I love that they can be so silly, and so loving, and so…them. They don’t hide it. They don’t make a game of it. They just love. They love hard.
“I love you so hard,” I say to Paul.
His eyes jerk to meet mine, and he almost looks surprised. “You do?” he asks.
I nod. “I do.”
“Will you come home tonight?” he asks quietly.
I nod.
“Good. That’s where you belong.”
Paul
I’ve missed having her in my arms so much. I swing Friday around and clutch her tightly. I want to squeeze her ass and hoist her against me, but there are too many people around. I lift up the edge of my T-shirt and wipe my brow. “You belong with me,” I tell her, as the song dies down.
She does. She belongs with me, and I never, ever want to let her go.
I reach out and give Jacob a gentle fist bump after I put Friday down.
“I have to stay and help put away the props,” I tell her.
“That’s okay. I have to take Jacob home.”
I brush a lock of hair from her temple and tuck it behind her ear.
“Then I have to go get my suitcase from Henry’s.”
“Then you’re coming home.” I say it again because I like the way it sounds on my lips. Home. Our home.
“Yes, I’m coming home.” Her face colors, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s thinking what I’m thinking.
I feel a squeeze on my arm and look up. Kelly is standing there, and she doesn’t look very happy. “Can I talk to you?” she asks. She taps her foot and blows out a breath. Her fiancé has left, apparently, because I don’t see him anywhere.
“Can it wait?” I ask.
“Wait?” she asks, her voice growing louder. People turn to look at us. “I’m the mother of your child, and you want me to wait?” She points to her chest and looks like I just struck her across the face.
“God, Kelly, can you cut the theatrics? Just give me a minute.” I tip Friday’s face up and kiss her really quickly, and when I raise my head, Kelly is rushing toward the stage where Hayley is standing. She’s not even waiting for me.
“You better go and deal with that,” Friday says.
I heave a sigh. “What do you think that’s about?”
She pinches her lips together so hard that a white line forms around it. “She’s nearly green with envy,” she tells me.
“No, not Kelly,” I protest. Kelly doesn’t get jealous. We’ve both been fucking other people for years and that never even bothered her. But she did have her jealous meltdown at the apartment the other day. Maybe?
Friday points her finger in Kelly’s direction. “She’s jealous. Mark my words.”
“Fuck,” I say.
“Go talk to her and get your props done. I’ll see you at home.” She steps up on tiptoe and kisses me again, and it feels so good that I never want to stop. But at least I have her to look forward to. Now and forever. She leaves hand in hand with Jacob. Henry goes with them.
I can’t find Kelly so I go and start loading the props into the storage room, and my brothers help me. I’m alone in the storage room, bent over picking up a piece of paper when I feel a hand on my back. I immediately hope it’s Friday and that she’s come to find me because she can’t be without me. But when I stand up, Kelly is suddenly in my face. Her lips touch mine. Actually, her lips crush mine, and I grab for her shoulders and push her back.
“What the fuck, Kells?” I say. I push her back again, and she looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “What the fuck was that for?” I really want to wash my mouth out and spit because all my kisses are reserved for Friday now, and I feel like she just fucking spoiled my kisser. “Why did you do that?”
“I think I made a mistake, Paul,” she says. “I know I probably caused this when I agreed to marry my boyfriend and told you about it and it pushed you away, but I ended that tonight.” She wrings her hands in front of me.
“You ended what?”
“The engagement, silly,” she says. She laughs like I should have a chance in hell of knowing what the fuck she’s talking about. “I ended it.”
“Why would you do a stupid thing like that?”
“I saw the way you were looking at me during that song,” she says.
“I wasn’t looking at you.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “You looked me right in the eye. You were singing directly into my heart, and it made me realize what a fool I have been. I can tolerate your brothers. I can. I will.”
“I wasn’t singing to you, Kells,” I say. “I was singing to Friday. All that was for her.”
“No,” she whispers. She points to her chest. “It was for me.”
“No,” I say strongly. “You and I are done. That was all for Friday. I’m sorry you misunderstood.”
She steps back. And this time, she does look like I slapped her. “Why her?” she asks.
I shrug. “Because she’s Friday.” I don’t know more than that.
“But what’s special about her?”
“Everything.”
She glares at me. “Give me a list.”
“I don’t need to give you a list.”
“Give me reasons.”
“Why are you jealous?” I finally ask.
“We were good together,” she says quietly.
“Yeah, we were good until we weren’t. You really should go and catch up with your boyfriend.”
She shakes her head. “That’s over.”
“Good,” I say.
“What do you mean?”
“The whole time you were sleeping with him, you were telling him you love him and then sleeping with me, Kells. He deserves better than that. He should have a woman who loves him so fucking much that she would never think about sleeping with another man. And if she did think about someone else, it better be a fucking fantasy she comes home and lets him play out with her.” I shake my head. I don’t even know how to give voice to my thoughts. “I’m sorry you misunderstood.”
“I was hopeful. I guess I read it wrong.”
