“It is? Sorry, I was exhausted.”
“There’s someone here to see you.”
No.
No no no no no.
Gray didn’t come down here. “Who is it?”
“Your, uh, trainer. He asked you to meet him in the Master suite downstairs.”
Phew. “Okay, thanks.”
I showered and dressed in a simple black tank and a soft pink jersey skirt. Even after I put on make-up and brushed my teeth my reflection still taunted me. Was it possible to have a BDSM hangover?
Before I went down I opened my tablet and quickly wrote a reply to Gray.
Grayson,
I’m not feeling very forgiving. Do not come down to Austin, because I can’t see you.
—A
I deleted the whole message once, retyped exactly the same thing, and hit send before I chickened out. If I was going to spend time with Sir this afternoon, whether to learn submission or Domination, I needed to clear my mind of Grayson.
I opted to go barefoot, lesson learned, and then made my way down the stairs. Already I felt clearer and my head wasn’t so heavy.
Sir sat in the same chair I’d left him in. He was fully clothed, no dangly bits hanging out. Had he been here all night?
Surely not.
I crossed the room and sat on my knees in front of him.
He ran his fingers into my hair and twirled a strand. “Excellent. Are you ready to continue?”
In for a penny, in for a couple hundred pounds. “Yes, Sir.”
“You look tired. Did you sleep?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Angie, I don’t expect you to only answer with yes Sirs. Tell me what you did when you left here last night.”
“I did as you instructed.” That’s what I was supposed to say, right?
“Come here, sit on my lap.”
I’m pretty sure my eyes were the size of flying saucers. I didn’t sit on men’s laps. Not if I didn’t want to crush their fun bits.
“Come here. You won’t hurt me. I promise.”
I wasn’t sure about that. “I might.”
“Do as you’re told or there will be consequences.”
Rather that than squishing his uh, squishy bits. “What kind? A punishment?”
“Are you questioning me?”
“No, I want to learn what is effective to use with submissives who don’t do as they’re told.” Ooh, good one. Go me.
“All right. Pull up your skirt, sit on my lap, and I’ll teach you.”
Once again, I needed to be more careful about what I wished for. “Are you going to spank me?”
“Do you like that? Don’t lie to me. Honesty is important in a D/s relationship. I expect it from you, and you should expect it from your future subs.”
For more than I wanted to admit, I thought maybe I was only here to be his sub. But he was looking forward to my future without him. Why was that uncomfortable? “I like a little of it in the heat of the moment, but I don’t think I’d like it as a punishment.”
Sir tugged on that strand of my hair. “Then I’ll add it to the list.”
“I’m starting to regret being open.”
“Don’t be. I ask because I want to know what motivates you. Now sit.”
I hiked up my skirt, not all the way, scarcely to the edge of my panties, and gingerly sat on the edge of his leg. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me back so that my feet no longer touched the floor. More importantly so that I couldn’t bear any of my own weight. I bit at my lip hoping there was enough cushion on my ass.
Sir didn’t even flinch.
“The right kind of motivation is the key to keeping a sub who pushes against boundaries in line. Most good subs will test limits, just as most good Doms will. That’s half the fun, but by letting a sub top from the bottom, no one wins. Spread your legs.”
I did, but not too far. Sir stuck his hand between my thighs and pushed one leg until I had to move. My left leg dangled over his and the edge of the chair. Thank God, I had on panties or I’d be completely exposed to him.
Which didn’t seem to matter. He rubbed two fingers across the silky fabric pushing it into my cleft. He had strong hands and I was already imagining what they could do to me.
“Lay your head back on my shoulder and relax.”
“What are you going to do?”
“That’s not the right question. I’m getting tired of repeating all of my instructions.”
My fear of letting go with him was controlling my mouth. That topping from the bottom thing was so me. If I wanted this to work I needed to try harder. “Yes, Sir.”
I leaned against him, feeling twinges in the tight muscles in my back. Breathe in, breathe out. It was hard to let my body do that simple task on its own with Sir’s hand sliding across my clit. I squirmed, but he didn’t let up.
“Tell me what you think a Dominant’s job is.”
I lifted my head, but he pushed it back down. “No. Tell me while you’re relaxed and my hand is in your panties.”
His fingers moved from rubbing the fabric to slipping across my wet skin. It felt so good and I didn’t know how in the world I was supposed to think while he played me like a Spanish guitar.
“Tell me Angelina, or you won’t get what your greedy plump pussy is begging for.” His finger stopped directly over my clit.
I moaned a tiny bit and then cleared my throat. “A Dom’s job is to bring pleasure to her subs.”
As soon as I started speaking his fingers flicked across my clit then began a long slide up and down, wetting both himself and my flesh. “Good. Keep going.”
“I...”
He circled my clit and I lost all my words.
“Ah, ah. Don’t stop talking.” He gave me one more stroke and paused again putting pressure right where I wanted it.
I swallowed and tried again. “I’m not sure what else to say.”
“Well you’d better think of something if you want to come.”
“Oh. Dios Mio. Okay, umm, a Domme’s job is to find out what makes her subs tick.”
