It was the first time I had ever pulled a knife on a man.
Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be my last.
Chapter Nineteen
Cat
My grandmother always said the devil lived in all of us. He teased us with gluttony. Tempted us with desire. Won us with lies. If we weren’t careful, he would take our soul and destroy it.
I didn’t know if that was true, but I had a dark place in my soul. It ate at me, pulling me further down each day. I couldn’t fight it. I could only feed it, just like I was doing now.
After finding out that Keely was Cash’s sister, I had some shots of tequila. Then I had a couple more. I couldn’t help it. Fate had just bent me over and had its way with me. I was screwed, royally and hard. If there was one person Fate liked to fuck around with, it was me.
I poured a trail of salt on my hand and gave the guy standing next to me a sly look. He smiled, almost salivating when I ran my tongue over the salt, licking it up. Once it was gone, I tossed back the tequila, quickly following it with a lime. The tequila burned going down, but I was past noticing or caring that I might be in over my head.
“Whoop! Whoop!”
The frat boys shouted as they watched me slap down the empty shot glass, winning the drinking game we were playing for the second time in a row.
The guy next to me slid his hand around my waist and poured me another drink. I grinned at him but then my favorite song started playing in the living room.
“Let’s dance!”
I led the guy through the crowded kitchen, feeling drunk happy. Another drink magically appeared in my hand and I didn’t ask how it got there. I held it high above my head so it wouldn’t spill and danced like I just didn’t give a damn.
In the middle of the living room, I stopped and turned to face my new friend. He had blonde hair that was cut military-style and a tattoo that peeked out from under the sleeve of his shirt. He was a little too buff for me but hey, who was complaining? He was a man and he wasn’t Cash. I would feel nothing for him and that’s just what I needed.
He ran his hand around my waist, pulling me against his body. We started dancing to the music. The small apartment closed in around us. The thin walls of the building thumped to the music. I danced, pausing every now and then to take a drink of the fiery liquid in my cup.
I was doing a good job of staying on my feet, despite my sky-high heels and the numerous drinks, but then the alcohol finally won out. I stumbled, cursing Jimmy Choo for making shoes I couldn’t resist and Jose Cuervo for making some awesome tasting tequila.
The guy caught me with those buff muscles of his. “Hey. You okay?” he asked, holding me upright.
I pulled away from him and gave him a sly look. “I am now.”
He smiled back with a toothy grin. All my drunk happiness left me in a whoosh, leaving me stone-cold sober.
His smile wasn’t lopsided or sexy in a dangerous sort of way. He didn’t have a well-worn cowboy hat pulled low on his head, hiding his eyes from the world and me. His shoes weren’t scuffed boots that had seen too many days on a tractor and one too many nights on a barstool. His eyes didn’t remind me of stormy days or a night under the stars.
He wasn’t Cash, but I reminded myself for the millionth time that I didn’t need the cowboy anyway. I’d prove it.
I eased up next to the guy, letting my body rub against his. He smiled and pulled me closer.
“Are you as tired of this party as I am?” he asked.
My smile wavered but I forced it back. “You read my mind.”
The guy grinned even more and moved his hand up my back, skimming it along my spine. “You game for some privacy?”
I looked up at him, wondering if I could go through with it this time. I could always walk away. Be the good girl that falls in love with a guy like Cash. Or I could give in. Break a few hearts and sleep with a few more men to prove I was immune to everything.
I knew what I wanted to do, but I wondered what my heart could handle.
“Let’s go.” I grabbed the guy’s hand and led him out of the crowd before I could change my mind.
What I was about to do was wrong.
But I needed to prove I would be alright.
~~~~
I hit the bathroom wall hard, my back slamming into the towel rack. I winced but didn’t stop. My fingers worked quickly to get his buttons undone before I got cold feet. I need this, I need this, I need this, I repeated the words to myself. If I said it enough times it would be true.
His tongue slipped into my mouth the minute the last button on his shirt gave way. He shrugged out of it and threw it to the floor. His hands were back on me in seconds. They were rough. Hurried. He was here for one thing and one thing only. The sooner I got out of my clothes, the sooner we could do this and move on.
He popped the button on my Lucky Brand jeans and shoved them open. His hand went down the front, tearing past my lacy, expensive underwear. I fought the panic and resisted the urge to run. I had to prove to myself that I was numb. That Cash did not have a hold on me.
The guy shoved his fingers lower but my jeans were too tight. Frustrated, he grabbed me around the waist and spun me around, backing me toward the sink. I kicked off my heels as I went, sending them flying.
You can do this. You can do this.
The stone counter hit my hip painfully as he pushed me into it. Impatient, he reached around me and shoved bottles out of the way then wrapped an arm around my waist, lifting me onto the counter.
Thoughts of another restroom, another man between my legs, invaded me. My lungs constricted. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I was on the verge of having a mild panic attack, but then the guy touched the tattoo on my hip and everything came back to me.
I flipped my hair behind my shoulder and reached for him. He stepped between my legs and bent closer, kissing me.
