Scattered
What was there to say? Maya didn’t know what to say. Nobody knew what to say. Nobody knew how to talk to anyone any more. At lunch it was like everyone had to scatter in all directions. Almost a month had passed and nobody was talking to anyone or doing anything together.
Maya went to lunch alone with Rachel most days nowadays, but instead of the old spots they usually got something from the vending machines and then went to the gym to bump some volleyballs. It wasn’t insanely fun? But it was okay enough.
After she had gotten her usual Funyuns and Dr. Pepper and Rachel had gotten her usual granola bar which supposedly was healthy but wasn’t and her Diet Coke, they headed off for the gym. They were walking by the ugly MLK mural that didn’t even look like him when about twenty people away they saw Andrea headed toward them. Maya had already made eye contact, she didn’t want to look away, but Andrea wasn’t looking away and Rachel could tell -- this all took like half a second --and Rachel said, “Hey, are you going to eat all those Funyuns?” and Maya was like, “You hate them, you’re so above junk food,” but she knew that Rachel had said it just so that they could have something to say until Andrea passed by, which she did, walking super fast like she had somewhere to go.
“It’s so sad,” Rachel said. “I mean, about you and her.”
“It’s not that sad,” Maya said.
“No, I mean, it’s not your fault that it’s sad, obviously, but I don’t know, didn’t you two guys --”
“Yeah, but obviously.”
“Yeah,” Rachel said.
“I mean,” Maya said, “It’s not like I care what she does, or what she did or whatever?”
Rachel thought, yeah you do.
“But it’s just that she could have told me about it?” Maya said. “I don’t know, does that make any sense?”
“Yeah, no, completely,” Rachel said. “I don’t think friends do that to each other.”
Maya nodded, then said, “But he -- I mean -- we weren’t going out.”
“I know, you never said you were, but everybody knew that you and Mike had, like, something, especially Andrea knew. Especially.”
“That’s what pisses me off the most,” Maya said. “I mean, I’m over it, but what used to piss me off is how she could basically get with any guy in the school and she had to pick him.”
“It’s just -- yeah,” Rachel said.
“Honestly?” Maya said, “He’s not even that cute. Like, I liked him and everything? But it’s not like he’s Taylor Lautner.”
“I know, right?”
“And it’s not that I’m slut-shaming --”
“No, obviously not,” Rachel said.
“It’s just that she could have, like, gone on a date with him or whatever, but they barely knew each other and then go straight to doing that?”
Rachel jumped over some trash in the way. She pulled her hair behind her ears and asked, “Do you think it’s kind of double-standardsy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you, me, and everybody in the school basically knows that she got pregnant and it’s all like she was the only one involved.”
“Yeah, no, for sure,” Maya said. “He could have kept it in his pants.”
“He should have.”
“I mean, I’m not being in charge of moral judgments for everybody,” Maya said.
“It’s just so stupid,” Rachel said.
“Exactly.”
“Like, how have you not been listening to health class lectures for a thousand years?”
“I know, right?” Maya nodded, then added, “But it’s not just that. It’s everybody.”
“I know,” Rachel said. “Everything kind of sucks right now. Whatever happened to Quad Squad?”
Maya sighed. “It’s like, I also feel so bad for Sabrina.”
“But what can we do about it?”
“We could go visit some time, I guess, wherever Oakmont is, maybe I could get my mom to drive me.”
“Maybe,” Rachel said.
Maya kind of half laughed and said, “Yeah, not like she’s going to let me drive myself there. Or anywhere. Ever.”
“Did she say that?”
“Honestly? I haven’t even asked.”
“Smart.”
“Yeah, Imma wait until I’m like 103 and then ask if I can try to get my permit.”
“That’s a patient plan,” Rachel said.
“She’ll be like, no, you crashed the car when you were 15, you need to think about your choices.”
“Maybe when you’re 104.”
“I can’t believe they took her to Oakmont just because she and Jerry …”
“Yeah, I know,” Rachel said. “But it’s not just that, it’s all their family.”
“Yeah, they’re way fucked up,” Maya said.
“I know, but I guess she likes her grandma in Oakmont better,” Rachel said. “Or at least she doesn’t get as stressed?”
“She had to promise to not kill herself,” Maya said. “She snapchatted me this contract she had to sign.”
Rachel sighed. “It’s so scary, that she has to do that.”
“I know.”
“Do you think Jerry is also getting away with double standards?”
Maya thought. “It’s just weird. I don’t know what to think. Like apparently he saved her life?”
“He didn’t save anything,” Rachel said. “She wasn’t --”
“No, I know, but he went over there thinking she was, right? And then he gets there, and she’s not dead or anything, so what does he do, when she’s all vulnerable?”
Rachel said, “Yes and no. I mean, maybe it is the same thing? I wasn’t there? But it feels like -- I don’t know. Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe it’s worse,” Maya said. “Mike and Andrea, whatever, neither one of them is crazy, except --”
“Except Andrea --”
“OK, but neither is like official psychology crazy and so if they want to like, do whatever, I guess that’s their business?”
“Not when he and you --”
“I know, but never mind that for a second, but Jerry could’ve so easily just called the cops or something --”
“He said he did, he told Tim that later.”
“OK, but then he just, like, took advantage of her.”
“I know,” Rachel said.
“It’s kind of evil,” Maya said.
“I really didn’t think Jerry was like that,” Rachel said, agreeing after thinking about it.
“Tim, though,” Maya said.
“Don’t even,” Rachel said.
“I heard he’s going to military school or something.”
“Something like that.”
They were sitting on a bench and now they both realized it. They always ended up talking too much. Rachel sighed and then suddenly said, “Hey, are we going to go bump some volleyballs?” She was a bit extra enthusiastic because she felt like she had been improving extremely fast and had sort of practiced at home and wanted to show Maya, but then immediately she felt guilty for always making it about herself.