“Well, better make your fucking point then, before I snap your fucking neck.”
Hella pauses, and then a slow grin creeps onto his mouth. I know Hella. He’d never back down from anything, much less a testosterone-fueled death match.
“I was just going to say she looks good.” My eyes squint. “Bruh, the girl has only ever been with you.” I scoff, and he pauses. “What, has she not?”
I watch her with careful eyes. “Nah, there was someone else.”
THEY SAY THAT OVER TIME, pain changes, that the pain of losing someone can almost disappear. Sitting at Miles’ wake and watching people who knew him dance, drink, and laugh doesn’t sit well with me. Miles should be here with us. It still feels like yesterday when I last saw him, and in a sense, I guess it sort of was for me. I still remember his lifeless eyes peering through me just as I fell to the ground.
I reach for the wound at the back of my neck, my throat contracting as the memories play in my mind.
Miles dancing with me.
Touching me.
Laughing with me—or at me.
Pressing his foot on mine when I almost got him caught for sneaking into my room to watch horror movies.
Miles flashing me his stunning, toothy grin whenever I’d say something witty, to show he was proud of my smart mouth.
The truth is, I don’t think time will change that at all. I’ll still miss him the same every day. Time doesn’t heal.
Whoever said that was full of shit.
I look over to Raze, who’s standing near the sound system, which is set up outside on the patio. His eyes never stray off me for long, and instead of trying to decipher what’s going on in his head, I’ve decided to just let it go. I cock my head at him.
Melissa nudges her elbow into mine and smiles from the seat beside me. She points her drink across the yard toward Raze. “So you couldn’t just go find you a nice man. You had to go and snag one of the most powerful men in the country. Go figure, sis.”
“Hey!” I scold her. “Like I had a say in the matter.” We both look over to Raze, my eyes dragging over his opened suit shirt and dark slacks. He looks good. But then, he always does.
“I’m all for scary men. I mean, hey, look at Hella.” Melissa laughs awkwardly, taking a sip of her drink. “But that man there”—she points toward Raze with her glass—“isn’t scary, Millie. He’s spine-chillingly evil.”
“I’m aware, Melissa. What’s your point?”
“My point is that you need to be careful.”
I smile weakly at her. “Too late.”
Melissa has been trying to be more of a sister to me since she thought she failed me when I ran off to a nunnery. I continue to tell her that it isn’t needed, but now I realize this is what she needs. In some sick way, she needs to feel her guilt. To punish herself.
But no one could have told me otherwise back then, and I see it now. How deluded and brainwashed I was. Now I can’t imagine a life different from the one I’m living now.
“Where’s Beast?” I ask, looking around for the rest of The Devil’s pack. It’s unlike Beast to not be where the club is.
Melissa throws her hand up to her mouth, covering her cough. “Shit. I forgot to tell you. Meadow is having the baby!”
“What!” I squeal excitedly, Raze’s attention snapping toward me quickly. The man is on high alert lately, though I can’t say I blame him. I smile reassuringly at him, and he gives me a curt nod before resuming his chatter.
“I forgot, sorry. Yeah, she’s been in labor since this morning. She’s only three centimeters dilated at the moment, but Beast isn’t letting anyone near her. The man won’t even let me in the room.”
I’m not surprised by this. Beast and Raze are similar in more ways than they’ll ever admit to. Caveman antics—check! Beast isn’t an asshole though, unlike Raze. I don’t even think the word asshole is a strong enough word to use when describing Raze.
“That’s exciting.” I look over to Amy, who’s sitting on one of the pool chairs in the middle of the grass with her head tilted up, watching the stars. “I’ll be back in a second.” I get up and walk in Amy’s direction, stopping just as I reach her chair.
She must sense me, because she’s the first to speak. “Did you sleep with Miles?” Blunt. Her eyes continue to watch the stars up above, and I take a seat down near her feet.
Exhaling, I clear my throat. “Um, it was complicated.”
She snorts, her chest shaking under her laugh. Amy is beautiful. She has natural mousy blonde hair that comes down just past her shoulders, her face clean of makeup, and her eyes curve like almonds. “It’s a simple question really,” she replies.