It was a sloppy kiss. Too wet. Too hurried. Too messy to be sexy. I held onto the edge of the counter, fighting the urge to vomit. My skin crawled but I squeezed my eyes shut.
It’s called surviving. Deal with it!
I held still as he moved his mouth down to my neck, leaving a trail of wetness behind. I shivered, and not in a good way. I wanted to wipe my neck clean with the towel hanging nearby. Maybe even jump in the shower and wash his drool off me.
I pushed the icky feeling away and reached for his jeans. Time to prove that I couldn’t feel anything.
The button popped open. His Calvin Klein underwear peeped over the top. The bile rose in my throat. I felt hate so strong for myself that I almost doubled over. Tears popped up behind my eyelids. I blinked them away and started to push his underwear down.
But then the light over the sink flickered.
It was the wakeup call I needed. I froze, my hand going still.
“Come on, baby. It’s just a power surge. Happens all the time here,” he said against my neck when I pulled my hand away.
He was right. The power to my apartment complex was unreliable. But that wasn’t why I stopped. The flickering light shined a harsh reality down on me. For the first time in my miserable life, I didn’t want to be an easy girl anymore.
I only wanted to be with Cash and that made me angry.
I put my hand on the guy’s chest. “I think we need to stop,” I said, pushing him back a step.
He dropped his hand from my side. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“No,” I said, jumping off the counter and forcing him back another step. “I can’t do this.”
I circled around him in the tiny bathroom, searching for my shoes. The guy touched my back as I found one and slipped it on.
“Listen, baby—”
I snapped up, the shoes forgotten. I was dizzy and drunk, but I had to keep my head on straight. Guys could be asses when they got a drunk girl alone.
“Get your hands off of me. I’m not your baby!” I hissed, advancing on him. I held one high heel in my hand, ready to use it as a weapon if need be.
&
nbsp; He held up his hand and backed away. “Okay. Okay. Shit, didn’t know I was about to hook up with a psycho bitch.”
I glared at him. “Yeah, I’m a bitch. Tell me something I don’t know.”
I slipped my shoe on then flung open the bathroom door. Giving him one last dirty look, I stomped out, hoping I never saw him again.
The party had grown. I pushed and shoved my way through the crowd, angry, pissed, and sobering up quick. I needed to fix that quick. I was on my way to the alcohol stash when I saw a blonde girl approach me.
“Hey, Cat.”
I held up a hand and continued walking. Keely was the last person I wanted to see. The very last. But she followed me in her little ballet flats. I rolled my eyes and let out a loud sigh. Shit. The girl just didn’t give up.
“So where’s your boyfriend?” I asked her as I shouldered my way through the crowd to the kitchen. If Keely was going to follow me, I would entertain myself and get to know her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she yelled over the music. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”
She sounded so innocent and cute. Ugh.
I snorted loudly. “Sure you do,” I said, glancing back at her. She was too busy waving away a cloud of cigarette smoke to pay attention to me. She looked so out of place at the party that I wanted to laugh. Instead, I sighed and drew to a stop, turning to face her.
She bumped into me, too busy swatting away smoke to pay attention. When she recovered, she cleared her throat and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, looking nervous and uneasy around so many plastered people.
I drew my brows together. Not only did she look out of place with her flowery shirt and schoolgirl skirt, but she also acted like she had never been to a drunk, put-out-or-get-out frat party. She watched the crowd with a mixture of interest and caution, looking unsure but intrigued.
I had the absurd idea that I should take her under my wing and protect her. Help her shield her innocence against the hoodlums around here. Ridiculous, I know. I mean, I didn’t owe her anything. It was her brother I had a problem with. His sister might be Miss Innocent but he sure as hell wasn’t. Look how he made love to me. No holds barred. Powerful. Demanding. Taking what he wanted. Shit, was I ever going to get over it?
Not with his little sister hanging around, you won’t.
Keely watched wide-eyed as some guy sucked beer from a tube while doing a handstand. I tapped my finger on her skinny shoulder, getting her attention.
“Earth to Keely.”
“Huh?” she said, tearing her gaze away from the guy.
I grinned. She was too funny.
“Listen,” I said. “My brother likes you. So don’t break his heart and I won’t break you. Got it?”
She nodded.
“Good.”
I left her standing in the middle of the room. I didn’t know where Nathan had disappeared to but she could take care of herself. I had more important things to do.
Like deal with what I couldn’t forget.
The frat boys were still at it in the kitchen. Bottles of alcohol and spilled liquor covered the table. When they saw me, they all raised their glasses and shouted to join them in another drinking game. I declined the offer and grabbed a shot glass then a half-empty bottle of cheap tequila. I filled up the glass, stopping only when the liquid reached the top. It would give me just what I needed. Courage. Because I was about to do something crazy.
I leaned against the counter and pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket. Ignoring the party around me, I stared at the little screen. For days I thought about answering Cash’s calls or texts. Maybe if I heard his voice, I reasoned, I could prove what I had felt for him meant nothing. I could show myself that it was just lust and close the door on us forever. Maybe Keely was a sign it was time to do that.
My heart pounded as I scrolled through my missed calls. Tessa. Nathan. Tessa. Tessa.
