I was halfway there when the smell hit me. Something molded and sour. Rotten. I stopped as if I had hit a wall. But it wasn’t a wall. It was morning sickness.
With one hand wrapped around my middle, I pressed the back of my other hand against my mouth, fighting the urge to gag.
When the wave of nausea passed, I hurried through the room. A small, thick-paned window was located near the top of the back door, beckoning me with the outside light. Mustering all of my strength, I threw my body against the door.
Outside the rain was slowly turning to sleet but I didn’t have time to worry about it. I flung myself into the downpour. That’s when I couldn’t hold it any longer. My stomach emptied on the pavement beside the building, the cold rain soaking my clothes, sticking them to my body.
I was barely able to stay on my feet as the little amount of food I had in my stomach left me. I am so sick! Oh gosh, I can’t do this! My stomach heaved again. When it passed I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and closed my eyes against the spinning in my head.
Without warning the metal door beside me crashed open, smacking against the outside wall with a bang. I jumped, expecting the worst. I always expect the worst in this shithole of a world.
“What the hell?” Gavin exclaimed. “Are you sick?”
“I’m okay,” I answered, wiping my mouth again as the rain pelted me.
From beneath the safety of my hoodie, I glanced at Cash. He was standing behind Gavin, his eyes darting around anxiously. He held his shotgun tightly, ready if needed.
“Where are they?” I asked with a trembling voice.
“They’re coming. Let’s go,” Cash said, keeping his focus on our surroundings. Icy rain ran over the brim of his cowboy hat, soaking his jacket but managing to keep his face dry.
Gavin studied me a second longer than was necessary before grasping my elbow. “Come on,” he said, pulling me along behind him.
We ran as quickly as we could, the sound of the driving rain masking our steps. Gavin held onto me, practically dragging me along with him. Any other time, I might have protested but right now all that mattered was getting to safety.
Near the corner of the store, Cash held up his hand, stopping us. I leaned against the cold brick, breathing hard. I wanted to slide down and land in a big heap on the ground. Disappear in the cracks just like the rain did. I was tired and hungry. Just give up, a small part of me whispered. No one will blame you. Give in. But I didn’t. The only thing keeping me going was the knowledge that Ryder would want me to. For him and for our baby.
I watched Cash and anxiously waited for the moment he would tell us to start running again. Peering down the barrel, he scanned the area, keeping an eye out for any unwanted company. After a tense minute, he motioned for us to start moving again.
Gathering what little strength I had left, I took off running, following close behind Gavin. Cash brought up the rear, staying behind me.
I had trouble keeping up with Gavin’s long gait, fearing I would trip and fall. The pavement was slick and cracked, torn apart by weeds. It was the perfect scenario for a twisted ankle or broken bone. Wet, empty boxes littered the area, forcing us to maneuver quickly around them as if we were on a torturous obstacle course.
I forced myself to focus on our destination - the tree-lined area straight ahead. Our only escape.
We were ten feet from the trees when loud shouts exploded behind us. Shit! They found us!
Gavin grabbed my arm, flinging me behind an abandoned VW bug. I fell to my knees, feeling my jeans rip and my skin scrape against the sidewalk.
Cash slid to a stop, dropping down next to me. Resting his back against the bumper, he struggled to catch his breath. He pushed his cowboy hat further back on his head and peered down his gun, scanning the area.
I waited, trying to calm my racing heart down. Did the men see us? Are we going to get out of here?
Cash held up four fingers. I had no idea if he was trying to tell us there were four men or four seconds until we started running again. Deciding to find out for myself, I started to rise, hoping to peek through the back window of the car and see what was going on.
But Gavin put his hand on the top of my head, pushing me back down. When he gave me a warning look, he reminded me so much of his brother that it felt like another nail had just been pounded into my coffin.
“Stay down, Maddie,” he whispered so low I almost didn’t hear him. He glowered at me, daring me to argue. I didn’t.
