The walk across the street is met with a frozen breeze. Snow is still piled high all around us, and instead of mistletoe and holly strung up in all the windows, the world is now dotted with pink doily hearts. It’s not quite V-Day yet but the world won’t let you forget about it. I head into the Black Bear and exhale as the warmth wraps around me like a thick wool blanket. I spot Izzy seated at the bar and give a friendly wave. It’s empty in here, save for a few tables peppered with the odd student, but as soon as the Mustang Dome lets out, it will be filled to the brim, I’m sure.
“Hey, girl!” Izzy staggers over with her enormous belly dripping between her legs, and for the life of me I’m tempted to snag a tablecloth and use it as a net. She’s wearing a bright blue top that fans out like a bell, and underneath that it looks as if she’s miraculously squeezed into her skinny jeans. She gives me a quick hug, and I steal a moment to take in her sugary perfume. This is how I envision it would have gone if my mom hadn’t died. Lots of sugary-scented hugs, a warm smile, and a glow about her reserved just for me. “You want to take a seat at the bar?”
I glance over at the guys all huddled over the counter and grimace.
“I was sort of hoping for somewhere with a little more privacy.”
“Sure thing. I know just the place.” She leads us to the back, and we land at a table with silk banana leaves partially blocking us from the rest of the establishment.
“You look great,” I say as I take a seat across from her. She does look great, but the fact she just turned to her left to accommodate her burgeoning belly sends a shiver right through me. “Wow, you’re really—having a baby.” I blink back tears before they can give me away.
“You’re observant.” She gives a little wink as she leans in on her elbow. Her hair gleams in the light, and her skin really does glow in a supernatural way. “So what’s new with you? Are you really going to make me pee on a stick to prove this point?” She leans back, and her belly steals the spotlight once again.
“No, actually, I mean, I thought about it.” My face heats ten times hotter than a brushfire. “I mean, you could, but I guess the visual evidence speaks for itself. I think everyone out there will get the point right off the bat.”
She leans in, her eyes slit to nothing as she inspects me. “Are you ready to talk about why you really bought that test?”
My mouth falls open. A laugh gets jumbled in my throat, and then just like that, a river of tears flows from me. My body goes numb with shock, and I can’t get a word to move past that baby rattle forming in my throat.
“Oh, honey!” Izzy does her best to traverse the table, and we engage in an awkward hug. Her hard belly rubs against my arm, and I’m mildly alarmed by how much it feels like concrete. My God, she’s going to give birth to a cinder block. She flops back in her seat with tears brimming in her own eyes. “I saw that look of fear on your face.” She shakes her head with a look that pleads for me to understand she’s on my side, and I really do feel that way. “I mean, I didn’t see it live. I sort of stumbled on it the other day when I was thinking about the show. I thought I’d better take a look and see what I’m getting myself into before I waste your time. I’m not exactly photogenic at the moment.” She makes a face, looking ever so beautiful, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“You’re perfect, Izzy. I’m the beast around here. As soon as my brothers get wind of this, I’m a dead girl, too. My father’s pride might be bent out of shape, but I’m pretty sure he’ll send a nice gift when the time comes. If the time comes.”
Her mouth falls open. “So, you’re not sure if you’re going to keep it?”
“I haven’t thought about anything really.” I jolt in my seat a moment. “I mean keeping it for myself. I’m not getting rid of it or anything. I’m pretty sure it’s happening, and I’m going to see it through come hell or well—more hell.” I drop my face in my hands a moment. “I just wish my mother was here, you know?”
“Is she on a trip?”
I fold my arms in front of me and take a deep breath. “A big one. In fact, she had to leave her body to take it. I won’t be seeing her until I give up my own ghost.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Her features contort in horror.
“No, I’m fine. It happened a long time ago. My cousin, Lex, sort of stepped in and raised us as best she could. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lex, but she’d have my head on this table and a butcher knife right over my neck if she knew.”
Her phone buzzes, and she gives it a quick glance. “Does Misty know?” Her eyes grow wide.
“Nope. And I’m going to keep it that way. She’s married to my brother. Need I say more?”
A cool breeze wafts over, and we glance up to find a petite brunette with a cute turned-up nose and a mischievous grin on her face. “What can’t I know since I’m married to your brother?”
