It was like a vision of Hell. Like the Inferno painted on the south wall of our church, that I'd stared at every Sunday all through my childhood. Flames, licking upward, hungry white-orange many-fingered hands reaching to turn the world to ash and cinders. I ran.
It came on so fast. I'd been aware of the tang of smoke in the air that morning, but that was nothing new. It'd been that way since Monday. Fires two counties over had dumped ash and haze our way for days now, until it had begun to feel more like a nuisance than a real threat. Mom had driven Bobby in to the ER last night, when his asthma got so bad from the particulates. But she'd left me home. There wasn't supposed to be real danger around here.
We kept a day-pack for each of us, in her car and in mine, just in case, but the radio said the fires were far away. I'm seventeen and independent. Still, she'd kissed me as she went, told me to be a sensible girl and keep the radio on, and the car gassed up and ready to go. She'd have taken me with her, but my immune system sucks and a hospital ER full of coughing people was absolutely the wrong place for me to be. At 2 AM, leaving me in our clean, air-conditioned house was the safer choice. I'd be fine at home. I'd spent a restless night, worrying about Bobby more than anything, and I left the house at dawn.
Early mornings have always been my time, for walking, for daydreaming—although I might not have braved the smoky air for that. But mornings were also for meeting Nicola, when she could get away, and last night she'd texted me that she'd be here for sure. I lived for those mornings. Ironic that I might die for this one. One moment I was standing waiting in the dimness under the trees, thinking of the day that was coming. Then the world fell apart. And now I ran.
The fire had leaped out of nowhere. At first it was a brightening I mistook for the rising sun, as I waited on the trail for Nicola to come by. The next minute, with a crackle and a roar, it came charging through the trees like a live beast, driving reality before it.
Home and the car were back there, somewhere, on the other side of that flame monster. No hope there. But ahead of me was the sea, if I could reach it. I coughed, choking on ash as I ran. My chest burned. My feet hit the trail hard, but the noise was hidden in the crackle of the flames. I couldn't even hear my gasping breaths. It was like something out of a dream, a nightmare, silently flying through a world gone mad.
I took the roar behind me for the fire at first, and sobbed as it drew near. Momma, I'm so sorry. Bobs-a-lot, I loved you. Nikki...
Then the noise resolved into a familiar growl and I whirled. The bike appeared out of the smoky dimness, flamelight flickering off the neon green sides and the black shiny helmet of the rider. Nicola skidded as she came up to me and stopped. "Get on!" She threw my helmet at me.
I slammed it over my head without fastening it and struggled onto the pillion seat behind her. As soon as she felt my arms around her waist, she gunned that bike.
It was still hell. To my right, where town and safety should lie, the smoke rolled thick and black, shot through with flickers of red. To the left was a haze of light through the darkness. But my arms were around my best friend, and we plunged forward down the trail toward the beach.
Talking was impossible. I buried my face against Nikki, and held on tight. If I closed my eyes, the whine of the bike revved high masked the fire. I could imagine this was just another stolen morning, an hour of time before Nicola's job watching the twins began, an hour before the school bus came. No school today. I choked a laugh.
The bike lurched, and I was almost thrown off. I clutched Nikki harder and opened my eyes. We had reached the beach. Ahead of us, the water lay, dark and serene as if nothing was happening. The beach stretched out along it, a pale strip of hard-packed sand. Nikki swung right along it, and we sprayed sand in a fan through the air.
But our favorite private beach was a small one, short and narrow. Half a mile down, a spit of rock and trees extended to the water and as we neared it I saw the crown of a fifty-foot pine burst into flames. With a crack like the stroke of doom, it sent a cascade of sparks skyward and began to fall. Nikki slammed us in a circle so tight my knee scraped the sand.
The beach was getting crowded. A deer leaped from the forest, its coat smudged and scorched along one side. Its eyes were wild and white. It ran back and forth along the sand and then plunged into the water. Another followed it and they swam out, angling past the spit. I saw a rabbit do the same.
Nikki stopped the bike. The trees along the edge of the forest were silhouetted now against the flames behind. One tipped and crashed to the sand thirty feet away. Smoke swirled thicker and hotter, and we both coughed behind our facemasks.
Nikki drove the bike forward to the water's edge, and then slowly deeper, until the little waves lapped up the tires. Then she stopped, took off her helmet, and unclasped my hand from her waist. "We have to go in deeper."
I got off and took off my helmet too. "But the bike..."
"Isn't important." Only the raging inferno made those words possible. Nikki loved that bike. "You are, though. Come on."
She grabbed my hand and tugged me into the water. Behind us the fire sounded like an oncoming train. It was a strange sound, full of fury. I imagined I could hear the trees screaming as they fell, and bit my tongue against the urge to join in.
We waded into the salt water. It was a calm day, and a tiny swell moved against our legs. A dog ran by, splashing us as it went. I grabbed for it, and Nicola called, "Here, boy! Come!" But it eluded us in panic and ran off to the left, turned deeper and vanished swimming into the swirling smoke.
"Don't think about it." Nikki grabbed my arm. "Deeper."