Cash.
His number appeared. I took a deep breath.
And hit the call button.
Chapter Twenty
Cash
I hit the entrance ramp at full speed. My foot stayed glued to the gas pedal. Without slowing down, I merged onto the freeway. Cars and trucks traveled beside me, keeping up with my crazy speeds.
Fury rolled through me. I flexed my fingers on the steering wheel, glancing at my bloody knuckles. They had been worth it, shedding a few layers of skin and losing a little blood. To think that Daryl or his buddy would touch Cat caused me to lose a little of that calm control that I had been raised to have.
I pulled off my cowboy hat and flung it on the seat beside me.
“Son of a…” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. I called myself every name I could think of. No one had ever make me feel madder than hell one minute and crazy with desire the next. I didn’t know whether I wanted Cat again or if I wanted to strangle her neck the next time I saw her.
If I saw her.
I reached over and turned up the radio, drowning out the sound of the truck’s engine. I needed something to block the voices in my head, screaming at me for falling for a girl like Cat. Frustration wouldn’t leave me alone. Want wouldn’t get the hell out of my life.
I ran a hand through my hair again. I have to get my head on straight. Get my shit together. First things first. Forget her and move on.
I changed lanes, picking up speed. A streetlight flickered as I passed under it. At the same time my radio went silent, the music suddenly vanishing. I didn’t think much of it but I should have.
It was the first sign.
The radio came back on at the same time my phone buzzed beside me on the seat. I reached over and picked it up, glancing at the screen.
It was Cat.
“Hell,” I swore. If I was going to forget her, the last thing I needed was to hear her voice again. But no way could I resist.
I clicked on the phone, keeping a close eye on a black car that sped past me. “Hello.”
There was static on the other end but I knew she was there. I could feel her, almost sense her by me. Jesus, I was losing my mind but she might just be worth it.
“It’s Cat,” she said in my ear.
I shifted in my seat, uneasy with the way her voice affected me. It made me nervous as hell and as antsy as shit. I wanted to turn my truck around and race to wherever she was. Tell her I was doing my best to forget her, but so far nothing was working. I needed just one more time between her legs and then I could walk away.
“God, I’ve been wanting to hear your voice,” I said, keeping my eyes on the road but my mind on her. “Are you okay?”
There was silence on the other end of the phone, filled only with static.
“Cash…I think…” Her words faded in and out. “It was a mistake…broken…never again...”
I sat up straighter, my heart pounding out of control.
“Cat, honey, you’re breaking up.” I pressed the phone closer to my ear, watching the streetlights blink on and off as the cars raced past me. “Can you hear me?”
Her voice was barely audible through the static. “Don’t call me…can’t take it…leave me alone…”
The static grew, drowning out her words until I couldn’t hear her anymore.
“Cat! CAT!” I shouted, glancing at the phone then holding it back to my ear.
Suddenly, a car flew in front of me. I swerved to miss it, anger and frustration making me hit the gas harder.
“CAT!” I shouted again.
But there was nothing but silence.
~~~~
“Fuck!”
I threw the phone onto the seat beside me just as the roar of my pickup’s engine died. The headlights flicked off, going dark. The radio went silent. I looked down at the dash. What the hell?
The truck had just lost all power.
I glanced back up and that’s when I saw it. Chaos. It was everywhere.
A semi was skidding across the road, jackknifing out of control and coming straight
at me. Its trailer crossed the lanes of traffic, taking cars and trucks with it like a broom sweeping up debris.
And I was next in line.
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” I shouted. I jerked the wheel to the left and stood on the brake.
But it was too late.
A station wagon slammed into the front corner of my truck. The impact was bone-jarring. My head snapped to the side, hitting the window. Pain exploded in my skull. The seat belt cut into my chest, constricting my breathing, as I was thrown forward then backward. If it weren’t for that strip of polyester holding me in place, the steering wheel would have left a painful, if not fatal imprint, on my chest.
The sound of screeching tires and the awful noise of grating metal was all I could hear. The smell of gasoline filled my nostrils, making my eyes water.
My truck spun in dizzying circles across the freeway. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, block out the spinning world outside the windshield, but I knew I had to be prepared for anything.
The truck flew across a lane and hit the guardrail, crashing into it like it had hit a brick wall. My head hit the window a second time with another crack of pain. I felt the impact down to my bones. Down to every part of my body that pulsated and lived. Fire exploded in my leg as the front end of the truck caved in on itself.
With a heavy, metallic groan the truck stopped, bouncing on its frame. I sat frozen, my hands gripping the steering wheel. My knuckles were white and every muscle in my body was wound tight. My leg felt oddly numb, but I could feel a strange warmth trickle down it.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, trying to understand what happened. When I finally came to my senses, I dragged in a deep lungful of air then reached down with a shaky hand for the door handle. The door swung open halfway, caught by the dented guardrail. The smell of freshly mowed grass couldn’t cover up the scent of burnt rubber and gasoline that surrounded my truck.
I unbuckled my seat belt, grimacing when something hurt in my back. I heard the seat belt unclick and instantly felt relief against my chest.