It’s Misty.
“Great.” I lean back in my seat and stare at Izzy. “Just great.”
“What?” Misty falls in next to her, and the two of them exchange those nonverbal best friend cues—and my debacle has them both looking confused. “Will somebody please tell me what’s going on around here? Or do I have to start threatening the two of you with throwback pics that will make your hair curl on its own? And I do have them.”
Both Izzy and I cringe. I bet Misty has an entire litany of photographic evidence at how awkward I was as a pre-teen. That alone is enough to topple my cosmetics-based empire in one fell pimple-faced swoop. That or it can be a really good before picture.
Izzy takes a breath and looks to me.
“Oh, come on.” Misty thumps her red glossy nails over the table. “It can’t be that bad. The two of you look as if you stomped a litter of baby seals to death.”
Izzy bubbles with a small laugh. “That’s so random.” Her body bucks as she looks to me. “And yet sort of on point. This conversation is geared toward life.” She clears her throat. Her eyes widen at me, assuring me the beach ball belly is in my court.
The way I see it, I have two options. I confess to Misty now or I confess to Misty later.
“All right, fine.” Gone are the tears, replaced with a slightly pissy attitude. Nobody asked Misty to crash our party. If she’s disappointed in me, I can’t help her. I’m disappointed enough in myself. I look right at her, my gaze hard, bordering on cruel. “But I’ll warn you. If you tell my brother, I will never forgive you.” And sadly, I mean every word.
Her cherry red lips part, and that fun, flirty smile she wears for the world has long since dissipated. “I won’t. My God, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I swallow down any internal protest I might have in regards to spilling the maternity beans. “The baby and I are both fine.”
“Good.” She gives a few hard blinks. “Because I’m starving. Have you guys eaten?” Misty stops cold, her gaze goes catatonic. “Did you say baby?” A tiny laugh bubbles from her throat. “You mean Izzy’s baby!” She belts out a laugh, looking rather relieved, but neither Izzy nor I am laughing along with her. “Sunday? Please tell me you’re joking.” She looks to Izzy with a veiled threat on her face. “Come on, Izzy, stop. It’s not funny.”
“And that’s why we’re not laughing,” I add. “It’s true, Mis.” My chest heaves as I struggle to hold it together. “I’m knocked up.” My voice pitches, and the two of them offer an anguished coo as if I were a baby myself. And considering the fact I haven’t crested my second decade of life, I’m pretty sure I qualify in most people’s eyes. Oh my God! I’ve become a statistic!
My face collapses back in my hands as the two of them do their best to comfort me.
Eventually, Misty coaxes me back to an upright position. “Hey—no visits to Self-Pity Land,” she says it sweetly.
“Well, too bad because I kind of like it there.” I look up at the two of them and their long faces. “Self-Pity Land is the perfect place for me to be. Have I mentioned they’ve crowned me queen? It turns out I throw one mean pity party.”
/> The two of them share a laugh, and Izzy dabs the tears in her eyes with her pinkies. “Have you been to a doctor?”
I shake my head. I’m so ashamed at how lousy I’m handling this whole thing, I can’t even look at the two of them anymore.
“You’ll love mine. And I know for a fact he takes your student insurance because Misty uses him, too.”
“Him?” Kill me now. I’ve never had anything but a woman looking at my nether regions. “No thanks. I don’t think I can take it.”
Misty shakes her head. “You’ll have to. He’s the only OB/GYN covered on the university’s plan. I should know. I looked into it myself. Nolan and I are trying.” Her cheeks blush with color.
“Oh, well, that’s great. I’m really happy for you. In fact, I wish we could trade places.”
“Don’t be silly. I’ll be glad to provide a little cousin for your baby to play with.” She reaches over and picks up my hand. “It’s going to be great, Sunday. Trust me on this.” And just like that, I see Seth there hiding out in her eyes. She and Seth only vaguely look anything alike, but at the moment all I see is him. He’s been amazing, and oddly enough being with Misty actually makes me crave him.
“Thank you.” I look to Izzy. “And thank you, too. It feels like a weight off my shoulders now that the two of you are in on it.”
Misty takes a breath. “You mean we’re the first to know?”
