The man wasn’t as well covered as we were, but he seemed better able to stand the skin-whipping wind, although I didn’t see how a human could survive in the middle of nowhere. At least werewolves could hunt.
The elderly man before us wasn’t a werewolf, but his grandson was, according to Willow. Numbers had dwindled significantly. I could barely understand the man’s dialect, but my grandfather was capable of having an entire conversation with him in French. Mémère’s language. The man swore once, and even I could understand that. Opa kept speaking rapidly, insistently, crowding the old man.
I glanced at Jeremy, who shrugged. Opa was in charge. We would wait until he said we could leave. Willow sidled up to the old man, and my wolf went on high alert. She could easily switch sides again, no matter how much Jeremy helped her addled brain.
Snow began to fall, swirling tufts of delicate fluff that managed to keep a white curtain over that part of the mountainous range. The scenery was beautiful, but the hate gnawing at my chest made me eager to leave it behind forever.
“Shouldn’t he be speaking Italian?” I whispered to Jeremy.
“Maybe he’s not Italian. We’re close enough to the border, so who knows where he’s from? Willow reckons they move around frequently. Wherever Vin isn’t, they’ll be.”
The old man stomped away.
“Wait!” Opa called out, sounding desperate.
A snarl from behind us had Jeremy and me stripping and swearing about the ridiculous cold.
A light brown wolf stood on a stone ledge, baring its fangs at us.
Willow shook her head. “Don’t bother. He won’t attack. It’s a warning.” She added under her breath, “Idiots.” When Jeremy glared in her direction, she cleared her throat. “But there could be others, and they know the snow better than you all, so let’s get out of here.”
“But—” Opa began.
“It’s a no,” she said firmly, keeping her eyes on the wolf. She headed back down the trail.
The snowfall rapidly turned heavier. We ended up stripping nonetheless, all of us turning wolf to make it easier on us on the way back to the car. Running on four legs in thick snow was almost as difficult as hiking on two, but we eventually ended up on easier ground again. We found the spare clothes we had left and dressed quickly, shivering even when we got into the vehicle.
“No more snow,” I muttered.
“Where next?” Opa demanded.
Willow shook her head, but she answered anyway. “I know of one in France. He hides in a city about four or five hours drive away. We might as well go to him, but he’s not what you’re looking for.”
“They’re all male,” I said, curious at the realization.
She glared at me. “Females are special, pup. Rare.”
I thought of my own little sister, already a werewolf by birth, and my grandmother, who had been turned into a werewolf by my grandfather. Were they really such a rarity, or was that something to do with the curse again?
“Why did he say no?” Jeremy asked.
I groaned. Who even cared anymore?
“He said we had bad blood, black magic blood, and he wouldn’t touch us in case we infected him,” Opa said.
So it was still fear, but one of a different kind. Most of the wolves were too terrified of their alpha, Vin, to join with us. Jeremy kept insisting we should make them too terrified of us to say no, but so far, we had managed to keep calm in the face of so many refusals.
Besides, Willow was right. We couldn’t fight in their territory. We had been skiing and hiking around the Alps dozens of times, but that wasn’t the same as living or fighting there.
The truck rattled down the trail, then finally onto a decent road. The hike had been exhausting, but the chill was what sent me to sleep as soon as we made it back to the tiny hotel on the outskirts of a small town. We had been to so many that they all blended into one.
***
I awoke in yet another ugly, sparsely furnished room, shivering as though I would never burn the cold from my bones. Every day, I opened my eyes to the same thought.
I wish I had stayed at home.
We had stale toast and tepid coffee for breakfast. A familiar gnawing in my stomach warned that my wolf desired something more substantial. We would both have to wait.
“We’ll keep moving,” Opa said after a few moments of silence. “Keep moving, and we’ll find someone who will help us.”
Jeremy and I exchanged glances. We were running out of people to ask. Willow began humming again, an eerie little song that we had learned would lead to an episode even Jeremy couldn’t drag her out of. We took her to the room Jeremy and I shared so we could keep a close eye on her while Opa talked about his plans some more.
