When the coffin lay in the ground, Ian led her forward. She held a wild orchid, and let it drop down on the coffin.
Then Ian led her away.
But she heard the sound as his brother and cousin shoveled earth back into place, and the sound of dirt falling upon the pine box had a finality about it that was terrible.
Death had claimed Teddy.
Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.
Chapter 14
Alaina had sworn to herself that she would cry no more, and she did not. Sometimes it was easy. Her eyes were dry; it seemed there were no more tears.
And the night passed swiftly. She was numb, and not functioning, but it didn’t matter. Ian remained at her side. Jennifer and Teela McKenzie took charge with Bella and Lilly in the kitchen, and supper was laid out. Again, the McKenzies were wonderful. They were strong in their support; united, it seemed, in all things. They talked about everything, politics, the weather—and Teddy. When the meal was finished, James took the Windrunner and sailed Colonel Harrington and the young priest back to their own launch where it was berthed at the McKenzies’ dock. The remaining men adjourned outside with tobacco and brandy while Jennifer and Teela stayed with Alaina.
She sat in a chair, staring at the McMann coat of arms, which hung over the mantel.
Teela McKenzie came to her, taking her hand and perching upon the arm of the chair. She silently squeezed her hand.
“I’ll never forget him,” Alaina whispered.
“You must never forget him,” Teela told her.
“I’ll miss him so much.”
“You will always miss him,” Teela said quietly. “But you’ll come to cherish all the memories, and all the time that you did have. I lost my father when I very young, and on top of that, I was cursed with a heinously cruel tyrant for a stepfather.” She smiled at Alaina. “At least you will be spared that!”
“How did you bear it?”
“Not well,” Teela murmured. “But because of my stepfather, I came to Florida, and met James. There is a certain justice in the world,” she said, a sparkle in her eyes. “My stepfather came to murder the Indians. I married a half-breed. Alaina, this is so very hard. Teddy’s death was a tragic waste, and there is no way out of that. You have to remember the good. He was a happy man. He lived as he chose to live. He adored you. All things do come full circle. Your father will live with you, and beyond you. Naturally, my children have a great deal of their father in them, but sometimes I’ll see Jerome or Brent sitting in a certain light, move in a certain way, and I see my father again in them.”
Jennifer came over with Anthony clinging to her waist. “It is an awful agony, Alaina, and time doesn’t take away the loss, but it does soften the pain. I was barely five when my mother and sister died.” A teasing grin played upon her face. “And then, you see, there was this stepmother in my life—”
“Oh, dear! Are you about to call me a tyrant?” Teela demanded.
Jennifer offered Teela a quick hug. “She was absolutely wicked!” Jennifer said with a wink. “She made all our lives whole again.”
“Thank you.” Teela’s eyes, a dazzling green, were on Jennifer.
Jennifer playfully wrinkled her nose. “Then she gave me a few little hellions as half-siblings as well!”
At last, Alaina had to smile. Anthony was reaching out to her. She stretched her arms out in return. The little boy crawled to her, hugging her. His face against her neck, he curled his fingers into her hair and held fast. She cradled him tightly. She loved holding Anthony, feeling his baby softness and sweetness. He was so trusting, so quick to smile. He made her wonder what it was going to be like to hold her own child, which stirred her somewhat from her desolation. It was incredible at first to realize that another life could be created. It was scary, hoping and praying that everything would be all right. And it was exciting to wonder if the child within her was a boy or a girl, and if it would be born with hazel-gold eyes like her own, or a dark cobalt blue like Ian’s and so many other McKenzies.
But even allowing herself to wonder about the babe now brought regret; Teddy would never hold his grandchild.
Teela rose from her seat on the edge of Alaina’s chair, patting her knee. “You must always remember your father with love, but you need time away from all that has happened as well. You mustn’t worry about anything here. We’ll take care of Belamar for you.”
Alaina shook her head. “I—I’m sure I can manage.” Teela glanced quickly at Jennifer, who grimaced uncomfortably.
“Oh,” Teela murmured softly.
“No, no, please, talk to me. What’s going on? Jen, Teela, please. Why will I need someone to care for the place for me?” Alaina insisted.
“You need to speak with Ian,” Jen said.
“Well, I will speak with him, I assure you. But you can’t begin something like that and then not follow through. It is my property and my life we’re discussing.”
“Except that we shouldn’t have been discussing it. I’m so sorry, I’d simply assumed…” Teela began. “I’ve spoken out of line. It’s Ian’s place to tell you his decisions.”
“His decisions? Tell me what his decisions are,” Alaina demanded. “Please, Teela, Jennifer, this isn’t fair in the least. Someone must tell me.”
Teela still looked unhappy. “Well, naturally, after what has happened, Ian plans to take you back to Washington,” she said.
Alaina stared at her blankly. “Washington?” she murmured.
Ian had decided she was going to Washington.
She couldn’t go. It was that simple. She couldn’t go, not when Teddy had just died, not when some small piece of him might still linger here in the air, the sun, the groves.
“I have to admit, Alaina, I’m not so sure myself that it would be good for you to stay on here alone,” Jennifer advised her hastily.
