He exhaled loudly. “Sleep if you want. The painkiller will hit you when you’re out, and you’ll wake feeling better. What kind of relief did Uncle Dane give you when he did it?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to answer questions, even if they were valid and important. I typed my response into his tablet. I never asked for pain medicine. I never went silent. This is just me being overwhelmed. Maybe I’m finally feeling safe so I lost it. I don’t know. Mostly, I tried to get out of there so I could get back to my room and shut out the world. He can be easily distracted.
“So you suffered?” He groaned. “I hate that.”
I didn’t want to do this anymore. Read something to me.
I handed him the tablet, and he stared at it for a second as though he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “Out loud? Anything in particular?”
Whatever you’re reading, read it to me.
Lewis laughed, which was a nice sound. “You might regret that.”
He wasn’t wrong. Lewis had always been fixated with Earth, and hearing about the Holy Roman Empire wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind. Still, I liked the sound of his voice. Eventually, I started to drift. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness, I realized the painkillers had hit me and probably the nerve-blocking medicine too. My hand felt lighter and stopped burning. I dared to move it and rolled over until I could fit in the crook of his arm with my bad hand flung over his chest.
He kissed my forehead and kept reading. I heard something about borders before everything kind of drifted away.
I should have remembered that painkillers always gave me really odd dreams. In this one, I was running for my life, although I wasn’t entirely sure for what. I knew if whatever creature trying to catch me managed to reach me, I’d be in deep, deep trouble.
Ahead, Judge called for me, gesticulating for me hurry and get to him. My feet wouldn’t move quickly enough, and eventually he rounded a bend where I couldn’t find him. I came to an abrupt halt and nearly tripped over Damian, who sat on the ground, stretched out in front of me.
I jolted awake before I would have face-planted on the ground.
The medical bay was quiet except for the sound of Lewis snoring next to me. The tablet was on his chest. His eyes were closed, his mouth open. My sweet love snored like a buzz saw; he always did after a little while of being asleep. At first, I’d worn ear buds to not hear him, but after several months on Orion, I’d hardly noticed anymore. The way it sounded when he breathed told me he was there with me in the room, and I loved the feeling.
I sweated profusely. Maybe Cash had been right to have me watched on the painkiller. I didn’t feel right.
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. So frustrating to need help and not be able to cry out for it. Instead, I gently shook Lewis. His eyes flew open, and he came instantly alert, sitting up a second later.
“Doll? You okay?”
I shook my head no. With shaking hands, I grabbed the tablet. Not feeling right. Sweating. Shaking.
His eyebrows rose, and he grabbed the tablet from me. The screen changed, and it was my vitals in front of him. “You’re hungry. Low blood sugar. When was the last time you ate?”
He scooted around me. Truth was, I couldn’t remember. It might have been days. Lewis shoved a protein bar in front of my face.
“Here. Please eat.” He unwrapped the bar, and with shaking hands, I took a bite. It tasted funny, but then protein bars always did. They were more for substance than taste. Lewis smoothed the hair off my forehead. “You didn’t sleep very long, which I’m going to blame on the not eating. How’s the arm feel?”
I shrugged. Better but never great. I finished chewing the bar before I sat back on the bed. I didn’t feel better; I was sluggish and irritated. Lewis checked out my vitals and nodded again. “You’ll feel better soon.”
Would I? Was it possible I’d never feel better again? The guys were back, and I was silent. Why did I have to go and screw everything up just as I got everything I wanted?
I rolled over onto my stomach. Lewis didn’t need to watch me have a freak out. He’d seen enough of me crying earlier when he’d administered the needles.
“Hey,” Lewis scooted next to me on the bed. “What’s this? Pain bad?”
I didn’t pick my head up from the pillow. Tears wracked through my body, but I didn’t make a sound. Lewis was determined to not leave me alone, which shouldn’t have surprised me and maybe that’s what I wanted. I didn’t even know. I hadn’t been this lost since I’d first woken from the coma.
