The Bonfire
Suzette’s dad was ridiculous. Like, all parents were ridiculous? But Maya couldn’t stand how involved he got. She could tell that Suzette couldn’t stand it, either, and there was nothing more awkward than being with your friend when their parents are being weird and embarrassing and you just have to kind of sit there and feel bad for her and not say anything.
Suzette was Maya’s friend from way back when they used to play soccer, and now they were both on the girls’ volleyball team at Kennedy. Whenever Maya went over to some birthday or even non-birthday at Suzette’s, her dad was always hyper involved in setting up volleyball nets and trampoline contests and water-gun fights and you could tell Suzette wanted to tell him to just stop and go away so she could chill with her friends, but he was super enthusiastic and hyper happy but also pushy and Maya felt bad for Suzette, but also a little bit mad at her, because it was like, can you please yourself just tell your dad to back down?
When they were little kids he wasn’t any different, always setting up treasure hunts and shit like that, but when you’re a little kid that shit is dope. All the moms set up treasure hunts and goodie bags and piñatas and since he was a single dad he was like double trying to prove he could hang with the moms in the competition of doing way too much, and he had never quit.
So for Suzette’s fifteenth he had way early lined up a beach picnic and volleyball spot on Puget Sound, but with a week to go it was becoming Maya’s problem, kind of?
Originally when the plan had been hatched like a month earlier it had been basically a volleyball thing. So it was Maya and Suzette, plus Coleen, Juanita, Kelsey, Stacy, Morgan, Julia and Robin, all the ninth and tenth from the girls’ team. But then the plan kind of morphed, Maya wasn’t clear on all the details, but first of all Colleen got mono or something weird like that, Maya wasn’t sure, she just kept hearing that Colleen was way sick. Then Stacy sort of stopped answering texts, Maya had no idea why. That of course meant that Juanita wasn’t going to come either. Kelsey and Morgan were still down but Julia and Robin were maybes and Suzette pretty much at that point begged Maya not in so many words but begged her to get some more people to come because it obviously would have sucked major to have a birthday party with four girls and a volleyball and a giant cake and a hyper dad trying to get everyone to play duck-duck-goose or whatever his stupid plan was going to be.
So Suzette kind-of-hinted, kind-of-asked if Maya would help get more people. Suzette was so all about volleyball that she basically had no other friends. Maya was sorry if that sounded mean, but it was kind of true. Anyway it kind of became okay if Maya invited people, so she asked Rachel, who was down because she knew Suzette from some science summer camp, they weren’t exactly besties but they were chill enough. That meant that it was okay to invite Andrea and Sabrina, which basically started to feel like Maya was taking over Suzette’s party with Quad Squad, but she felt like Suzette had basically asked her to.
Then there was the boy problem. Suzette was super shy about boys and would not have invited any if Maya hadn’t said she should.
“I just don’t even know anyone,” Suzette had pleaded.
This was after practice the week before the party and they were both on Crescent, the side street where they were waiting for rides, and the only people left at school were a few varsity swimmer guys driving away in their own cars and some band geeks doing band geek things.
“Oh, please,” Maya said, “We go to school with about a million guys.”
“Not that I can just invite to a party!” Suzette said with a kind of hysterical fear mixed with hope.
Maya asked “Why not? They’re just humans.” She sounded so mature to herself but of course on the inside was thinking that she barely knew any guys herself and had never invited any to a party, either.
“But it would just be weird,” Suzette said.
“Fine,” Maya said. “We can have a totally good time without any guys.”
“But like, who would it be?” Suzette said, scratching the top of one shoe with the bottom of the other in a nervous, kind of little-girl way.
“You know Ben and Jerry?”
Suzette frowned. “I know Jerry, I guess? Jerry Majors? He’s funny? Who’s Ben?”
“Oh, that’s just a nickname. Tim. Like the ice cream?”
“There’s a Tim ice cream? God, I’m so out of it.”
“No,” Maya exhaled, getting a little exasperated. “Look, here’s what I would do if it was my party. I would invite Jerry, and I would invite his friend Tim--”
“Oh, I totally know him! The zitty one?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, my God, that was so mean, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all good,” Maya said, even though out of loyalty to a sort-of friend from Q Squad she felt a little sorry for Tim. It would kind of suck to be known as the zitty one your whole life, even if it was kind of true.
