Chapter Twenty
Cat
I wasn’t one to follow directions well but when Cash said to get on my knees, I dropped like a starving woman.
A basic primal need took over, savage and uncivilized. I was desperate. Crazy. I needed him. I wanted him like never before.
With frantic movements, I unsnapped his belt buckle and unzipped his jeans. His gaze was scorching as he stared down at me. Not an inch of him moved. He was like a panther – sleek and dangerous – just waiting to eat its captured meal.
Except I was the one that was going to be fed.
Lowering my eyes, I reached for his erection. He was enormous. Long and thick, his manhood was stunning. My core quivered and clenched as I thought of him deep inside me, thrusting until I screamed from the pleasurable pain.
He tensed as I wrapped my hand around him. He was so wide, my fingers didn’t meet. God, to have that in me again…
My mouth watered. I suddenly wanted to find out what he tasted like and run my tongue over the large veins that ran underneath his hardness.
I lifted my eyes, heat creeping down my body and pooling between my legs.
“Do it,” he whispered in a hoarse voice, staring down at me. “Take me in your mouth.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I closed my lips around his tip, keeping my hand around the middle of his shaft.
“Shit,” he moaned.
He rested both of his hands against the wall behind me, leaning his hard body over mine while I kneeled on the ground in front of him. His legs were spread. His jeans were hanging down on his hips, gaping open. I might have been on my knees, doing what he wanted, but I had the power. I had the control.
He was mine.
I peered up at him and ran my tongue over the head of his cock, licking up a drop of precum. He squeezed his eyes shut and hissed. The muscles in his arms flexed as he gripped the wood slats of the wall behind me harder.
“More” he groaned. “Take more of me.”
I lowered my mouth, taking him deep in the warm recesses of my mouth. He was so big and long that I wasn’t sure how much I could handle but I had never backed down from a challenge yet.
I relaxed my jaw and went deeper until he hit the back of my throat. A soft expletive left him and he leaned over more. I started moving my hand up and down on him while I sucked and licked, licked and sucked, taking him deep each time.
His breathing became erratic. His body clenched. A thrill of excitement moved through me. I wanted to give him every bit of pleasure possible. He was my euphoria and I was consumed by it.
“Jesus, Cat. Your mouth is amazing,” he rasped.
I moaned around his hardness, his words sending a quiver through me.
“God, do that again,” he demanded hoarsely, his voice sounding broken and nothing like the hard, cold person that he had become. “Moan for me.”
I started to but a deep, guttural voice boomed from outside. “Son? You and your girl okay?” David called out on the other side of the barn door.
I froze. Cash stilled.
I removed my mouth from Cash’s cock. The tack room was separated from the rest of the barn by walls and a door but I still felt exposed, down on my knees in front of Cash like that, his hard member in my hand and my mouth red and swollen from being around him.
Cash kept his hands planted on the wall behind me. He waited a heartbeat but then reached down and touched the back of my head, urging my mouth back on him.
I hesitated – there was a preacher right outside the barn! But when I looked up and saw Cash’s intense gray eyes, staring down at me with heated warning, I obeyed. How could I not when he looked so amazing standing above me, his amazing manhood standing so proudly before me, his body primed and ready for anything I wanted to do to it?
Slowly, I lowered my mouth back down on him. He hissed and closed his eyes, his hand going back to the wall behind me, the muscles in his neck straining.
Wickedness slithered through me. There was something exhilarating about doing such a naughty act while others were nearby. It was one of the reasons I hadn’t pushed him away when he cornered me in the public bathroom on our first date. It was just what Cash did to me.
“Son?” David called out again. “You two okay?”
“Shit,” Cash whispered so low I was sure David couldn’t hear him.
Clearing his throat, his erection pulsating in my mouth, he answered.
“We’re okay. Just give us a minute.”
His voice sounded scratchy, croaky even. It turned me on, knowing what kind of effect I had on him. I sucked harder and took him deeper until he hit the back of my throat. He reached down and grabbed the back of my head, silently urging me never to stop.