He rolled me over. “I hate this.”
I tugged at the tablet; soon I would give up with it. Communicating this slowly was an extra amount of frustration. Better to shut up until it all came back.
I’ve not been the same since stasis. You guys should probably have known before you took me back. I don’t know if it’s the Infection. Maybe it did something to my brain.
He kissed my cheek, tugging me against him tighter than before. “Maybe you’ve been through hell. So have we. And we’re all going to have to figure out what the new normal is. I don’t care. You’re mine. That’s forever.”
I couldn’t speak to him, so I kissed him instead. He closed his eyes and kissed me back, gentle, easygoing kisses meant to comfort, not to lead to anything. Unless I took it that way. I wanted to, but the idea of sex when I couldn’t speak didn’t sound appealing. At least not at the moment. My body wasn’t sure it agreed with my mind. Lewis made me hot; he always had.
I loved how gently he held me and how I always felt like I had his undivided attention. He made me laugh with his dry wit. His heart was huge.
“I love you, Diana. My darling. My love.” He whispered things to me as he kissed me, and although I could feel the hardness of his erection between us, he seemed content to simply kiss me.
I put my hand over his heart. I hoped he understood what I meant with the gesture.
Because I loved him so completely I didn’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to him.
CHAPTER SIX
Silent Contemplation
“How are you two?” I opened my eyes to the sound of Cash’s voice. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep again, but the problem with only getting one to two hours a night at a time was I was always ready to knock out again at a moment’s notice.
I might have even passed out mid-kiss with Lewis. I hoped he didn’t mind.
He sucked in a long breath and popped out of the bed. Lewis walked over to Cash. “Think she’s asleep.”
“That’s good. Probably needs it.” Cash leaned against the door. With my eyes closed and my back turned, he couldn’t know I was awake. I should probably move, only the bed was warm and I was having a pretty good bout of feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually, I’d find my backbone again. I wasn’t there quite yet.
“Her blood sugar got really low. No idea when she ate last. She woke feeling awful, had the good sense to wake me, and I took care of it. Then she had a pretty good cry. Terrible without her talking.”
Cash cleared his throat. “Why don’t you go check out everything for tomorrow? I’ll wake her and see if I can help her feel better.”
“Thanks for leaving me with her for a while.”
“Hell, brother. If I’d had to jab her with all of those needles, I’d have needed it, too.”
My brain was currently not functioning on all cylinders. I’d really not realized Cash had made up an excuse to leave Lewis alone with me. I wasn’t going to complain—or wouldn’t have if my mouth could have formed words.
Cash strolled over to me and sat on the edge of the bed, running his hand along the length of my body. When he got to my waist, it would have been ridiculous to have pretended to still be asleep. I would have had to have been outright passed out to not feel his hands on me.
I rolled over to look at him, and he smiled. “You’re all warm-and-squishy-looking right now.”
Squishy? I raised my eyebrows. He laughed. Apparently h
e could speak my silent body language. I wasn’t surprised. Cash had always been able to discern the indiscernible.
“Come on, let’s get you up and moving around a bit. Damian has cooked us spaghetti. It’s almost ready. Seems you really need to eat. Maybe you’ll feel more like talking after a meal.” He shrugged. “Or not. When you can talk again, you’ll talk. Tomorrow, you’ll have the small procedure, and you’ll never see the needles again in the same way.”
If Lewis obsessed, Cash pushed forward. Those were their ways. I took Cash’s hand and let him lead me from the bed. My feet touched the floor, and my legs threatened to give out. By the universe, I was in so much trouble. Why was I so weak? It was like my mind had decided it was done with everything for the time being.
Walking included.
Cash scooped me up. “You held it together for too long alone. And given that I told the machine to run every conceivable test on you while Lewis had the needle hell, I know that you are healthy. Very easy for me to make grand statements like ‘you’ve been alone too long’ when I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt it isn’t anything else.”
