“You look overlong at men who are not your husband,” he hissed in my ear. “Remember what is at stake here. If I choose, I could end them all in front of you today.”
“I won’t do anything,” I whispered. “I won’t do a thing.”
He straightened, apparently realising that the visitors from both courts were staring at us. He smiled at me then, and I shook with fear. He gripped my chin and moved to kiss me in front of everyone. I automatically recoiled. A soldier clamped hands on my arms, holding me into place. Sadler tried to force his tongue into my mouth. I whimpered, and he bit me.
He pulled away, a streak of my blood on his mouth. “I’m overcome with affection for my dear wife. Please excuse us from lunch. We have a lot to attend to in the bedchamber.”
Horrified, I dug in my heels, but I was no match for him. Sadler dragged me out of the hall and up the stairs, almost pulling me over because of the weight of my skirt. I was exhausted from struggling by the time we reached his room. Inside, I cowered at the door.
Sadler laughed, wiping my blood from his face, then threw a cloth at me. “Clean yourself up.”
I tried, but my hands trembled too much. “Please just leave me alone,” I whispered.
He whirled around and advanced on me. I backed into the wall.
“Do you not understand?” he snarled. “You repulse me. I couldn’t…” He shook his head. “Let them think the worst. Let him have an ounce of what I went through. Maybe I’ll make you scream for good measure.” He opened the door. “Call the doctor. And a maid. Bring water.”
My feelings were flooding out of control. I had been doing so well, but seeing Drake and then Brendan, seeing what I had lost and knowing what might come next had unsettled me in every way.
“Oh,” Sadler said, his face relaxing. “What is that?”
He came over and pressed his body against mine, resting his forehead on my shoulder. I had never been so grossed out in my entire life. I thought I might throw up when he actually moaned.
“The fear,” he whispered hoarsely. “It’s delicious. How are you doing that?” He pushed me away with a surprised laugh. “So you don’t come without tricks of your own. Is it because of Donella, I wonder?” He seemed to be talking to himself. He pushed me away and paced. “This will work,” he muttered. “This will do it.”
As soon as the doctor walked into the room, my fear expanded exponentially. The doctor stopped mid-step.
“I know,” Sadler said with a raspy laugh. “Isn’t it delightful?”
“How?” the doctor asked. “Why now? After all of the rumours, I’ve been trying my hardest to provoke her. How has it happened now?”
“Our visitors, I assume. Talk of leaving her baby, perhaps. Did you hear that insolent pup? Let me take her. Madness. Humans only ever cause madness in our kind.”
“And pleasure with the right tools,” the doctor said.
I cowered against the wall, covering my ears. The maid opened the door, took one look, and excused herself.
“No, wait,” Sadler told her. “Clean up her face. The sight of it disgusts me.”
The maid approached me slowly, her expression filled with something I couldn’t identify.
“Careful,” Sadler said with a laugh. “It’s addictive.”
The doctor joined in with his laughter. “Truly.”
The maid tentatively wiped my face clean, her hands shaking. “There, there,” she whispered. “It’ll be over soon.”
I stared at her. What would? My death? The visit? The day? Everything was spiralling out of control, and before my eyes, Sadler was unravelling into some kind of demented demon.
As soon as the maid left, I sank to the floor, terrified. Sadler’s eyes held the worst kind of darkness. He was going to kill me.
“Try it now.” Sadler told the doctor. He sounded like a child. “See what we can do with her.”
The doctor approached me. “It’ll be strong, probably too much to bear.”
“There are plenty of guards,” Sadler said. “Nobody will get to us.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“It’s the only thing that will get me through this.” Sadler’s voice held a note of desperation.
The doctor used the staff to hurt me, provoking all of my fears and bringing them to the surface. I couldn’t breathe for a moment. The spasms hurt, but far worse than that was the cloud of emotion draining out of me. They were sucking the life out of me, a little at a time. I had never felt such pain, most of it mental. Every fear, every ounce of hurt, every time I panicked or worried or suffered an adrenaline rush… it all came back up, combining and swirling and creating a ball of decay around me.