“You’re not in love with me. You want what could have been.”
She nods, and her eyes fill with tears. “Just tell me why her.”
“She loves me. She loves my daughter. She loves my family. She loves my business and my work. She loves the hustle and bustle of my life. I can see my life with her fifty years from now. That’s why her. So, don’t kiss me again.” I scowl at her.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“We’re friends, Kells,” I tell her. “But don’t ever hope I’ll fall out of love with her and into bed with you because it’ll never happen. And don’t come between us. You understand?”
She nods. “I get it.”
“Good.” I adjust my shirt for lack of anything better to do. “One day, you’re going to meet the right one. And when you do, you’ll see fucking sparks. You’ll feel it from your head to your toes.”
“And you feel that for her.”
“Yes.” I don’t even need to think about it.
“Okay,” she says. “I’m going to go home and be embarrassed all by myself.”
“No need to be embarrassed.” Well, there sort of is. But it is what it is.
“You’ll forget this happened, right?”
“Already forgotten.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“Yes.” I won’t keep secrets.
“Okay.” She sighs heavily.
She turns on her heel, tips her chin up, and walks out of the room.
What the fuck was that?
###
I let myself into the apartment, and Hayley runs in ahead of me. She’s still in her tutu and she’s hungry, so I make us quick sandwiches and wrap one up for Friday because she should be here soon. It’s either really sad that I’m so excited about it, or it’s really wonderful, and I’m leaning toward wonderful.
Hayley eats her sandwich and some ch
ips, and I send her to take a bath. She’s tired, so I read her a quick story afterward and tuck her into bed, but as soon as I do, there’s a knock on the door. I hope it’s Friday and that she’s just forgotten her key, but I open the door to find two police officers with their hats stuck under their arms.
Oh fuck, which one of my brothers did something now?
“Mr. Reed?” one of them asks. He looks down at his notepad.
“Yes.” My heart starts to thump. What if someone is hurt? What if someone was in an accident?
“Mr. Paul Reed?” he asks.
I nod because I doubt a squeak could leave my throat.
“May we come in?”
I step to the side, and they enter the room. They walk to the sofa and take a seat. One of them holds out a file and opens it up. He looks at me. “Can you confirm that you are the son of Mr. Max Reed of this address?”
“Yes. But he wasn’t of this address. He’s been gone a long time.”
He gazes at me warily. “But he did once live here?”
“Yes, he’s my father.”
The man’s gaze turn sympathetic. “I’m very sorry, Mr. Reed, but we have unfortunate news. There was an old warehouse on the other side of town that was being demolished, and your father’s body was found inside.”
I fall into my chair because my legs won’t hold me up. “What?” All this time and he has been in the same city?
“We were alerted that there was a body that was found during demolition.”
I scrub a hand down my face.
“How long has your father been gone?”
“Years.”
“That makes more sense then,” he says. “The coroner says the death happened years ago.” He pulls a picture from the stack and shows it to me. I avert my eyes because I’ve seen enough. I remember that shirt like I just saw it yesterday. It was his favorite. He wore it all the time, and my mother hated it because it had a curse words on the back of it with a picture of someone flipping the bird.
“He was wearing that shirt the day he left.” The day I kicked him out. I jab the heels of my hands against my eyes and scrub.
“He most likely died around that time. Maybe even the same day. It’s hard to say. His body was fairly well preserved as he was stuffed into a freezer in the basement of a building.”
Oh holy hell. I get up and start to pace. Bile rises up my throat, but I swallow it back.
“Would it be possible for you to come to the station with us?” he asks.
“I have a daughter,” I say.
“Is there anyone you can call to come and stay with her?” He looks kind but firm. I get the idea that this isn’t a choice.
I nod and pick up the phone. But I can’t call my brothers. If I did, I’d have to tell them that Dad died the day I kicked him out. I let them think he left all those years ago. But he didn’t. I threw him out. And now he’s dead.
I dial. “Hey, Kells, can you come over and get Hayley?” I ask. “I have to do something.”
“Why?” she asks.
“It’s an emergency.”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re her fucking mother and I need for you to come and get her,” I say. “Take her home with you.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Fuck, I’m opening up a whole can of worms, but I can’t tell my brothers yet. I just can’t.
Friday
The feeling is sweet when Henry and I go and drop Jacob off. Henry taught him the slap game, and they played it on and off all night. Jacob was actually pretty good at it and learned to flip his hands quickly. I’d like to think I have something to do with what a good kid he is, but I’m not sure that’s the case.
When we drop him off, I can hear Jill run down the stairs and her hair is all messed up so I can just imagine what kind of “date” she had tonight. I just hope they had a good time, and I’m happy to see that they have such a good relationship. She takes Jacob from me and invites me to come back another day, preferably one when her husband is home and not in bed so I can meet him, too. I agree. I’d love to.
