Nope. That wasn’t it either.
I was ready to pick a fight. Gray had it coming, but so did Sir. One I could deal with right now. The other, I’d get back to.
I dressed and went down to the club floor.
Sir sat on a couch with three women, two new members to the club and Lilly, fawning all over him. If I could see his face behind that stupid mask, I was sure he’d look bored. He played with Lilly’s hair, while a stacked blonde was either whispering in his ear or trying to suck it through the material covering his head. The third stood behind him massaging his shoulders.
He didn’t look at a one of them. He sat, staring at nothing.
I knew what to do, how to get his attention.
It had been almost twenty-four hours since he’d fucked me and left me sprawled in the bed.
So we’d fucked, and he’d become mine. Wasn’t that what he’d been trying to do to me all along?
I wasn’t fat Ange anymore, and nobody treated me like that.
What I wanted to do was scream “What the hell was that, asshole?” Instead I strode across the room, stepped directly between his knees and dropped to mine. I assumed the position, including having my face uplifted, my eyes focused on his, glaring. “Ladies, find your own Doms. This one’s mine.”
For the time being.
The other women scattered, but the pain in my ass that was Lilly perched on the couch practically attached to Sir’s arm.
“You blew your chance,” she shrugged, like this was no big deal to her, that she was calling me out on my shit. “Couldn’t get that head of yours out of your ass enough to actually go after what you wanted, namely Grayson, and now you’ve done it again.”
Chingada Madre.
She was right. I had done everything wrong with Gray from the beginning. I’d let my own insecurities get the best of me since the day my father hired him to protect me. I think I’d been a little bit in love with him from the second I met him. Strong, protective of me, and damn, damn, damn hawt. What chubby inexperienced girl, and I had been a girl, wouldn’t be?
I’d done some growing up since then. I hadn’t listened to him when he told me Marc wasn’t right for me, and even when I’d kicked that asshole to the curb I’d missed a myriad of chances to tell Gray how I felt, and what I wanted.
Now, here I stood, in a BDSM club in Texas, pretending I wasn’t hurt or angry or sad. I needed to... well, get my head out of my ass.
First, I was going to get the pain out of my ass, because, also... bring it on bitch.
I pasted on the most serene of smiles and batted my lashes at Lilly. “You’re asking for a spanking, and not the fun kind, and not from my Dom, but yours.”
I jerked my chin to the side and glanced at a fuming solid statue of Hawk, arms folded, standing ten feet away.
The rosy glow in her cheeks faded. “I, uh...we’re not, I mean, he’s not...”
I hadn’t interacted with Lilly and Hawk on the nights Sir sent me to the club, but I’d seen them together. Hawk had staked his claim, branded her his, and practically peed a circle around her. “He is, and everyone can see it.”
“I— I’m a sub for the club. No one can—”
“Lilly.” Sir grabbed her chin and seared her with his inspection. “I don’t take kindly to subs who try to deceive me. If you’re involved with Master Hawk, go now, kneel before him and take your punishment.” Sir’s gravel voice brooked no arguments.
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered. She slid off the couch and clenched and unclenched her fists. “Damned if I don’t, double damned if I do.”
I hear that sistah.
She walked to Hawk and dropped to a submissive position on her knees in front of him. I watched only long enough to see him haul her back up, crush his mouth to hers and stick his hand between her legs.
A hollow formed behind my throat and dropped to my stomach. Hawk took Lilly with his entire being and she was wholly possessed by him. They were awkward, dysfunctional, doomed to fail, and had a relationship exactly like what I’d had with Gray.
Sir touched my chin and brought my focus back to him. “Get up, Angelina.”
A beautiful mess.
But who wanted easy and organized. That was no fun at all.
I looked at Sir dead on. “I need to finish my training.”
He waved a hand dismissing my point. “You’ve graduated. I have nothing more to teach you. This phase of your training is over.”
I shook my head and kept my mouth shut, willing him with my eyes to accept what we had.
“You were never my student. You didn’t need my training in the first place.”
I had learned a lot about control, power exchange, and most importantly about myself. Most were lessons Gray had attempted to teach me, but I either wasn’t ready or didn’t want to learn.
I loved Sir a little for that. Not like I’d loved Gray. Still loved him.
Shut up. I was allowed to still be in love with him. It was a shattered, fragile thing I held in my heart and always would.
I got off my knees and sat on the couch next to him, placing my hand on his leg. His muscles bunched, but other than that, his mask and a new set of walls that had come up between us hid any other reaction he had.
“Sir, I don’t want to fight with you. I did need you and your lessons. I don’t think we’re finished, and you can’t push me away because you got scared.”
“You’re afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of us. Of taking me, of being together. You’re doing everything you can to control me from afar, but—”
I was done hiding behind words that were designed to placate. Look where it had gotten me? Alone.
“Scared? Of what?”
Gray had been afraid of us. Sir’s fear was something different. “Losing control.”
He scoffed. “I don’t lose control.”