I ponder over her question, cranking my head over my shoulder to glance at Raze and catch him watching us closely.
I look back at Amy. “Yes, I did.”
She gazes at me, her eyes locking onto mine, her throat bobbing as she swallows. “Does Raze know?”
I laugh, running my hands up my knitted sweater. “Well, I’d say he very much knows. Why do you ask, though?” I tilt my head, running my eyes over her face.
She goes back to watching the stars. “I knew he was sleeping around. I knew this. I knew that what we had wasn’t the real deal. I knew he didn’t want me the way I wanted him, but I kept the baby anyway.” Now, her eyes implore me. “Does that make me stupid?”
I smile. “No. That makes you human.” Especially over someone as suave as Miles. I take her hand in mine. “Also, I’m really glad you kept the baby. Boy or girl?” I ask, blinking back the tears that are threatening to surface. Don’t think.
Her face lights up. “Boy.” She leans up and swings her legs over the side of her chair. “I asked Raze if he could have his name as the middle name. He’s not entirely hot on the idea.”
I grin. A stupid grin too. “That’s a really sweet idea, and he will be. Just give him time. Raze is not used to normal human interactions, much less emotions. Time.”
I hope. Looking down to her bump, my heart sinks along with my smile.
“What’s wrong? Oh I don’t have to put Raze’s name if—”
“No!” I quickly interject. “That’s not what the”—I gesture to my face,—“sad shit was about.”
“Oh,” she responds. “Then what is it?”
I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and study her closely. I don’t feel threatened by her. If anything, I feel a bond with her, because she knew Miles. She loved Miles. And anyone who loved Miles, I would make time for. Also, she was carrying his baby, and although I didn’t know the baby and it wasn’t born yet, I knew with all my heart there wouldn’t be anything I wouldn’t do for it.
“It’s just….” I whisper, deepening my breathing.
“Holy shit,” she answers for me softly. “You loved Miles.”
I laugh. It wasn’t supposed to come out harsh, but it did. “You could say that. He and I, we—”
“Were trouble,” Raze answers, cutting into our conversation. God, he looks sexy. He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a seat on the chair opposite us, watching me closely. His eyes darken, and a slight kink kicks up at the corner of his lip.
I swallow. Shit, I know that look. I love that look. I love this man, even if he thinks he’s not a man who is capable of receiving love. I smile at him, or smirk, whichever way he wants to see it. His eyes drop down to my lips.
“We were a little bit.” I pull my hungry eyes off my piece of man meat sitting opposite us and look back at Amy, who’s watching our exchange closely. “He was like a brother to me, in a sick and twisted way where we had sex—once—and he would occasionally touch my butt.”
Amy snorts, her hand flying to her mouth, her eyes going straight to Raze’s.
“Don’t worry about him.” I wave at Raze with an eye roll. “He knows everything.” I pause and look up to the sky. “Well, not everything, but most of the shenanigans Miles and I got up to.” I swing my eyes to a now slightly annoyed Raze. “Don’t you, baby?”
/>
He growls—straight up growls at me. Which only makes me giggle-snort. “Anyway, I give lots of fucks about Miles and anything to do with him.” I look down to her belly.
She smiles at me. “Thank you.”
“Where are you staying?” I ask, trying not to take notice at how her maternity clothes cling a little too tight to her body. I’m not one to judge; I’m simply observing and want to help in any way I can.
“Uhhh.” She clears her throat and looks back to Raze. “I have a place, thank you.” Getting the hint that she probably doesn’t want my help, I nod.
“Anyway,” she says, standing from her chair. “I better go. It’s getting late, and I have a doctor’s appointment early tomorrow morning.”
Standing, I pull her in for a hug. “Call if you need anything at all.”
She nods, stepping away. “I will, thank you.” I don’t want to be pushy with her, but I also want her to know I’m here if she needs anything. I already feel overprotective of that baby, regardless of how much of an asshole Raze is being.
Raze walks in my direction once everyone has left, shutting the front door. He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me into his hard body. He smiles into my hair. “Hey.”