“Well, I know you love her. Remember that when you’re…doing whatever it is you’re doing,” David called out. “Getting angry at her and such. If you two need to talk, I’m here.” There was a chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Hearing David say that Cash loved me – even if it wasn’t true anymore – did something to me. I increased the stroking of his shaft with my hand and drew him deeper, coating him with my saliva and almost making me gag. I wanted him to be putty in my hands.
Cash clenched his jaw. “I’ll keep that in mind, David,” he ground out, his hand pushing my head down on him as I swirled my tongue over the thick, bulging veins under his hard silkiness.
“Okay,” David said.
A second later, I heard him shuffling through the dead leaves, walking away. As soon as he was gone, Cash fisted a handful of my hair and pushed his cock deeper into my mouth.
“I’m almost there. Don’t stop,” he groaned, moving his hips in slow, hard thrusts. Taking over. Fucking my mouth.
I moaned and glanced up at him. His hand was tangled in my hair, the other flat against the wall. His muscles were tense, his body ready to explode. It was the most erotic thing I had ever seen, him so vulnerable. So into what I was doing to him. He had never looked so sexy before, every emotion played out on his face. It did things to me I had never experienced. But this was about more than me wanting to give him the orgasm of a lifetime. This was about us.
And control.
He quickened his thrusts into my mouth. I ran one hand up the back of his thigh as my other hand moved on him. He groaned, his manhood sliding past my lips and going deep. When his breath hitched and his fingers tightened in my hair, I knew he was close.
Time to give him a taste of his own medicine.
With a reluctant sigh, I removed my mouth from him and gave him one more squeeze before letting go, leaving him teetering at the edge. Close to exploding.
He looked down at me and growled low with displeasure. His cock stood at attention in front of me, red from my lips and looking painfully hard.
“You little tease,” he whispered. “Get back here.”
He tried to tug me back to him with the hold he had in my hair but I held firm and smiled up at him sweetly. I had him right where I wanted him. Achy and crazy with need.
“Haven’t you heard, cowboy? Payback is a bitch and so am I,” I whispered, using my best bedroom voice, dripping with honey and seduction and all those things guys loved.
But I forgot who I was dealing with. A cowboy that wasn’t as calm as he appeared.
He grabbed my arms and yanked me to my feet. With a muttered curse, he pushed me against the wall, pinning me with his solid body. Gray irises of fire stared down at me, looking ready to throttle my backside.
“You’re not a bitch,” he rumbled in a dark, dangerous voice. “But you’re right. Payback can be.”
I didn’t have time to think or freak out that he was going to repay me for teasing him. His mouth took fierce possession of mine, his body pressed against me from thigh to chest. I didn’t fight him. I didn’t wiggle or push against him. Instead, I gave in.
My muscles went weak as his tongue swooped past my lips, attacking me. I became lost, going further and further under the spell t
hat seemed to control us whenever we were around each other. It didn’t matter if we were in a dusty barn or in the ritziest restaurant in all of Texas. I couldn’t resist him.
I grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him against me. He became my anchor, my captor, holding me up against the slatted wall. His body pressed into me. I whimpered and wiggled against him. I wanted him now. I couldn’t breathe until I had him.
I reached down and ran my hand under his shirt, brushing the tip of his cock pulsating between us. His mouth turned rougher on mine as I slid my hand along his abdomen and right above his open jeans.
He was all muscle, the ridges and valleys like silk under my fingers. A trail of hair ran from his belly button down, a trail I had to explore.
I ran the tip of my index finger along it. When my hand encountered the pulsating hardness between us, I didn’t hesitate. I wrapped my fingers around him and squeezed.
He tore his mouth from mine and grabbed the waistband of my unbuttoned jeans in a tight fist.
“Take them off,” he ordered, giving my jeans a hard yank. “Now.”
I started to do as he said, but he was impatient.
“Fuck it,” he bit out between clenched teeth.
