Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
And heartless, don’t forget heartless.
Clementine also knew everything she said had been a lie. Well, maybe not all of it, but she was wrong to say it the way she had. She’d been right when she said Aries had been comparatively lucky, but that wasn’t fair. True, Aries didn’t wake in the middle of the night, sweating, from dreaming about the man she stabbed through the stomach with a letter opener. Unlike Clementine, she didn’t walk through a sea of hanging bodies in the small town she passed through just before she met Michael. But that didn’t make Aries less of a hero. It didn’t mean that her caution didn’t, in fact, make her the perfect leader for the group.
But there was no time to apologize.
She’d followed Aries and Nathan over to Graham’s house after Eve came running to find her.
“I couldn’t stop them,” Eve said. “Aries nearly took my head off when I said it was a bad idea. Do you think she’s mad at me? She didn’t tell me not to tell you.”
Clementine went to find Raj and told him to come with her.
The worst part was that Aries was right. Clementine had been enraged, beyond angry, ready to kill anyone who tried to contradict her. But she’d calmed down quickly, and once she thought it through logically, she’d realized going to Graham’s house when Brandi had specifically told them the Baggers were heading there was a bad idea. Child or no child, promise or no promise. Staying at the home and preparing for evacuation was the smarter thing to do.
There were sacrifices in war. The fewer casualties the better. But no matter how good their intentions, people were going to die and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do to stop it.
That sucked. Boy, did it suck. But no one ever said life was fair.
Aries was right. They couldn’t save them all. But now Aries was trying to because Clementine had opened her big mouth and said the wrong thing.
Dear Heath, I’ve screwed up yet again. They should put that on my grave. “Here lies Clementine—she screwed up a lot.” But I can fix this, right? Right?
She didn’t have an answer. All she could do was convince Raj to come with her to try and find Aries. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too late.
The worst part was that even after all that, a tiny voice in the back of her mind tried to convince her that Aries was doing this deliberately to steal her thunder. Aries was going to be the hero. She’d be the savior of Graham’s family, not Clementine.
Stop it. Look at me, Heath. I’m still that competitive. Remember how upset I was when I thought Imogene was going to make head cheerleader over me? I pouted for a week and you finally slapped me upside the head and told me to stop being so greedy. Give others a chance. Be the best I can be and give others a chance to do the same. Yada yada yada. Am I really this shallow?
They weren’t going to last long in this new world if they continued with all this petty bickering. No, they had to work together on everything. She knew this. Aries knew this. It was like Michael and Ryder too. She saw the way Michael both resented and admired the new guy’s leadership skills.
They were falling apart. Was Clementine the only one who saw this? With some of them missing and others bickering, it was only a matter of time before the Baggers managed to break them down.
But Clementine wasn’t going to go out without a bang.
She’d bring them all back together if it killed her.
* * *
Clementine froze at the kitchen door, unnoticed by both the Baggers and Aries. Raj was with her, his body pressed against hers, weapon poised and ready. She could feel the tenseness of his muscles as he waited for her to react.
When the Bagger raised his gun, the bells on top of his filthy Santa Claus hat jingled. She wanted to grab that hat and shove it down his ugly throat.
“Merry Christmas,” he said. “Such a pretty present. Get up. I’m going to deliver you. I’ll wrap you up with lots of bows. Leon will be pleased.”
Aries lay on the ground, her eyes glazed and staring at the unmoving body beside her. A small scream nearly burst through Clementine’s gritted teeth when she realized who it was.
Nathan.
No time to mourn.
“So you’re the infamous Aries,” the Bagger said. He was grinning from ear to ear. He pointed with the gun to Nathan, lying on the floor. “That’s what he called you, right?”
“What do you mean?” Aries asked.
“Come on,” the Bagger said. He pressed the automatic weapon against Aries’s arm. “Get up. You’ll be joining your friends in no time. That ought to make a perfect Christmas for everyone.”
“Kill me,” Aries said. There were tears spilling from her eyes.
Clementine’s heart stopped. No, Aries couldn’t be giving up. Not after all she’d been through. Clementine wasn’t going to allow that. Without thinking, she jumped forward, raising the Taser she’d taken from Katarina.
She shoved past the female Bagger, knocking her into the wall, and thrust the tiny machine right up against Christmas Hat’s neck, pressing the button.
The filthy man jolted as his body went into convulsions. There was no noise. Just complete overwhelming silence as he did his death dance. The smell of burning flesh wafted up into her nostrils. Then the gun dropped from the Bagger’s hands and Clementine finally let go. His body slumped to the floor, head cracking on the table as he went down. She pressed the machine into his still body one last time just to make sure.
“Damn,” Raj said from behind her. He bent down and picked up the machine gun, pointing it in the direction of the female Bagger, who was cowering in the corner. “I knew Ryder had some engineering guys juice those Tasers up, but that’s really something.”
“Aries.” Clementine was down on the ground beside her friend in seconds. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a jerk. I take back everything I said. You were right. I was being stubborn and stupid. I was frustrated. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Nathan,” Aries said. Her eyes were glued to the still form on the floor. “I can’t. I didn’t mean . . . it was so fast.”