“She said she would take us to a city next,” he said. “There’s more chance of us bargaining with a civilised werewolf. I have a good feeling about this.”
“We could go home,” I couldn’t help suggesting. “The others are alone. What if something happens while we’re chasing rainbows out here?”
He glared at me. “Are you a coward, Nathan?”
I rolled my eyes. “Here we go.”
“Opa, maybe he’s right. Nobody wants to stand with us, but at least we have Ryan and Willow. Maybe that’ll be enough.” Jeremy sounded as fed up as I felt.
“And what do we do when we go home?” Opa asked in a harsh voice. “Wait for them to come after us again? We haven’t found him, and that’s because he’s running scared. Don’t you see it? He doesn’t want to face us, and that’s why we have to keep chasing him.”
Jeremy looked away, and Opa turned to me. “What would you rather do, Nathan? Chase him or let him come back to the family, to Perdita?”
I stood to leave. “You don’t get to talk about her. Not after everything. You definitely don’t get to use her against me. We should be home. The entire family needs to be together. Byron was right. This is pointless.”
He shouted after me, but I couldn’t listen anymore. I understood his hate, but it felt like such a waste of time to dart from one place to another with nothing to show for our efforts. I stood outside in the cold, staring at the bright blue sky that belied the chill of the wind. I had left with Opa, only too happy to get away from Amelia and Perdita. I hated that Amelia had broken the curse… except I didn’t… not really. But I needed to blame someone, and I had chosen her because it was easy. The curse had to end—I knew that—but the way it had ended had wrecked everything.
Opa was drifting further into the darkness in his head. Every day, I felt as though maybe I could join him there, but a niggling chill in my chest reminded me that Perdita wouldn’t approve. That was the worst feeling of all.
“Hey,” Jeremy said, stepping outside. “Cheer up. The cold is getting to you.”
“That’s not what’s getting to me.”
“So it’s the girl then. Still? You didn’t have her for long.”
I frowned. He didn’t get it.
“Drop the sulky face,” he snapped. “You think you have it bad? At least you found your mate. You’re the one who dropped her as soon as things got tough. I didn’t even get a chance to find mine.”
“I didn’t—”
“Enough. I’m getting really sick of you moping around. You wanted to come with us. Don’t forget that. You jumped at the chance. Yeah, it gets tough, but you can’t keep running away from your problems.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve done it your entire life, Nathan. Don’t mistake it for something noble. You tried to avoid every part of what you are, and you’re still doing it, one way or another. Either snap out of it or decide what it is you really want to do because nobody deserves to put up with you like this.” He stormed back inside, leaving me open-mouthed with shock.
Was I really that bad? I followed him after a while, humbled by his reaction. He stood in the hallway, his face tight with tension.
He sighed when he saw me. “Forget about it, kid. We’re a
ll struggling right now. We haven’t hunted properly. I’m sorry I let rip at you before.”
“Is that what you really think? That I’m running away?”
His eyes narrowed. “Aren’t you? I’m not telling you what to do, but if it’s making you this unhappy, then maybe it’s time to reconsider it, you know?”
I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling like a child.
He stepped toward the door. “Come on. We’re going for a real run. Get all of this stress off our backs. Willow will be back to normal soon enough, and we won’t get the chance.”
“What? Now? Here?”
He grinned. “Don’t chicken out on me now, man.”
I shrugged. “I suppose I could carve out some time in my busy schedule.”
He shoved me and walked ahead, chuckling. “You’re a weird kid all the same. I’ve got the keys to the truck, so we can drive out and find somewhere decent to run. No snow, I promise.”
In the truck, he blared heavy dance music on the radio as he started the engine. “Want me to teach you how to drive or something?”
“Okay, what’s the deal with you today?”
