“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself. “Just fucking get in there and give her what she needs—whatever it is.” Which would probably amount to another topless hug in which case he was going to have to be very fucking careful they didn’t touch below the waist. From the fear in Elise’s brown eyes when they’d talked about the sleeping arrangements, the feel of his hard shaft pressed against her was not going to go over well. Or course, he could always try to keep from getting hard when he touched her…
Hell, if I could do that, I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place, Merrick admitted to himself.
With a sigh, he stood up and stretched, putting the palms of his hands flat against the ceiling of the cruiser. It was built with the oversized Kindred males in mind but even for his own species, Merrick was a bruiser. Good thing I’m not claustrophobic, he thought as he made his way down the corridor and back to the cabins.
He knocked gently on the door and then cursed himself for doing it. Damn it, this was his room. But somehow he couldn’t bring himself to just barge in. Elise was already so damn jumpy about the whole ‘sleeping together’ thing and he didn’t want to make it worse.
There was no answer to his knock. Frowning, Merrick knocked again. Again, no answer. Fuck it, she’s probably already asleep. I’ll just go in and lay down on the bed beside her, he told himself.
Quietly, he slid open the metal panel and stepped into the room. It was dark and the slight shape which must be Elise was huddled under the blankets at the far edge of the sleeping platform, right where it met the wall. Merrick called her name softly but she didn’t stir. Sighing, he kicked off his boots and began to pull his thin, v-necked shirt over his head, intending to drop it on the floor and just sleep in his pants even though it would be damn uncomfortable. He didn’t want Elise waking up and finding him naked beside her when—
A high, frightened gasp rose from the figure on the sleeping platform and then, suddenly, Elise was off the bed like a bolt fired from a blaster.
Merrick caught her by the shoulders. “Hey, whoa—where are you going?”
“Let me go! Let me go!” Her voice was a frantic sob, the sound of pure terror. Merrick could smell the fear coming off her in waves—sweat laced with adrenaline assaulted his sensitive nose. Gods, what was wrong with her?
“It’s me, Elise. It’s just me,” he told her but still she fought him, fumbling in the darkened room, trying frantically go get away.
“Leave me alone. Don’t touch me! Not that way. Not again!” She kicked out and Merrick had reason to be glad he was so tall. If he’d been even a few inches shorter, he would have been minus at least one of his balls. Still Elise struggled, obviously blind with terror.
She can’t see me—she thinks I’m someone else. Someone who wants to hurt her. The thought flashed through his brain and he knew at once it was right.
“Lights!” he roared. “Give me some fucking lights in here!”
At once, the overhead lights came on as the cruiser obediently obeyed his voice command. As soon as the room filled with their golden glow, Merrick dropped to his knees. He still held Elise’s shoulders and he was so much taller than her that they were almost eye level, but he hoped he might look less threatening this way. Less dangerous.
“It’s me,” he told her again, trying to make his voice soft and soothing. “Just me, baby. Just me.”
Finally she stopped fighting him. “Merrick?” She sounded so uncertain he wasn’t sure she really understood.
“Yeah, it’s me,” he said quietly. “You okay?”
“Yes, fine. I…I’m fine.” She ran a trembling hand through her hair and took a quick, gasping breath. “I’m sorry. I must have been having a…a bad dream.”
“Is that right?” he said flatly. “A dream…or a memory?”
“A memory?” Elise repeated.
Merrick was glad to see the hunted look, like an animal running for its life, disappear from her face. But he wasn’t happy with the look that replaced it either. The look of someone about to tell a lie—and not only to him—to herself, too.
“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Elise shook her head. “I…it was just a bad dream, that’s all. I mean, after the things I’ve been through in the past month or two, I think I’m entitled to have a few bad dreams, don’t you?”
“Sure you are.” Merrick walked over and sat on the side of the sleeping platform. “Except I don’t think that was just a dream.” He patted the space on the gel-foam mattress beside him. “Come on. Let’s talk about it.”
