Merrick remembered the fear in her eyes when he’d tried to undress her and suddenly understood. “All right,” he said at last, blowing out a breath. “Okay. I believe you.”
“Thank you.” When she looked up, her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “That means a lot to me. And thank you for coming to save me, even if you were mad.”
“I was more than mad—I was fucking enraged,” Merrick admitted in a low voice. “I didn’t like the idea of you with another man. The idea of him touching you…taking you…”
“He doesn’t,” she said quickly. “I mean we don’t…we’ve never…” She trailed off, blushing but Merrick understood what she was saying.
“What, never?” he demanded. “In the whole time you’ve been together?”
“No.” Elise shook her head firmly. “I know it sounds old-fashioned but, well, we’re waiting. Waiting until we’re married to…to consummate our relationship.”
She didn’t sound very excited about the idea—more like it was a distasteful duty she was going to have to perform sometime in the future. Merrick frowned. Now everything made sense—the reason he hadn’t smelled another male on her was because she hadn’t been with another male. At least, not in the past year. Even his sensitive nose couldn’t pick up anything earlier than that.
Then the implications really began to sink in and his heart leapt in his chest. Unclaimed! She’s unclaimed—not bonded to him at all. Without some kind of physical contact, her engagement was an empty promise, at least in Merrick’s mind. Suddenly he understood her fiancé’s possessive posturing. He didn’t have a hold on Elise—not really. His claim to her was unfounded, ungrounded and most importantly unconsummated.
“So you’re not really his at all,” he said, putting his thoughts into words. “You don’t really belong to him.”
Elise bristled. “I don’t belong to any man. I’m my own person, thank you very much.”
“Sorry,” Merrick growled. “It’s just in the Kindred world, we’re very possessive of our mates. When you find the female you want to spend the rest of your life with, you do everything you can to bind her to you.”
She frowned. “What do you mean everything?”
“Touching, tasting, scent marking…we’re pretty fucking tactile,” he said candidly. “I don’t understand how that idiot fiancé of yours could have such a beautiful woman and not mark you in some way.”
“Mark me? How?” Her cheeks were getting pink and her breathing had speeded up some, Merrick noted.
“Kindred males have scent glands we use to mark our females,” he explained. “Around our mouths and groins. When we find the right female, we want to rub against her, to touch her everywhere and mark her with our scent. That warns off other males—lets them know the female is spoken for.” He shook his head. “That was why I was so surprised when that little bastard popped up claiming to be your fiancé—I didn’t smell another male on you, even a human male—so I didn’t see how it was possible. Now I understand, if he’s never taken you…”
“Never,” she said at once, shaking her head.
“Then he’s never marked you.” Merrick let his voice drop to a low, possessive growl. “And if he’s never marked you, then you’re fair game, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Merrick!” She bit her lip. “Don’t talk that way.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “What way? You know how I feel about you, Elise—why else would I come back for you? It’s fucking natural for me to want to mark you, to touch you, to taste you…”
“T-taste me?” Her eyes were wide and her breathing was erratic. “You mean kiss me?”
“Sure.” Merrick nodded. “But not on your mouth.”
“Where, then?” she whispered.
“You know where, baby.” Merrick stroked one of her thighs gently, loving the feel of her bare skin beneath the silky red dress. “Here,” he murmured. “Wanna taste you between your legs—taste your sweet little pussy.” The scent of her desire intensified and he knew she was probably wet as hell there right now. The idea of spreading her thighs and tasting her sweet, feminine core, of tonguing open her slippery petals and lapping her wet folds until she moaned his name and came all over his face had him throbbing in his pants.
But Elise obviously had other ideas.
“Merrick!” She pushed off his lap suddenly and jumped away, her arms held protectively over her bare breasts. “I…I think we should stop talking about this now.”
“Sorry.” He regarded her lazily through half-lidded eyes. “Am I making you nervous?”