Then Henry and I go to his house. He crooks his arm, and I slide my hand into the vee he made for me. He smiles down at me. “When I met Nan, she made my heart go pitter-patter just by doing what you’re doing,” he tells me softly. “She would touch me, and it was like someone shot me with a lightning bolt.”
“I’m sorry I make you remember,” I tell him.
He pfftt’s me. “Oh, I love the memories. They keep me going.” He taps the end of my nose, and I close my eyes and laugh at him. “When you’re as old as me, I hope you have half as many good memories.”
“I plan to.”
“It’s good to have plans.”
We walk quietly to his house, and I gather my suitcase. “Thanks for taking care of me, Henry,” I say quietly, and I step up to kiss his cheek.
“Thanks for giving me something to worry about,” he says. “Sometimes it gets lonely when you’re old and by yourself. It’s good to have a problem to work out in your head.”
“Particularly when it’s not yours.” I laugh.
“I’d rather it be mine,” he says, and I believe him.
“I love you, Henry,” I say.
“I love you, too, kiddo,” he says. He grins at me. He pulls me toward him and hugs me tightly, holding on to me just long enough. Then he sets me back. “Go find your future,” he says.
So I do.
I’m almost giddy when I get to Paul’s apartment. I let myself in and roll my suitcase into the room. But I stop short when I see Kelly standing in the kitchen wearing nothing but one of Paul’s T-shirts. What the fuck?
“Hey, Kelly,” I manage to say.
She smiles at me over the top of a cup of coffee.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, Paul called me. He said he needed me.” She smiles again, but it’s acidic and almost painful to look at. “Then he left.”
“Why are you wearing his shirt?”
She shrugs. “I’m spending the night.”
“Where did he go?”
“He left with two policemen. It was kind of scary.”
What? “And you just let him leave?”
She shrugs again.
“Who the fuck are you?” I ask. “You just let him leave?”
“He needed me to be here for Hayley.” Suddenly, the grin falls off her face, and she looks worried. “Fuck,” she breathes. “I was so damn excited that he called me, of all people, that I didn’t even question why.”
“You just let him leave with them?” I am shrieking by this point, and I force myself to gentle my voice so I won’t wake Hayley.
I’m already dialing the phone. “Matt,” I say. And I tell him what I know, which is nothing. “Meet me there,” I tell him.
“I cannot fucking believe you didn’t get any information,” I tell Kelly.
But I’m already running out the door and she’s looking a little chagrined behind me. I catch a cab to the police station, and all the brothers and their girlfriends are pacing outside. Matt must have left his girls with Seth because they’re not there. Logan has Kit in her carrier. We all head inside together, and Matt goes to get the story.
He comes back, and he’s a little shell-shocked. He sinks into a chair. “It’s about Dad,” he says. “He died.”
“Where is Paul?” I ask.
“He left.” Matt shrugs.
“Dad died?” Sam says.
Matt nods. “The officer said Paul was really upset. Blaming himself.”
“Why would he do that?” Pete asks.
Matt shrugs again.
“Who’s with Hayley if we’re all here?” Reagan asks. She looks from one brother to another.
“Her mother,” I say. “I just left there.”
“She’s at Paul’s?” Matt asks.
“He called her.”
“Why would he call her instead of one of us?”
“What the fuck happened?”
“Where is he?”
They’re all talking at once, and I can’t hear any of them.
“We need to split up and go find him,” Logan suggests.
Matt nods.
“I know where he is.” I get to my feet. “I’ll go and get him.”
“Where is he?” Matt asks.
“I’ll go and get him. Don’t worry.”
“You have to tell us something,” Pete says.
“I’ll bring him home. You can go there and wait.” And I leave them all and hail a cab. I know exactly where he is.
Paul
The projector is harder to work than I remember it being. But after a few busted knuckles and even more curse words, I finally get it started up. The theater is completely dark, except for the screen, and it casts a small glow on the room. This particular movie theater is small, and it has old wooden chairs with barely any cushion on them. But this is the only place that my dad and I ever went to be alone.
We would sneak in here in the middle of the night when the other boys were in bed, and we would watch old films together. Sometimes, we would pop popcorn and bring it from home, and we would sit all night and watch film after film. I go and sit down in one of the seats in the middle.
I don’t think anyone has been here in a really long time, if the amount of dust on the seats is any indication. I don’t care. I sit down anyway and watch the screen flicker. There’s no sound because I couldn’t figure out how to turn that on. But I can watch the movie and remember. My dad wasn’t always bad. He was forgetful and he was never serious enough, but my mother was the opposite so they complemented each other really well. Where he didn’t care, she cared too much, and vice versa. After my mom died, though, there was no one to balance him out, which made him seem like a deadbeat. He wasn’t though, looking back on it. He was lonely. He was alone.
I hear the door open behind me, and the hair on the back of my fucking neck stands up. It’s her. I always know when it’s her. Her scent hits me before I even see her, and she doesn’t say a word when she sits down beside me.
She’s quiet, and she just watches the movie with me. When the reel stops, the room goes a little brighter because the lamps are still on.