On the eighth day Ryder’s fever broke for the first time since he had returned home.
I was sitting by his bedside, my eyes dropping with exhaustion. No longer able to hold them open, I drifted off, so tired that I felt as if I was in a daze. My chin rested in my hand, my elbow on the arm of the chair. As I was slipping into sleep, my head fell back, jerking me awake. Trying to find more comfortable position, I curled into a tight ball, tugging my feet beneath me and snuggling into the warmth of the chair. In seconds I was asleep.
“Maddie.”
A dream. I was dreaming again but this time it seemed so real. I could almost reach out and touch it. The voice wrapped around me, warming me. I smiled in my sleep, happy to hear Ryder again.
“Maddie.” The rugged voice sounded like sand paper against a grain of wood. I love the way he says my name.
Someone close by coughed. My eyes slowly opened, forcing sleep away. The first thing I saw were blue eyes staring back at me.
I shot up, my eyes never leaving the ones gazing at me. Is he really awake? Am I dreaming again?
Ryder watched me, his eyelids heavy, drooping a second before lifting again. Feeling unsure if what I was seeing was real or not, I slowly lowered my feet to the floor and stood up.
“Ryder?” I asked, my voice shaking as I took a hesitant step forward.
Beneath the long hair and full beard, his eyes met mine, never leaving my face. They closed for half a second before he forced them open again, focusing on me.
“Say something else,” he rasped, his voice sounding scratchy. “I want to hear your voice.”
Oh my goodness! He’s awake! I threw myself on the bed, unable to contain myself. My arms went around his neck, tears racing down my face.
He let out a whoosh of air as I fell against him. One of his hands touched my side, so lightly that I almost didn’t feel it. I wanted to cry. Ryder is touching me! He’s holding me! I had been afraid I would never feel his hands on me again. To think that he may never wrap his arms around me again was a fear that had haunted me day and night.
When he groaned with pain, I let him go, afraid I was hurting him. Tears flooded my eyes, making it difficult to see. But through the moisture, I could see the bandage around his abdomen. It was still white. No blood soaked through.
His hand brushed against my leg then weakly fell on the bed. I searched his face, seeing the hollow cheekbones and the circles under his eyes. The cuts and bruises on his cheeks and forehead were slowly healing, the swelling around his eyes going down.
His eyelids started to drift close but he forced them back open.
“Maddie,” his deep voice said, his eyes trying to focus on my face.
“I’m right here,” I said, leaning closer.
His fingers brushed across my jeans before resting on my hip.
“Stay with me,” he whispered, his hand grasping my hipbone surprisingly strong.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
“I made it back to you,” he said, forcing each word out.
“Yes, you returned to me.”
“Always.”
The word slipped out just as he slipped back into oblivion.
~~~~
Loud music filled the tattoo parlor. It sounded more like someone screaming than singing. It was late Saturday night and the place was packed with all kinds of interesting characters.
It wasn’t my typical hangout but I was here with Ryder. He was eighteen. I was fifteen. I know – I shouldn’t be in here with him, being underage and all, but Ryder knew the owner so it was okay. At least that is what I kept telling myself.
Cringing, I watched as a tattoo artist touched the needle to Ryder’s skin. The hum of the machine was scary. But whatever.
“Dude, this is going to be cool as shit,” the tattooed man working on Ryder said. I was surprised he could even say one coherent word with all the rings this guy had in his lower lip. And his dark green, spiked hair matched the green in the dragon tattoo wrapped around his neck. I tried not to stare at it but it looked amazing. Kind of hot in a weird, really warped way.
“Cool as shiiiiiit,” the man repeated.
“Yeah, that’s what I was going for,” Ryder said sarcastically, watching as the guy leaned closer to his arm and touched the needle to his skin.
Imagining how much that hurt, I took a step back, bumping into the tray of supplies behind me.
Ryder glanced up, the corner of his mouth lifting. “You okay, Maddie? You’re looking a little pale.”
