Desire.
I looked away, afraid to see what was staring me in the face. Sure, I used men. They gave me what I needed – a distraction. But something about the cowboy was different. In the very short amount of time I had known him, I felt threatened. Exposed. It was a silly notion but I couldn’t shake it.
So I did what I did so well. I reached down deep, into the part of me that only knew coldness and pain. I wrapped the feelings around me, covering up what I didn’t want anyone to see. When I glanced back at the cowboy, I found him watching me carefully. Our gazes locked. His with humor, mine with anger.
“Cash. My name’s Cash,” he said, all traces of desire gone. Only humor remained.
“That’s right – Cash. My dad’s favorite word,” I whipped.
That eyebrow of his shot up again. “Excuse me?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “So, Cash…what are you doing? Buying meat?” I glanced around him at the butcher who was filling the refrigerated bin with chunks of steak.
Cash followed my gaze, looking at the man over his shoulder. “Nope, selling more like it,” he said.
“Selling?”
He glanced back at me. “Yeah. Beef, straight from my family’s ranch. Best tasting meat around.”
I didn’t comment because I really didn’t care what he was doing here or how his meat tasted. I just wanted him to stay away from me so I could go back to being me. Numb and wild.
“Well, I’ve gotta go…” I turned to go, hoping I never saw the cowboy again. I didn’t want to feel that twinge of curiosity that had appeared since the moment I met him. Didn’t want to listen to my body beg and plead to get closer to him. But more than anything, I didn’t want to experience feelings that should be dead.
“Nice seeing you again, Cat.” My name sounded like he was tasting it on the tip of his tongue. Like he was getting ready to devour it and make it his.
I forced a smile on my face then turned and walked away. I fought the urge to look back. To run to him and have my way. Instead, I continued walking.
I ignored the two little old ladies watching and whispering behind their hands nearby. I ignored the pimpled stock boy that almost dropped two cans of soup when I strolled past him. I ignored them all. Everyone in this miserable little town.
Including my quickly beating heart.
I was a safe distance from Cash - at the end of the refrigerated aisle down by the butter and biscuits - when his deep, throaty voice called out to me.
“Have dinner with me tomorrow night.”
Surprise and shock made me almost miss a step. I regained my composure and turned, ignoring the little old ladies and the stock boy studying my legs. I ignored the mother with the newborn, pushing a cart past me, and the announcement overhead, talking about the price of pears. I ignored them all, but not the cowboy.
He stood in the same spot, one hip cocked, his hat pulled down lower. He looked out of place in the grocery store, a rough and tumble cowboy from a different era. One that was better suited for the 1800s, sitting on the back of a horse with six-shooters hanging from his belt, than in a rickety old store that was having a one-day sale on toilet paper.
My inner bad girl screamed and stomped her feet, demanding that I tell him to fuck off. I didn’t need someone like him, with his dusty boots and broken in hat. I didn’t need anyone.
But then there was the other part of me. The part that I had tried to bury in the ground with Luke. The part that could love and hope and dream.
The part I hated.
“And just what’s in it for me, cowboy?” I asked loudly, being that reckless girl again. The one that refused to love but loved to cause trouble.
Cash walked toward me slowly, taking his time. His gaze was heated under the brim of his hat, studying me. Staring at me. Locking me in place.
The young mother watched nearby, ignoring her crying baby. The little ol’ ladies stood still, their puckered lips pulled down in disapproval. The stock boy pulled at his stiff collar, watching the show play out. Cash never noticed them and neither did I, too focused on each other to care who was listening or watching.
When he got close enough, I could see the heat blazing in his eyes.
“What’s in it for you?” he asked, his voice a low rasp. “Guess that depends on what you want, Cat.”
He stopped right in front of me, the toes of his boots very close to the edges of my wedge high heels. I could smell the outdoors on him. It was a scent that reminded me of clear skies and early summer mornings.
“What if I want everything?” I asked, jutting my chin out.