She said, “If they both come then if it’s get awkward or they don’t want to hang out with girls they’ll have each other so it won’t be too weird, and then we can also invite Tony -- plus Sasha.”
“Oh, I like them. They’re so cute!”
“Right?”
“Will they play volleyball and stuff or just, like, make out and stuff?”
“Isn’t your dad going to be there?”
“Yeah, good point.”
Suzette did some math. “That’s like twelve girls and three guys, one of which is Tony, which is basically not a guy who’s going to hang out like a guy, right? So do we need more?”
“I don’t know, it’s not like there’s a rule of evenness.”
“Maybe we should just not invite any!” Suzette said, getting nervous again.
Maya had to control her frustration. “It’s your party,” she said.
“I’ll text you. I have to talk to my dad about inviting guys in the first place. Here he comes.”
She grabbed her volleyball bag and ran off, and Maya thought how weird it was that she had ended up being the expert on boys when her experience was basically none, just that she had a few more friends than Suzette.
So far Maya had been kissed three times, and in eighth grade had possibly dated Simon for a week. The fact that it was a possibly basically summed up how great it had gone. Mostly it had been a thing to do so that she could tell her friends that she had done it, because they all thought Simon was cute, which really when you so-called dated him, he wasn’t. She thought about what had happened to Simon. He hadn’t moved, but she never saw him any more. It was weird how people could disappear from your life like that.
Over the next couple of days it got super annoying because people kept texting Maya asking who was going to be there and Maya hated how if you came up with an idea for a thing you were somehow responsible for everyone who came and everything that happened and how good a time everybody had. And it wasn’t even her party!
Mike got a text from Cole asking if he wanted to go to Suzette’s birthday party bonfire on Saturday. The answer of course was of course, but he didn’t want to say that, because he would seem desperate. He waited and tried to think of the best way to say it.
He asked some of the guys in Guild Wars if they were new to a school if they would go to a party for someone he didn’t even know who she was and of course they all said go for it and gross stuff, but Trev01 who was someone Mike had known for years from Guild and from World of Warcraft before that said that it was kind of weird and he should at least maybe DM her on IG before to say hi I’m coming?
That got Mike nervous, because he hated Instagram. Everyone on it was super happy and posting pictures of their football runs or their skate tricks or for girls their sunsets and dancing and shit, and Mike didn’t really have anything to post. He’d only been at Kennedy for a few months and ever since the Halloween disaster he had kind of been avoiding trying so hard to make new friends. Like, it was okay and great and everything to make new friends, but he knew now that when you
were the new guy sometimes you tried everything and that got you in more trouble. He was finally not grounded and he was pretty sure he’d be allowed to go to the bonfire, but he was probably better off just hanging out and playing some Guild and not getting caught up in Kennedy drama.
He thought this for about twenty minutes, then stalked Suzette on IG. She was cute, not bad, always in volleyball pics with a bunch of skinny girls that he kind of knew but didn’t. Her bio was volleyball is life, which was whatever. Anyway she hadn’t invited him even, Cole had. Cole was in three of Mike’s classes so he had kind of adopted him and was pretty chill but Mike wouldn’t really call him a friend. Cole was friends with that guy Jerry, who was super chill. Jerry was like the most popular guy in Kennedy 9th, as far as Mike could tell. Cole said that Ben and Jerry were going, which meant Tim the zitty guy, and probably all of their friends who were always acting like they were the coolest people in the world and ignoring other people and going somewhere to lunch without inviting anyone who wasn’t so supremely cool as them. Mike usually ended up eating his mom’s chicken salad sandwiches, gross, at school and playing on his phone.
So, okay then, he suddenly dared himself, if you want so much to not be that guy on his phone at lunch eating chicken salad, go for it. Before he could change his mind he hit Cole to ask for a ride to the thing and Cole said, yeah but don’t bail like Halloween, haha.
The thing about haha was that it was never haha. Mike wrote ok back but what he really felt was awful. He was such a loser, sometimes. He wished he had done the whole Halloween thing different, but now it was too late obviously and Cole kind of had the right to bring it up, just not to keep bringing it up.
You had to get to the best spots early, it was first come first served at the beach, and Maya’s guess was that Suzette’s dad had arrived at dawn with his zinc on his nose and his big tent thing and healthy snacks and plenty of water in an environmentally appropriate huge orange jug that you were supposed to fill your Camelbak from, but backup red Solo cups and a Sharpie to mark them for those who hadn’t.