I gave him a sweet smile, totally fake. “I’m fine, Ryder. Just admiring this guy’s artwork.”
Ryder’s smile got bigger, knowing I was lying. I had argued with him about coming here but he insisted, saying he wanted me with him. I knew it was a bunch of horse manure but I gave in, just like I always did.
An hour ago he had stood on my threshold, full of sadness and anger. Wanting to punch something. Needing to talk. He had another fight with his parents, this time about breaking his hand in a bar fight. I listened as he swore and cussed, hating Gavin for being the perfect son. Hating himself for not being what his parents wanted him to be. When he finally calmed down, he begged me to climb in his truck and go for a ride with him. He wanted a tattoo. Yet another way to rebel.
“You two a couple or something?” the tattoo artist asked, nodding his head toward me but still working.
“Or something,” Ryder’s voice rumbled, his grin slipping a little.
“Too bad, dude. She’s cute,” the man said.
“Yeah, but she’s a spitfire,” Ryder said, his eyes on me.
“Those are the best kind, man. Keeps you on your toes. Never a dull moment. You better snatch her up before someone else does,” the man said, wiping a cloth across Ryder’s skin before lowering the needle back down.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ryder said hoarsely, his eyes darting down my body slowly.
I bit my inner cheek, glancing around the room. We were still surrounded by people, most of them covered in tattoos, but it felt like it was just Ryder and me. Weird. I thought that only happened in books.
The tattoo guru started humming, disappearing in a world of his own that apparently included music that didn’t sound half bad. I was trying to figure out what song it was when Ryder grabbed my attention, motioning me over with a nod of his head.
“Come here,” he said, ignoring the needle marking his arm.
The room was so crowded with people and equipment that I had to squeeze around the chair he sat in. My bare legs brushed against his jean covered knees, sending a new and unusual feeling through me. The room had suddenly become very hot. And why was I sweating?
Wetting my dry lips, I stepped next to Ryder. He watched me, his eyes dropping to my lips for a second.
“Does it hurt?” I asked, pointing to his arm.
“A little,” Ryder admitted, looking down at the needle against his skin.
I watched the tattoo artist for a second, still in shock that Ryder was doing this. His first tattoo and I was here for it.
“Thanks for coming with me,” he said, low enough that only I could hear him. “And thanks for listening to me bitch.”
“That’s what friends are for,” I said, shrugging. I glanced at the tattoo on his arm again. It was raw and red against his tan skin. It looked very painful.
He didn’t say anything for a second, just watched me admire the ink that would be there forever.
“Do you like the tattoo?” he asked, glancing down at his arm.
An intricate design marred his bicep, twisting around him like it were taking over his body.
“It’s perfect,” I said, meaning it. The tattoo didn’t make Ryder look dangerous - he did that all on his own - but it was still pretty cool.
“Good. As long as you like it, that’s all that counts,” he said, the corner of his mouth lifting. “Nothing else.”
“Hell, man, the girls are going to go crazy over them,” the man said. “Girls dig t
he ink, dude.”
“I don’t care,” Ryder said, his eyes glued to me. “Maddie likes them. Maybe I’ll get a hundred more.”
~~~~
I woke up to shouts of rage. My eyelids felt heavy as I tried to focus on the thrashing figure in the bed across from me.
I’m dreaming again but this time Ryder’s yelling, not looking at me with desire.
Voices had me forcing my eyes wide open, pushing away the need for sleep.
That’s when I found Gavin and Janice rushing toward the bed, one of them carrying a lantern. The other carrying a gun. Both looked sleep deprived.
What was going on? Confusion had me trying to blink away the cobwebs in my mind.
Without warning, a painfully anguished roar erupted in the room. I jumped - but not before movement on the bed caught my eye. Ryder was thrashing back and forth, his movements jerky, knocking a pillow to the floor.
Janice and Gavin reached the edge of the bed just as my name tumbled from Ryder’s lips. All thought of sleep disappeared from my mind. Tossing the quilt off of my legs, I leaped out of the chair, pushing Janice out of the way to get to Ryder.