I begged to differ. I’d had tasted the loss of his control and had reveled in his reaction, but that wasn’t the right button to push now. “Fine, then you’re afraid to let anyone see you.”
I saw the eyebrow raise even through his mask and the way his posture straightened. I’d learned to read him. “I don’t mean your face. But that mask is more than simply literal. You don’t want me or anyone to see your vulnerabilities.”
“Angel.” He sighed.
I thought for one whole entire minute that he was going to open up, give a little of himself to me. I would have given a lot in return.
“I meant what I said. You’ve graduated. I may have refined what you had, but this Dominatrix in you has only been waiting in the wings for you to let her out.”
If I wanted vulnerability, I had to show some myself. “I know you’ve gotten to see a whole side of me, and I’m not talking about my backside, that most people don’t, but you don’t really know me, my past or what makes me, me.” I bit my lip fighting the need to close myself off. “I, I’d like you to.”
He shook his head. “I know you better than you could ever know, and I’ve taken advantage of that, of you. I took so much more from you than I ever should have.”
“You didn’t take anything I didn’t want to give.” I touched his hand and squeezed it.
He took it back and stood. “I made arrangements with Tate for you to do a series of demonstrations. It’ll be a big draw for the club, and I’m sure your puppies will be happy to have you back in action.”
Okay, so he was going to pretend the last five minutes of conversation hadn’t happened. What had I really thought was between us? He wasn’t Gray and I didn’t want him to be. But I felt cheated.
Better than cheated on.
“If I graduated, then you’ll let me dominate anyone here?”
He stuck his hands in his pockets. “There is no more ‘let’ between us. It’s your decision who you play with and in what way.”
Here goes. “I choose you.”
“I don’t submit.”
I was about to take a giant leap. Like a flying
squirrel over the Grand Canyon. “But you will for me.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Something’s Wrong
Angel,
For so long I’ve been hiding from you and myself. You tore at the careful walls I’d built to keep you safe. Safe from me.
How will I earn your forgiveness if I can’t even show you who I am? I’m so afraid the real me will destroy the real you, this beautiful phoenix that burns so passionately.
I never want to quench those flames that make you who you are.
The floundering fish may fall in love with the brightly burning bird. But where would they live?
I’m sorry this message is dark and convoluted, but I’m on the verge of doing something that may change our relationship forever.
Always yours,
Gray
Sir had agreed to let me dominate him. Tomorrow night. He didn’t want to, but he had.
I still couldn’t believe it.
There had been a truckload of conditions and his list of limits on what I could and could not do to him was about as long as War and Peace.
I could tie him up, but I couldn’t blindfold him. I could use a crop, a cat-o-nine-tails, Wartenburg wheel, but no nipple clamps and absolutely no spanking. He would kneel, but he would not crawl, lick my boots, or act like any sort of animal in anyway.
The number one hard limit – I absolutely was not to remove his mask.
The list of don’ts was much larger than the list of can-do’s, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to use any of it. Well, maybe the kneeling, but only to give him a taste of his own medicine.
I had plans.
He’d taught me well that a Dominant’s job is to know, understand, and do their utmost best to pleasure a sub, to get inside his or her head and pull out whatever fantasy needed to be fulfilled.
I was damn sure I knew what it was that brought Sir pleasure, and it wasn’t being tied up and told what to do.
I had the whole day to plan down to the tiniest detail how this scene would go.
If only people would effin’ leave me alone.
I’d already sent both Dominic and Ilario away, fielded a call from Cade about some upgrades he thought the brownstone needed, and now Tate was at my door.
Plus, there was that email from Gray in my inbox.
“Pretty please, Angelina.” Tate leaned against my vanity while I put my make-up on. His cajoling tone and relaxed demeanor gave the impression this wasn’t important, but he played with the small bottles and brushes on the tray in front of me. “This could mean the difference in getting continued backing from Foster or not.”
I swiped powder across my cheeks and nose. “You’ll have to let your guy know that I am not taking clients yet. Besides I’ve already got plans for tonight.”
Tate moved behind me and massaged my shoulders. “Ange, it’s a hundred-thousand dollars. With that kind of money, I wouldn’t even need Foster.”
That was a lie. The small changes that Foster’s guidance had brought to the club were already making a difference. If it was only about the money, I’d offer to give or lend the money to Tate. I could simply buy him out, but this club was as important to him and I hoped I had as much passion when I had my own club someday.
Taking on a private client who wanted to be dominated wasn’t the right move for either of us.
“I am not a prostitute, and I’m not taking clients. And don’t call me Ange.”
He dug into a knot between my neck and my shoulder I didn’t even know I had. “God, no. You don’t have to have sex with him.”
He purposely ignored half of my protest. I knew what he was trying to do.
“Who is this him, anyway?”
“He said his name was Mr. Smith.”
“Jesus.” I rolled my eyes so hard they practically spun in my head.
“He’s probably some senator or congressman or something and doesn’t want anyone to know his dirty little secrets. But uh, Anonymous Dom said you’re ready to do demonstrations to help bring in even more members. What would it hurt to slap this guy around a little and make him call you Mistress?” He tried to sound the same old suave, but I heard the pleading.
