I should have been frozen with memories of another time. Another man’s blood on my hands. But in that moment, I became stronger. I had to be. For my brother.
A trail of blood appeared at the corner of his mouth. His lips were white but they moved. “Keely. Keely.”
“Okay.” I found the strength not to burst into sobs. I snapped my head around to glare at Tate. “Kill them,” I hissed.
Tate’s face went white. I knew it was wrong of me to put that on my little brother, but Nathan was dying and Keely was hurt or maybe even dead. Hightower and Paul had done it. These men had taken from me without remorse.
Now it was my turn to do the same.
“Kill them!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face. “Kill them, Tate!” I jumped up and grabbed the gun from him. My hand was bloody, slippery on the pistol. I couldn’t see. The tears were too thick in my eyes. I shook from my head to my toes.
I took a deep breath. I could do this. I put my finger on the trigger, ready to pull.
“Easy,” Hightower said in a calm voice. “We’ll go. We’ll walk out of here and you’ll be free.”
I motioned to the door with the gun. “You’ve got three seconds.” They were monsters but I wasn’t sure I could take a life. I had seen one too many taken from me.
“Come on,” Hightower said to Paul. “We got what we came for anyway.”
“You did,” Paul grumbled, holding his bloody ear as he followed Hightower. At the door he glanced back at me. “But I will one day.”
I kept the gun pointed at them until they disappeared through the doorway. As soon as they did, I handed the gun to Tate and dropped to my knees beside Nathan again.
“Oh, Jesus,” I hissed, not sure what to do. The floor beneath him was a pool of dark red. I wasn’t a doctor but I knew it was bad.
“Keely. Where’s Keely?” Nathan mumbled, his eyes closing then reopening.
I grabbed a nearby blanket and put it on the gunshot wound, putting pressure on it.
“Just hold on, Nate. We need to stop your bleeding,” I whispered, wiping my tears away with the back of my free hand.
Tate pushed the front door closed and shoved stuff in front of it to barricaded us in and the bad guys out. I heard him head across the room toward where Hightower had dragged Keely.
Panic flooded me.
“Tate!” I shouted, glancing at him over my shoulder. “Wait. Wait. Don’t go in there!”
I jumped to my feet, leaving Nathan. “Let me go. Stay with Nathan.”
Tate nodded, reading my mind. I didn’t know what condition Keely would be in, but I didn’t want my little brother to see it.
I wiped my bloody hands on my pants and looked at the dark doorway. The first time I met Keely, I didn’t want to like her. She was sweet and nice and reminded me too much of Cash. But sometime over the past few weeks, she had grown on me. In her innocence, I saw hope and happiness. I saw what I could still be. In her smile I saw friendship. Something I needed badly. I just hoped and prayed that she was still alive.
I didn’t want to lose my new best friend.
~~~~
The room was shadowy. A dirty-laced curtain hung on the window. A metal bed frame had been pushed against one wall and stacks of old newspapers took up another. Filth and dust covered the floor and everything in between. I found Keely lying motionless in the middle of it all.
“Keely!” I cried out, running to her. She was laying on her side, curled up in the fetal position. Her pants were across the room and her shirt lay tattered at her feet.
I reached out to touch her but then stopped. She was covered in welts. Her arm. Her side. Her legs. Her pale blonde hair was tangled. Oh, shit. A chunk of it was gone. Hightower had talked about taking strands of hair and he had taken some of hers.
I felt sick to my stomach. I reached out with a shaky hand and pushed her hair away from her face. Her cheeks and eyes looked just as bad as the rest of her body.
“Keely, they’re gone. They’re gone,” I repeated over and over, touching her arm gently. “They’re gone.”
Her eyes fluttered open. She whimpered and drew herself into a tinier ball, trying to get away from my touch.
“It’s me. It’s Cat,” I said as gently as I could.
Hearing my name must have gotten through to her. She raised her head again and blinked at me.
“It’s me, Keely.”
She pushed herself to a sitting position and pulled her knees up to her chest. I laid a hand on her head when she buried her face in her knees and started crying.