“Dammit, Maddie, get back!” Gavin yelled, grasping Ryder’s arms and trying to hold him still as he flailed.
Unafraid of Ryder’s swinging arms, I laid a hand on his forehead, ignoring Gavin.
“Janice, he’s burning up,” I said, feeling like I was touching fiery coals.
“His fever’s spiking,” Janice said, pushing Ryder’s shirt out of the way to inspect the bandage around his middle. “Maddie, grab that lantern and bring it closer.”
Gavin used all his strength to keep Ryder immobile while I held the lantern. Janice peeled away the bloody bandage, causing Ryder to moan. Yellow pus oozed from around the small bullet wound in his side.
“It’s infected and he’s torn the stitches open,” Janice said under her breath.
“You think he’s becoming septic?” Gavin asked, trying to keep Ryder prone as he continued to twist and jerk.
“God, I hope not. If it is, the antibiotic I have may not do the job,” Janice muttered, poking around at Ryder’s side.
He cried out, trying to knock her hands away.
I placed my cold palm against his forehead again. He stilled, my hand cooling his heated flesh.
“There’s only one place that will have stronger doses of antibiotics if sepsis sets in,” Janice warned.
“The hospital,” Gavin said, flatly.
“Yes, the hospital that was overrun with insurgents days ago if the reports are true.” Using the back of her hand, Janice pushed her grey hair away from her face. The circles under her eyes were dark in the lantern light, making her look more ragged.
“We can’t go to the hospital,” Gavin said. “It’s too dangerous.”
“I know.” Janice glanced at me, her eyes bleak.
A knot entered my chest, the look on her face frightening me.
“I’m going to stitch him up,” she said, solemnly. “I’ll get Roger to heat some water. Let’s keep a warm compress on his wounds, thirty minutes on then an hour off. If that doesn’t help…”
I nodded, tears burning the back of my eyes. The words didn’t need to be said out loud. Ryder may not live through this. The infection could travel through his body like a tidal wave, destroying everything in its path. Taking him away from me.
The one man that had always saved me may not be able to be saved.
Chapter Fourteen
“So how is he?”
I glanced over at Eva as I walked into the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, her hands around a steaming mug of something hot. She was wrapped up in a huge coat that probably belonged to Roger.
There were seven of us and not enough coats to go around. So we did what we had to do; we shared everything. It was either that or freeze to death. Our options were very limited but we made the best with what we had.
Janice’s washer and dryer now sat in the barn, gutted by Brody for the wires and hoses inside. He was our in-house engineer, capable of building anything with his hands. Our bathroom had running water, thanks to his design of collecting rainwater and piping it inside. Our hand-held radios still worked because of him and he was also trying to convert one of the vehicles to run without gasoline. Guess those years of engineering classes were paying off.
“Hello? Earth to Maddie? You gonna answer my question or ignore me?” Eva asked again, raising one blonde eyebrow.
Walking past her, I balanced a bowl of dirty water in my arms, trying not to let the water splash over the edge. I had just finished cleaning Ryder’s wounds, hoping to staunch the infection from spreading throughout his body. So far it wasn’t working.
“He’s better, I guess. His fever isn’t as high but his wound still looks infected,” I said, finding it impossible not to crumble and break. The last few days, I had managed to stay strong, putting up a solid front even though all I wanted to do was cry.
Eva lifted the cup to her lips but paused before taking a drink. “Don’t worry, Maddie, he’ll pull through. He’s too much of a stubborn S.O.B. not to.”
I knew she was right. Ryder was too stubborn to give up easily but I was scared this time he might have met his match with the infection and his injuries.
I stifled the anguish that rose in me. “Where is everyone?” I murmured.
Eva shrugged, her thin shoulders barely moving beneath the oversized coat. “Scattered around. Gavin and Brody were going to ride down the road and check everything out. Cash is AWOL as usual. Janice and Roger are trying to catch some fish for dinner.”