“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about.” She crossed her arms over her chest protectively. For the first time, he noticed she was wearing one of his shirts—the hem fell almost to her knees.
And her knees were shaking.
Merrick gave her a long, hard look. Clearly now wasn’t the time to broach the subject of her past. He could sense her nervousness in the air and the lingering scent of desperation hung around her like a suffocating perfume. Elise didn’t just not want to talk about this—she was almost frantic not to. Why? Merrick didn’t know and he had to admit that at the moment, he wasn’t up to finding out. It had been a long day. A very long day and suddenly it seemed to all catch up with him at once.
Running a hand over his skull-cut hair, he sighed. “Fuck it. We’ll leave it alone for tonight. Come on, I’m beat—let’s go to bed.” He stretched out on the bed, feeling bone weary and ready for some shut eye. He let his eyelids drift shut and was almost asleep when he realized he was alone on the bed. Where the hell is Elise?
When he opened his eyes, he saw her. She was standing there, at the edge of the sleeping platform with her arms crossed and her hands fisted under her breasts. But it was the look on her face, even more than her body language, which caught Merrick’s attention.
She was leaning toward him, a yearning look in those deep brown eyes, an expression of hunger so great it was nearly starvation. Her lower lip was caught between even, white teeth that reminded him of pearls and her nostrils flared periodically, almost as though she were scenting him. Like a starving person smelling a meal they really want to eat, Merrick thought, bemused.
But despite her obvious hunger, Elise stayed where she was. It was as though she was on the outside looking in—unable to get what she wanted, what she so desperately needed. Something was holding her back. Something was keeping her from coming to him.
Something…or someone? Merrick wondered, remembering her terror when he’d first come into the room.
“Elise? Baby?” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. “Why don’t you come to bed?”
“I don’t…” She shook her head uncertainly. “I’m sorry, Merrick but I don’t know if…if I feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with you after all. I mean, what if I wake up while it’s still dark and see you and think you’re…I mean, what if I have another bad dream. A really bad one?” she whispered.
Merrick sighed wearily. It was tempting to feel frustrated at her for her sudden fear of him…but he’d seen the terror in her eyes, had heard the panic in her voice. Something had happened in the past and somehow, his appearance in the dark had triggered a flashback, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
“Look,” he said reasonably. “I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable but somehow this has to happen. I have to touch you, baby. Have to feed the hunger, or you’re not going to make it. You know that, right?”
“I know.” But still she stayed where she was, her slender body strung taut as a wire. It wasn’t just that she didn’t want to lie down on the bed so close to him—she physically couldn’t make herself do it, Merrick realized. The fear he’d inadvertently roused in her was too much, too strong to overcome. They had to find another way—but what?
Suddenly, he had an idea. It wasn’t going to be very comfortable but what the hell, after the day they’d had he was tired enough to sleep anywhere.
“Here,” he said. Moving slowly, so as not to startle her, h
e got up from the sleeping platform. Then, grabbing a couple of pillows, he lowered himself to the ground right beside the bed. Lying on his back, he got as comfortable as he could and then nodded at her. “Okay, it’s all yours.”
“But…” She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Get on the bed. You’ll see.”
“All right.” Still she hesitated. “And you…you won’t…”
“I’m staying right here,” Merrick told her firmly. “Won’t come up on the bed with you unless you ask me to.”
“Okay.” Gingerly, never taking her eyes off him, Elise crawled on the bed. “But I still don’t see how this will help.”
“Here.” The sleeping platform was low and he was big which meant Merrick was able to reach up and rest his hand on the mattress. It wasn’t super comfortable, but nothing about this situation was. He decided he’d better make the most of it. “Can you just hold my hand?” he asked softly. “Will that be okay?”
“Yes. Yes, I think so.” The relief in her voice was so great it almost sounded like tears. Merrick wanted to lift his head and see if she was crying but he knew if she was, he would want to comfort her, hold her. And right now she wasn’t up for that. Wasn’t up for anything more than holding hands.