He shoved my jeans down my thighs then dropped to one knee in front of me. I shivered as he grabbed my right boot and jerked it off then tossed it in the corner. He did the same to the left one then turned his attention to my jeans.
His fingers circled around my right calf and pulled my leg out of the worn pants. Leaving them attached to my left ankle, he stood up. Heated control flared from his eyes, all-consuming and undeniable. He looked hungry, ready to ravage me.
I held back a gasp as he wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me up like I weighed nothing. My legs went around him automatically, my jeans dangling from one ankle. Taking a step forward, Cash pressed me up against the wall and did what I wanted most.
He thrust into me hard. I cried out and went stiff in his arms.
“Payback,” he rasped, lodged deep in me.
Grabbing my bottom with both hands, he withdrew then thrust back into me.
I cried out again. Ripples of warm electricity zipped through me. My nipples felt like pinpoints of friction as they rubbed against my shirt. My slickness clenched around him, never wanting to give him up.
He buried his face in my neck, his mouth going to my throat.
“You’ve got me all tangled up inside, Cat,” he whispered, his breath hot on my skin, his thick cock buried to the hilt in me. “All I can think about is you. All I want is this.”
He withdrew and thrust again, pinning me against the wall. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hung on for dear life. My body burned, every pore suddenly sensitive. Every inch of me on fire.
“You’re mine, Cat,” he rasped. “All mine.”
I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged his head to the side roughly. “Then make me come, cowboy” I whispered in his ear.
He sucked in a breath and slammed into me hard, making the wall behind me shake and tremor. The whole damn world could come down and I wouldn’t care. When he thrust again, I came like never before, a violent orgasm ripping through me.
Stars burst. My vision blurred. He let out a low moan and thrust faster, my climax triggering his. I clamped down on his shoulder with my teeth, covering my cries as he exploded deep inside me.
My body jerked, rippling deep. I held onto him tightly as he continued to pump inside me, his essence soaking the tender walls of my body, emptying against my cervix.
Warning dinged in the back of my mind. We were playing with fire, using no protection. This was the third? Fourth? Fifth time he had come in me?
His nose and mouth was buried in my hair, sending little shivers over me. His hardness pulsating deep inside my body, still thick and semi-hard.
He was breathing fast. The muscles in his arms, holding me up, were bulging.
I don’t know how long we stayed that way, with me held up against the wall and him still inside me. I wanted to stay that way forever but awareness slowly returned.
We were in a dusty barn. My pants were hanging off one ankle and my legs were around Cash’s waist. His jeans were unbuttoned and hanging down around his hips. We were connected body to body. Cock to pussy. Tate or David could walk through the wide doors any minute and see us.
It was a wakeup call. A glaring reminder of reality. Cash must have realized the same thing. He eased out of me and lowered me to my feet.
My legs were shaky and my heart was beating too fast. I reached for the wall behind me and raised my eyes to Cash.
He was staring down at me with heat and a cool kind of wariness. I swallowed hard. From the broad set of his shoulders to the rugged five o’clock shadow that dusted his jaw, he was all male. The top of his head almost reached the low ceiling of the tack room. His tall, lean body was pure muscle, sleek and wound tight. His intense gaze pierced me down to my soul.
“Cash?” I whispered, wanting him to say something. Let me know that we were back to normal.
But he didn’t. He slid his gaze away from me and stayed quiet. With his eyes downcast, he started tucking himself back into his jeans.
With my heart in my throat, I reached down and pulled my pants on. The barn was suddenly colder. My fingers were suddenly shakier.
He was so damn aggravating. One minute he was hot, the next minute he was cold. I didn’t know whether to cry or punch something or better yet, someone.
Anger was better than weepy sadness any day. I leaned over and grabbed my boots, careful not to look at him. The leather reins caught my eye, laying in a tangled mess not far away.
