Andrea
Okay, what the fuck was even going on at the mall, don’t ask me. I mean, first of all Sabrina wore this like ridiculous, like, granny sweater that no one wears. It was 900 degrees out, I do not get it, but also booty shorts that left, like, nothing to the imagination, and I was trying to keep it mellow so I didn’t say anything but everyone was staring at her, these gross guys from the, like ID District where you’re not supposed to say all the poor Asian people live, but they do, sorry if that’s racist but I’m not the racist one who made them live there, and these guys were so gross, probably like 30 and living in their moms’ apartments and pretending to look for a job and like downloading porn all day. And meanwhile Rachel was all so into being all about her whatever it is, her Academy for Genius White Girls, that she dressed for the mall like it was a library, I’m not even kidding you, she had these, like, I don’t even know what to call them, slacks or something and this ridiculously boring blouse that made her look about fifty and her hair in this like, Bun to Wear If You’re a Thousand Years Old, I was obviously thinking: makeover! And it could have even been fun, but then, this was so -- Maya was there! She just showed up and I was all who invited you? thinking it not saying it, obviously, I’m not a total idiot, and she is my best friend supposedly even though lately it’s been really kind of weird, it was like well, hi everybody, Maya’s here and I was all thinking: well, I guess we’re not smoking behind Macy’s.
I mean, I like Maya, don’t get me wrong. She can be totally chill and we used to hang, we still do, and she’s still my bestie 4eva and all that stuff like we wrote in eighth grade yearbook, but now I’m just kind of over it with her being all judgmental and everything like that. But she was all, “Hey, Andrea,” and I was like, “Hey, Maya,” and it was so fake, because she was obviously thinking that I shouldn’t be hanging around with Sabrina like she’s such a thug, but I was thinking, how even is that any of your business, you weren’t even invited. But then I was all, oh, shit, who did invite Maya? Because unless they found her in the parking lot or something which I most sincerely doubt, either Rachel or Sabrina must have brought her and Rachel never does stuff like that, she never invites anyone anywhere, she’s always busy with some Academy thing, she literally has no life whatsoever.
So I was all, “What’s up, Sabrina?” which of course she knew meant, if you wanted to invite someone to come along and judge me the whole time you could have told me and not snuck it up on me.
And she was all, “Hey, Andrea!” and gave me a hug and kind of an air kiss, so fake, and then we both pretended that she hadn’t just broken about every rule there is about how you don’t just bring someone that you didn’t ask everyone else who was going if they could come, but then suddenly Rachel grabbed us and said kind of breathlessly, “Oh, my Lord and Taylor,” which is like from that Project Runway show, and Rachel kind of pointed with her head and said, “Oh, Tim, I will definitely use the Lord and Taylor wall thoughtfully,” and all four of us looked, and you would not believe if I told you but Neil Emerson, Eli Malloy and Miles Turgeon were walking into the Lids and if you don’t know who Miles Turgeon is then I feel sorry for you, and Neil O’Shaughnessy is like definitely not bad, and I actually went out with Eli Malloy in like 6th for about ten minutes or something, it was just some stupid little kids thing, like nothing happened, we just went around school saying we were together and that was about it, but he’s in 10th and so are the other two and honestly they look they could be YouTubers, I’m not even joking. Like, not the kind of YouTubers who make videos of their, like, video games, and not like the celebrity followers who can be kind of funny but are usually gay, I’m not just saying that, they even admit it, I’m not like that about being gay at all, but the kind that are like, hey, what’s up chill people and just talk about their, like, life but it’s interesting? Does that make sense? I feel like that’s a thing, or maybe it’s just this one YouTuber that I used to watch but he stopped and took down his channel, I was like oh shit, why? because he was so fine, I watched his video about him sailing and just stupid shit like that about two million times, all the views were me probably; but anyway they looked, I mean Neil and Eli and of course Miles looked so hot, that even Rachel noticed, who’s like a nun or something, she never talks about boys, actually that’s not true, actually, she went out with Cesar Somebody last year, I totally forgot that, like it never happened, I don’t even remember why they ended it, probably he found the launch codes at the Academy and she had to kill him, who cares, he was so boring, like I’m not saying Rachel is boring but I’ll bet they went to, like, the roller rink for a good time and got hot chocolate and talked about books and solar panels and shit like that. God. Rachel seriously has potential but it’s like she always seems like she’s either too busy or too serious but then on a day like this she can be so fun, and everyone was cracking up at the whole Lord and Taylor thing -- but she was like, “I dare you to go in there and talk to them,” to me, to me, and I was like, “Excuse me?” because I was not about to get dared into talking to these guys by somebody who basically doesn’t even know what a boy is unless he’s Cesar the Science Fair Guy, or whatever he was about, and she was all, “Oh, I understand, Andrea, it’s okay to have fear. Fear is a natural experience, it protects a person” and for some reason SM Sabrina cracked up at this like it was the funniest thing that anyone ever said, which it wasn’t, it totally wasn’t, but meanwhile for some reason Maya didn’t say anything and all of a sudden I was like, oh, I get it, Maya is into Eli Malloy and she doesn’t want me to know because I used to go out with him. Like I care. Eli Malloy is nobody to me, I mean he’s cute, but he’s not my, like, property just because in 6th grade I let him put his hands in my back pockets which when I think back on it was kind of slutty for a 6th grader, but anyway I didn’t mind so I said, “My fear is too strong, Maya should do it,” and she turned so like, pale, like she practically disappeared.