I’d never been this girl. I really wasn’t the kind of person who went around being carried. It felt kind of … decadent.
Still, I wiggled, and he set me down. When my legs proved walk-worthy, I took his hand in mine. He brought it to his lips to kiss my palm. I sighed. We’d only been back together days, and I was already screwing the whole thing up.
Outside in the hallway, Judge leaned against the wall. He grinned when I came out. “Not talking yet?”
Cash looked between us. “No, but apparently I speak Diana Body Language.”
“I bet I can too.” Judge smirked. “Should we compete?”
I rolled my eyes, and they both laughed. I was glad I could be amusing. My tongue still felt thick. I wasn’t ready to speak yet.
Judge took my other hand, and we walked together toward the mess hall. Inside the room, Sterling sat on the counter holding the tablet that would let him control the ship remotely if need be. The system had never been as quick to respond as I’d wanted it to be. I imagined Sterling felt the same way, which was why he usually piloted our vessel from the control room itself. Damian stood over a pot staring down at some red sauce.
Sterling’s eyes met my own, and he grinned before jumping off the counter. He bent over to kiss me lightly on the lips. “Heard you’re having a rough day.”
Cash dropped my hand to walk to the refrigeration unit, and I stroked the side of Sterling’s face. Mostly when I went silent, people left me alone. But the guys seemed to want to talk. I was going to have to figure out more creative ways to manage this, or I was going to have to type all the time.
“We’ll wait.” He kissed my cheek. “It’ll be like my birthday when you speak.”
Damian turned off the stove. On some ships, the more modern ones, food could be rehydrated. Artemis was old; she needed things done the old fashioned way, which meant we had to cook if we wanted to eat. I imagined Damian preferred it.
Sterling stepped out of the way to let Damian come forward. He kissed me straight on the mouth. “Everyone else is being really relaxed about this. I’m not. I doubt that surprises you much. Don’t keep your voice from me too long. I need it to breathe. Okay?”
I noticed he’d left off the “please.” I’d never been able to deny him a “please.” I doubted I’d be able to do it this time if he used the word, and I was grateful for his leaving it off the request. He’d probably done it on purpose. Damian was not unaware of what the “please” did to me.
He kissed the end of my nose. “Dinner is ready.”
They spoke in lively tones during dinner, everyone putting on a pretty good show to make up for the fact that I couldn’t speak at all. Damian talked at length about the hydroponics bay. He’d rebuilt it quite a bit since I’d worked on it. I imagined it was close to the way it had looked when Cooper ran the growing-of-food department.
I grabbed my tablet halfway through the meal. I did have something to tell Damian that I hadn’t thought about.
After I finished typing, I passed it to Cash who sat next to me. He cleared his throat, like he was going to do a dramatic reading of a play. “Damian, guess what?”
Across the table, Damian raised his eyebrows. His gaze found mine, and he winked. “What?”
I took the tablet back. This was almost as good as speaking to them—almost.
This time I handed it to Judge on my other side, who read it aloud. “My uncles saved two of the horses. They lived on the station—which was a first—for a while. Now they’re at the new homestead.”
Damian dropped his fork. “For real?”
I nodded as vigorously as I could manage. His grin made everyone around the table smile. “Thanks for telling me, Diana. That’s the best news, after finding you, ever.”
I guessed I could participate in the dinner conversation, one way or another.
* * *
I’d spent too much time sleeping without concerning myself about the time. It was dangerous in space to lose track of time. The ship could be made to keep the lights at appropriate intervals so body rhythms remained tuned to some semblance of planetary daytime/nighttime hours. The guys must have shut off the function at some point, since I used to have it on. I should have been sleeping, and I was awake.
Next to me, Judge slept soundly, not moving too much. He’d not gotten into his rhythm of his nightly sleep terrors yet. As for me, I was counting shadows on the wall and listening to ship noises. I wasn’t nervous about my medical procedure. If anything, I was anxious to get it done.