Maya and Andrea and Rachel and Sabrina all got a ride from Maya’s mom. She kept asking horribly embarrassing questions about which girl was going to go to college where or whatever and Maya tried changing the subject and even said mom like three times, but it didn’t really help. Finally when they got there Maya said that it was over at 9 and to pick them up then when she knew for a fact that Suzette’s dad had given everyone a major 7 p.m. deadline but it was like, who ends a Saturday night party at 7, that’s ridiculous, even if you do start at 2, but also like sort of revenge for Maya for her mom kind of ruining the whole ride and making Maya feel stupid.
Basically nothing that big a deal happened for about three hours. Suzette’s dad had at least gotten some normal non-environmental snacks, probably after five hours of Suzette begging and having to deal with guilt about the Earth and being healthy, but anyway it was at least normal food and a really nice day out. It got sort fun with playing some volleyball and laughing about how bad Andrea and Rachel were, but they were being funny about it so that was cool, clowning and swimming and stuff and eating BBQ potato chips and listening to music and playing who can guess the song first.
Sabrina didn’t want to play volleyball and just chilled at the water alone a lot of the time but whenever anyone checked on her including Suzette’s dad she said she was totally cool and kind of happy to be at the water and alone, just thinking. It wasn’t that weird, and she was smiling more than usual, so it seemed okay to Maya, who almost but didn’t feel like trying to calculate whether Sabrina was stoned and if so on what and if so when she would come down. Like, at a certain point it became not Maya’s problem. Probably in the first place, if she was being honest with herself.
But then, after 5, a bunch more people started showing up, including guys. Sasha and Tony and Jerry and Tim and Cole and New Mike and Malik and Latrell and Lauren and also Zachary and Emily, which was super awkward because everyone knew that Lauren and Zachary had been hanging out a lot but he supposedly was still going out with Emily and all three of them were hanging out together! So maybe it wasn’t awkward? Except that it was, because Maya could totally tell by the way that Zachary looked super uncomfortable and the way Emily never really looked at Lauren. Weird.
Andrea broke off from the volleyball people and started messing with Malik and Latrell, which was cool enough, Maya figured, because those guys were sort of outsiders and it was cool of Andrea to bring them in, even though the big problem was that Suzette and her dad were obviously kind of freaked out because her dad didn’t know half of these people and Suzette had to talk to him privately and tell him that they were nice kids and that she had invited them, which wasn’t exactly true, and please dad don’t make a scene; and then to make it much more awkward, Suzette’s dad had Suzette bring Maya over to basically vouch for everyone all over again as though he didn’t trust his daughter’s word, which basically he apparently didn’t.
As far as Maya was concerned it was seeming pretty chill, a lot of cool people having fun, even though she hadn’t really technically invited half of them that she said that she had? It was more like if you invited certain people you could reasonably expect that they would bring someone else, so it wasn’t exactly a lie to say that she had invited them. Karen and Naeli were always at everything, so whatever, and even though the Zachary and his two girls thing was super awkward they were normal people and it wasn’t like Suzette -- or more like her dad -- had to worry about them murdering anyone in their sleep.
Ben and Jerry had obviously brought Cole who had obviously brought Mike Jorgensen that everyone called New Mike. Maya thought that was rude, the poor guy obviously felt bad enough sticking out in the first place for being new, it didn’t help to tease him about it, plus now that she was watching him play frisbee and laugh with the guys she realized that he was much better looking than she had realized, and now that she thought, that she realized she’d been watching him all year, and now she got a kind of inability to swallow for a moment and a rush of adrenaline in her belly and she thought, God, just for some guy?
Mike figured that the cure for being this nervous was just to do stuff. If he just stood around eating potato salad and drinking soda he would have to talk to people and that could get weird and if he just stayed active he could be part of things and not have to worry about it. He played frisbee and then got in some wrestling matches that were just fun but extra funny although harder in the sand, two on two for some reason, and he got on the same team as the zitty guy, Tim, which was cool because they kept winning. Mike kept glancing out of the corner of his eye to see what the girls were doing and if they were watching him and what the hot one by the water was all about. That was Sabrina, he was pretty sure, the one Tim had pegged with a tennis ball in P.E. Maybe she was still mad about that? Maybe he should go ask?