He felt her small, cool hand touch his palm and then, hesitantly, she entwined their fingers. It felt like holding a child’s hand—a child who had been hurt so badly it was still in her somewhere, crying. What happened to you, baby? he thought as she settled in the bed above him. Was it so bad you had to bury it? So bad you can’t even stand the thought of it?
Merrick had memories like that—plenty of them. He didn’t exactly bury them, but he didn’t dwell on them either. Better to deal and move on, to leave the past alone.
Except sometimes, the past wouldn’t leave you alone.
That, he sensed, was Elise’s problem. But until she was ready to deal with it, there was nothing he could do. Nothing but hold her hand patiently and hope that someday soon, she would trust him.
Before it was too late and their bond was broken forever.
Chapter Twelve
“So, Minverna, it’s lovely to finally meet you in person.”
Minverna, ex-high priestess of the Empty Throne—now referred to as the Seat of Wisdom since the rightful Councilor had returned—frowned at the apparition, which had suddenly appeared in her quarters.
Actually, they were the novice quarters. The lowly rooms carved out of stone at the base of the holy mountain. The same place she had started her career more than thirty cycles ago.
Thirty cycles wasted, she thought, the rage rising inside her again. I gave my life, dedicated my soul to this place and what is my reward? A first class passage back to the bottom while that arrogant bastard and his sniveling mate, who isn’t even a priestess, occupy my rightful place! Well not for long. Soon I’ll be gone and they’ll have reason to regret the way they treated me—ample reason!
“I can see you’re busy fuming,” the apparition remarked, solidifying somewhat so that two odd, solid silver eyes were visible. “Should I come back later? I hate to intrude on anyone else’s ‘me’ time.”
“What do you want, Draven?” Minverna demanded. “Oh yes, I know your name, Hoard Master,” she added, lifting her chin with pride. “Long have I watched you, through the Eye of Foreknowledge, even though it was forbidden me. I know all about your evil ways and plans.”
“Yes, yes, me and my dastardly plans to wipe out the whole Kindred race.” The apparition waved negligently as though the subject bored him. “I know, I’m a naughty fellow but an analysis of my moral shortcomings isn’t the reason I went to the trouble of contacting you.”
“How did you contact me?” Minverna demanded. “I thought you were bound to Hrakaz.”
The silver eyes glowed. “Not for very much longer. The binding Kall placed on me over a thousand years ago grows weaker as I myself increase in strength. And I have such delightful plans for when I finally get off planet. That’s where you come in.”
“You want me to help you kill my entire race?” She glared at him. “What kind of female do you think I am?”
“Ah, getting all high and mighty now, are we?” Draven cocked one perfectly groomed black eyebrow at her. “Well, for starters, I don’t believe you’re quite as morally upright as you’d like to believe.”
“What are you talking about?” Minverna demanded.
“Why, about the drone ships that have been leaving from First World, bound for the Ganda system, of course. And the credit that’s been piling up in your personal off-planet account as a direct result.”
“What…what do you know about that?” A sick feeling gripped the pit of her stomach. “I mean…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“But of course you do.” Draven grinned at her charmingly. “Don’t worry, my dear, your secret is perfectly safe with me. I won’t tell a soul. Of course, the small hole you put in First World’s defense perimeter to send those ships out is the way I was able to gain access to your lovely planet in the first place. Such a lovely gift, and it isn’t even my birthday!”
“How dare you accuse me? I am a high priestess—”
“Not anymore.” He gave her a mocking smile. “If my spies are correct, you’ve recently suffered a demotion all the way back down to the bottom. Rather a blow to a career priestess like yourself, I should think.”
“Yes, it was.” Minverna lifted her chin and glared into the solid silver orbs. “But if you think I’ll help you kill my entire race just because—”
Loud knocking at the crude wooden door of the novice quarters interrupted her. “Minverna? Minverna, I need you to open this door at once,” the voice of the new high priestess demanded.