“Hey back.” I lean into his embrace. It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago when I last saw him, because I was asleep, or in a coma, or whatever. But he hasn’t been able to talk to me in a week.
“You made some entrance tonight.”
I laugh, snuggling into him. “Well, what can I say?” I tease, pushing myself off his solid pecks. “I learned from the best.”
He grins down at me, and just when he’s about to say something else, someone walks in, gripping Joker’s mask in his hand. I swallow gently, my eyes narrowing on the mask before slowly dragging them up his body, and then finally onto the face of one of my tormentors from the dungeon. I inhale sharply. Joker. He’s quite young, has to be in his mid-twenties, with soft features and a messy mop of brown hair. But down his delicate and boyish face bears an angry bright red scar, which slices from the tip of his forehead, goes over his nose, and then ends on his jawbone.
He grins at me. “What’s the matter, nun?”
Opening my mouth, I get ready to cuss him out, when Raze steps in front of me, his hands cupping my cheeks. “Hey, look at me.”
I don’t, my eyes remain locked on the asshole behind him. Did I expect him to be young? No. What sort of fucked up shit could have a man, who has to be no older than twenty-four, thrown into this life.
Raze yanks my face up to his roughly. “You okay with this? I can change the way I do things, baby. This is your house now.”
I sigh, my shoulders sagging in defeat. I don’t want to be any more of a nuisance to Raze or how he operates. “It’s fine.” I shove out of his grip and sidestep around him, squaring my shoulders and shrugging. “He wasn’t that great with his tongue anyway.” Then I walk up the stairs, ignoring the chuckle that comes out of Joker.
I pause on the top step before walking straight back into my old room. I stop inside, and I’m just about to close the door behind myself, when I look at my old bed. Memories of Miles lying sprawled out comfortably flash through my brain, and I step back slowly, keeping my eyes locked on the bed. Slamming the door closed again once I’m in the hallway, I turn on my heel and head to the bright red door at the end of the hallway. The door I know that leads to Raze’s room.
I’m guessing he has a lot of shit to sort out, and I do want to know all about it, but I’m feeling tired, and… lonely. I want my friend. I miss Miles. And before I can loosen my clenched throat, a tear drops over my cheek. Ignoring the door I know leads to Miles’ bedroom, I walk directly up to Raze’s door and push it open. There’s one thing I know for sure: loneliness always comes when people aren’t around me. When my brain isn’t busy.
I walk up the second flight of stairs that lead into his massive bedroom, swallowing my loss and pain. Sighing, I strip out of my clothes before walking into Raze’s closet, pulling down one of his shirts. Slipping it over my head, I let my hair fall down my back and slide under the clean linen sheets. Tossing and turning, I try to summon sleep with no such luck, and it isn’t until another hour passes when I’m finally met by the sleep reaper.
The mattress sinks beside me, and I open my eyes slightly. “Raze?” I whisper out hoarsely.
“Yeah, baby, it’s me. Go back to sleep.” The sheets peel off me before he slips in behind me and wraps his hard arm around my torso, pulling me into his body.
“I miss him,” is all I say, the dark room providing me with the comfort I need to open up a little.
He presses a light kiss onto the back of my head. “I know, baby. I miss him too.” Spinning around, my leg slips in between his strong ones. I bring my hands up to his neck, studying his face in what little moonlight the cracks in the blinds allow.
“I—” he murmurs, but my finger comes up to his mouth, pressing against his soft lips.
Shaking my head, I search his eyes. “You don’t need to.” The warmth of his body penetrates my skin and I drop my finger, inching closer to his lips until they’re pressed against mine. “You don’t need to talk, Raze.”
He groans, rolling me onto my back with his heavy body, every inch of his muscled frame weighing down on me. Stretching my legs wide with his, he drops his mouth down to mine, a mere breath away, and draws his tongue across the edge of my bottom lip. “Mine,” he growls, widening my other leg. My breathing comes in harder, and heat flushes my core, but I widen more for him until his cock is resting against my pussy.