“Of course it makes me nervous! I’m not used to having someone who wants…wants to do that to me.”
“So your fiancé doesn’t even talk dirty to you?” Merrick shook his head. “He’s an even bigger idiot than I thought.”
“James and I don’t discuss things like that because…well, we just don’t talk that way.” Her cheeks were flaming red now, he noted. Clearly what he’d said was affecting her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Turning her back, she shrugged back into the dress. She buttoned it up rapidly before turning to face him again. Smoothing her hair back with both hands, she took a deep breath. “Let’s talk about something else. Am I cured now? I feel a lot better.”
Merrick frowned. “I doubt it. Why—you that eager to go back to your fiancé?”
“No.” She smoothed her hair again—a nervous gesture on her part, Merrick thought—and sighed. “I just…I don’t know. Maybe we should go back to the Kindred ship and find out what’s going on.”
“Maybe so.” Rising, Merrick went to the control panel at the front of the ship and settled himself into the captain’s chair. “Take a seat and buckle up,” he instructed her. “My ship runs as smooth as silk normally but I never finished the long-range diagnostic. Getting out of the atmosphere is going to be a little bumpy.”
She did as he instructed, silently, taking the chair beside his and buckling the too-large safety harness around her small frame. Merrick watched her from the corner of his eye as he prepped the star-duster for take-off. What in the seven hells was going on with her? She was willing to let him touch her and press her naked chest against his, but the moment the conversation turned sexual, she was a bundle of nerves.
Something happened, he thought, remembering again the fear in her eyes when he’d tried to take off her dress. Someone did something to her. And now she’s got her idiot fiancé to believe she wants to wait to consummate until they’re joined. But there has to be more to it than just old-fashioned values. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to be touched that way. A reason she doesn’t want to think about anything to do with sex.
But though her mind obviously rejected any kind of sexual physical contact, the same couldn’t be said of her body. Even now, Merrick could smell the warm, feminine scent of her desire drifting across the narrow divide between their chairs. When he’d talked about tasting her, her cheeks had gotten flushed and her breath had come short and erratic. Elise might not know it, but her body was hungry for something her mind wasn’t even willing to contemplate.
And Merrick wanted to be the one to give it to her.
Chapter Six
“I’m very glad to see you looking so well, Elise.” Sylvan, the blond Kindred doctor who had overseen her recovery, smiled at her warmly. But Elise couldn’t help thinking there was a worried look in his pale blue eyes.
“Thank you,” she said, shifting slightly on the exam table. “And thank you for sending Merrick back for me. I, um, understand that I might still be ill?”
“I’m afraid so.” The worried look in the doctor’s eyes intensified. “In a way, anyway.”
“What fucking way?” Merrick sounded impatient. He was standing behind her, not quite touching her but close enough that Elise could feel the heat of his big body against her back. It was both a comforting and somehow unnerving sensation. Ever since their conversation aboard his ship she was award of strange, new feelings toward him. Feelings she’d ne
ver expected to have for any man. Not since…
No, put it in the vault. She pictured the familiar old-timey bank-vault door closing tightly and the tumblers falling into place with a definite click. There. Much better. Except… it worried her that it was no longer so easy to dismiss or hide her darker thoughts and memories. More and more often they seemed to be slipping through the once-impenetrable barrier she’d built in her mind and coming to the surface, like the corpses of murder victims floating to the top of a clouded, murky lake. Still, there was nothing she could do but keep suppressing them, keep putting them back in the vault when they escaped.
“…has to do with your being in stasis for an extended time with no breaks,” Sylvan said and Elise realized he was talking to her and she’d missed the first part of his statement.
“I’m sorry, what?” she asked uncertainly.
“It’s called the hunger,” Sylvan said. “And it’s part of stasis sickness. You see, when you’re in stasis too long without a break, your soul’s link to your physical body can become weak and tenuous—”
“Excuse me,” she interrupted him. “Your soul? Do Kindred believe in that? I mean, because we humans aren’t really sure such a thing even exists.”