When her sobs grew, I crawled closer and wrapped my arms around her skinny shoulders. I held her as she cried. When she started shaking, I grabbed an old quilt from nearby and wrapped it around her shoulders. It wasn’t cold but she was naked and in shock. Warmth and security was what she needed at that moment.
She looked at me, her lopsided hair hanging in her face. She didn’t need to tell me what that monster had done. It was evident.
Keely didn’t say anything as I helped her to her feet. She didn’t whimper when I walked her out of the room. She didn’t talk when she fell down beside Nathan.
She only cried.
He touched Keely’s bruised face and whispered that he loved her. Tears trailed down my cheeks as I listened. I wanted to get up and run away. Flee from the grief and sorrow that choked me. But I knew there was no hiding. It always found me anyway.
The blood poured from Nathan’s wound and pooled under him. His face had lost all color and his body was going limp quickly. I didn’t need to say what we all knew. The gunshot was fatal. Nathan was dying.
I had my head bent, tears dropping into my lap, when I felt Nathan’s hand grab mine. I lifted my eyes, not ready yet to say goodbye.
“Let him love you, Cat,” Nathan whispered.
I shook my head, unsure what he meant.
Nathan licked his pale lips. “Whoever he is, let him love you.”
I sniffed loudly and ran a hand under my nose. “Don’t leave me, Nathan. Don’t you dare leave me.”
He tried to grin but it took too much energy. He looked at Tate. “You’re a good kid, Tater Tot. Take care of Keely and Cat for me.”
Tate nodded and ducked his head. His shaggy hair fell over his face, hiding his tears from us.
Nathan looked back at me, his face growing paler. “You’re worth it, Cat. Remember that. We’re all worthy of love.”
I cried as he whispered he loved me. I sobbed when he touched Keely’s face.
I wept when he closed his eyes for the last time.
~~~~
Night had fallen by the time we buried him. Tate broke into the hardware store for a shovel and he and I took turns digging a grave. We buried him in a nearby field covered with dandelions. Keely stood quietly nearby and watched.
I didn’t want to leave him there. I wanted to take my brother home. But home was far away.
Tate’s eyes were red-rimmed, his nose swollen from crying. He sat on the ground near Nathan’s grave and cried, his body shaking with grief. I held him tight, my own tears joining his. When the sky darkened more, I urged him to his feet.
We headed across the deserted street toward the house again. Keely walked beside me, her arms wrapped around her middle. She hadn’t said one word since I found her. I wanted her to yell and scream, cuss and throw a huge fit for what Hightower did to her. But instead she stayed quiet, drawing into herself more and more each minute.
The house was dreary and dark when we walked in. It held ghosts and violence that made my back stiffen. We found one candle and a half-empty box of matches. Tate lit the candle and I took it immediately. I needed to be alone.
I hurried to one of the bedrooms, running and covering my mouth to keep my cries from escaping. As soon as I got to the room, I shut the door and set the candle on an overturned box. I fell to my knees, sobbing. Terrible cries shook my body and pain ripped at my heart. I hugged my arms around myself and cried. I felt like I was dying too.
>
My brother was dead.
Nathan was gone.
I would never see his smirk or hear his bossy voice again. Oh, god. Nathan’s gone.
I didn’t know how long I sat there and wept, but it would never be enough time. How was I supposed to get over losing him? How would I go on?
After a while, I had no tears left. My chest ached and I felt hollow inside. The fighter in me, the one that Nathan always encouraged, rose up. I went from crying to seething mad. From one emotion to the other. I knew what Nathan would want me to be.
Strong.
I wiped the tears away with angry, jerky motions. My grief turned into purpose. I glanced around the room. I had checked it out earlier. It was a girl’s – maybe a teenagers. I pushed myself to my feet, feeling shaky but determined. Sniffing, I crossed the room to the closet door. I had to shove magazines out of the way to pry it open but I finally got the cheap, wooden door ajar. I started going through the clothes hanging there. I grabbed a pair of jeans and then a t-shirt. I found a pair of military-style women’s boots and pulled them out too. I wouldn’t have been caught dead in the stuff weeks ago, but things were different now. We were at war. We were fighting for our lives, now without my brother.