Clinging to each other, we waded hip deep, and then knelt down. The air was hot and the ash stung our eyes. The water was salty. Ducking under was only a small relief. We crouched together, arms wrapped around each other, faces close together as if breathing each other's air gave us strength. I know I was crying, and in the flickering light I could see trails of shine across Nikki's cheeks.
Mom and Bobby should be safely in town. The Simpsons and the twins though, where Nikki au-paired, were on the other side of the smoke. We could only hope. I'd have prayed, but years of staring at that church mural, knowing the talented bastard who painted it would have put me there in the flames... well, that had already burned the prayer out of me.
Gradually the fire quieted. The light became steadier, and the choking, rolling smoke passed in patchy clouds that slowly cleared to a haze. I leaned against Nikki. As the roaring moved away, I could hear us both breathing, rough shaking gasps that trembled against each other.
I should let her go now. Somewhere in there we'd moved closer, clung together from knee to cheek, her slim body plastered up against mine. Nikki was my best friend, had been since the day we met at the playground in town, each with a small boy in tow. Bobby played with the twins and Nikki and I... talked. Mostly just that. Getting closer, finding out how comfortable we were together, chatting about everything and anything under the sun. Except the one thing I'd wanted more and more to tell her, and couldn't find the courage for. I like girls. I like you. I more than like you.
And then one day, it had come out of my mouth, without even meaning to. “You're so gorgeous.” I knew as I said it that the words, the look on my face and the tone of my voice, were too much, but I couldn't stop. And when I leaned forward, she'd met my lips with hers. A first kiss, so soft and short it was over almost before I realized it had happened. We'd stared at each other for a long time. I almost started to babble, to apologize and back away. But then Nikki put a hand up and touched my cheek, her fingers trembling, but not with anger. And she kissed me again.
For weeks and weeks now, we'd done just that, and no more. Soft kisses, rare gentle touches. I wanted more. Sometimes I couldn't sleep for how much I burned for her to want me too. But I needed Nikki as a friend, even more than I needed that. She was from Italy, and Catholic. I knew she wasn't religious, but still, being okay with atheism and birth control and Adam Lambert wasn't the same as having anoth
er girl touching you, wanting you, for sex. I could feel the way she was unsure and confused, every time we were together.
I should let go of her.
My arms wouldn't unlock from around her shoulders. We knelt there in the water, hugging each other tight. Her thigh in wet stretch-denim pressed against mine. Her breath fanned my hot cheek. I should let go.
"How bad..." I began, and had to cough. I let go then, because coughing in someone's ear is not sexy. "How bad do you think it is? The houses? The bike?"
I started to turn and look but she held my elbow firmly. "Not yet, Kim."
"Not yet what?"
"Don't look back yet." She rose and lifted me up to my feet, keeping me close to her side. When we were standing, she moved away slightly, but kept a tight hold on my hand. I looked at her, and resolutely didn't let my gaze move beyond her face.
It was no hardship. Chapped and smudged and ash-stained, Nikki was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
She looked back at me seriously. "I think I heard the bike go. I don't want to turn yet. I want to look at something else."
"What?" It wasn't just the smoke that roughened my voice.
"You. And that." She pointed out across the water. Over the flat, shifting surface of the ocean, the sun was rising, an orange glow that was soft and steady. It took that malevolent firesign color, transforming it into the promise of day. "That."
We turned toward it, holding hands, looking across the bright water, with devastation at our backs.
"That's the future, Kim, sweetheart." Her voice shook, and I could tell whatever was coming wasn't easy for her. “I want that, the sunlight, and you. There'll be other bikes, even other houses. As long as the Simpsons got clear..." She paused as we both thought of the young couple and their boys forging through that inferno in their car to safety. I hoped. We hoped. "As long as no one died, if you are safe, then that's what the world is to me." She stared into the rising dawn. It bathed her face in gold. "I'm sorry I've held back, and made you wait.”
I tightened my fingers on hers. “I didn't care.” When she choked on a tiny laugh, I changed it to, “I didn't mind. We have time. There's no rush.”
“You've been great, and I... I finally told my mom. I called her last night.”
I stared at the golden sky and didn't look at Nikki. She and her mom were close. I was afraid, but I had to know. “What did she say?”
“She's angry, confused.” Nikki sighed. “She wants me to come home and marry a nice Catholic boy and give her lots of grandchildren.”
“Ouch.” I turned to her. She was still gazing out to sea. “You don't have to...”
“I'm staying here. I told her, this is who I am. This is what I need. She loves me. She wants me to be happy, and I'm happy here. As long as I still have you."
At last she looked directly at me, and the light in her eyes was just as bright as the sky. "Do I have you?"
There was only one answer to that. Our arms around each other felt strong and warm, her body was sweet against my own, and her mouth tasted like ashes, and new beginnings.
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Change of Plans
~Picture prompt: A dark-haired boy wearing only swim trunks and a towel around his neck pins another boy against a row of high-school lockers, holding him there in a hard kiss, restraining him with body and hands and mouth. The second boy does not look at all unhappy to be kissed that way.