But then, okay, I can’t even believe how this went down, but those guys came out of Lids which is anyway, what the fuck, a whole store for just baseball caps, why, and walked over to us, and I was about to kind of try to take the obvious tension out of the moment, we were all four of us just chilling sort of next to the Sunglasses Hut and trying on stupid glasses and I was sipping on this disgusting like orange drink that I got when we all went to the pizza place, I was like, I’m not eating one more slice of pizza this entire school year, I might as well staple it on my thighs they’re getting huge, like tree trunks basically, none of my old jeans fit, and so I was going to just say to Eli, hey what’s up, so that Maya would have some, like, cover. I mean I kind of had been wanting her to be all embarrassed and everything but not that much and I was feeling guilty about daring her, she is my best friend and all if you want to call it that, so I just decided to just say, hey Eli, what’s up, but before I could even like, lift up my sunglasses and stop sucking on my straw and say hey or anything, Miles goes, Miles, “Hey, Andrea.” Just to me! And the four of us are standing there, like literally four of us, but he’s all, he’s all, hey Andrea, but he was looking at Maya when he said it!?
But then Neil who was looking at his phone goes, “Shit, Geary is waiting, let’s bounce,” like this meant something to anyone, but the other two guys go, “Oh, shit, okay, let’s head” and said this, like, general goodbye to us four girls and our, like Sunglasses Hut lurker who had been staring to see if we were shoplifting but also obviously checking us out, so gross, like I’m going to go out with some twenty year old perv who works at a Sunglasses Hut, no thank you, and then the three guys from our school just basically took off. I mean, what the what?
And then we were all standing there and it was super weird and awkward and nobody knew what to say but Rachel goes, hey, let’s go by the fountain, so we put all the stupid sunglasses away because basically no one knew what to say and I was either pissed off at Maya or she was pissed off at me and I didn’t even know which way it was, it was so confusing.
But we
went to the fountain where when I was a stupid little kid I used to walk around the outside of it and if you sit on it you almost get wet but not, and me and Maya and Sabrina sat down, but Rachel stayed standing like she was our teacher or something, and goes, “Okay, I know that seemed weird to me, did that seem weird to you, Maya and Andrea?”
Maya said, “Yeah, it did,” and I was like, “Same,” but I wasn’t sure if it was same because it might have been weird for different reasons, like he said my name but he was looking at her, so we had the opposite -- anyway, I just said same, and then Sabrina, who nobody even asked, said, “I thought it was weird, too.”
But Rachel just kind of ignored her and said, “Okay, well, do you guys want to talk about it? Because I think it might be awkward to talk about it, but it would probably be more awkward not to talk about it, and then people will get all resentful and stuff.”
I just shrugged. Obviously I wasn’t going to go first. Like, if Maya wanted to say something or admit something or apologize then fine, but I hadn’t done anything wrong so I definitely wasn’t apologizing.
But then Maya didn’t say anything, she just looked off in the distance to the right or whatever, away from us, and then I was like, “Oh, shit, are you crying?” and she was, I totally called it, but I felt terrible for her and she like got up and ran off and we basically like followed her going, what’s wrong, what’s wrong, and she kind of ran out of energy near the bathrooms in the food court or whatever, and we all surrounded her and were like, are you okay?