My tongue was still thick-feeling—which I knew was all in my head because nothing had changed in my mouth, not medically at least.
“If you’re going to obsess,” Judge rolled over as he spoke. “It better be about something good.”
I should have known he wasn’t asleep. I took his hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing it gently. He sighed.
“The first weeks on this ship, in the black hole, when I wasn’t trying to make sure everything was functioning properly, I would sort through things. This place was a collection of out of date, useless tools coupled with amazing relics and things I couldn’t understand.”
I smiled at his description. Artemis had so many owners, so many pilots, so many residents over the years, including myself. Judge must have run into a lot of bizarre stuff.
“I held off in here. I didn’t want to throw out your stuff. I figured if you kept it, it was important.” He entwined our fingers. “I did go through it eventually. But I didn’t stick any of it out of the airlock.”
I picked up his tablet. Truth is, I don’t have a lot of attachment to anything here. I wasn’t planning to stay here when I got sucked into the black hole. Most of what is in here was collected from around the ship. I kind of existed for a while. I had a home on the space station and with you. That’s it.
He chewed on his bottom lip. “That makes sense. I was looking for something, anything, to feel really connected to you. Maybe I made it up. I needed something, anything. We broke out of Evander, thanks to Sterling, and I had ten minutes of thinking I was getting back to you before we heard you were dead. I needed you, some part of you, somewhere.”
They’d been through so much. You never have to look very hard for that, Judge. I love you. I was going to love you for the rest of my life even if I never saw you again. I put my hand over his heart. It pounded rhythmically against my fingertips. My Judge, who had stood up to Evander and ended up in jail for it before he’d ever met me.
The ship shook violently.
“Aw, what the hell?” Judge jumped out of the bed. He was in only his boxer shorts but didn’t seem to care as he rushed into the hallway. I was fast on his heels. Artemis didn’t shake like that if everything was okay. She was old but sturdy.
Damian tore out of one of the other bedrooms, and soon everyone was in the hallway headed toward the control room. Sterling was on hi
s feet staring at the Xs and Os on the screen. Some of them were planets and stars, but the one moving all around behind us was the ship that been on our tail for the last day.
Sterling shook his head. “We’ve been fired on. Do you suppose I have to continue to take no-fire orders from your family or would his shooting at us warrant me returning fire?”
Sarcasm laced his tone. He hated other people’s plans; he hated not being in charge. But there was—literally—nothing I could say. My voice didn’t work.
He swung around like he expected me to answer him. When I didn’t, Damian spoke. “Her voice isn’t working right now.”
Sterling jolted. Had he forgotten?
“Right, okay. Well, then, I’m doing this. I don’t get fired on. It’s pissing me off; not to mention the son-of-a-bitch might get lucky, and that’s dangerous.”
Over the next few minutes, Sterling maneuvered the ship into fighting position while the rest of us watched. Damian seemed to at least understand the general moves Sterling made. He moved to navigation, and the two of them engaged in a conversation consisting of one word commands and grunts.
I’d been in battles. I had a strong sense of danger. I’d even been thrown through a black hole after shoving my brother out into a pod in the middle of a battle. I’d hid under floorboards, stayed in the control rooms, and listened to battles from the inside of a closet. I’d never seen one conducted so silently before. Where were the shouted instructions? Sterling seemed almost … unconcerned. His face remained passive even as his hands moved faster than I could watch without getting dizzy.
We had someone shooting at us. Near me, Cash, Lewis, and Judge were equally as quiet. This wasn’t commonplace. I knew they had to be worried. Yet we all stayed noiseless. The ship systems were working and so were my husbands. I tried to think of something I could do to help, voiceless. I could maybe reach around Damian and help with navigation, but that was likely to just get in his way. Between the two of them, they seemed to have this under control.