at the thrift store the day we got our dresses. When I pressed the button, Elsa started singing and dancing inside a snow globe.
Bella froze. She turned around, her big brown eyes widening as she stared at the magical wand. I waved it in the air a little, then took a step backward. For a moment she just stood there. Then she released her mother’s leg. Took a step forward.
“What’s that?” she asked, obviously curious despite her best efforts.
“It’s my magic wand,” I told her. “I can do all sorts of real magic with it.”
From the stairs I could hear Trina’s snort. I ignored her. I had Bella’s attention, and I wasn’t about to lose it.
“Real magic?” Bella repeated. “I want to see some real magic!”
“Well, I can only do real magic without grown-ups around,” I explained. “Otherwise it won’t work.”
Bella’s eyes were wide as saucers now. She turned to her mother. “Go away!” she cried. “I want to see the magic.”
I hid a grin. Who was awesome now?
10
MRS. MITCHELL SHOT ME A relieved look. “Their father will be home from work in three hours,” she told me. “I’ve left Bella’s dinner in the fridge, and she can have some ice cream if she eats all of it.”
“Okay,” I said. “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”
“Come on, Darlene!” Her friend grabbed her arm. “We don’t want to miss the appetizers!” She glanced over at Trina and me. “Uh, I mean the . . . affidavits? You know . . . for important work purposes?”
Trina stomped back up the stairs. Mrs. Mitchell sighed. She turned to me. “You sure you got this?” she asked.
“Absolutely,” I declared. “We’re going to have a blast. Aren’t we, Bella?”
“A blast!” she confirmed. “Bye, Mommy!” She turned to me. “Let’s go do the magic.”
Now that’s how it’s done! I mentally cheered to myself as Bella and I headed for the kitchen, alone at last. Sure, I’d gotten off to a rough start, but now that it was just Bella and me? Everything was going to be fine.
I pulled out my little magic kit, setting out the pieces on the table. Bella watched, her eyes wide and excited. “Do the magic!” she cried. “I want to see the magic.”
“Be patient, little princess,” I teased. “Good things come to those who wait!”
She beamed, folding her hands in her lap, the picture of a good girl. I grinned. See? This wasn’t so hard! Once you got past the costuming and the mom and the crazy closet thing I still couldn’t believe she’d subjected me to, it was just plain old babysitting. I could do it with my eyes closed.
My friends were right. We were going to rock this business. We were going to make money hand over foot. We were going to go to Comicpalooza and—
Ding-dong.
“Someone’s at the door!” Bella announced cheerfully, sliding off her seat and running toward the entrance.
“Um, maybe we shouldn’t . . . um . . .” I ran after her. “We’re not supposed to open the door to strangers and—”
Bella yanked the door open. On the other side stood a bored-looking girl about Ginny’s age. By her side was a little boy, probably around Bella’s age, wearing a Ninja Turtles T-shirt. The girl snapped her gum, gave me a skeptical once-over, and then snorted.
“Um, can I help you?” I asked a little doubtfully.
“Oh, look, Tommy!” she cried in the fakest cheery voice ever. “There’s a real princess here! Isn’t that so cool? I bet she’ll want to play with you!”
Tommy gave me a look. Like I was chewed gum he’d found on the bottom of his shoe. “I don’t like princesses,” he said. “I like ninjas.”
“Yeah, well, she’s, like, a ninja princess,” the girl assured him, shoving him in my direction. I had to take a step back to stop him from stepping on my dress. “I’ll be upstairs.”
Wait . . . what?
But she was already gone. And the doorbell was ringing again.
In fact, it rang two more times, in quick succession. With two more teen girls propelling two more bored children in my direction before heading upstairs.
“Trina!” I yelled after the last one. I wanted to stomp upstairs myself, to figure out what was going on here, but I dared not leave three strange children alone with my actual charge. Or, you know, the house they appeared to have made their life’s mission to destroy in three minutes or less.
A moment later Trina poked her head down. “What?” she asked, sounding annoyed. As if I were the one being unreasonable here.
I gestured to the kids. “What is this?”
“Sorry,” she said, sounding anything but. “A couple friends of mine were also babysitting, and when the kids heard Bella had a princess over, they all wanted to see for themselves.” She shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“You didn’t think I’d mind?” I cried, looking at her incredulously.