I was rewarded for that with a rhythmic slide over my clit. “A Domme’s job is to help her sub overcome anxiety by building trust.”
“Mmm-hmm. What else?” Sir’s other hand went under my shirt and into my bra. He matched the tempo of his hand between my legs over my nipple.
“Oh, yes. That feels so good. Please don’t stop.”
“I won’t if you don’t.”
Crap. My body was taking over and I’d never been good at staying aware of anything but the pleasure when I was getting so close.
“Please make me come.”
Sir withdrew his hand and smacked my pussy. “That is not the answer to my question.”
“A Domme’s job,” my voice had jumped an octave, “is to, to, to...”
Sir’s hand went back inside my panties and into my wet channel. His fingers felt big and I pushed against him trying to draw him further into me.
“...is to fuck her subs.”
That must have been the right answer because Sir finger fucked me then, pounding into my pussy, finding that spot deep inside that made me explode.
I cried out, any words completely lost in translation from consciousness to overwhelming pleasure. Sir drew out the orgasm, pulling pulse after pulse from my body until I lay exhausted and sated against his chest.
“You’re absolutely stunning when you come, Angel.”
“I...”
“Shh. Close your eyes but listen.”
I nodded and allowed the lovely afterglow to consume me.
“A Dominant’s job is all those things, and I’m glad you understand. But you’ve failed this first exercise, because a Dom’s job is also to ignore his or her own pleasure and focus on her sub.”
I kept my eyes closed but whispered. “How was I supposed to focus with your hand doing all those lovely things.”
“It’s what we must do. Do you think when I get my cock inside of you it won?
??t feel fucking amazing to me?”
“Will it?”
“You know it will, and when I’m pumping inside of you, so close to coming I can taste it, I must still be able to focus on you.”
“Oh.” I thought about that for a minute and something didn’t jive. “But why? Don’t Dominants get pleasure too?”
“Of course. For many it comes simply from knowing you have held power over them. For the bad ones, it’s that feeling that they have all the power and the sub has none. I hope you know that should never be true.”
“I do. But are you telling me Dominants never get to come?”
Sir rubbed my arms. “No, of course not. However, the sub’s pleasure and power must always be first and foremost in your mind. Every time, before you come, you must think – will this bring my sub pleasure?”
Who would ever want to be a Dominant? Oh, that’s right, I did. I had a lot of work to do. “I’m not good at thinking when I’m ready to come.”
“I know, which is why you failed this exercise and we will repeat it until you have learned the lesson. You will learn orgasm denial.”
Ya vali madre.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Practice makes perfect
Angel,
I am driven to eternally ask for your forgiveness, but I don’t expect it. Not yet, I’m not sure if ever. But I must try. Finding a way to earn back your trust fills the majority of my waking hours, and. I spend most nights dreaming of all the ways I can do that. Those dreams are enmeshed with erotic fantasies of having you under me, my body taking yours in all the ways I should have when we were together.
I wake up hungry and hard and never fulfilled. Not without you in my bed, in my life.
With your new training, we will both be different people when we meet again. Maybe then I can let go of this overwhelming need to protect you. Probably not.
Forgive me that too.
Always yours,
Gray
Sir again summoned me to the Master suite in the afternoon. Which gave me the entire morning to stew over Gray’s latest email. Who the fuck did he think he was asking for my forgiveness?
I seriously needed to blow off some steam. But if Sir had his way, I wouldn’t be blowing anything.
I chose a black corset that I imagined made me look like sexy curvy biker Barbie and another jersey pencil skirt. A year ago I would have laughed if anyone said the words me and pencil skirt in the same sentence, but I’d spent a lot of time and money finding sexy clothes in my reinvention of myself. Jersey skirts were the bomb. Sexy and comfy. All women should own at least twelve.
Plus, added bonus. They were really easy for a certain someone to push up, or down, or off. Which is why I also chose lacy black panties.
If I was lucky, I wouldn’t be wearing them long.
I let myself into the Master suite and found Sir staring at the cabinet full of toys, his hands folded behind his back.
Yay, toy day. I took my place on the floor at his feet and waited for him to meet my gaze. He made me wait longer than I liked. Another lesson in patience?
Ugh. I know I’d said I was going to make it part of my domination to make my subs wait, but I was currently rethinking that. My legs were starting to fall asleep for goodness sake.
I wiggled my toes, bounced a little, sighed and got no response from Sir.
“Will you let me start dominating today?” Yep, I’d blurted that out. I couldn’t wait around all day waiting for the circulation in my butt to die a slow death.
Sir laughed, like a lot. Like I was physically tickling him or something.
At least he wasn’t mad. “Why is that so funny?”
He finally made eye contact with me. “Simply because I’ve been waiting for you to ask that. Let’s say I made a little bet with myself about how quickly you’d think you were ready.”
“I am ready.” Or not even close but sitting here wasn’t doing me any good. If I was going to dominate, didn’t I need to practice?
“So impatient. Your training has barely begun, you haven’t even mastered controlling your own orgasm yet.”
It wasn’t the only skill we’d worked on, but it had been the most challenging for me. “I have.”