Beside her, Raj kneeled down to examine Nathan. Without taking his eyes off the remaining Bagger, he carefully turned the body over to check for a pulse. Maybe he wasn’t dead. Maybe he was just unconscious. Optimism surged through Clementine, but it was short-lived. Raj shook his head gently and looked at her momentarily. There was no hope in his eyes.
“How am I going to explain this to Eve?” Aries asked. Her voice was flat and unmoving. “I killed him.”
“There’s nothing to explain,” Clementine said. “We’ll just tell the truth. Eve will understand. You had nothing to do with it. You didn’t kill him.”
“I brought him here,” she said.
“Only because I was too bigheaded to realize you were right. If anyone should be held responsible for his death, it’s me.” Clementine tried putting her arms around the other girl, but Aries shoved her away. The three of them sat there on the floor, surrounded by the smell of death and blood, the house quiet and empty.
“How could I let this happen?” Aries finally asked. “I’ve tried so hard. All I wanted was to keep everyone safe. I’m such a failure.”
“You’re not a failure,” Clementine said. “Without you and your mad skills, we’d be lost. Can’t you see how important you are?”
“I still killed him.”
“Actually,” Raj finally said. “The Baggers killed him. Not us. We’re just here. We’re just surviving.” He raised the gun up a few inches as the female Bagger blew him a kiss. It took all of Clementine’s willpower not to go over and slap her hard.
“That’s the biggest load of crap I ever heard,” Aries snapped. The anger in her eyes came burning through like wildfire, consuming her self-pity. “I’m a complete idiot; don’t ever try and say it’s not my fault. You were right, Clem. I needed to hear it. I really have been lucky. I’ve done everything I can to avoid . . . everything. I’m nothing but a coward. And what happ
ened when I tried to fix that? I got someone killed. Nathan’s dead. What else is new? Others died in my group before. Back when we were hiding out at the theater, I couldn’t save them all. But I should have done something. I need to get better! Nathan was a good person. He didn’t deserve this.”
Aries stood up and faced the nearest wall. There were family photographs, framed and assembled tastefully all over it. Pictures of Graham’s family doing various things. A day at the beach. Positioned around a Christmas tree. Meeting Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
Aries punched the wall with all her strength.
Clementine gasped when the first picture fell, hitting the table below with a small thud.
Aries punched the wall again. And again. Her fists beat a steady rhythm as they cracked the plaster, leaving a white dust on her knuckles. Blood dripped and smeared both her skin and the white walls.
Raj stepped forward to stop her, but Clementine grabbed his arm. Aries needed to get the pain out, and if this was the only way, she wasn’t about to stop it.
The punching went on for a good minute. When she finally stopped, her hand was already beginning to swell. It looked like Mason’s hand after the Baggers fractured his fingers back in Gastown.
“Now what do we do with this one?” Aries snapped as she turned her attention to their captive on the ground.
But the Bagger was no longer grinning in the corner.
She was rocking back and forth, her eyes wild and confused, talking to herself. “No,” she said. “Not true. Not true. I didn’t mean to do it.”
“Do what?” Aries asked.
But the Bagger didn’t hear her. “So cold,” she whispered. “Sleeping. I’ve been sleeping.”
“She’s mad,” Raj said.
The Bagger suddenly jumped up and pushed forward, knocking Raj backward. The gun went flying from his hand. Clementine rushed to retrieve it. The Bagger threw her arms around Aries and pulled her into an awkward kind of hug and then bolted out of the room before anyone could properly recover.
Raj was the first to speak. “What the hell was that?”
“She was crying,” Aries said. “It’s almost like she was . . . normal for a second.”
“Or she just found a brilliant way to escape without any of us managing to shoot her,” Raj said. “Should we go after her?”
“Let her go,” Aries said. “I doubt she’ll come back.”
Clementine went to Aries, put her arms around her, and held her tightly. “I’m such a tool,” she whispered. “Can you forgive me?”
“No,” Aries said. “I can’t. I won’t forgive myself, either. But we can move on.”
Clementine nodded.
“First things first,” Aries said. “We have to find the others. And we have to find Graham’s little girl, too. She’s not here. The monsters took her. I will do whatever I can to get her back. I owe Graham that much. And I owe Nathan.”
“That’s easy enough,” Clementine said. “We know where Mason is now. And I’ll bet that the little girl is with him.”
Aries’s eyes widened. “You know where Mason is? How?”
Clementine pointed to the dead Bagger on the floor. “He told us. When he was pointing the gun at you. He recognized your name.”
“So?” She frowned.
“Then he said he wasn’t going to kill you but take you to be reunited with your friends,” Clementine said. “That can only mean one thing. Mason’s at the compound at the Plaza of Nations. Maybe he gave them your name. They could have tortured him. Or maybe they found out another way. Let’s go rescue him and find out. You know what we have to do next.”
Raj smiled. “Prison break, babes?”
Clementine raised her Taser. “As my father used to say—darn tooting!”
* * *
They brought Nathan’s body back.
“I’ll dig the hole myself if I have to,” Aries said. “I want to bury him in the garden by the wildflowers.”