When the shouts of the men died down, we waited a few more seconds before climbing to our feet. The weather was getting worse. Freezing rain fell harder, causing me to shiver. I prayed the strangers would decide we weren’t worth the effort and leave us alone.
Without waiting around to find out, we hurried to the back of the parking lot. Jumping over a low hanging fence, we crossed the last few feet to the dense woods.
Oak trees, overgrown shrubs, and trash covered the area, giving us just the protection we needed. Moving faster we ran through the thick brush. A few thorny branches reached out to snag my jacket, trying to grab ahold of me and not let go. But I didn’t slow down. Fright made me run but the cold made it impossible to feel anything.
We were on the outskirts of town, at least five miles from the terrorist stronghold. The store we’d just fled sat isolated, surrounded by woods. Before the EMP, it had been a rundown gas station that only travelers desperate for gasoline or a bathroom would visit. Now it was a shell of a store, left abandoned by time.
The road we had followed to get here looked more like a well-worn path than the busy road it had been months ago. Cash had jokingly called it the highway to hell and I guess he was right. It led straight into the enemy’s camp.
When we came across the store an hour ago, we decided it looked like a safe place to stop and search for supplies. We were wrong. Now here we were, running. Seems like all we did lately was run from trouble.
As the rain and sleet fell harder, I gathered my jacket tighter around me as we ran through the woods. Suddenly, my shoelaces caught on something. I didn’t know if it was a log or a branch, I just knew that I was going down. Throwing my hands out in front of me, I tried to catch myself from falling, desperate to stop the momentum. Suddenly, someone grabbed my jacket from behind, yanking me back.
“You okay?” Gavin asked, letting go of my jacket.
“Yeah,” I answered, shaking from the near disaster. The last thing I needed was to sprain an ankle or worse harm the baby.
Gavin studied me a moment. Rain ran down his face, soaking his hair and making his eyelashes spiky. He didn’t seem to notice. He just scrutinized me like he had a habit of doing lately. Finally, he gave me a nudge to follow Cash.
A short time later we found our horses. They were hidden in a ditch that looked like it had once been home to a small creek. The water had long since dried up, leaving a perfect place for hiding. A small outcropping of rocks and thick brush lined both sides, making the area almost feel like a cave.
When my horse saw me, she snorted and danced around nervously. I patted her neck, trying to calm her down. When another wave of nausea hit me, I leaned my forehead against her as chills shook my body.
I was struggling to stay upright and fight the sickness when a warm jacket was thrown over my shoulders. Lifting my head, I saw Gavin turn away. His jacket was gone, now on me.
Across the backs of the horses, his eyes met mine. The look on his face was grim. I watched as he dug another jacket out of his backpack and angrily pulled it over his head.
“Anyone have a dang umbrella or something?” Cash called out over the rain, digging around in his own backpack. I know he was trying to lighten the mood but it wasn’t working.
Everything was wet. Cold. Depressing. The wind was high and the temperature was dropping. Little pieces of ice hit my face despite the protection of my hood.
My fingers were numb and my feet were blocks of ice. We’re going to freeze to death. This is how it would end fo
r us. I tried to push the thought away but it lingered. We had no shelter and trying to build a fire in the pouring rain/ice mixture would just be a waste of energy. Yep, we’re up a creek without a paddle.
But despite the cold and rain, I still would have gone along on the trip. I had to do whatever I could to help find Ryder. We had always been there for each other and I wasn’t giving up on him yet.
“Hey, I’ve got an emergency blanket,” Gavin announced over the sound of sleet hitting the ground. He pulled a small square of silver from his backpack and held it up for us to see. It reminded me of a piece of aluminum foil that had been folded multiple times until it could fit in the palm of your hand.
“What the hell are we gonna do with that thing? Wipe our damn fingertips with it?” Cash asked, removing his backpack from the saddle and tossing it on the ground.
Gavin shrugged. “Kiss my ass, Cash, I’m prepared.”
“Yeah, a real Boy Scout. Too bad you weren’t prepared for that shit storm back in town,” Cash grumbled as he walked past me. I watched his lean frame lean over and start digging around inside his backpack.