Her mouth cur
ved into a smug smile. “Yeah. I mean, just think—free publicity for your services. These kids will all go home and tell their parents they want a princess babysitter too!”
“Yeah. But . . .”
“Anyway, we’ll be upstairs. Um, studying. Have fun!”
And with that she turned and trounced back upstairs. A moment later I heard music blasting from the direction of her bedroom. I bit my lower lip, looking over my new charges. One kid I could probably handle. But four?
“You’re not a real ninja princess,” Tommy cried, kicking me in the shin.
“She’s not a real princess at all,” sniffed the middle girl, who’d been introduced as Skyler. She stuck her chin up high. “I’ve been to Disney World three times and I’ve met all the princesses. You are not a real princess.”
“She is too!” Bella protested, loyally standing by my side. She put her chubby little hands on her waist. “Mommy said so!”
The oldest of the kids, a girl named Izzy, who had to be at least six, rolled her eyes. “Your mom’s a liar. There are no such things as princesses. That’s just our neighbor in some stupid dress.”
Bella regarded me, looking utterly betrayed. “You’re not a real princess?” she whimpered. “I thought you were a real princess. You were going to do the magic!”
I sighed. “Bella . . .”
“Actually . . . she’s the secret bad guy!” Tommy butted in. “She’s come to kill us all!”
Bella burst into tears. And the other kids looked slightly alarmed.
I sighed. “Now, guys, I really don’t think—”
But before I could convince them that, while my royal status could possibly come into question, I was definitely not here on a mission to murder them and sincerely wished them the best, even if I didn’t want them here, under my care, Tommy turned to the others. He raised his hand, like he was the commanding general of his own army.
“Get her!” he crowed. “Get the bad guy!”
I screamed as the children all charged at once. All four of them threw themselves on top of me. Even if I’d been dressed in street clothes I would have had little chance of escape. But in a fancy dress I was doomed. As I fell to the floor, my foot stepped on the hem of my dress, and a ripping noise rang through the air.
Oh no. No, no, no!
“I see London, I see France. I see Princess’s underpants,” chanted Skyler happily as I tried to scramble back to my feet.
Worst. Babysitting. Gig. Ever.
As the four kids danced around me, I found myself glancing longingly at the front door. How bad would it be to just run away? The kids wouldn’t be alone—Trina and her friends were right upstairs. I could just chalk this whole thing up to a terrible idea and move on with a princess-free life from this point forward.
But then I thought about my friends. How excited they’d been. How disappointed they’d be. If I gave up now, on the first day of the job, we’d never have a second. We’d never make any money. And we’d never get to Comicpalooza.
No. My friends were counting on me. I couldn’t let them down. We’d worked too hard to set this up. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be thwarted by a bunch of little kids.
I was Princess Awesome, after all. And Princess Awesome didn’t need some fairy godmother to come rescue her when things got tough.
Princess Awesome saved herself.
I reached into my bag, pulled out my whistle, put it to my lips, and blew as loud as I could.
All four kids froze, turning to me. I drew in a breath. Here went nothing.
“Line up!” I cried. “And be quiet! ’Cause this princess party is about to get real.”
11
THE KIDS LOOKED ME WITH suspicion in their eyes, but thankfully, they shuffled into something that vaguely resembled a line. When Skyler opened her mouth to speak, I shook my head at her.
“My turn,” I said. “And listen up. I’m about to tell you a secret.”
Skeptical looks from my peanut gallery, but I had their attention still. I’d take what I could get.
I drew in a breath. Here went nothing.
“Tommy, you are correct. I am not a ninja princess. Nor, as Skyler so helpfully pointed out, am I a Disney princess. However, I am also not a bad guy. And I am not here to murder anyone. So you can all relax about that. But . . . ,” I added, a smile creeping across my face, “I do have a secret identity.”
I paused for dramatic effect. Now I had their full attention. They were so quiet, in fact, you could have heard a pin drop. (Well, you could have, anyway, had Trina’s music not been blasting from upstairs.)
“So who are you, then?” Tommy blurted out at last.
I gave him an ultraserious look. “If I tell you, you have to promise to keep it quiet. No one can know about this. Especially not your parents. It’s very important.”
They all nodded. Solemn looks all around.