How the hell had I allowed this to happen again? When would I ever learn my lesson? He said we were over. He didn’t want me to love him. He pretty much said it was all about sex now. I was back to being a slut. Was that all I was worth? A good roll in the hay? Was I that pathetic that I didn’t care as long as Cash fucked me?
The wound on my side pulled and ached but I didn’t pay attention. It was just a harsh reminder of why he didn’t want to love me.
Bending over at the waist, I shoved my feet into my boots, angry at myself and him. Mind-numbing sex was all I had wanted after Luke died. It was a way to escape everything. A chicken’s way of dealing with pain and heartache. But that’s not who I wanted to be now.
I jerked upright and flung my hair back, glaring at Cash as he leaned over to grab his cowboy hat. Standing upright, his eyes flicked to me as he sat the hat on his head.
“We’re leaving tomorrow. Pack what you can find. We leave at first light,” he said, turning to leave.
I watched him walk away, knowing how easy it was for him. I just wished it were as easy for me.
He made it to the door when the words burst from me.
“So that’s it? Just fuck and run?” I asked, sticking my chin up. Hurt.
He stopped, his back to me.
“Yeah, that’s about it,” he answered in an icy cool voice.
Pain twisted my insides together. I tried my hardest to find some strength.
“Then it’s over, cowboy. Stay away from me,” I snapped, glaring at his stupidly, insane sexy back.
Slowly, he turned. His gaze was hard. His jaw was clenched to the breaking point. I had never seen him so pissed. So dangerous. Nothing like the man who had just used my mouth then came in me.
With predator-like slowness, he started back toward me, his hips rolling with each step. His body strung so tight, I thought he would burst.
The tack room was suddenly smaller. The air was thinner. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t run. Couldn’t think of anything but him in me again.
Stopping right in front of me, he stared down at me, his gaze cool and detached.
“What did you say?” he asked in a quiet voice laced with warning.
I licked my dry lips, second guessing my intelligence. No. Don’t give in. Be strong.
I cleared my throat and stuck my chin
up more. “I said it’s over. Isn’t that what you want?”
Anger turned his eyes hard but he didn’t say anything so I continued. Silence always made me uneasy.
“You don’t love me but I’m completely in love with you, jerkface. And that’s just not going to work. I refuse to be your fuck buddy. This body is closed.”
I yanked the edge of my jacket down with precise, angry tugs, feeling much more in control now that I had his full attention and got those words off my chest.
“Jerkface?” he asked, raising one eyebrow. If I didn’t know better, I might have seen one corner of his mouth twitch, fighting a smile. But that was impossible. He hadn’t smiled in forever.
“Yes. Jerkface,” I said with conviction, on a roll now. “Plus, another reason we’re over is because we’re not using any kind of birth control or protection. I don’t even know if condoms exist anymore and pulling out isn’t going to work forever. Not that you’ve been doing that,” I added with a glare at him, the wetness between my legs a stark reminder. “I don’t want to tie someone down who doesn’t love me with a baby.”
He slid his eyes over me, his eyebrows scrunched in a deep frown that only made him look more rugged and handsome. As if he needs any help. Jerk.
I blushed at his perusal and continued, feeling slightly sick at what I was about to say.
“Getting pregnant would be the dumbest, stupidest thing we could do and since you want us to be over anyway, I’ll do what you said. I’ll stay away from you. But you’ve got to stay away from me too. That’s the only way this will work.”
He stared at me like he wanted to punch a hole in the warped wall behind me. Not that I blamed him but it was his idea.
Can I really stay away from him? When he didn’t say anything, I knew my answer. Yes.
I pushed away from the wall with a renewed purpose. I was strong. I had survived a car wreck, losing my best friend, my boyfriend, and watching Nathan die. I had lost my father to this damn war and my mother long before to greed and selfishness. I had fought off Paul and had to choose whether to pull the trigger and kill him or let him live.
I had lost everything. My home. My belongings. The things I thought made me, me. I had been hungry, dirty, and scared for months. If I could survive all of that, I could survive not being with Cash.