He laughed. “I have a lot of energy to burn up.” He pressed on the accelerator. “So what’s it been like, living with my dad all these years?”
“Didn’t see him a whole lot until recently,” I admitted.
“Yeah, he wasn’t around much for me either.”
“He’s been different lately, though. Maybe you should give him another chance.” The tension between father and son hadn’t gone unnoticed by me.
He pulled off the road sharply. “Couldn’t give a crap about that sort of thing, to be honest. Gonna go off-road for a while. Have a real adventure.”
Excitement and unease fought to win a war in my gut. Jeremy was different than I remembered.
“How are you really doing since the shit hit the fan?” he asked after a few minutes.
“Mind the ditch.” I pointed to the side. “Fine. Keeping on. All that good stuff.”
“Why the hell did you leave home if it was going to make you so miserable?”
“I just… I had to do something. Ryan reckons she’s safe away from me, but how could he possibly know that? They got away with murdering my parents. How am I supposed to sit at home and wait around?” I exhaled loudly. “But this feels as much of a waste of time as that. At least at home…”
He nodded. “You can look out for her. Think Amelia’s getting on okay now? The way she went for your chick was nasty. Vicious little thing. Even I wasn’t that bad the first time.”
“Byron would let us know if he needed help with her. She seemed fine afterward, as if nothing even happened.”
His laughter startled me. “She was on her best behaviour because you looked as though you wanted to kill her yourself. Oh, man, how did everything get so messed up with the family?”
“Secrets and lies,” I muttered.
“He wants to leave Dublin,” he said, giving me a wary glance. “When whatever he wants is done. Reckons there’s nothing there for us anymore but bad memories. What do you think about that?”
I ignored the way my heart began to thud in triple-time. “Not a lot. Who knows when this will end? Maybe it would be for the best.” I wasn’t sure I could walk around our neighbourhood, knowing she was nearby but not being able to talk to her. “Perdita’s dad hates me now, so that’s one good reason to get out of there.”
He gave a low whistle. “That was some introduction to the family. Him getting bitten at our house, of all places. I knew I had made a mistake coming home right in that second.”
“Opa reckons he might be able to help Perdita’s dad get better.”
“Then why hasn’t he? Pulling your strings, I’d say. Watch yourself, Nathan. We’re not in the loop. Don’t forget that.”
“We should be.”
“Yeah, well, certain things are out of our hands right now. Won’t always be that way, though.” He grinned. “So you still think the girl’s perfect?”
“Perdita? Nobody’s perfect. But she was perfect for me. She was always herself, never trying to show off or be anyone else. You get what you see, and with our life, that’s a great thing.”
“The curse hit you too young. If it had just waited a while, you could have avoided this whole mess.”
“Yeah,” I murmured, but I didn’t agree. Not at all.
“This looks like a good place.” He slowed down and came to a stop. “Time to eat.” He was out of the vehicle and sprinting toward the nearest copse of trees before I could open the door.
Shaking my head, I soon followed, desperate to be wolf. I stripped and changed into my wolf as quickly as possible. Wolf was reluctant, which was strange, considering the hunger. I ignored that fact as my entire body shifted into its animal form, cracking and twisting into the beast that was always inside me. I let out an inhuman sound and followed Jeremy further away from the truck, relishing the freedom paws gave me. I was only a tiny bit miffed that Jeremy had lied about the snow. We left a trail of prints in the patches of snow behind us, but there was mostly sodden grass ahead, so I couldn’t complain too much.
I felt better and worse as wolf. The need for the mate we had lost was overwhelming, but it was easier to soothe the wolf with the hunt and the simplicity of running free. I could forget for a little while and that was likely the real reason Jeremy had brought me out. To forget.
So I did.
At first, we ran for ages, ignoring the rest of the wildlife. I soon realised I was catching familiar scents as the snow grew deeper under our paws again. Jeremy was leading me back to the place we had been the day before.