“I’ll help,” Clementine said. “I’m sure we can find some shovels in the garage. If not, I’ll go down to the Home Depot and get some.”
“We’ll all help,” Raj said.
Raj didn’t even have to be asked. He picked Nathan’s body up and carried him the several blocks to the house. Aries and Clementine didn’t want Eve to see him until they managed to talk to her first.
Luckily for them, Eve wasn’t in the kitchen when they snuck in through the back door.
Joy came rushing over. “Oh, God,” she said.
“Help us,” Clementine said. “Let’s get him into the bedroom. We don’t need the others to see just yet.”
They took the body upstairs and laid him down on the bed. Raj immediately headed out into the garage to look for shovels.
“What are we going to tell Eve?” Joy asked. There were tears in her eyes, flowing down her cheeks and dripping off her chin.
“We’ll figure something out,” Clementine said.
Aries went to open her mouth, but Colin came into the room, a strange look on his face. He was still holding that annoying Game Boy, the noise of Super Mario bouncing off the walls.
“One down,” Colin said in a soft voice. “Your fan group is failing, Aries.”
Clementine stepped forward, fists clenched at her sides, but Joy suddenly pushed past her, rushing toward the door and Colin. The boy actually flinched and dropped the game system in an attempt to cover his face.
But Joy just pushed on past him and raced down the hall, slamming the door to the bathroom.
“You know what?” Clementine said. “You’re despicable. And not worth my time.” She pushed past him too, shoving him against the door with her shoulder. From down the hall, she could hear Joy throwing up. Hopefully into the garbage bin and not the toilet. Nothing flushed anymore.
* * *
Aries broke the news to Eve, and Clementine was angry because she felt relieved at not having to be a part of it. Instead she went outside and helped Raj dig the grave. The work was hard, and within minutes, her back felt like it was going to snap in two. But she refused to feel sorry for herself. Instead, she worked harder, savoring the blisters as they formed on her hands.
They worked in silence.
It gave her time to think. To prepare. Evacuation was on the back burner now. They had to go get Mason. If he was being tortured by the Baggers, it might only be a matter of time before he told them about this place. She would go on the assumption he hadn’t said anything yet, since the Baggers still weren’t breaking down their door. But who knew how long he could last? Getting Mason out was going to be complicated and they needed a solid plan.
As for Michael, she refused to allow herself to worry about him. He was safe. She would keep telling herself that. She would make herself believe it. And when they had Mason and Graham’s little girl back, she would head over to UBC and go through each and every building to find him. Even if she had to do it alone.
“We’re going to need supplies. Weapons and other things,” she said to Raj once they’d dug a hole about four feet deep. It would have to do; neither of them had the strength to go any further. They’d wrap Nathan in blankets and maybe she could pick some flowers from the garden to cover him.
“We can get those,” he said.
“You don’t have to come along,” she said. “You don’t even know Mason. You don’t have to risk your neck. Everyone will understand.”
Raj snorted. “You obviously don’t know me, babes. Beneath this skinny chem-student exterior is a hero at heart. And you’re going to need me. I can do one thing that the rest of you can’t?”
“What’s that?”
Raj grinned. “I can make things explode.”
NOTHING
She dances through the night air. With each step, lightning flashes from her eyes like diamonds, and thunder rages like a heart beating in love. Her feet move with an agility and grace that can never be replicated. The flowers float beneath her, raising their petals up toward her being. All things good
and beautiful want to feel the warmth of her aura.
She’s beautiful and I sit back and watch her dance. She’s a light I can’t touch. Her brilliance blinds my eyes, but I still can’t look away.
She’s a song that I can’t remember. The melody slips past my ears before I can memorize the progressions. She’s the ending of a book I lost before reaching the final pages. She’s everything good that can never be replaced, and I don’t think I can stand the feeling that makes me want to love her more and more with each passing moment.
She is a goddess.
She can’t cure me.
I dream of her but my dreams are dark and she’s always one step out of reach. I want to find her but there are too many trees and I get lost easily. I’m left standing out in the rain, water pooling in my sneakers, as she dances away in a sunlight that shines only over her beautiful hair and face.
She is not and can never be mine.
My darkness can’t ever break through her charms. I must be strong and keep away. I don’t want to make her wilt.
She is a song written for someone else.
MASON
Morning came, cold and clear, the sun a pale yellow and bleak as it pressed against the horizon.
Mason’s arm was screaming as he shook his head to clear it of his strange dreams. He’d fallen asleep with his body curled around Casey, trying to keep her warm. She had one arm around him too, pressing her head against his shoulder while she sucked her thumb. The lack of mobility had caused his entire right side to prickle and burn. But he was afraid to move now, wanting to allow the child a little bit more sleep. At least this way, she didn’t have to deal with the pain.
Last night, when he tried to drop her off with the day care workers, Casey had refused to let go of his jacket. Clenching tightly to him, she screamed as they tried to pry her fingers loose. So he’d had no choice but to sit down with her until she closed her eyes. Although some of the ladies offered to help free him once she finally fell asleep, he decided to stay there instead. He felt sorry for the tiny girl. Now a nerve in his lower back was pinched and his arm continued to scream, but he still didn’t move.