But my mind was not on what he was doing; it was on the cold. It seemed to be taking over my body, freezing me from the inside out. I tried leaning against my horse for heat but she stepped away from me. Not only did I need her warmth but I also wanted to close my eyes and remember home. The scent of saddle leather brought back memories. I needed to remember those moments now. They were what kept me going.
Gavin touched my elbow, bringing me back from the past. “Come on. You need to get out of this weather.”
He led me to the blanket Cash had spread on the ground. I flopped down, needing no encouragement. I was beyond exhausted. The morning sickness and the rush to escape the men had drained all my energy.
Cash sat down next to me. I could feel him shivering too. He rubbed his hands together and breathed into them. A feeling of dread washed over me. If someone as tough as Cash couldn’t get warm, what chance did I have?
I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to gather myself into a little ball to conserve heat. Cold wetness began soaking through the wool blanket beneath me, freezing my legs and bottom. The rock ledge behind me felt like a huge block of ice. Little pellets of sleet hit the tip of my nose, slicing into my skin like tiny bits of glass.
Lifting my eyes, I watched Gavin unfold the emergency blanket and flipped it open. It slowly floated down, looking like liquid metal as it leisurely landed on top of Cash and me. I didn’t think it would provide much in the way of shelter but it was all we had.
Gavin’s boots sucked at the mud, making oozing sounds as he headed back to the horses. A second later he returned, carrying his backpack and mine. He flung them to the side and dropped down beside me, practically sitting on top of me. I scooted closer to Cash, giving Gavin plenty of room under the emergency blanket.
“If this keeps up, we’ll freeze to death,” Cash said. “Can’t build a damn fire. Can’t find shelter. Can’t get dry. Can’t find Ryder…”
“Shut up, Cash,” Gavin warned.
“I’m just saying…”
“I know what you’re just saying and I’m saying to shut up,” Gavin snapped.
I closed my eyes and rested my chin on my knees, tired of their arguing. They had argued all the way out here. They had argued about going into town. They argued about what to do once we got there. I didn’t think there was one thing they could agree on.
Except me on this trip.
They had told me repeatedly what a terrible idea it was for me to come with them. Gavin said Ryder would kill him. Cash insisted the town was no place for a woman. Their adamant arguments were exhausting and had started to make me mad.
I had tried to block out their endless ranting, focusing on Ryder instead. I day-dreamed about finding a way inside the prison. I wished we would just stumble across him. Cash said they took the strongest out of camp and made them work. Maybe Ryder was one of those prisoners! He was strong but he was also stubborn. He would fight anyone that tried pushing him around. That worried me. His fierce attitude was what I loved about him but I knew it might get him killed.
“Are we going further into town when the rain stops?” I asked.
“Plans have changed,” Gavin said, bluntly.
I lifted my head, looking at him. He stared straight ahead, avoiding my eyes. I knew then we weren’t going after Ryder.
“Gavin…”
“No, Maddie. I’ve got to get you back home.”
I sat up, letting go of my knees. Pushing a strand of wet hair behind my ear, I stiffened my spine.
“You said we could check it out,” I argued, feeling cheated.
“That was before this sleet started and I saw you throw up. Are you sick?” he asked, searching my face.
I glanced away, refusing to let him see the truth. “I just smelled something rotten in the store. It upset my stomach, that’s all,” I lied.
Wrapping my arms around my knees again, I rested my chin on my kneecaps. I refused to look at Gavin. I knew he could see right past my lie, damn him. Staring at the muddy ground, I focused on the sleet landing in the mud, bouncing around like tiny Styrofoam balls.
“We leave when this lets up,” he said. “We head back home and try again some other time.”
“No, we need to go look for him now,” I argued. “We’re too close to town to turn tail and run.”
“You did promise her,” Cash reasoned, coming to my rescue like he always did.
Gavin sighed. “Fine. When this weather let’s up, we’ll head closer to town. But it’s going to be a fast trip, Maddie. In and Out. If we don’t find him, we go home. Agreed?”