He glanced back at me, his eyes wild with excitement, and I hurried to match his pace. He yelped a little and ducked under a low hanging branch. We weren’t hunting for food anymore, and every sense in my body thrilled with the adrenalin rush.
I couldn’t have said how much time passed, but we ended up close to the werewolf’s hut before sunset. I didn’t feel the cold anymore. I just felt anger, pain, and a desire to make somebody pay. I knew that Jeremy wanted the wolves to fear us, to decide we were the greater adversary, and for once, I didn’t care.
We approached the hut with care, but Jeremy howled a challenge. Less than five minutes later, a wolf ran from the back of the hut to greet us. He was the same wolf as before, light brown, no bigger than I was. He was no match for the both of us, but he came at us as if he had an entire pack behind him.
Jeremy lay down and jerked his head at me as if to say, “Go ahead. Take it all out on him.”
My heart jumping out of my chest, I approached the wolf. He circled me, snarling and baring his fangs. I wasn’t afraid, not at all. In fact, I was eager to fight, eager to tear his flesh apart with my teeth. The rage was all-consuming, fed by every slight, every event that had ever caused me anger. I imagined the young wolf to have killed my parents, to have attacked Perdita, her father, and my family. I saw Vin in him, and my sight turned red with anger.
I ran, barrelling into him until we were both rolling across the ground. He snapped aggressively, desperate to reach my throat, but I outmatched him with my anger. I heard shouting in the distance, and before I could react, the wolf was out from under me, racing back to the hut. I followed, confused, until I saw Jeremy racing toward humans.
Fire! The old man waved some kind of lit torch, and a young woman stood in Jeremy’s path. I realised the wolf had run to protect his own, his family, his mate.
Full of shame and disgust, I charged at Jeremy, even as the other wolf flung himself in front of his loved ones. I caught Jeremy’s flank as he launched, forcing him to slow. He was too wild. He whirled around to face me, eyes black with anger.
I let out a warning snarl, and he backed away a step, but he had wound up too close to the others, and the werewolf snapped at Jeremy. Surrounded by two of us, Jeremy thought twice and raced away from the hut.
Panting, I glanced at the three of them, werewolf and hu
mans, more sorry than I could ever say. I bowed my head a little, hoping I looked apologetic, but the werewolf was understandably wary and angry. He bared his fangs until I moved off.
Perdita was right. I had become the exact kind of monster I was chasing. I ran, following Jeremy and hoping he didn’t drive off without me in his anger. I found him tearing into a large ibex, despite a stomach injury from the ibex’s long, curved horns. He snarled at me, livid with anger, so I left him there and headed back to the truck.
I couldn’t hunt after that. I sat in the truck and waited for him. When he finally returned, he was dressed and clean with no outward sign of injury, but he didn’t get into the truck straight away. He leaned against the door, gagging, before joining me.
“I don’t want to hear it,” he snapped.
I didn’t say a word, but I knew I would never follow Jeremy. He could never lead me. I didn’t want to be that kind of werewolf, that kind of man. I was finally seeing clearly.
The drive back seemed to take forever, but that was partly because of the deathly silence in the truck. No music, no talking, and we both made a point of turning away from each other. Byron had been right about us. There would always be competition and tension between us because I knew I would never let Jeremy above me in the pack, and I could guarantee he thought the exact same thing.
We got back to the hotel to find a furious Opa struggling with Willow.
“Where have you been?” he demanded. “She’s been throwing herself against the wall for the last hour.”
Blood matted her hair, making it stick to her temples. Her skin was incredibly pale, but the blankness in her eyes was what stood out.
“I’ll deal with her,” Jeremy said.
“Sure that’s a good idea?” I couldn’t help asking.
Opa looked at us both with a great deal of curiosity.
“Think you’d be able for it?” Jeremy retorted.
“No more leaving without my permission,” Opa said. “This journey isn’t over, and I won’t have you wasting your energy. We could be attacked at any time.”
I stared at Jeremy in disgust. “Yeah. That’s the worst that could happen.”