In my dazed state, my body convulsing on the floor, I thought I saw the darkness lift from my skin. It was the mirror all over again. I caught sight of the doctor’s staff and noticed the shard of glass that glinted and blinded me. A piece of the mirror. It sucked away at everything that made me me.
The doctor swayed then dropped to his knees, the staff moving erratically, sparking lights in the air. Or maybe I was seeing things.
“Let me try.” Sadler grabbed the staff and knelt over me.
He pressing the mirrored shard against my chest. He almost fell over as my convulsing legs kicked at him through my skirts. With his other hand, he pinched my face between his fingers, looking as though he might pass out. His eyes had fully dilated.
“All of those faces looked like her, and it’s this one who gives me the reminders. I can’t…” He shook his head and stepped back, throwing the staff to the side.
Lying on my back, I took deep breaths as I was granted a moment of peace. The doctor picked up the staff and planted it on my stomach. I grabbed it and pushed, but a wave of something strong blasted from the staff, knocking me onto my back again.
I crawled away, but I was caught once more by the doctor. I collapsed, unable to move. I caught sight of Sadler and wanted to vomit. He was lying on his back, his arms stretched out in a junkie’s pose. His fingers twitched, his eyes half-closed, and he had a true smile on his face for the first time since I’d met him. Worse, he looked more like Drake than ever. I rolled over, praying it would end, but the doctor wasn’t done yet.
Sadler, the emotion addict, was totally out of it, completely overwhelmed by the depth of my feelings. Tears rolled down my cheeks and splattered onto the floor, where they mixed with my blood.
The doctor chortled with a childish giggle. “And one more.” With a flourish, he struck me with the staff.
A violent scream erupted from my throat. I couldn’t see the room anymore. I saw death and dead things. I saw a decaying body crawling through the soil to gather me in its embrace. I saw rivers of blood in a golden mirror, my friends dead and gone. I saw cannibalistic faery monsters. I saw blood and death and wished for my own. Through my visions, my scream echoed in my ears.
Strong arms lifted me and carried me out of the room. Through my haze, I saw both reality and the emotion-induced dream.
“How can you bear to touch her?” Vix was asking.
“I can stand it,” Rumble said. “If they kill her today, we’re all dead.”
“What was he thinking? All this time and he caves now?”
“Get more guards to stand outside her room,” Rumble said. “They won’t stand for this.”
“What of the king?”
“He’ll recover by the morning. But the rumours will worsen.”
“He’s giving her the rope to hang him with. We need to get rid of that creature.”
“His downfall,” Rumble said.
With a whimper, I turned my head away from Rumble’s chest and vomited onto the floor.
“What do we do with her?” Vix whispered.
“Pretend this never happened. Get the midwife to return. Send the hunchback. He’ll persuade her to come.”
“And if he doesn’t return with her?”
“Then may the goddess help us all. Go, Vix. Stop acting like a s
cared child.”
“I’ve never felt this before,” she murmured. “I understand him better now, I think.”
“Go,” he said, and I felt his voice rumble even in my belly.
I heard her footsteps running away, then I felt more than heard Rumble’s sigh of relief. I caught the scent of a candle that Rat had given to me. It smelled like roses.
Rumble carefully laid me on the bed. I was sick and shaking, and I had no idea what was going on.
“What’s happening to me?” I whispered.
He knelt beside the bed and wiped my face with something damp. “You’ll be better in the morn.”
I put my hands on my stomach. The baby wasn’t moving.
“The bairn is fine,” he said. “You need to sleep and rest. Tomorrow will be a long day. And no more screaming, do you hear me? You’ll get us all killed, and you’ll be the first, come wartime. Do you hear me, human? If we die, so do you. So does your baby.”
“What do you look like?” I asked, reaching for his helmet.
He moved his head back. “You don’t want to know.”
“I do. If I’m going to die, at least let me know something true.”