His lips twitched. “Well,” he said, tilting his head to the side and studying me from underneath his hat. “Just tell me and it’s yours.”
Jesus H. Christ, his words could make a girl wetter than Florida in a tropical storm. I nibbled on my bottom lip, feeling completely insane that I was contemplating having dinner with him.
I took a step back, needing my distance. Needing to take control again. Best way to do that? Shock him.
“Well, I’m not sleeping with you,” I said. “At least not yet.”
The old ladies nearby gasped and the stock boy snickered but I didn’t give a damn. They could thank me later for giving them something to talk about.
Cash grinned, looking like he was enjoying our little back-and-forth play. “Well, I’m not asking you to sleep with me. At least not yet.”
Fire crackled along my nerve endings. I felt it spread from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Holy hell, when was the last time a man could do that to me?
“Dinner. That’s all I want, Cat,” he said, all humor gone from his voice. He never took his eyes from mine, never looked down at my chest. It was something I was beginning to like about him.
I shook the thought away, disgusted with myself. He might be polite and different than other men, but he could only be one thing for me. Just another good time. Another roll in the hay. Another way for me to avoid feeling anything. I could handle that. I just couldn’t handle anything more.
“201 Chester Road,” I said, taking a step back then another, almost running into one of the little old ladies who was eyeing my short shorts with distaste.
“Is that your address?” Cash asked, one corner of his lips lifting higher.
I nodded. “Think you can remember that, cowboy?”
Cash’s lopsided grin grew. He shrugged and stuck his right hand in his rear jean’s pocket.
“Well, ma’am,” he said, peering at me from beneath his hat. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget a thing about you.”
I smirked. “Good. That’s the way it should be.” With a flounce, I turned and walked away, swinging my hips for his pleasure.
“8 o’clock,” he called out in that amazing voice.
I glanced over my shoulder and gave him my best perfected smile. One meant to seduce and destroy. Make men crawl and beg. “Make it 7. See you then, cowboy.”
Turning back around, I headed for the front of the store. Anyone who passed me would say they saw a tall, dark-haired girl with sin in her eyes. Someone who had signed on with the devil, ready to break hearts and steal love. Throw it to the curb like it threw her.
They would see a girl that was going nowhere but down and taking every last man with her, even the lone cowboy standing nearby.
Chapter Six
Cash
What the hell was I thinking, asking Miss Beauty Queen out? She wasn’t my type and I sure as hell wasn’t hers. But when I saw her standing in Craig’s Grocery, those long legs of hers going on forever, I knew I couldn’t let her walk away again.
I peered out the window, looking for her house. There was nothing but acres and acres of pastureland on either side of me, not the kind of place I pictured Cat to call home. For some reason I imagined her living smack dab in the middle of town, surrounded by everything she could possibly snap her fingers and get.
I almost missed her house, which was surprising because it was massive
. A long driveway led up to the enormous home, looking like something out of one of those fancy magazines. There were windows everywhere on it. More glass than I had ever seen in one house. The roof was flat and the walls were all angles and sharp corners. The modern architecture looked strange and foreign sitting in the middle of a Texas wasteland, surrounded by dry pastures and smelly livestock. But to each their own, I guessed.
“We’re not in Kansas anymore,” I muttered to myself, peering closely at the house as I pulled up into the long driveway.
I parked my truck near the house and cut the engine off. After taking a deep breath, I got out. I was nervous as hell. Antsy as shit. I chided myself as I headed to the front door. I wasn’t a chicken. I was a grown man. I could handle a girl with fire in her eyes and wickedness to her step. And if I couldn’t? Well, I just hoped I could walk away in one piece.
I might be crazy but there was just something about Cat I wanted to experience. Call it basic, thinking-with-my-dick lust or an urge to have what was probably bad for me. Whatever it was, I wanted to know her. Touch her. Find out what was behind those green eyes and seductive smile.
I wanted her. Period.
I raised my hand to knock on the door. Whatever happened between her and me, I could handle a little Cat like her, sharp claws and all. The fight would be sweet but damn, I think it might just be worth it.