“I’m not alone. You and Lawrence are here. James and Teela are just up the coast. Sydney will come home eventually, Brent will probably return here—”
Teela gently interrupted to remind her, “Ian only agreed that you should come here to be with your father. Naturally, a man wants his wife with him.”
Did he? Alaina wondered. She could still vividly recall the night before he had left her.
Yet he had gone away, without looking back. And he had stayed away a very long time. He had written; she had not. She’d been furious to realize that he’d made arrangements to leave her behind long before they’d discussed the matter—and perhaps just a little wounded to realize that despite his words and passion, he had easily taken leave of her and gone on with his own life. She wondered if she had kept the news about the baby from him hoping to hurt his pride in some small measure in return. But she hadn’t really said anything to anyone, except for Jennifer. It had taken her so long to realize herself….
“Personally, I think you’ll like Washington,” Jennifer advised. “A change of scenery will be good. Washington can be a fascinating place. People from everywhere, all the politics—and parties.”
“Alaina, you must see, under these circumstances, he can’t just leave you alone,” Teela said.
“But…” Alaina began. Her voice trailed away. She didn’t know what she felt. Things that had mattered so much had ceased to mean anything. It didn’t matter where she was. When she wasn’t feeling the dreadful hurt, she was numb.
She didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to sleep and escape the pain for whatever hours she might.
And when she had her chance, she would accost Ian with what she had been told.
“I think I’m going to go to bed and get some sleep,” she said, rising carefully with Anthony. “He’s sleeping, Jen. I’ll put him in the guest room—you and Lawrence will be comfortable enough there, won’t you?”
Jennifer took the baby from Alaina, saying, “Lawrence and I can just go home—”
“No, no, please don’t. Not yet. The house is empty and it—it feels good to have the house so filled with people. Teela, you a
nd James don’t mind my father’s room, do you? It’s probably the most comfortable.”
Teela smiled. “James and I have slept out in the open often enough. Your father’s room will be very comfortable. And don’t you worry about anyone or anything. You do need to go on in and get some sleep. You don’t want to endanger your baby.”
Alaina swallowed hard and nodded. She kissed both Teela and Jennifer on the cheek and practically fled down the hall to her room. She undressed quickly, slipping into her nightgown. She lay down. She had wanted to sleep so badly; she had wanted to be alone. Washington.
He meant to take her away. With him. And she didn’t know if she wanted to fight to stay here, or if she was glad he meant to have her with him. In his world. With the woman he had intended to marry.
She closed her eyes tightly, willing thought away. It didn’t work. Her thoughts merely refocused. She kept hearing the dirt fall on the coffin.
She got out of bed. The balcony door was ajar, letting in the night breeze, and she stepped outside, looking toward Teddy’s grove.
Then she realized that she could hear the men talking. They were speaking quietly enough, but their voices were carrying on the breeze.
“I imagine we’ll stay about a week,” Ian was saying. “Time to tie up whatever needs to be done here, leave the isle functioning and everyone working here set. And I want to be here after you’ve been to the base at Key West, Jerome. I should really go myself; I just don’t like the idea of leaving Alaina now.”
“Don’t worry, I can argue well with the military,” Jerome assured him. “Maybe it’s best that I’m going; you are still a part of the army, and you do have a quick temper.”
“Does Alaina know yet?” James asked quietly.
“No,” Ian told him. “I’m not sure when will be the right time to tell her.”
“There’s not going to be a right time to tell her,” Lawrence said.
“That may be true,” James said, agreeing with his son-in-law. “You could just forget what really happened, Ian. Spare her any further misery.”
“I can’t, Uncle James. It wouldn’t be right,” Ian said.
“No, it wouldn’t be right. But you are the one to make that decision.”
Alaina hadn’t realized that she’d been walking around the porch to accost the men until she reached them, her hands clenched into fists at her sides as she came to them at last. James was by the door, Jerome and Julian were in the rockers, Lawrence Malloy was on the steps. Ian was leaning against the railing.
He was the one she needed to face.
“What are you all talking about?” she demanded hoarsely. “If there is something that has to do with my father—”
Ian was angry. He moved away from the railing, setting his hands on her shoulders. “If you’d wanted to be a part of the conversation, you should have made yourself known,” he told her. She felt the power in his cobalt gaze, the heat and strength in his hands.
She felt, as well, that his anger was directed almost as much at himself as it was at her.
She pulled free from his touch, spinning around to Julian. “What is he talking about?”
Julian looked at her helplessly.
Jerome stood and walked to the far end of the porch.
“Alaina,” Ian said, turning her back to face him, “your father wasn’t killed by the convict. He was killed by the soldiers’ fire.”
Alaina inhaled sharply, stunned.
“My God, the army killed him!” she exclaimed.
Ian shook his head. “No, Alaina,” he explained patiently, “the army didn’t kill him—he was killed by reckless men.”
“One and the same,” she cried.
“No, you can’t blame an entire army for the misdeeds of three frightened young recruits who were pitifully trained.”
“They have to pay!” she insisted.
“We intend to see that there is an inquest.”