“I have plans. Important ones. I promised I would help you build your business, but it will have to wait one more night.”
“Just meet him. Make arrangements for another night this week. It’ll only take a few minutes.”
I did owe Tate. When no one else believed I could make a go at this Dominatrix, he’d given me a chance. I don’t know what would have become of my life if these plans hadn’t been in the works when Gray left. I’d probably be back at the country club letting Marc get back into my pants. Wouldn’t that be a fate worse than death?
Yes. The answer to that was yes.
“Fine. Fifteen minutes. Then I’m locking myself into the Master suite and not coming out until a whole hell of a lot of orgasms have been had and some serious power has been exchanged. Got it?”
“Absolutely, doll. Thanks.” Tate headed toward the door.
“Make sure he’s gotten orientation and send him a bottle of something nice so he understands we’re not playing tonight.”
Tate saluted and tried really hard to skedaddle out the door.
“Hey, when and where am I meeting this guy?”
“He’s waiting for you now in the Master.” Tate closed the door behind him before I could yell at him for being a dumbass. Que Pendejo. Once I got my Domme persona going in the next few days, his ass was getting a serious spanking.
I had so much more I needed to prepare for the scene with Sir tonight. If I dressed now and got this meeting out of the way, I would still have enough time. Barely.
I grabbed my red zip up corset, long black shredded-tulle skirt, and black fitted trench. Ooh, all the shiny leather. The final touch was a new pair of heels with spikey gold studs on the toe and heel, this time with extra cushioning. Comfy and sexy. About time.
What I didn’t put on was a pair of panties. This Mr. Smith didn’t need to know that, but Sir certainly would.
I click clacked all the way down the stairs, across the club floor and into the Master.
“Mr. Smith, have a seat and we can—”
A man in a black hooded mask stood in the corner of the room, hands clasped behind him with his back to me.
What the W-T-F? “Sir? What are you doing here? We weren’t scheduled to meet until later.”
Sir faced me and stood riveted for a moment. He cleared his throat. “I arranged to be your first paying customer, Angel.”
That craggy broken voice I’d become accustomed to was gone. This one rang true and clear as the first day I’d heard it five years ago.
I marched across the room and gawked at his blue eyes, not green. A tingle started under my ears and along my jaw. It spread across my scalp and forehead and then all the way down my spine.
I reached up with shaking fingers. The edge of the mask was exposed at the base of his neck like he was daring me to grab it and pull it off.
Was it really him under there?
I couldn’t wait to see, but I didn’t want to know at the same time.
He didn’t move except for the expansion of his chest with each breath. How could he breathe? I couldn’t.
“Take it off,” he whispered.
Neither of us moved.
“Take it off, Angel. Don’t make me hide anymore.”
I slipped my fingers under the edge of the mask and pulled it up and over his face.
Those eyes, that hair, his skin. I knew them all too well. He was my lover, my love, Sir, and yet not.
“Gray?”
He glanced at me and tugged at the cuff of his jacket. “Angel.”
I grabbed him around the neck and crushed my lips to his. He didn’t hesitate for a second returning the kiss. His tongue pushed into my mouth, dueling with mine. We were so frantic our teeth clacked together and I practically climbed up his body to get closer.
Gray, my G
ray was here.
Finally.
I pulled away, tried my best to catch my breath, and slapped him across the face.
He didn’t flinch. “I deserved that.”
“That and a whole lot more.” My body and brain were in the midst of World War three-hundred. I didn’t know whether to kiss him, slap him, jump him, or kick him in the balls.
Gray smiled, even with a pink handprint blooming on his face, and ran the back of his hand down my cheek. “If it means being with you again, bring it on, Angel. Bring it on.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Reunited and it Feels So Good
I didn’t know whether to kiss Gray until all our clothes fell off or slap him. Again.
I should walk away.
He’d hidden his identity and used the façade to get me to be his submissive. Which I couldn’t complain about because I’d loved almost every second of it. Nine out of ten seconds.
He had lied to me, with his words, with his body, with my body.
I was so damn excited to see him. My soul had been shattered and broken without him, like an integral part of me was missing.
We were going to have so much angry make-up sex.
I placed one hand on his chest, putting it between us, but wanting to touch him, make him understand. I wanted him, but I was hurt. “I’m still mad at you.”
He took my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing my palm. “I know.”
I loved his touch, I loved him. Could I grieve the hurt and let go? I wasn’t sure yet, but I knew I wanted to. “I’m gonna be mad for a long time.”
He nodded his head. Such sadness, but a flicker of hope flashed across his face. “I know.”
He did understand me better than any other person in the whole wide world. Before we were lovers we were friends. Before that when he’d been only my bodyguard, I’d known, even then, there was something special in him, that I felt with no one else.
He probably knew exactly what chaos flitted through my brain right now.
Damn it, I was having a hard time staying mad. I didn’t want the anger to get in the way of finding the happiness with Gray I knew was ready and waiting, if only I accepted and let go.