And Sabrina was like, “What’s wrong, Maya?” in this voice that was like all I’m here for you voice like she’s her therapist or something which was so, like, I don’t know, selfish, because me and Rachel were standing right there, like literally right there next to them, but whatever.
And Maya eventually like wiped her nose and everything and cleaned up her mascara, she looked like Halloween fright night and we had to kind of help her and she kind of got her shit together and then Rachel said, “You got upset,” which was obvious, but the way she said it was cool, like not that sympathetic and weepy, just keeping it 100.
And Maya said, “I don’t want anyone to feel bad, but I feel like it’s my fault.”
And I was all, “What’s your fault?”
And she was all, “Miles, obviously,” in a sort of rude way, and of course I had to forgive her, like, tone, because she was the one who had been crying although I was upset, too, but nobody was cleaning my mascara, basically only because I was the one who was managing to keep my shit together, sorry if that hurts your feelings, Maya, but you know it’s true, anyways it’s not that important. But I did keep my shit together.
And I was like, “What about Miles?”
And she was like, “You know.”
And I was like, “Not really. I mean, he obviously likes you, but that’s not my problem. I’m not even into him.” Which was obviously not true but you have to say it if you want to not be a bitch about it and give her a chance because obviously if he’s into her then I’m not going to be all upset about it, I don’t even care to tell you the truth, Miles Turgeon can go die for all I care. Honestly, he thinks he’s so hot but he’s not that hot. Like I know some seniors that are way hotter than him but I couldn’t even think about it because my mom would basically kill me.
But Maya was all, “What, no! He likes you!”
And I was all, “Shut up, he does not, what even are you talking about, he was staring all over you,” but thinking, wait, does he, God I hope so, does he really?
And Maya was all, “He said your name, Andrea.”
“But he was looking at you,” I said, getting more hopeful now the more I thought about it.
But Maya said, “But yesterday, no, like two days ago? Wednesday?” She dabbed at her eyes because mascara was kind of in them and she’d been rubbing them constantly and I was like, what, Wednesday what, girl, thinking it but not saying it obviously.
And Sabrina was like, “Wednesday what?” and I was like, who even asked you, nobody said your name or looked at you, how even are you part of this?
But Maya goes, “He, Miles, he on Wednesday we were in class after class together, I mean not together obviously but after class? Ms. Knowles?” and I was like, what already, God, get to the point!
Finally Maya said, “I was like trying to say hello to him, but he looked at me and said, ‘Hey, Andrea.’”
There was a quiet second while we all try to figure that out.
Rachel said, “So, he thinks that your name is Andrea?”
“I don’t know!” Maya practically screamed.
And I was like, “Well, that’s just a mistake, he’s obviously into you, you all saw the way he walked over and everything, he just doesn’t know your name.”
“No, it’s not just that,” Maya said, “Because he said your name both times and -- oh my God,” and then she cried for a while more and we had to help and everything and this mom with a stroller was staring at us and I was like, what, bitch, go make some more babies, but then Maya finally was ready again.
And she goes, “I heard him after class telling Troy V. that ‘that Andrea chick is kind of hot.’”
And I thought for a sec but then I was all, “Well, obviously that means you.”
“No, obviously it means you!” Maya said. “Because he isn’t into me, you can tell, he never looks at me and he was just confused about names but obviously he’s into you, all the guys are into you, they always have been, and it’s not my fault I have like, pimples and man shoulders, and, look, it doesn’t even matter --”
And she started that crying again and was going to run off again, too, but we just grabbed her and everything and I was like, oh my God, what even do I say?
But then Sabrina said, so irrelevant, “What about Natalie Storchman? Aren’t they going out?”
And even Rachel was like, “They broke up, like weeks ago. Right?”
She asked me, and I was all, “I don’t know,” although I did, everybody knows that.
But then Maya was all, “Don’t say it like that, Andrea, you don’t have to do me any little favors like that, I mean I appreciate it, but you know he’s maybe available and if you like him and he likes you, that’s not -- you shouldn’t feel bad about it.”
I started to say, “I don’t --” but it wasn’t really worth it because these girls are when you get down to it my homies and they know me and all and I like to keep it 100 so I was all, “I mean, I could see it? But it’s not like anything has ever happened.”
“I know,” Maya said. “It’s just that it could.”