Then they went to the tent thing to get drinks and Jerry shook up a bottle of Diet Coke and sprayed it everywhere which was kind of an asshole thing to do because the dad was right there and looking kind of pissed at the wasted soda, but also hilarious because it shot out like intensely everywhere and got on Mike’s shirt and shorts. And even though he was pissed everyone, even the girls and stuff were laughing really hard, and he was kind of proud of himself for not freaking out about it and taking it in stride and instead he turned it into a joke and took the empty bottle down to the ocean water and filled it up and tried to spray it at Jerry but it wouldn’t really spray and Jerry was dodging so Mike ended up kind of running around splashing everyone, and the girls all shrieked if even a drop hit them or even if nothing, just for the sake of shrieking.
Other people got bottles and cups of water and there was a general water fight, not that vicious because people were trying to also be sort of polite about it since half of them didn’t know each other that well really and there was a dad there and it was also kind of a middle school thing to do in the first place and people were trying to seem
like they were mature, while having a water fight.
Mike went down to fill his empty Diet Coke up again at the water and that girl was down there, the pretty one, Sabrina.
He said, “I’m just filling this with water.”
She said, “I know,” but just when it was about to get super awkward she added, “People are having fun.”
He said, “Yeah, it’s cool. I don’t really know that many people that well.”
She smiled. “Me neither.”
He said, “Yeah,” and then couldn’t think of anything else to say, and headed back to spray people with more water. But then it was like that Sabrina chick had kind of made him okay for girls to talk to or something? Because then Rachel, the skinny one that everyone seemed to know, told him that he really needed some Mentos and told him about a time that she and Maya had done the thing with Mentos and Coke, and then Maya came over and explained it all over again, even though it wasn’t that complicated or interesting a story in the first place, and then Andrea yelled over that they were telling it wrong, but didn’t come over to correct them.
Then after a while people started packing up, especially the dad, and Mike felt like, damn, just when things were going good. But then Cole came around and said that basically they were going to stick around, but they had to make it seem like they were leaving or the dad would get pissed and call all the parents.
It was so awkward, Maya was thinking, the whole thing was like this ridiculous childish theater game or something where they all pretended for Suzette’s father that they were leaving when he was, and he packed up everything and put it in his car and kept checking if everyone had a ride and everyone said that they did and kind of hung out by the sidewalk looking like they were going to get picked up and checking their phones, and then when the dad finally, finally left, they went right back to the bonfire, which he had mostly put out, and tried to start it up again.
It was so ridiculous but also fun, as soon as Suzette’s dad had been out of sight, to sprint off through the sand like they were spies or something and had gotten away with some amazing mission impossible when in fact all they had done was lie that they had rides this early. It made Maya feel kind of like an ugly little liar but also like it wasn’t her dad and he didn’t need to ask her a million times if she was going to be okay.
Now the party got way different pretty fast. It got dark pretty fast, too, and someone started passing around a joint or two, and a big thing of Bacardi, Maya wasn’t even that 100% sure what Bacardi was, but obviously not something Suzette’s dad would have approved of. Karen seemed to be an expert on it and on checking if adults or cops were wandering the beach and when. Lauren was drinking kind of a lot, and Zachary some, but not Emily. Malik and Andrea were kind of locked in on smoking a joint together and Maya started to wonder if there was something between the two of them. A few people had a phone going and were rapping along to it really obnoxiously but Maya still thought it was kind of funny.
Jerry and Tim put themselves on fire-building duty and Cole kept checking to see if the dad was coming back. Rachel went off to go check on Sabrina. It was at that point that Maya noticed that she was the only person not doing something, except for Mike, and that he didn’t seem to be into the drugs either, so on a personal self-dare she went over and said, “Hey, what’s up, Mike?”
He said, “Hey, Maya,” in a comfortable way, as though they always talked to each other, but as far as Maya could remember they had never really said much of anything.
She said, “I feel kind of guilty,” surprising herself because that was more information than she actually would have wanted to share, but something about him made her talk maybe more than she should have. Something? she asked herself. Well, duh, what could it be?
“I know,” he said. “It’s not great that we lied to him.”
Maya was super glad that Mike knew what she meant. She said, “I mean, I don’t think it’s that big a deal being here.”