Inching my head up and catching his bottom lip between my teeth, I nod. “Yours.” Then his mouth crashes onto mine, his soft lips massaging mine in a perfect symphony as our tongues slide over each other in tender but rough caresses. The vibration of his groan shimmies over my lips as he grasps onto the bottom of the T-shirt I’m wearing, peeling it over my head slowly until my hair falls over my bare shoulders. He leans back, dropping his briefs. I lick my lips, my hungry eyes traveling down to his heavy, thick cock that’s resting in the palm of his hand.
Scooting under the covers, Raze grabs my arm, grips my lace panties in his other hand, and tears them off before flinging them across the room. I laugh, dropping to my back and propping up onto my elbows. He rips the sheet off until my naked body is on display before moving down the bed, his face dipping between my thighs while his hooded eyes remain on mine. His hands come up to each of my thighs, spreading them wider. “Fucking missed you.” Then his mouth lightly drops down onto my bare, swollen flesh, his lips skimming over my clit.
“Raze!” I pant. He’s teasing again; I know this. It’s his favorite game. His fingers start to knead my inner thighs until my heart is damn near about to jump out of my chest. I’m about to start dry humping the air if he doesn’t get down to business.
Slowly, the tip of his tongue dips inside my entrance, and then he drags it up to my clit. I moan, my head tilting back as he circles it softly then presses his open mouth down onto my core, the warmth of his mouth setting off a buzz of electricity through me. My back arches off the bed and his fingers tickle over my thigh, reaching my entrance as he sinks two inside me. He finds my G-spot, caressing it slowly, while his tongue matches his fingers’ movements. My stomach clenches, my eyes slam shut, and my mouth opens. “I’m… I’m—”
Then he stops, the cool air from his departure assaulting my clit. I growl in frustration. He laughs, moving back on top of me until I feel the tip of his cock waiting. Bringing his mouth down to mine, he sinks inside me and I moan—not a pretty moan, either—as my channel stretches, opening and clenching around his length. He pulls out then thrusts into me again slowly, sticking to his pace.
“I got you, baby.” He drops his head down to my ear. “I’ve got you.” He continues to ride me until my body can’t climb anymore. He unleashes after a few pumps, pulling backward before driving into me again until my scalp is thrashing against the headboard. Our b
odies slide over each other from the sweat that is slicked over our hot flesh, and the slapping of our skin mixes with the grunts and moans of our pleasure. I explode, every sense I have erupting inside me until my breathing slows and my muscles clench. My legs wrap around his waist, my orgasm wracking through my body ruthlessly. He pushes into me a couple more times before his cock pulses with his own release. Dropping down on top of me, we both attempt to catch our breaths. He leans up to look at me, sweat dripping off a strand of his hair and dropping down onto my forehead.
We stay there, silent, just watching each other. I grip around the back of his neck, pulling his lips down onto mine. Kissing me softly, he licks my lip again before rolling onto his back. His fingers dig into my hips as he lifts me on top until I’m straddling him, still with his cock inside of me. He leans up, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth before slipping his tongue all over my breast and then across my sternum. I slowly grind against him again, noticing how his erection hasn’t gone down at all.
He grins up at me, reaching behind my head and wrapping my hair around his fist. Pulling my lips down to his until they’re lightly pressing against each other, I can taste our sweat between our lips, as he growls, “Come here.”
I WAKE UP THE NEXT day, finding the place where Raze had slept empty. Raking my fingers through my awful sex hair, I pull the sheet up to my chest and look around the room. The morning sun beams through the floor-to-ceiling windows that surround every inch of his room. Wrapping the sheet around me tightly, I get up and walk to the window that looks over the entire back yard. It’s as stunning as I remember, but still needs a woman’s touch. I love this house though, all the memories I’ve gained, some bad and some good.
“You’re up?” Raze murmurs.
I turn my head over my shoulder and smile. “Yeah.” He hands me a coffee.
“I’ve got some shit to sort through. Will you be okay?” His collar is popped and shirt unbuttoned to just above his belly button. His hair is still wet from his shower, and his slacks are unbuttoned. He looks delicious.