“The soul or spirit is a very real part of you,” the Kindred doctor said seriously. “It’s what allows you to bond to another person and it’s the basis of the male/female bond between a Kindred warrior and his mate. Oh, yes, we definitely believe in it.”
“All right.” She nodded skeptically. “So you’re saying my soul detached from my body?”
“Almost,” Sylvan said. “It was in the process of detaching both times you were awakened from stasis. The first time, Merrick put you back into the stasis tube just in time. The second time, he picked you up and held you.”
“Damn right I did,” Merrick growled. “It was what she needed—I could tell.”
“You’re right,” Sylvan said seriously. “If you hadn’t picked Elise up just at that time, her soul might have detached completely and she would have died. Her body wasn’t strong enough to hold it here in the physical realm.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, although you saved her life, your actions have certain…side effects.”
“Side effects? What do you mean?” Elise asked.
“The long time in stasis had weakened you physically and spiritually—your soul was lost, seeking an anchor,” Sylvan began, obviously choosing his words carefully. “When Merrick picked you up, your soul found him and clung to him, forming an artificial bond—one that wouldn’t naturally occur between the two of you.”
A cold dread crept over Elise’s heart. “An artificial bond? What exactly does that mean?”
Sylvan frowned. “Your soul has put down roots into Merrick’s, causing an instant reciprocal relationship to develop. You need to be near him—need to touch him in order to stay healthy and well. You crave his presence and physical contact with him—which is the basis of the hunger I told you about. Merrick, in turn, can sense your well-being or illness through the artificial link between you. He feels your distress and it forces him to come to you and try to ease your pain.”
“So…” Elise swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. “So you’re saying that everything I’ve been feeling, all these emotions I’ve been having for Merrick and all the feelings he’s been having for me…they’re all fake? Just a part of this…this artificial bond we somehow formed?”
The Kindred doctor gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid so.”
“Bullshit!” Merrick burst out angrily. “I don’t accept that, Sylvan—it has to be bullshit.”
“I’m sorry, old friend.” Sylvan reached out and put a hand on Merrick’s shoulder. “I can tell you feel strongly for Elise. But you have to remember that those emotions are artificially created. The instant connection between the two of you isn’t a real connection at all and I’m afraid it’s not good for you either.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” Merrick demanded, shrugging Sylvan’s hand off his arm.
Sylvan withdrew and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “I mean, it’s not natural or healthy for either one of you to be so interdependent. An improper bonding can result in soul sickness for a Kindred male, especially in hybrids like yourself, Merrick. And Elise can’t go on being completely physically dependent on you for the rest of her life—getting sick when she’s separated from you for too long.” He shook his head. “That’s no way for her to live.”
Yes it is! It’s the only way I want to live, Elise wanted to shout. But fear and misery made her hold her tongue. If Sylvan was right—and she had no reason to think he wasn’t—all the affection and need she felt for Merrick was false. And even worse, the feelings he had for her…they were fake too.
I should have known it was too good to be true, she thought, blinking back tears. Should have known I could never feel so strongly and so quickly for a man—any man—without a reason. And yet, even knowing that the bond between them was fake, it still felt good—better than anything she’d ever had with anyone else, including James—and she didn’t want to lose it.
“I…I still don’t understand,” she said in a choked voice. “How can a bond—which you said yourself happens between Kindred and their wives—how can it be so bad?”
Sylvan sighed. “It’s not the fact that you’re bonded but the nature and placement of the bond that’s bad. Think of it like this—a normal pregnancy is a wonderful thing—a beautiful, miraculous gift of the Goddess that brings joy to everyone. That’s like a good, solid, naturally-formed soul bond between a Kindred and his mate.”
“Right," Elise said, nodding. "And?”