At least one time.
Chapter Seven
Cat
I turned, glancing over my shoulder at my reflection. The dark red chiffon halter dress I wore hit me above the knees and outlined my body perfectly. It was backless, just begging for a man’s fingers to run over me. My hair, dark against the paleness of my skin, fell across my back in waves. Tiny diamonds dotted my ears and sat in the hollow of my neck, both a gift from my dad when he missed my sixteenth birthday.
I smoothed a hand over my hip. I’ll have the cowboy tongue-tied, I thought, smiling. Tongue-tied and putty in my hands.
“So who’s the guy?”
I whipped around, my hair falling over my shoulder. Nathan was leaning against the doorframe, staring at me with curiosity.
“He’s just a guy,” I said, avoiding Nathan’s eyes as I headed toward my walk-in closet. Ever since I returned home, Nathan had been keeping close tabs on me. It was irritating as hell. Not because he cared. Because he cared too fucking much.
He knew my past. He knew what I had done. I didn’t want him to worry about me and I sure as fuck didn’t want his or anyone’s sympathy.
Nathan was quiet, watching me stoop down to toss a University of Texas t-shirt out of the way in my closet so I could search for my strappy high heels. Where the hell were they?
“Where’d you meet him?” Nathan asked, his calm voice edged with danger. “A bar?”
“Does it matter?” I retorted.
I found my heels under a pair of skinny jeans on my closet floor and pulled them out. As I slipped them on, I looked over at Nathan and raised one eyebrow, daring him to comment. When he didn’t, I walked over to the full-length mirror and checked my reflection one last time.
“You’re my sister, Cat. It matters,” Nathan finally said, pushing away from the doorframe and walking into the room. He stopped a few feet behind me and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, staring at me in the mirror.
He had perfectly arranged, unruly hair and a chiseled chin. He got our dad’s looks and his mother’s personality. Girls always drooled over him but he was just a pain in my ass. The nosy kind.
“Get a life, Nathan. I can take care of myself,” I snapped.
Nathan snorted. “So you say. Just be careful, Cat. Okay?”
I smiled sweetly at him. “I’m always careful, Nate. Cross my heart.”
“Yeah, right,” Nathan scoffed. “And exactly how many guys have you been with since Luke died? Five? Ten? Twenty? What’s the number, Cat? I know what you’re doing. I’m not blind or stupid.”
I froze, reaching for my little Gucci purse. “I’m fine, Nathan,” I mumbled. “Just back off.”
I grabbed the purse and spun around. Without looking at him, I walked to the other side of the room. I just hoped the anguish didn’t show on my face.
I started tossing clothes off of my nightstand, searching for my cell phone and praying Nathan would get the message and leave.
He didn’t. In fact, he became even more persistent.
“Come on, Cat. You’re fine? Really? You said the same exact thing the day of Luke and Jenna’s funeral. You need to face facts. You’re not okay. You haven’t been for a year. You’re screwed up, little sister, and I’m not going to sit back and watch you destroy your life.”
My throat closed up. I didn’t want anyone to care. I was too far-gone. Nathan was only wasting his time.
“I said I was fine and I am,” I said sharply, hoping he couldn’t see the truth in my eyes. I grabbed my cell phone and swung around to face him. “I’m just perfect like always.”
Nathan met my glare with one of his own. His eyes were full of warning. Mine was just full of spite.
“Just be careful. Guys are assholes,” he said.
I smiled caustically. “But I’m a bitch.”
And I was. It was the only way I could protect my heart and not feel one damn thing.
~~~~
The doorbell rang, the musical tone echoing through the house like little chiming bells. I headed for the front door, followed by the sound of Tate’s heavy boots.
“But do you know where he is?” he asked from behind me, sounding whiny.
“He’s in Dubai on business. If you need something tell Nathan,” I said over my shoulder. My little brother had cornered me as soon as I came out of my room, antsy about something. It was no telling, knowing him.