With a quivering chin, I changed clothes quickly, lacing the boots tightly up my shins. My motions were jerky. Angry. I was mad at the world. Pissed at life in general. Overwhelmed by my loss. I didn’t know whether to sit back down and cry or go on a killing spree.
Suddenly, a footstep alerted me that I wasn’t alone anymore. I glanced up and wiped away another tear. Keely stood in the doorway, looking fragile and frightened in the candlelight. I jumped up and went to the closet again. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt. Nathan would want me to take care of her no matter how grief-stricken I was so that’s what I would do.
I walked across the room with purpose and handed the clothes to her. I didn’t give her a chance to change. Instead, I grabbed the candle then her arm and pulled her out of the room.
Tate stared at my swollen, red eyes as I led Keely past him to the only bathroom the house had. It was dingy and outdated, but it probably had what I needed.
I sat Keely down on the green-colored toilet seat and put the candle on the counter. It didn’t provide much light but I started rambling under the sink anyway. I found a box of tampons and some cheap, thin washcloths. Acne medicine sat beside arthritis cream. Prescription drugs sat next to a box of Band-Aids. I pulled out everything. We would take what we could carry.
“Tate, I need some water!” I shouted.
A few minutes later Tate appeared in the doorway with a big jug of water.
“Thank goodness,” I muttered. I grabbed it from him and shooed him away, closing the door behind him. I wetted a washcloth and handed it to Keely. She looked at me like I was crazy.
“We’re going to clean ourselves up,” I told her, slamming stuff on the counter. Soap. Deodorant. Hairbrush. “We’re going to walk out of here with our damn head held high. Everyone can suck it. We’re survivors, Keely. Understand?”
When she didn’t answer, I glanced at her. She had tears in her eyes. They dropped down her face and onto the washcloth in her hand.
I felt myself start to lose it again. My throat closed up. Tears filled my own eyes, but I blinked them away and dropped down in front of her, kneeling at her knees.
“Listen to me, Keely,” I said, grabbing her hands to get her attention. “I know what that monster did and I know what you’re feeling. It’s not your fault. He was a pig. The lowest form of humanity. We can’t let them make us afraid. They only win that way. We’ve got to be stronger.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks and dropped off her chin. I swallowed past my own thick throat and went on.
“Nathan cared for you, Keely. He loved you. I’m going to miss him too. I’m going to miss him so damn much. But he would want for you to get up and go on,” I said, my eyes watering even more saying my brother’s name. “Believe me, if he was here, he would tell both of us to be strong and move on.”
She shook her head violently and tried to pull her hands away but I wouldn’t let her. Nathan hadn’t let me give up a year ago. I wasn’t going to let Keely.
“No!” I said, tightening my fingers on her hand. “You’re going to clean up and fight this. For yourself. For Nathan. For Cash.”
Her head snapped up. I felt something flare to life in me when I thought of her brother.
I nodded. “For Cash. Let’s do this for Cash.”
I didn’t kid myself. We would probably never see him again. The thought of that did something to me, twisting my heart painfully. But if thinking about Cash got Keely through one more day, I would say his name a million times no matter how much it hurt me.
I let go of her hand and stood up. Wetting a washcloth for myself, I scrubbed my skin until it was red. I took off my new clothes and scrubbed every inch of my body. I scrubbed until I almost bled.
She did the same, putting on her new clothes afterward. I felt cleaner. Able to face the hell that lived outside the walls and inside me.
There was one more thing that needed to be done.
I pulled a pair of scissors out of a drawer and grabbed Keely’s hand, pulling her to her feet. Her light blonde hair was lopsided, one side shorter than the other. Her eyes held a haunting look in them, one that I recognized from looking in the mirror at myself.
I grabbed the scissors and grasped a lock of Keely’s hair. She gasped as I cut it off. I did it again and again until her hair was evened out. When I was done, I took a step back to look at my handiwork in the candlelight.