“But what happens if the pregnancy is ectopic?” Sylvan continued. “If the fertilized egg implants itself somewhere other than the womb? The baby that grows from such an egg can’t survive—it will die without the proper nourishment from its mother’s womb. And it will likely kill her in the process.” He looked at Elise. “Do you see now?”
“Yes,” she whispered. Sylvan’s analogy made a terrible kind of sense. I’m like a tumor, she thought, feeling ill. An infection inside Merrick. I’m making him sick—hurting him just by being near him. “Yes, it’s clearer now. Thank you.”
“I still don’t believe it. This is completely fucked up,” Merrick growled angrily.
“I’m sorry,” Sylvan said quietly. He sounded genuinely distressed—the tone of a good doctor who hated giving bad news. “Truly sorry to have to tell you both this.”
Elise felt like she was falling apart. Everything she felt, everything she’d thought she knew to be true was suddenly a lie. A falsehood. A fake. She wanted to cry, wanted to find comfort in Merrick’s strong arms. He would hold her, soothe her. Make her feel better. She started to turn to him…and stopped herself. No, I can’t. Can’t impose on him anymore. What we feel isn’t real and if what Sylvan said was true, it might even be hurting him. I have to stay away. Have to keep my distance.
“Elise…baby…” Merrick said softly and she knew he felt her pain. The compassion and yearning in his tone almost melted her…but somehow Elise stood strong.
“I’m all right,” she said, dashing tears out of her eyes quickly with the back of her hand. “I’ll be all right, Merrick. Both of us will—we have to.”
“No we fucking don’t,” he protested. “I don’t care how the bond was formed—it’s there. We both feel it.”
“What we feel is a lie,” Elise said, more sharply than she’d intended. “I…I’m sorry.” Taking a deep breath, she looked at Sylvan. “What can we do about this? I mean, what’s the treatment?”
“There is no treatment,” Merrick snarled. “A soul bond is forever.”
“Not necessarily,” Sylvan said. “Not when it’s artificially created.”
“What are you saying?” Merrick demanded. “You’re saying we should end it? Break it—just like that? You’re telling me to rip out the roots Elise has put down in me like I’m weeding
a fucking garden?”
Elise shivered at the idea. It sounded extremely painful—like pulling a tooth with no Novocain.
“I’m afraid it isn’t going to be quite so simple as that, Merrick,” Sylvan said. “A soul bond, even an artificial one, is very difficult to break or remove. However, I’ve been doing some research and because your bond is artificial, it should be possible to dissolve the roots, hopefully painlessly, and separate the two of you.”
“How do you do that?” Elise asked. “Is there some kind of soul-medicine you use or something?”
“Nothing that I have on hand,” the Kindred doctor said. “But there is a substance that will work. The berries of the skrillix plant which grows only on Rageron can be used to make a compound which does the trick.”
“What, you mean the pain vine?” Merrick sounded incredulous. “The one that grows only in the inner jungle? The plant that’s sacred to the Ancient Ones—that they guard with their fucking lives?”
“I’m afraid so.” Sylvan shifted uncomfortably. “A branch of the vine must be plucked by your own hand—yours or Elise's anyway—and brought back to be placed in the same stasis chamber Elise was held in. Once we hold it in stasis for awhile, it can be taken out and the berries will make a compound which dissolves the artificial bond between the two of you.” He shook his head. “Only then will you be free of each other.”
“What if I don’t want to be fucking free?” Merrick demanded belligerently. “What if I like things the way they are just fine?”
Sylvan looked at Elise. “Will you excuse us for a minute?”
“Certainly,” she said, feeling numb. She slid off the exam table and stumbled, nearly going to her knees. The only thing that saved her was Merrick—his strong hand under her arm held her up, keeping her from collapsing in a heap on the floor.
Even that brief skin-to-skin touch on her bare arm seemed to strengthen her but Elise knew it was wrong. Though it hurt her heart to do so, she shook off his hand and stood on her own.