“Now who could that be, I wonder?” Draven made a motion toward the door. “Do go ahead and answer it. I can wait.” The apparition settled right behind the door into a casually elegant posture, legs crossed with its chin propped on one hand. “Go on,” he urged, when she hesitated. “And when you’re finished we’ll talk business. I’m prepared to offer you a once in a lifetime reward for your help. Think about that while you’re brushing off whoever it is out there.”
Minverna gritted her teeth and went to the door. “What is it?” she demanded, opening the crude wooden slab just a crack.
“I need to talk to you.” Lissa’s jade-green eyes met hers. They served to remind Minverna of the magnificent pure emerald of her own gaze—the color her eyes had been before she’d been stripped of her powers, that was.
“Not now. I’m busy,” Minverna snapped. She started to shut the door but Lissa pushed back with surprising strength, keeping it open.
“You will make time for me,” she said, giving Minverna a steady, direct look. “I am your high priestess and as such, you will give me the same respect I accorded you when you held that title.”
Minverna clenched her jaw, gritting her teeth until they were in danger of being ground to powder. Oh, if only I still had my power! You would be a pile of ashes at my feet, you little bitch! But she didn’t have the power—Lissa did. With extremely poor grace, Minverna opened the door some more.
“Very well, what can I do for you, your Holiness?” she inquired sweetly. “Perhaps you’ve come to ask me to intercede for you with the new Councilor? To beg him to forgive your past indiscretions?”
“I…I don’t know what you mean.” Lissa frowned uncertainly.
“Yes, you do,” Minverna snapped, losing patience. “Don’t forget, I was the one who agreed to take you off your adopted mother’s hands. I was the one who offered you asylum here on First World so you wouldn’t be stoned to death for your sins.” She tilted her head to one side. “What was it she called you again? Was it kin-lover? Or, no…brother-fucker. Yes, I believe that’s the phrase.” From behind the door she heard a faint chuckle, meant for her ears alone, but she ignored it.
Lissa had gone as white as a sheet but to Minverna’s irritation, she held her ground
. “I never received the Deep Touch from my brother and you know it,” she said in a low, steady voice. “And I have already revealed my past to Lady Nadiah. I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear from you.”
“Well then aren’t you the lucky one?” Minverna said sourly. “If that’s the case then what do you want?”
“For you to take your new duties seriously.” Lissa frowned sternly. “As you are now a novice, you will behave as a proper novice does.”
“Oh, and how is that?” Minverna snarled. “Do remind me, your Holiness. It’s been quite some time since my novice days.”
“You will report for work duties each morning and appear at each meal in a timely fashion. You will join the other priestesses and myself at daily devotions.” Lissa took a deep breath. “And you will no longer leave your quarters and go roaming the temple by yourself at night. Novices have a strict curfew which will be enforced from now on.” She raised an eyebrow at Minverna. “Have I made myself perfectly clear?”
Hatred choked Minverna like a bone in her throat. “You certainly have,” she grated. “Don’t worry my dear little brother-fucker, I completely comprehend your meaning.”
Lissa’s jade green eyes flashed. “You will not speak to me that way. It’s disrespectful, rude and untrue.”
Minverna laughed angrily. “It’s true all right—your desires betray you even if your body does not, my dear. Don’t think I don’t see in your eyes how you still hunger for your brother’s touch. How you long to take him deep in your body—to take his thick cock in your little virgin cunt—and let him pump you full of his hot, incestuous cum.”
“How dare you!” Lissa’s eyes suddenly went blank, the jade green leaking outward from her pupils and covering the whites as well. “You will pay for your filthy words, Minverna.” She pointed one finger, aiming it right between Minverna’s eyes. “Pay dearly.”
A sudden jolt of energy leaped from her fingertip and struck the ex-high priestess, knocking her to the ground and sending jagged shards of pain through her entire body.