Her hair was shorter than before but it wasn’t lopsided anymore. Her small, oval face was framed even more delicately with the new haircut.
Now it was my turn.
I fingered the edge of my braid. It was messy, coming undone. A part of the old me. I remembered Paul wrapping his hand around it and yanking my head back painfully. I remembered all the men that had wanted to run their fingers through my hair as I gave them a sinful smile.
I picked up the scissors and started sawing off the braid. Tears filled my eyes but anger cut through me with every slash.
Nathan was dead.
Keely was hurt.
Everyone I loved seemed to be taken from me.
I sawed faster, desperate to cut the braid from me. Finally it fell into the sink. I left it there along with the girl I once was.
~
Three Years Later
~
Chapter Thirty–Three
Cash
“This is a load of horse shit.”
I stuffed the last of my supplies in my saddlebag. “Tell me how you really feel, Gavin.”
Gavin scowled at me over the back of his horse. “You really want me to tell you what I think?” He rested his arms on the saddle, ignoring the horse when it shifted and pawed at the ground.
“Go ahead,” I said, grinning as I checked the saddle strap on my own horse. “Let’s hear it.”
“Fine. I think this is a goddamn stupid decision. I think we should pack our shit up once and for all and head home.” He walked around his horse, checking straps, and shaking the saddle to make sure it was on good and tight. Finally he stopped by his quarter horse’s flank, resting an elbow on him and facing me. “Listen, Cash.” Gavin’s voice lost his edge, the one that made me want to punch him sometimes. “She’s your sister. I get it. Hell, if Maddie or Ryder were missing, I would move heaven and earth to find them, but it’s been three years. I just don’t think we’re going to find her.”
I gave the stirrup a good yank, keeping my head down so my cowboy hat would shield the anger in my eyes from him. Gavin was just looking for a fight. He was a pain in my ass and a damn big thorn in my side.
But hell, the man had become my best friend.
Three years ago I walked out of the terrorist camp with a heavy heart, leaving my dying dad behind. I became a cold S.O.B., just itching to take out a few foreign fucks
. Then I ran into my friends from high school, Brody and Eva. They were trying to get out of town. Trying to get somewhere safe. When they mentioned Maddie Jackson I knew I had to go.
Maddie was someone I thought I had loved back in high school. A quiet boy’s infatuation. That was a long time ago. Now Maddie was like a sister. But I still had to find my real one.
“Are you listening to me?” Gavin asked, giving his own saddle a good yank to make sure it was on tight. “Are you just gonna give me a damn silent treatment?”
I put my foot in the stirrup and swung up into the saddle. Then I gave him the bird.
Gavin chuckled and mounted up too. “You just have a way with words. It makes my heart go pitter patter.” He patted his chest, right over his heart.
Gavin was Ryder’s brother (well, cousin technically but that was another story). Ryder was married to Maddie. He was a good guy, I guess. Most days, Ryder and I wanted to kill each other. Gavin was just a pain in my ass.
I rested my elbow on the saddle horn and faced him. “She’s my sister, Gavin. You can follow me or go home. Your choice but I’m gonna find her.” The rising sun was peeking over trees and through branches, blinding me as I stared at him. My horse danced beneath me, ready to go.
Gavin sighed and rubbed a hand over the black whiskers on his face. “Austin is a hellhole, you know.”
I nodded. “I know.”
For the past three years I had searched on and off for Keely but had been unable to get to Austin. It was ground zero for the war, it being the state capitol and all.
The news had trickled slowly to us about the EMP attack on America. It was an elaborate plan that had been in effect years beforehand. Sleeper cells had made careful arrangements, ready to jump into action when the U.S. was at its weakest. Without electricity we were vulnerable, each area of the country cut off from the other. Motions were set in place to invade when it happened. The terrorist had us right where they wanted us. But we were Americans. We knew how to fight on our own soil. We had done it before and we would do it again.
When I heard that the war was being won – that the United States was kicking some enemy ass – I had packed, only one thing on my mind.