“Okay, then,” I said. “I feel like I can trust you. So I will tell you my secret.” I was starting to enjoy this game. It was kind of like writing a story, on the fly—making it up as I went along. “I am a pirate princess,” I declared. “And I am on the hunt for a very valuable treasure. One that was stolen from my family a long, long time ago. I have recently uncovered a secret map that has led me here to Bella’s backyard. I believe the legendary treasure I seek might be out there, somewhere, just waiting to be found.”
Izzy opened her mouth to speak. I shot her a warning look.
“Now, I don’t usually do this. I actually prefer to work alone. But this is a big job and I don’t have much time. If I’m going to locate the treasure before your dad gets home, Bella, I’m going to need some help.” I paused. “Is there anyone here interested in helping me?”
“Do we get to keep the treasure?” Tommy demanded.
I pretended to consider this. “Maybe,” I said at last. “If I decide you’ve done a good job searching. Then I will consider splitting the treasure with you.”
“Sweet!” Tommy declared.
Izzy rolled her eyes. “Come on,” she said. “We all know there isn’t any treasure.”
I gave her a look. “And you know this . . . how?”
She frowned. “It’s obvious. You’re just making it up.”
“Okay.” I held up my hands. “That’s fine. You’re more than welcome to go upstairs and find your babysitter and let her know you want to go home. We’ll split up your share of treasure amongst ourselves. More for all of us that way anyway.”
She frowned, shuffling from foot to foot. I held my gaze, as if daring her to walk away. I could almost see the gears whirring in her head. She knew she shouldn’t believe me. But a tiny part of her still clung to that childhood innocence and wanted to.
“I guess it couldn’t hurt to look,” she muttered at last.
“Whatever you want to do,” I said briskly, then turned to Bella, dropping down to my knees in front of her and taking her hands in mine. “Now as for you, my sweet girl, I have a very special job in mind. Would you be my personal princess assistant during the treasure hunt?”
Bella nodded eagerly. “Yes!” she cried. “I can do that. I’ll be the best princess assistant ever!”
I smiled at her. “Excellent.” I handed her my bag of magic tricks—just in case I needed them—then turned back to the others. “If everyone’s in agreement, I think we should get started.”
I rose to my feet and pushed open the back door that led into the yard. Once we were all outside, I started shouting commands to each of the kids, and they spread out, starting their treasure hunt. Tommy and Skyler were soon full-on into the game, whereas Izzy kind of hung back, making a great show of looking bored. I sighed, wondering how long it would take for her to ruin the game for the others. And what I would do for my next act once they mutinied again.
“Wow! This looks way better than a boring old babysitter!”
I whirled around at the sound of the voice, only to find none other than Brody himself standing nearby, a teasing smirk on his f
ace. Relief washed over me at seeing a familiar face.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I live next door.” He gestured to the house behind him.
“Wow. That’s so random.”
“Not really.” He grinned, looking proud of himself. “Remember that day you gave me the flyers to hand out?” After I nodded, he added, “Well, I might have just happened to swing by my next-door neighbor’s house and hand-deliver one right after that chance meeting, along with my personal recommendation, of course.”
“So wait—you’re the one who got us this job?” I exclaimed, glancing over at the kids, who were already looking as if they were losing motivation. I wasn’t sure whether to thank Brody or curse him for this gesture of goodwill.
He grinned. “I just passed out a flyer. But I’m glad it worked out.”
“Um. Worked out might be a bit . . . overstating things,” I muttered.
“What do you mean?”
I gestured to the kids. “I’m pretty sure I’m only minutes away from a complete mutiny once they discover the hidden treasure is . . . well, not exactly hidden. Or, you know, treasure.”
Brody listened as I explained the whole fiasco—being dumped with extra kids, their not believing me to be a princess, my desperate pirate scheme. When I had finished, he nodded thoughtfully.
“I think there’s only one answer here,” he declared.
“Me running away?”
He laughed. “Look. Can you distract them for a few minutes? I’ve got an idea.”
“What’s that?”
“You need pirate treasure, right? What if I went and hid some?”
“You have spare pirate treasure lying around in your living room?”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
I laughed. “Not me. If I did, I wouldn’t have to be babysitting in the first place.”
“Good point.” He gave me a grin. “Now. Can you distract them for a few minutes so they won’t catch me?”
I nodded. “But be quick—they have the attention spans of angry gnats!”