CLARIDGE'S,
Saturday, _November 26th._
Lady Ver went off early to the station to catch her train toNorthumberland this morning, and I hardly saw her to say good-bye. Sheseemed out of temper, too, on getting a note--she did not tell me who itwas from or what it was about, only she said immediately after that I wasnot to be stupid. "Do not play with Christopher further," she said, "oryou will lose him. He will certainly come and see you to-morrow. He wroteto me this morning in answer to mine of last night, but he says he won'tgo to the Zoo, so you will have to see him in your sitting-room, afterall. He will come about four."
I did not speak.
"Evangeline," she said, "promise me you won't be a fool."
"I--won't be a fool," I said.
Then she kissed me and was off, and a few moments after I also started forClaridge's.
I have a very nice little suite right up at the top, and if only it wererespectable for me, and I could afford it, I could live here verycomfortably by myself for a long time.
At a quarter to two I was ringing the bell at 200 Carlton HouseTerrace--Lady Merrenden's house--with a strange feeling of excitement andinterest. Of course, it must have been because once she had been engagedto papa. In the second thoughts take to flash, I remembered Lord Robert'swords when I talked of coming to London alone at Branches--how he wouldbring me here, and how she would be kind to me until I could "hunt round."
Oh, it came to me with a sudden stab. He was leaning over Lady Ver in thenorthern train by now.
Such a stately, beautiful hall it is when the doors open, with a finestaircase going each way, and full of splendid pictures, and the wholeatmosphere pervaded with an air of refinement and calm.
The footmen are tall, and not too young, and even at this time of the yearhave powdered hair.
Lady Merrenden was up-stairs in the small drawing-room, and she rose tomeet me, a book in her hand, when I was announced.
Her manners are so beautiful in her own home--gracious, and not the leastpatronizing.
"I am so glad to see you," she said. "I hope you won't be bored, but Ihave not asked any one to meet you, only my nephew Torquilstone iscoming. He is a great sufferer, poor fellow, and numbers of faces worryhim at times----"
I said I was delighted to see her alone. No look more kind could beexpressed in a human countenance than is expressed in hers. She has thesame exceptional appearance of breeding that Lord Robert has--tiny earsand wrists and head; even dressed as a char-woman Lady Merrenden wouldlook like a great lady.
Very soon we were talking without the least restraint. She did not speakof people or of very deep things, but it gave one the impression of anelevated mind and a knowledge of books, and wide thoughts. Oh, I couldlove her so easily.
We had been talking for nearly a quarter of an hour. She had incidentallyasked me where I was staying now, and had not seemed surprised or shockedwhen I said Claridge's, and by myself.
All she said was: "What a lonely little girl! But I dare say it is veryrestful sometimes to be by one's self, only you must let your friends comeand see you, won't you?"
"I don't think I have any friends," I said. "You see, I have been out solittle, but if you would come and see me--oh, I should be so grateful."
"Then you must count me as one of your rare friends!" she said.
Nothing could be so rare or so sweet as her smile. Fancy papa throwingover this angel for Mrs. Carruthers! Men are certainly unaccountablecreatures.
I said I would be too honored to have her for a friend, and she took myhand.
"You bring back the long ago," she said. "My name is Evangeline,too--Sophia Evangeline--and I sometimes think you may have been called soin remembrance of me."
What a strange, powerful factor love must be! Here were these two women,Mrs. Carruthers and Lady Merrenden--the very opposites of each other--andthey had evidently both adored papa, and both, according to their natures,had taken an interest in me in consequence, the child of a third woman whohad superseded them both! Papa must have been extraordinarily fascinating,for to the day of her death Mrs. Carruthers had his miniature on hertable, with a fresh rose beside it--his memory the only soft spot, itseemed, in her hard heart.
And this sweet lady's eyes melted in tenderness when she spoke of the longago, although she does not know me well enough yet to say anythingfurther. To me papa's picture is nothing so very wonderful--just agood-looking young Guardsman, with eyes shaped like mine, only gray, andlight, curly hair. He must have had "a way with him," as the servants say.
At that moment the Duke of Torquilstone came in. Oh, such a sad sight!
A poor, humpbacked man, with a strong face and head and a soured,suspicious, cynical expression. He would evidently have been very tall butfor his deformity--a hump stands out on his back almost like Mr. Punch. Hecan't be much over forty, but he looks far older; his hair is quite gray.
Not a line or an expression in him reminded me of Lord Robert, I am gladto say.
Lady Merrenden introduced us, and Lord Merrenden came in then, too, and weall went down to luncheon.
It was a rather small table, so we were all near one another and couldtalk.
The dining-room is immense.
"I always have this little table when we are such a small party," LadyMerrenden said. "It is more cosey, and one does not feel so isolated."