I held onto the bowl with one arm as I reached for the door handle.
“I’m going to go dump this water then I’ll be back,” I said, stepping outside. A brisk wind blew against me, tangling my hair into knots and flinging it into my face.
I was halfway across the yard when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I slowed down, listening to my gut warn me that something was wrong. Maybe it’s just Cash returning, sneaking up on me in his quiet way. I turned my head and caught a glimpse of someone following me.
It wasn’t Cash. It was a stranger.
“Hello! You there!” he called out.
My heart started beating faster, my pulse racing out of control. Careful not to make any sudden moves, I quickened my pace, not caring about the water that splashed over the sides of the bowl I carried. My instincts yelled at me to run. Take off! Get out of here NOW!
I tossed the bowl to the ground and sped up, my eyes glued to the barn. If I could just make it inside, I could arm myself with some sort weapon. A shovel, a hammer. Anything was better than my empty hands.
My heart pounded in my ears, making it hard to hear anything but the air rushing in and out of my lungs. I was halfway across the yard when the man’s voice stopped me.
“Hey! Stop a minute, will ya?” the man called out.
“What do you want?” I yelled over my shoulder, almost running now.
“Food. Water. Someone to talk to,” he answered, his boots heavy on the ground as he followed me.
My step faltered. All I had to do was give him a few cans of food and a couple of bottles of water and he would be on his way? Seemed too easy. But maybe he wasn’t a threat. Maybe he was just a man desperate for food. I turned, knowing I really had no choice.
The man standing a few feet from me was average sized and non-descriptive. I had no idea if he was one of the insurgents. He was neither Caucasian nor Asian. Russian nor an Afghan. Young nor old. He was unmemorable. Unremarkable.
What was unusual was his appearance. He looked healthy. Clean. That didn’t add up - most people were starving. How did he have clean clothes when most people didn’t even have clean water to drink, let alone wash with?
I took a step away from him and raised my chin, showing my unwillingness to be frightened.
“I can bring you some food and water,” I said, glancing at the house, hoping to see help.
He f
ollowed my gaze. Seeing nothing unusual at the house, his eyes moved around the area, assessing everything. Finally, he looked back at me and smiled. His white teeth seemed too perfect, gleaming under the sun.
“Okay,” he said, sounding trustworthy. “I’ll wait for you here. No worries.”
An uneasy feeling filled me as I made a wide circle around the man. Watching him out of the corner of my eye, I resisted the urge to put my hand over my stomach in protection.
He was taller than me but not quite as tall as Ryder. His brown hair was cut close to his head, too perfect for a world without electrical razors. And his jaw was smooth, not one stubble present. He stuck his hands in his jacket pockets, the gesture one of relaxation. I didn’t trust it at all.
As I passed him, Eva walked out onto the porch. Her eyes zeroed in on the stranger immediately. When she looked back at me, I saw fear behind her eyes. I shook my head, a small movement that I hoped she recognized as a warning.
Go inside Eva! I wanted to shout at her.
“Maddie?” she called out in question, watching the stranger warily.
Before I could answer, a blood-curdling scream erupted from her.
Feeling like I was moving in slow motion, I spun around. In front of me stood the man, this time holding a gun pointed straight at my heart.
I froze, my only thought to save my baby. I wrapped an arm around my middle, trying not to stare at the 9mm inches away from me.
“Where is he?” the stranger asked, his artificial smile gone.
“Who?” I asked in a shaky voice, taking a step back.
“A man. Tall,” he answered, his gun steady. “Has a few bullet holes in him.”
Ryder.
I gulped, almost losing my balance when I stepped on a rock behind me.
“I…I don’t know who you’re talking about,” I stammered, regaining my balance.
“Oh, I think you do. I followed him here.” He raised one eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown. “Easy enough to do with the blood trail he left behind.”
My face paled at the thought of Ryder leaving a trail of blood. We worried for days that someone had followed him. Guess we were right.