He hesitated, then raised his hands to his helmet. “I only do this to let you know what he’s capable of. This is how he rewards loyalty.” He took off his helmet. “Now imagine how he rewards treachery.”
I stared for a long moment at his disfigured face. His hair was gone, apart from scattered tufts of grey. His face was so badly scarred that I could barely make out his soft brown eyes and full lips.
I touched his cheek. “Thank you,” I whispered before falling asleep.
Chapter Twenty
When Rat woke me the next morning, my limbs were still trembling, but it all seemed so surreal that I wasn’t sure if I had been dreaming. Sadler had gotten high on my fear, he and the doctor both, but it was as if I soaked up their magic, too, got caught up in their nightmare. My stomach turned.
“Today is the day,” she whispered. “You have to show yourself.”
“Today’s what day?” I asked, aching as I got up from the bed.
“The day of the feast. Your wedding feast. The other courts will leave tomorrow. This is the last day, and then you can rest a while.”
“I’m tired now.”
“I know,” she said. “It’ll be over soon.”
Everyone kept saying that. While eating breakfast, I got flashbacks of what had happened the day before. I felt too sick to eat then.
“You have to eat.”
“I can’t. I’ll throw up. I don’t feel good today.”
“Come have a bath. It’ll cheer you up. It’s early. Nobody is about yet.”
She let me hold on to her as we stepped outside the door. The hallway was full of soldiers. I bit down on my intake of breath.
“So many,” I whispered.
“Can she walk?” Rumble asked, startling me. Had he been outside my door all night?
“I’m fine,” I said stubbornly. “I’m not an invalid. I can take care of myself.”
“Can she walk?” he asked again, directing the question to the maid.
Rat looked at me and bit her lip. “I’ll shout if we need help.”
Sighing, I brushed past the mini-army and made my way to the baths. The sound of the guards clomping after me was kind of depressing.
I soaked in the bath for a long time. I didn’t torment Rat with questions like usual. I was too busy trying to figure out what had happened the night before.
“I heard you scream,” she said abruptly. “I was in the kitchen, and I heard you scream. All that way.”
“Sorry,” I said automatically. Her eyes widened, but I didn’t care. “I didn’t mean to scream.”
“We all felt… something,” she said hesitantly. “Is that… was that normal for you? I’ve heard… rumours.”
“I don’t know what normal is.” I closed my eyes and tried my best to shut out the trembling of leftover emotion that was travelling through my body. I needed to be stronger for next time.
She helped me out of the bath and into the same dress I had worn yesterday. I hated that dress.
“Can we just… get rid of some of it?” I asked. “I’m already exhausted wearing it.”
She helped me cut away some of the layers. The dress felt lighter, but it was still a burden. My stomach cramped as I walked out of the room, but I brushed off Rat’s offer of help. I could walk alone. I could stand alone. I was more than what they made of me.
Then I saw Drake, walking toward me, his eyes wide with surprise. I stopped and stared, only jolted into the present by the sounds of swords unsheathing. The soldiers were always ready to protect their queen from her friends.
“It’s okay,” I said wearily. “I’m just walking to the great hall.”
I brushed past him, feeling his fingertips slide against mine. A flicker of hope blossomed inside me. I felt a rush of something, that old feeling I used to get from him. I had to ignore it, lock it away. If Sadler had an idea of the true extent of my feelings for either Drake or Brendan, we would all suffer even more.
The soldiers escorted me to my throne. Minutes later, Sadler and the doctor arrived, both of them acting more jittery than usual. Sadler took his seat, ignoring me as he usually did. I stared straight ahead, concentrating on holding my head up.
A short man ran up to the steps and bowed before Sadler. “The midwife has arrived.”
“We don’t need her,” he said. “Send her away.”
Vix murmured something, and Sadler cleared his throat. “Look after the midwife until tomorrow. She can see to the baby then.”
I flinched. Did he mean to cut the baby out of my womb? I wouldn’t put it past him. My nerves burned in my throat, and I could tell by the shuffling of the faeries around me that they sensed it. I needed to get a grip and stop Sadler from using me.