How I agreed with her!
The duke looked at me searchingly, often, with his shrewd little eyes.One could not say if it was with approval or disapproval.
Lord Merrenden talked about politics and the questions of the day. He hasa courteous manner, and all their voices are soft and refined. And nothingcould have been more smooth and silent than the service.
The luncheon was very simple and very good, but not half the number ofrich dishes like at Branches, or Lady Ver's. There was only one bowl ofviolets on the table, but the bowl was gold, and a beautiful shape, andthe violets nearly as big as pansies. My eyes wandered to thepictures--Gainsborough's and Reynolds's and Romney's--of stately men andwomen.
"You met my other nephew, Lord Robert, did you not?" Lady Merrenden said,presently. "He told me he had gone to Branches, where I believe youlived."
"Yes," I said, and--oh, it is too humiliating to write!--I felt my cheeksget crimson at the mention of Lord Robert's name. What could she havethought? Can anything be so young-ladylike and ridiculous!
"He came to the opera with us the night before last," I continued. "Mr.Carruthers had a box, and Lady Verningham and I went with them." Then,recollecting how odd this must sound in my deep mourning, I added, "I amso fond of music."
"So is Robert," she said. "I am sure he must have been pleased to meet akindred spirit there."
Sweet, charming, kind lady! If she only knew what emotions were reallyagitating us in that box that night! I fear the actual love of music wasthe least of them.
The duke, during this conversation and from the beginning mention of LordRobert's name, never took his eyes off my face--it was very disconcerting;his look was clearer now, and it was certainly disapproving.
We had coffee up-stairs, out of such exquisite Dresden cups, and then LordMerrenden showed me some miniatures. Finally it happened that the duke andI were left alone for a minute looking out of a window onto the Mall.
His eyes pierced me through and through. Well, at all events, my nose andmy ears and my wrists are as fine as Lady Merrenden's--poor mamma's oddmother does not show in me on the outside, thank goodness! He did not saymuch, only commonplaces about the view. I felt afraid of him, and ratherdepressed. I am sure he dislikes me.
"May I not drive you somewhere?" my kind hostess said. "Or, if you havenowhere in particular to go, will you come with me?"
I said I should be delighted. An ache of loneliness was creeping over me.I wanted to put off as long as possible getting back to the hotel. Iwanted to distract my thoughts from dwell
ing upon to-morrow and what I wasgoing to say to Christopher. To-morrow--that seems the end of the world!
She has beautiful horses, Lady Merrenden, and the whole turn-out, exceptshe herself, is as smart as can be. She really looks a little frumpishout-of-doors, and perhaps that is why papa went on to Mrs. Carruthers.Goodness and dearness like this do not suit male creatures as well ascaprice, it seems.
She was so good to me, and talked in the nicest way. I quite forgot I wasa homeless wanderer, and arrived at Claridge's about half-past four inalmost good spirits.
"You won't forget I am to be one of your friends," Lady Merrenden said, asI bid her good-bye.
"Indeed I won't," I replied, and she drove off, smiling at me.
I do wonder what she will think of my marriage with Christopher.
Now it is night. I have had a miserable, lonely dinner in mysitting-room. Veronique has been most gracious and coddling--she feels Mr.Carruthers in the air, I suppose--and so I must go to bed.
Oh, why am I not happy, and why don't I think this is a delightful andunusual situation, as I once would have done? I only feel depressed andmiserable, and as if I wished Christopher at the bottom of the sea. I havetold myself how good-looking he is, and how he attracted me at Branches,but that was before--Yes, I may as well write what I was going to--beforeLord Robert arrived. Well, he and Lady Ver are talking together on a nicesofa by now, I suppose, in a big, well-lit drawing-room, and--Oh, I_wish_, I _wish_ I had never made any bargain with her--perhaps, now, inthat case--Ah, well----
_Sunday afternoon._
No, I can't bear it. All the morning I have been in a fever, first hot andthen cold. What will it be like? Oh, I shall faint when he kisses me. AndI know he will be dreadful like that; I have seen it in his eye. He willeat me up. Oh, I am sure I shall hate it. No man has ever kissed me in mylife, and I can't judge, but I am sure it is frightful--unless--I feel asif I shall go crazy if I stay here any longer. I can't--I can't stop andwait and face it. I must have some air first. There is a misty fog. Iwould like to go out and get lost in it, and I _will_, too! Not get lost,perhaps, but go out in it, and alone. I won't have even Veronique. I shallgo by myself into the park. It is growing nearly dark, though only threeo'clock. I have got an hour. It looks mysterious, and will soothe me, andsuit my mood, and then, when I come in again, I shall perhaps be able tobear it bravely, kisses and all.