“I ain’t going to ask Nathan for shit,” Tate grumbled. “Shit, no.”
I curbed my irritation at his cussing and turned around to face him. “What do you need, Tate? Maybe I can help.”
He frowned then glanced over at the front door. “Nah. You don’t got time. Plus, I ain’t telling you. You’ll just think it’s stupid.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Try me.”
Tate shook his head, making his bangs fall into his eyes. “No way.”
“Fine.” I turned back to the door. “Don’t tell me. Dad will call when he gets a chance. Until then it’s just us, Tater Tot. Deal with it.”
Before he could respond with some smartass comment, I opened the front door.
Cash stood on the other side. He was clean-shaven and god, was he gorgeous. His stone-cut jaw was smooth, recently shaven. I wanted to reach out and run my fingers over it. See if it sent shivers over my spine just like it did when I stared at him.
His light brown hair was shorter – just cut if I had to guess. It was styled in a messy, I-just-fucked-you-silly kind of way.
The shirt he wore was cut for his body, outlining taut muscles and a sleek frame. His jeans gave sexy a whole new meaning. I wanted to stand between his legs or better yet, feel the rough material against my bare thighs, rubbing over me just right. The thought almost made me quiver.
But it was his eyes that rattled me. They made me question my sanity. Examine my wisdom. Second-guess my resistance to him. When he looked at me, I felt something snap inside me.
“Hello, Cat.”
I let his voice wash over me, warming me like liquid fire. I wanted to soak and swim in it. Close my eyes and let it consume me. Instead I smiled and took a slow step toward him.
“Hello, cowboy. Where’s your hat?”
Cash’s lips turned up in a lopsided grin. “In the truck. Wouldn’t leave home without it.” His eyes made a quick pass over me. “Are you ready?”
Before I could respond, Tate pushed past me. “You’re taking my sister out? The guy from the meat department?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and standing guard in front of me.
Cash glanced from me to Tate, not flinching at Tate’s scowl. “Yes, sir. If
that’s okay with you?” he said with sincerity.
Tate seemed startled but recovered quickly. He gave a short, curt nod. “Yeah. Okay. Just…just know if you hurt her, I’ll break your face.”
Cash’s eyebrows shot up and the corners of his mouth twitched but he kept a straight face. “Well, I promise not to hurt her if you promise to keep her safe when I’m not around,” he said.
My heart skipped a much-needed beat. No one had ever said anything like that to one of my brothers. No one had ever asked permission to date me or promised to not hurt me. I didn’t know what to think. What to feel. I was confused and scared and damned well loving every single moment of it.
“Do we have a deal?” Cash asked, sticking his hand out for Tate to shake.
Tate hesitated only a second before putting his hand in Cash’s. “Deal.”
As they shook hands, Cash’s attention moved to me but his words were for Tate.
“I’ll take care of her. Promise.”
The air between us seemed to come alive, stripping me of all thought. I wanted to step closer to him. Press my body against his. Touch him with my fingertips and beg him to touch me.
It made me mad. I called the shots. Men were supposed to worship me, not the other way around. It was time this cowboy learned his place.
“Enough chitchat. Let’s go.” I pushed past Tate and then over to Cash. My arm brushed his chest as I passed him on the threshold. His hard muscles tensed, enough to let me know that I had an effect on him. Good.
With a smug smile, I headed down the stone path. I heard him say goodbye to Tate then follow me. Knowing Cash was behind me sent a tingle over my skin. I could feel his eyes on me, running down my back, traveling over my ass. I could sense them touching on my legs, wandering down to my heels then slowly traveling back up. Getting his fill. Taking his time. Just like I wanted to do with him.
I resisted the urge to bolt when the stone walkway opened up to the driveway. That’s when Cash started walking beside me. I ignored him as best as a girl could, considering he looked like a recovering sex addict’s worse nightmare. I did my best and focused on the faded red pickup truck that sat next to Nathan’s car.