My stomach pinches with heat. A part of me wants to tell her that Seth knows, that he was the first to know, but I don’t dare. “Yup. I’d sort of like to tell everyone in my own time if you don’t mind.”
Misty leans in, her eyes so wide I’m sure they’re about to fall out and begin bouncing all around the table like those nefarious ping pongs that started this baby bowling ball brewing in my belly. “You mean the father doesn’t know?” She shakes her head as if this were an impossibility. “And may I ask who he might be?”
Izzy leans in as if she were dying to know herself.
“You may ask, but that doesn’t mean I’ll have an answer for you.” I inch back as if they were about to strike. “I’m not one hundred percent certain myself. Okay, that’s not true, but I don’t really know him that well—at all. It was sort of a one-off.”
They both groan in unison, and I think that pretty much says it all.
They both quickly agree it’s best, and soon Misty excuses herself to meet up with Nolan now that the game is over.
But Izzy is kind enough to stay and chat, filling me on all things preggers, like the fact I’m not going insane. It turns out the need to pee every five seconds has nothing to do with the baby sitting on my bladder—at least not in the beginning—but everything to do with my pituitary gland. She also fills me in on the fact drinking ginger ale really does help with nausea and even takes off a pair of cloth bands from her wrists and gifts them to me. They’re some kind of pressure point seasickness bands that she swears will help stave my urge to puke up my spleen. She quickly gives me the doctor’s number and promises to help supply me with enough maternity clothes to outfit a shopping mall with.
We wrap up our maternal meet and greet just the way we started, with an awkward hug between the four of us before she takes off to have dinner with her husband.
I’m about to take off myself just as Serena jets over and fills Izzy’s seat. “What’s up, cuz?” She tips her head to the side. “And don’t you tell me nothing because I saw the whole thing, waterworks and all. What’s happening? You look miserable.” Her head moves side-to-side as she openly inspects me. “And you look—I don’t know, different. Although maybe the reason I can’t quite recognize you might have something to do with the fact you’ve been playing the part of the invisible woman. Why have you been avoiding me? And don’t you dare say you haven’t. I call and you don’t answer. I text and you ghost me. You’ve all but unfriended me on Facebook.” Her eyes glisten with moisture. Serena is stunning all on her own, but you throw in glittering tears, and those green eyes of hers turn into lush verdant lawns so green you’d think God Himself colored them in with a crayon. She shakes her head. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?” A moment of silence bounces between us. “You’re my sister. I thought we’d always be close. I guess I was wrong.”
She speeds off, and I’m left alone to gauge how many relationships and lives I can ruin in a single semester. Once I finally pull myself together, I head for the exit just as an onslaught spills in through the doors. It’s wall-to-wall bodies again, and each one of them is decked out in orange and blue with enough Mustang paraphernalia to outfit the student store. A tall, beefy Eli Gates wanders in with a pack of man-hungry girls hanging on either side, and judging by that ear-to-ear grin he’s sporting, it looks as if we scored the win. Not to mention the fact he’ll be scoring a win later on with one of the aforementioned man-hungry girls—all of them for that matter. I can’t believe I slept with the Eli Gates, and I have no memory of the entire event. I couldn’t even get a one-night stand right. I’m pretty sure the entire purpose of the quasi-syphilis-riddled event is to enjoy yourself.
I glance down at my stomach, and I’d swear I see a little pouch forming already. It’s probably just my usual bloating, but still, there’s no stopping it from this point on. I’ll have to tell him eventually. In fact, I should probably reintroduce myself in general and maybe buy him some coffee before I fill him in on the fact he’s fathered a child.
I step to the left in order to traverse the throngs on my way out just as Seth walks in. An entire crowd of girls is chomping at his heels, and he too is grinning like a loon—one who clearly has his pick of the litter. I can’t help but frown at the gaggle of girls surrounding him. Seth is cute—okay, so he’s downright handsome, and he’s nice, and kind, and he’s been nothing but generous during this entire ordeal. I can’t stand the thought that one of these giggling snakes might snatch him. I could strangle my brothers for diverting me away from him. If nature would have taken its course, Seth and I might have had a sweet long-term relationship by now with enough breakups and makeups to make your head spin. But still, it would have been ours. I cringe at the thought of fanning the flame of any lingering attraction to him. For years I’ve masked it with sarcasm and outright disdain, but I’m tired of hiding my true feelings for him, for anyone. I tried to be someone else, and look where it got me? Right here in these knocked-up shoes—size 9 months with a width of eighteen years. A small hiccup of fear hitches in my throat at the thought of raising a baby on my own. I can’t keep a houseplant alive. How am I supposed to handle a helpless human being? Let alone raise it to the point it won’t want to hunt me down and kill me one day. I’m a hot mess, and if I impress myself on this innocent being, it might just turn out that way, too. I could always put it up for adoption. That would be noble.