“An inquest!” she exclaimed angrily. “An inquest! Those men should go up for murder.”
“Alaina, you must understand. There was a situation—”
“You’re excusing them!” she cried to Ian. “They killed my father, and you’re excusing them!”
“Alaina, please! You’re misunderstanding. You’re distraught—”
“Distraught! Teddy is dead, my father is dead! And you don’t know anything about it because your parents are both living, your great, wonderful family is all alive, and you can’t begin to imagine what this feels like! You—”
“Alaina, please,” Ian said, catching her shoulders, his grip firm. “I’m trying to explain the law—”
“The law!”
“We can demand an inquest; the soldiers will surely be reprimanded, perhaps dishonorably discharged. But no matter how you’re hurting, you can’t go about this like a foolish child—”
He was interrupted as she slapped him—a sudden, reflexive movement she immediately regretted.
But it was done.
The sound of it echoed on the porch.
Every man there was quiet. Dead still.
Including Ian. Who simply stared at her, his cheek bearing the imprint of her palm.
She wanted to apologize. She wanted to tell him that he and his entire army could go to hell.
He reached for her. Her eyes had been dead dry; she felt tears welling against her lids. She wasn’t going to cry anymore. She backed away from Ian, stricken. “You’d defend the army over my father!” she charged him. She was filled with anger at Teddy’s death all over again. She was afraid of Ian, afraid of what she had done, and so angry that she couldn’t begin to control herself. She had backed away from him; suddenly she leaped forward again, slamming her fists furiously against his chest in a wild, desperate fury.
“Alaina!”
His arms came around her with force, drawing her to him so that she could no longer pull back to strike. “Alaina!”
His voice was softer.
She went limp against him.
“They killed my father!” she whispered.
He picked her up, striding around the porch to the balcony doors to her room. He set her down upon her bed. Sobs shook her, dry sobs. No tears came to her eyes. It had been bad before. It was anguish upon agony now. The army had been so determined to kill deserters that the men had killed her father along with the convicts.
She gasped, drawn back up as Ian came to her side, firmly taking hold of her wrists and forcing her to face him. He took a seat beside her on the bed, staring into her eyes. “What do you want, dammit, Alaina? Should I have shot the three of them on the spot? Would that have avenged Teddy’s death?”
“They should be charged with murder!” she cried. “You’re defending the bloody military!”
He shook his head. “If they were soldiers, if they were civilians, lawmen—it wouldn’t matter. There was no intent to kill Teddy. He was caught in what happened. The men were negligent, they were at fault. And yes, they must accept blame. But you won’t be able to bring a murder charge against them. They were scarcely boys sent out in the line of duty to bring back two cutthroats who had deserted and robbed and killed one man already out on Indian Key. Do you really want those three men to hang for your father? Would your father want that?”
“Yes! No! I don’t know, I just can’t let it go, something has to be done, those men must pay in some way, maybe I do want them to hang—”
“And me along with them?” he interrupted wearily.
“Ian—”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Alaina?”
“Tell you… about what?”
“That you were expecting a child.”
That she was expecting a child.
“Alaina?”
“You weren’t here to tell.”
“I wrote letters. You could have done the same.”
“You wrote letters that said “I’ll be assigned in Washington indefinitely and not much more. You knew where I was, and there was no question about it, so there seem
ed little sense in responding to your letters.”
“Indeed, perhaps it was rather definite that you were remaining at Belamar, but I do consider the fact that you’re expecting to be something you might have considered important enough to write to me.”
“I didn’t know at first. I wasn’t certain. I would have written eventually.”
“Would you? I’m not so sure. But I imagine someone would have told me when the child was born,” he murmured dryly.
“I imagine—if you were somewhere to be told,” she replied sweetly.
“You knew exactly where I was.”
“With the army! And what can this matter now?” Alaina whispered. “My father was murdered by that same army.”
“It matters, because the child has to be first in everything now,” he reminded her. “Alaina, my God, I understand your grief, please believe me. I respect your pain. But you can’t change what happened with your fury. You won’t be able to—”
“You won’t even try!” she accused him.
“Alaina, I’ve already written a letter to the commanding officer at Key West. The matter will be handled. But for now, you have to forget about it.”
“Forget—”
“Not your father, Alaina. You should never forget your father. But you should forget what happened, because the wheels of justice can be slow. And your father died, you did not.”
“Damn you, Ian, you can’t possibly expect me to simply forget that my father was killed by the men who should have been protecting him. You can’t—”
She broke off, gasping suddenly, her features going very pale. She’d never appeared quite so delicately beautiful and fragile before.
So vulnerable.
“What? What is it?” Ian demanded harshly, frightened. He stood, drawing her to her feet along with him, staring at her anxiously. “Alaina! What, what now?” he persisted.
“The baby…”
“My God, what’s wrong?” He swept her back off her feet, laying her down on the bed, even as she protested.
“I’m all right, I’m all right, it’s just that…”
“What? For the love of God, what?”
“It moved, Ian. It moved. I’ve felt—well, little wiggles before, but never, never something like this! So very strong.”