“Are you ready to prove that.”
Gulp. I lifted my chin. “Yes.”
“Very well. Come with me.”
He led me to the bed and motioned for me to kneel in front of it. I took my position on the floor, sitting back, hands on my thighs, face up, watching every move he made. Sir circled me, slowly. When he was directly behind me his hand slipped into my hair and pulled out the claw clip holding my curls up. He grasped a handful near my scalp and pulled it tight, sending tingled over my scalp and down my spine.
“I’ve always loved your long hair. I’ve been waiting to wrap it around my hand while I fuck your mouth.”
He’d promised me on the first evening he’d use my mouth, pussy, and ass. But we’d only covered some of that ground. The waiting for the rest was killing me with teeny tiny knives of anticipation.
I’d seen his own control first hand because each time we’d trained, he’d started at half-mast and been rock hard for the majority of the session. I’d come more times than I could count, while he... hadn’t. Not while I was around.
I think he viewed coming as a loss of control. Damn how I wanted to see him lose it. I was salivating at the thought.
Sir circled around to stand in front of me, tugging my hair, and lifting my face to him. He searched my face, peering into my psyche. “Don’t take your eyes off me, unless I say you can. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.”
He released my hair and tugged at his belt, I could see his movements to expose himself to me, and his hard-on, out of the lower section of my field of vision.
His pants hung low on his hips, his cock long and hard in front of my face. I couldn’t help but lick my lips.
He paused, fingering his belt for a moment and took a deep breath that took only a second to release.
I waited unmoving, not even breathing, waiting, waiting. I wanted this. Not only to prove to him I was no neophyte, but I wanted to do this for him, give him pleasure.
Sir ran his thumb over my lower lip and tugged my mouth open. “Taste me.”
I opened wider and took his head into my mouth, but he pulled back.
“No. Taste me with your tongue. I’ll take your mouth when I’m ready.”
My mouth watered enough that I had to lick my lips again. I pressed my wet mouth to the soft underside of his cock and lapped where I knew he would be the most sensitive. His skin was hot and he tasted faintly salty with a hint of the soap he used.
His eyes burned dark and he hissed. He gripped the thick shaft and pushed himself past my lips and over my tongue. He didn’t stop until my teeth met his hand.
My lids fluttered shut when he began moving, in and out, filling me and then taking his cock away. With each stroke, he pushed a little farther, but never too far.
“Look at me, Angel. I need to see you.”
His gaze bore into me, daring me to look away. His slipped first, dipping to watch his skin slide across my lips. He removed his hand from his cock and pushed it into my hair, swirling until he pulled it tight around his fist.
I wanted to take more of him, make him feel me, the pleasure I could give him, that would break his control. On his next thrust, I took him deep, feeling him at the back of my throat, almost gagging myself.
“Fuck, your mouth is so good, Jesus.” He didn’t withdraw, holding my head in place, then pulled my hair and thrust even farther forward. “Swallow me, Angel, take me all the way.”
The finest tremble shook his legs. I couldn’t breathe, sure I would choke, but not willing to stop yet. He loved this. The thrill of giving it to him washed over me like a drug I couldn’t get enough of.
“Swallow. Now.”
I tried, too filled with him to make my own throat work.
“Again.”
Th
e muscles in my body shook, trying to make the right ones comply. I swallowed shallowly even though my lungs screamed and he groaned.
Stars sparkled in my vision, both from the rough treatment and the knowledge that I’d made him feel something.
He withdrew and took two more shallow strokes before pulling his cock all the way from my mouth. I gasped in breaths but smiled to myself. I looked up at him and saw the raw lust on his face behind that damn mask. I loved it.
He turned his head away surveying the wall, or somewhere deep inside his head, or both. When he returned, a different man looked out of his eyes. A wall had gone up and the suave Dom was back.
I’d gotten a glimpse at the edge of his control, and I wanted to see so much more.
“Put your fingers into your panties. Tell me how wet you are.”
I was definitely turned on and excited by the idea of this scene, the chance to see where the edge of his control lived. But we’d only begun, he hadn’t yet touched me anywhere but my hair and mouth, so I didn’t expect much.
I was soaked. My wetness coated my pussy lips and spilled over to my inner thighs.
“Only a little.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Very.”
“Good. Every time I push into your mouth, stroke yourself, until you are ready to come, but remember, you can’t until I say so. Do not come without my permission.”
Was I going to get to come at all? I almost didn’t care.
I opened my mouth and licked the head of his cock. I wanted to taste more than his pre-come. I was determined to.
“Eyes on me, Angelina.” His hard voice had an extra edge, it sounded so much rougher than whatever injury he had could create.
He pushed back into me, but took only medium strokes, not going as deep as he had before. My fingers slipped and slid over my clit and I moaned with the pleasure of it.
“Mmm. Let me hear how good you feel.”
I wasn’t shy about being vocal and I knew the vibrations of my voice added another dimension to what he was feeling. He pushed into me faster and faster and I made sure my hand followed each stroke.
My pussy was engorged and I was close to coming. Under Sir’s instruction, I knew if I could hold my orgasm back the reward was something even more intense.