He said, “Right, it’s, like, a free country and everything, but the part where we all went up to the sidewalk was like --”
“I know,” she said. “Plus I’m lying to my mom, basically.”
“Yeah, me too, but I feel like that’s different. Isn’t it different if you lie to your own mom than to somebody else’s dad?”
“Yes,” she said. “But I’m not sure why.”
They were walking now, she noticed. Not going anywhere in particular, but sort of heading away from the others, who were being noisy and some of them annoying and shouting dirty lyrics extra loud.
He said, “Because if you lie to your own mom then you have to face the consequences if you get caught, but for that girl’s dad you don’t, she does.”
“Suzette, yeah, that’s exactly it.”
He shrugged, and she smiled.
She didn’t want to focus on the fact that he was the new guy, but she was curious and couldn’t think of anything else to say so she asked where he had come from and what he thought of Kennedy.
The answer turned out to be longer and cooler than she had thought, because it felt to her like he saw things a lot, a lot the way that she did, like all the stupid rules about how people were supposed to be, and all the cliques at Kennedy and everything like that. He was super easy to talk to.
And the two of them kept walking and they were way off almost on the next connecting beach and they couldn’t hear much from the others now although she could still see them when she glanced back, trying to get the fire bigger with new logs they had probably stolen from somewhere.
She and Mike kind of ran out of space to walk so they stopped, looking out to the water, and Mike took the sweatshirt from around his waist and set it down like a mini blanket and offered her to sit on it. So she did and on a personal dare again scooched over so that it was obvious that he should sit on the other half of it, which really wasn’t that big. He hesitated only for a second, then sat next to her.
Oh my God, Maya thought to herself, I think he’s going to kiss me.
Shit, Mike thought, am I supposed to kiss her? I think so? But what if she thinks I’m being too fast?
So they looked out at the water for a long minute or two and said nothing at all, their sides touching but not their legs, which were carefully scooched away from the middle at a little angle outward, and Maya thought that it was so awkward, but also kind of nice, just to sit there quietly and not feel like they had to say anything.
Come on! Mike said to himself. Just do it! Why would she sit with you on your shirt, and all close and everything, if she didn’t want you to?
He’s not going to, Maya thought. Which is fine, I barely know him.
Mike thought, better off waiting, that way you get to know her better and not move too fast.
Maya thought, oh my God, get it over with already!
Mike thought, fuck, my breath smells like Doritos so bad.
Maya thought, I think he’s into Sabrina, anyway. He was talking to her before and they seemed kind of into each other?
Mike said to himself, okay on three. One, two, three, and then he put his hand on her hand.
Maya gave a little laugh for no reason except to say, it’s cool, it’s okay, and curled her fingers around his. He curled his back around and they both sort of laughed gently and then they were holding hands.
Mike now felt like it was cool although he couldn’t see her that well in the growing darkness, but he leaned his face in a sort of test distance, and then she did the same, and then he kissed her.
Maya’s brain felt like it was on fire. The first kiss wasn’t that amazing, but it was happening! She was actually kissing a guy who seemed to actually like her and it wasn’t at all like with Simon whatever weirdness that was, she never actually even liked him, and it was also not some weird dare game at a party, just two people kissing.
They did it again, and he smiled and so did she, and he said, “I guess I like Kennedy better than I thought,” and she laughed at
that. Too much, she knew, but still. He put a hand on her shoulder and the other was still holding her hand and now they started kissing more. It was different now, way better, Maya could hardly breathe, it was deeper and way French and her arm went around his back and she kind of kept massaging his back muscles.
They did that for a long time and then they paused and came up for air and laughed in an embarrassed way, as though they had shared a weird secret, which basically they had.
Maya wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen next or how to start it up again, but she suddenly found herself kissed him, starting it herself this time, first on the cheek and then on the lips. And then he was kissing her back, really energetic now and she was totally into it and she let go of his hand to get a better angle and he turned so he was more facing her, and she put her hand on his knee for stability and wondered in some corner of her brain if Rachel and Sabrina and them could see them and what they were thinking, and did they even like him?
And then they were really kissing deeply, and he took her hand from his knee in his hand and suddenly pulled it up his thigh so it was on top of the bulge in his shorts and she jumped up and said “Oh!” and stood stunned for a second, and then raced crying and shaking back to the bonfire, back to Rachel, who hugged her and held her without needing to know why.
What Happened