Sadler heard a few requests before we were joined by the other courts—a few key figures surrounded by guards of their own. I refused to look at any of them. I didn’t want to see anything in their eyes.
“Ah,” Sadler said as a tall, thin faery knelt at his feet with a box. “It’s finally arrived.”
He stood, opened the box, and lifted out a twisted black crown. He turned and placed it on my head. All I could think about was that stupid mirror.
“And now we have a queen,” Sadler said, “with a crown to match. We’ll break for lunch to discuss the state of the realm. After a rest, we shall have a feast. There will be music and dancing to celebrate the fact that the Chaos Court has a queen.” He laughed. “And an heir on the way.”
I breathed deeply, trying to concentrate on feeling nothing. Rumble and Vix escorted me to lunch. Vix and I sat at the opposite end of the table from Sadler, while Rumble stood behind us. To my right sat Reynard. I stared at my food throughout the meal. I knew that if I looked up and saw pity or concern on even one face, I would lose all control.
“I have a gift for you,” Brendan said loudly.
Everyone stopped eating to look at him. By Sadler’s annoyed harrumph, I guessed that Brendan was speaking to me.
“I’ll save it for the feast,” Brendan added.
“Do that,” Sadler said in a warning tone. “This is business. Let pleasure come later.”
“Business then,” Drake said. “I want to see Deorad’s body.”
“Who?” Sadler was too mocking. He would rile everyone up. That was probably what he wanted.
“Your son,” Drake said.
I snuck a glance at him. He was staring directly at Sadler, his hands wrapped around a knife and a fork.
“Your father, you mean,” Sadler said. “Didn’t he die?”
“I didn’t get to see the body,” Drake said. “I want to confirm with my own eyes that he died.”
“Our dead are burned. If he survived, well, I couldn’t say he was living now.”
That sounded wrong in my head. I frowned at my salad, wondering if Sadler was windi
ng Drake up or actually hiding something.
“Wife!” Sadler shouted. “Why aren’t you eating?”
I picked up my fork, stabbed something green, and brought it to my mouth.
“Humans,” he scoffed. “Once you train them, they’re just so obedient.”
I refused to react.
Vix poured me a cup of wine. “Drink. It’ll put some colour in your cheeks.”
I shook my head and continued having a staring match with my food.
“And your Darksiders,” Drake continued, “why are they still roaming in my territory?”
“Poor souls,” Sadler said. “They must be lost. Why else? After all”—he got to his feet and slammed his palms on the table—“they’re just ignorant, filthy beasts without a brain between them. Why else would they live here in the Darkside?”
“They will leave my territory,” Drake said, “or I’ll consider it an act of war.”
“War against me then! The first thing I’ll do is send you pieces of that human and her brat. I’ll even tie her up in a green and silver bow. She seems to enjoy that sort of thing.”
Drake lowered his voice. “If you think a human and her unborn child are more important to me than my kingdom, you’ve severely underestimated me, Grandfather. Your troops will pull back from my territory, and from Brendan’s, and it will be immediately. The next time I come here, I won’t be this kind.”
“Threats at my own table?” Sadler threw his plate across the room. He was always unstable, but half high on my emotions, he was far worse.
“You wanted to talk business,” Brendan said lightly. “Have you changed your mind?”
Sadler stormed across the room and tugged me out of my chair. When I moved too slowly for him, he shoved me at Rumble. “Carry it out.”
A smart remark danced on my tongue, but I held it in. Sadler was winning. I was losing myself.
***
The band played a disharmonised symphony, and some faeries bowed before each other in the centre of the room. They moved stiffly across the floor in an awkward dance that looked more like moves on a giant chess board. I was exhausted and tried to smother a yawn.
“Are you bored?” Sadler snapped. “Is my court too dull for you?” When I didn’t respond, he shouted, “Fill the room with everyone in the castle! Let even the lowest of the low come to entertain our queen. She’s so difficult to please, as we all know. Bring them!”