I nodded, agreeing to his terms. For now.
Chapter Four
I drifted awake. My neck felt stiff and a sharp rock poked into my back, pushing through the layers of clothes I wore. My head was resting against a hard shoulder, sending warmth through me. I snuggled closer to the heat, wanting to crawl further into bed and sleep. It’s so cold. Just a few more minutes then I’ll wake up.
Keeping my eyes closed, I wrapped my arm around the solid bicep next to me, feeling content for the first time in weeks. Somewhere in the back of my mind it dawned on me that it was a man’s arm I had my hands around, a man’s warmth I was trying to get close to.
Ryder.
I dreamed he was next to me, protecting me from the cold. His leg I was draped over.
Then I woke up.
It wasn’t the sound of horses stomping nearby that woke me, nor my subconscious screaming that the man next to me didn’t feel right. It was morning sickness that smacked me awake.
My eyes flew open. Throwing the blanket off of my body, I scrambled away from the warmth and safety I had slept next to.
“Maddie!” a voice called out.
I didn’t respond. Crawling on all fours, I rushed to a nearby log. Pushing my hood off of my wet hair, I dry heaved, having nothing left in my stomach to throw up. My abdominal muscles tightened painfully, making me double over.
“Oh, hell!” someone said behind me, putting a hand on my back.
Gavin.
I didn’t bother pushing his hand off of me. I was too sick to care.
“Cash, you got any water?” I heard him say.
A few seconds later, Gavin handed me a canteen. “Here, take a drink.”
With shaking hands, I took the metal canteen and lifted it to my lips. The cold water felt good going down my dry throat.
“You’re obviously sick, Maddie,” Gavin said, watching as I drank. “God, I never should have let you come with us.”
I recapped the canteen and handed it back to him. Taking a deep breath, I finally got the nerve to look at him. He stared at me with concern, waiting for me to say something.
What I wanted to say was that I was tired of trying to survive. Tired of struggling to go on without Ryder. Tired of being sick and tired of hiding it.
It was time I tell everyone the
truth.
With a deep breath I gathered the strength to say what I had been afraid to say for weeks.
“I’m pregnant.”
Gavin flinched like I had slapped him. His hand dropped away from me as if I was contagious. I saw his jaw clench hard. He glanced up and down my body, searching for evidence of the pregnancy.
“Hell, no,” he said, falling back to sit on the ground.
“Gavin, listen to me…” I started to explain everything but then I stopped myself. I didn’t need to justify the baby to him or anyone else. I loved Ryder and I loved this baby. No one could take that away from me. Even Gavin.
“Shit. Shit,” he swore under his breath, rubbing a hand over his face and looking everywhere but at me. Suddenly, he jumped to his feet. His muddy boots filled my vision as he started pacing in front of me.
Cash stepped up to Gavin, confronting him. “Watch your mouth. She’s sick.”
He ignored Cash and glanced down at me. I saw anger mixed with what I thought was hurt.
I woozily got to my feet and faced Gavin, undaunted by what he might say or do. This is Ryder’s baby. Our son or daughter. The only thing I had left of him. Gavin isn’t taking that small amount of happiness away from me.
“Ryder didn’t know,” I said. “I was going to tell him when he came back--”
“Well, now he will never know,” Gavin snapped.
I flinched, each word hurting, striking me like a leather whip.
“What the hell was he thinking!” he continued, growing furious. “I thought he was smarter than that!”
“Calm down,” Cash warned, stepping between Gavin and me.
“Hell no, I won’t calm down! Does he know what the hell he’s done? He put her life in jeopardy!” His voice rose with each word, his hand slashing out toward me. “A box of goddamn condoms in his house and he gets her pregnant! What the fuck is that about?”
I stumbled back. Gavin had never talked that way to me. Not once in all the years I’d known him. But he wasn’t done yet.
“Was he thinking of you when he went bareback or was he thinking only of himself? Cause we know Ryder only thinks of himself!”