The bodies were dumped somewhere downtown. The worshippers would have to figure their own way home. There was no chance for them to get their vehicles back. Kaspar wondered what they would do now…and why the team took the risk of rescue in the first place. Another thought crept in: what if Paxton had let him go?
“Another successful mission,” Krys said. She took the Balaclava off of her head and shook her hair loose.
“You call that a success?” Kaspar asked. He took his own mask off.
“Yeah, we got them all to safety.”
“Not all of them.”
“That was their decision, not ours. We can’t make that choice for them.”
“What are they going to tell the USR people, then?”
“Nothing,” Krys replied. “They didn’t see anything.”
“They’ll be able to tell them how many of us were there.”
“The USR has no idea how many of us there are. Remember, we have rebel forces everywhere.”
“But, you can’t see any of them or make contact, right?”
“Exactly. I thought John explained all of this to you, already.”
“He did.”
Krys played around with her hair, “So, what then?”
“It doesn’t make any sense.”
“It doesn’t have to make sense,” Krys replied. “It’s just the way it is.”
The back of the van remained silent until it screeched to a halt in front of the safe house. The team filed out and headed for the front porch. Kaspar started to walk through the front yard before that damned death grip returned to his right arm. He turned to face Paxton, who stared deep into his eyes.
“What the fuck was that?” Paxton demanded.
“I already told the others,” Kaspar shook his arm loose. “I was going to save those people in there. Maybe bring some actual justice to them.”
“You just get something straight, you little bastard: we don’t have time for loose cannons on this team. I thought I went over this with you before. Do you get me?”
“John…”
“You will address me as ‘sir’, soldier, now answer the question.”
“The USR took my mother from me, so please forgive me if I…”
“Let’s get another thing straight,” Paxton said. He pointed his index finger in Kaspar’s face. “We, all of us, have lost something in this war. It’s not just you, not just your mother, and you need to get that in your head. Now, do you get me?”
“Yes, sir.”
Paxton lowered his finger, “Good, now go inside and think about what could’ve happened had we been caught.”
How much more of this could he take? Kaspar told Paxton the day that they met what his true intentions were and the old veteran let him in anyway. Now, all of a sudden, he was made to look like the bad guy when he tried to exact some small amount of revenge. The more he got to know Paxton, the more he grew to hate him. He had long since passed the dislike stage. Where was all this help that Paxton promised…and why did he let him in the first place?
He felt anger towards himself, too. Who knows, maybe that squad that raided the church was the same one that killed Mother. He would never know now, all because he was too chicken shit to go in there and do the right thing.
“Were you really going to shoot me?” Kaspar asked.
“No,” Paxton replied. “But, maybe I should have considered it. Get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“What’s going to happen to them? The ones who stayed behind, I mean.”
Paxton looked straight down. “They are not our responsibility any longer.”
“Bullshit they’re not. They are going to die, right? And we just left them there.”
Paxton looked up and smirked. “You know, individual free will was one of the first things they took from us. I wasn’t about to take that from them. They wanted to stay so I let them stay. You have a problem with that? Fine. Just don’t ask me to apologize for it.”
“No, sir.”
“Now, go get some sleep.”
Paxton walked past Kaspar and ran his right hand through his thinning hair. He yelled out an inaudible curse before he threw the front door open, which slammed behind him. Kaspar stood outside so he could try and slow down his racing mind. He felt the cool, light breeze brush against his cheeks. He closed his eyes…
I’m sorry, Mother, but I’ll get them next time. I promise.