A horrible feeling seeps through me like poison at the thought of handing my own baby over to some strange couple to raise. I’ve always been selfish by nature—heck, I won’t even give Rush a bite of my food and he asks pretty regularly. And if he does take it, I immediately resent it. I can’t help it. It’s the way I’m wired. I like keeping things and people to myself. Hoarding. It’s what I do best. Just ask that mess under my bed.
Serena pops out of the kitchen and makes a beeline for Seth before pulling him into the foyer.
“What is that about?” I whisper, completely annoyed with my older, far prettier cousin who thinks she can systematically steal everything in my life. I thread my way through the crowd, trying my best to sneak up on them from behind like any good predator coming in for the kill.
She leans up. I watch as her mouth inches toward the side of his face, and I land between them like a bouncing betty firecracker.
“Hey, how’d the game go?” I’m breathless, and it has nothing to do with the fact I just performed an acrobatic feat—and much more to do with the fact I’m momentarily lost in Seth Baker’s brilliant blue eyes.
“They won.” Serena pulls me back a notch before nodding
to Seth. “I’ll swing by sometime and we’ll get together.” She makes a face my way. “Thank God not everyone is evading me.” My heart breaks as I watch her dip back into the crowd.
“You should tell her,” he whispers so low it’s a miracle I can hear him over the house band that just cued up.
“Maybe I will tell her—when the time is right. So, what was that all about?” I try to sound innocent, not at all like the she-devil that is dying to projectile vomit from inside me. “I mean, you can do whatever you want with Serena. You don’t have to answer to me.” I shoot him a look that says answer to me and do it right now, Seth Baker.
He gives a little chuckle. “You want to get out of here? Maybe see a movie?”
“Sure, if it’s at your place. Throw in an extra-large pizza with everything on it and I’m in.”
His head inches back a notch. “Everything, huh? Does that include anchovies?”
“That includes all the anchovies they’re willing to give me.”
We head out into the icy air, and Seth wraps his arm around my waist and I lean my head over his shoulder. “I’ll make sure they give you an aquarium full.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were gunning for a place in my heart.”
He belts out a laugh, and I can’t help but notice how gorgeous he is with the moon washing him a cool shade of blue.
He glances down with his lids hooded low. “Honey, I already know I’ve got it.”
“Anyone ever tell you how cocky you are?”
“Only you, and I know you love it.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh, but I don’t—because maybe he’s right.
I nuzzle my head over his shoulder as we walk slowly all the way to the Briggs Apartment Building.
When I was a little girl, I always envisioned that romance would blossom one day through a steady stream of chocolate boxes and flowers. I thought it would be love at first sight for the both of us—an instant unbreakable connection. I thought we’d be inseparable, engaged right off the bat, and married as soon as legally possible. I never envisioned it growing slowly like a seed—someone who would come into my life with eyes the color of a young evening sky. Someone who my brothers would forbid me from even looking at with unchaste intentions. And yet here he is. Seth Baker. My insides twist in a knot for even allowing myself to let my feelings run wild. And yet I’ve always relished being near him—yearning for his company like a seedling yearns for the warmth of the sun, his every word and encouragement has become the water I’m so thirsty for. I’m tired of putting on a façade—a show for my brothers who were never even in the room when I was busy holding Seth off at an arm’s length. I’m done putting on a show just to demonstrate my silent solidarity to the two of them. Seth is a decent guy. A nice guy. Perhaps even the perfect guy. And just the thought that Serena might end up with him makes my stomach turn. Not that Serena doesn’t deserve to be happy. And if she landed someone like Seth, she’d be more than happy. If she landed Seth himself, well, I don’t know if I could ever truly be happy for either of them.