She felt like a goddess.
She felt powerful and beautiful.
She felt like a badass because he reminded her that she was and encouraged her to fight. Strength didn’t intimidate a man like Jathan. Not like it had with Brody.
She was able to be herself with this man, and there was something so freeing about that. Her conviction that love would burn her to the ground wasn’t true with him.
He’d changed everything.
Fixed her most broken pieces.
Fixed her as much as he could.
And tomorrow, he would let her go to fix herself the rest of the way, and he wasn’t threatened by growth that wouldn’t include him.
Good Bear.
Chapter Fourteen
Lynn didn’t like goodbyes, so she didn’t do them. Instead, she left little thank you letters on everyone’s doorsteps like some apology Easter Bunny. She’d said sorry to everyone she’d fought and thanked them for being patient with Monster. She had thanked Creed for taking her in, Willa for pushing her to pick a side of the fence, and Beaston for being on the edge of most of the fights, ready to protect her like Jathan had been.
She’d had so many shifters in Damon’s Mountains pulling for her, and she hadn’t even realized it until she could think straight again. Nobody had ended her, despite her begging, because on some level, they believed in her. And now she believed in herself, too. Why? Because she’d seen so much improvement in just a week. Was this work easy? Hell no, and she still had her weak moments, but she’d gained traction and was motivated. She imagined herself this snowball on a hill. She’d taken a long time to roll off the edge, but now she was mid-way down, going faster, growing, with more force than she knew she possessed. She just needed to keep it up, keep striving for that improvement.
Jathan had gone to work at the landing early this morning. They’d had sex again as soon as he woke up, and this time he was gentle. That man surprised her in the best ways. Jathan’s goodbye letter she left on the door to his trailer was much simpler than the others because it wasn’t a goodbye. It was a see-you-soon. All it said was:
We’re still here with you.
- Lynn & Monster
And she was. Jathan was filling up a lot of real estate in her heart, and her thoughts orbited around him. Around their future. She was going to set them up in Red Havoc. Her body would be in the Appalachians with her crew, but her heart would remain here with her man.
Mason, Damon Daye’s boar shifter best friend and assistant, waited for her patiently under the Grayland Mobile Park sign, holding open the door to a black Lincoln Town Car. He wasn’t dressed in his usual work garb, though. Today was holey jeans and a navy blue T-shirt with some beer logo she’d never heard of. He hadn’t shaved, and a touch of silver showed in his beard.
“Morning,” he rumbled with a smile. “You ready to go home?”
With one last look at the Grayland Mobile Park, Lynn huffed a steadying sigh and nodded. She shoved her heavy duffle bag into the back seat, and then lifted the package of diapers to show him. “I have one stop to make on the way to the airport. Do we have time?”
Mason grinned. “That we do. Are those for Clinton?”
Lynn laughed and shook her head as she crawled into the back seat. She cradled Medusa in her lap and stared out the window as Mason drove them out of Damon’s Mountains. But right before they hit the main road, he slammed on the brakes. Lynn gasped as they skidded to a stop only inches away from hitting Beaston. He stood there stock still, tall, lean, dark hair, bright green eyes the same shade of Jathan’s when he was riled up. Beaston had his head cocked to the side and was staring through the dark tinted front window, as if he could see right into Lynn’s soul. Gooseflesh rose on her arms as he stalked slowly to her door.
Swallowing hard, she rolled down the window.
“I found this,” Beaston said in a gravelly voice. He lifted the letter she’d left shoved in between the door and frame of his singlewide. Then he locked his arms against the open window. “You thanked me.”
“I meant it.”
“You said I was good.”
Lynn nodded. “You protected me when I was weak.”
Beaston huffed a sound she couldn’t interpret. “Weak. Weak? Lynn of Red Havoc, Lynn, the queen of the broken and the fixed, Lynn the ghost…do you know what your panther is?”
“A monster?” she whispered.
Beaston straightened his spine. “I see ghosts. I always saw you. You can go away when things get hard, but you never disappear completely. And while you did that, you broke your panther into a weapon. You are exactly as you are supposed to be. You did good getting here. You said I was good. You’re good, too.”
Lynn frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You can get her back.”
“Amberlynn?” God, she couldn’t keep up with what he was saying. She was so confused.
“Not until the crew of two wars is the crew of two wars won. Stay near Greyson in that fight. Two ghost cats. Stay near your alpha and protect his neck. Save Red Havoc. You were born to be exactly this. No one else could fall apart, rebuild, fall apart, and rebuild like you did. You were born to be tested. You were born to save the people you love.” A slow, feral smile curved Beaston’s lips. “No more giving anyone your neck, Monster. Now you be the ripper.”
With that, he turned and walked into the woods without a single look back. And at the tree line, he disappeared as if he’d never been there at all. She scanned the woods with her hunter eyes, but he never showed up again between the trees.
“Did you understand any of that?” she asked Mason.
“Beaston is man of few words, Lynn. He told you exactly what you need to know, and nothing more. You got a fight comin’, girl. Better get your head on right.”
What the shit? She’d thought the fight was hers, within her, and now she was supposed to save people outside of herself?
She’d had a plan. Get better and keep the ones she loved. Keep Jathan, keep Amberlynn, keep Red Havoc. And now Beaston had taken that plan and crushed it under his boot like a bug.
Rage was a slow boil in her blood as Mason hit the gas and the woods blurred by. Lynn left the window open to feel the breeze on her flushed cheeks as she chewed on her thumbnail and lost herself to the swirling questions Beaston had conjured.
She was supposed to be like this? How utterly unfair. Everyone else got to be normal with normal shifter problems. Not blinking and losing time, or losing control of their animals, or getting so warped in the mind and eaten with guilt that they almost got an early end. She was almost one of those crazy shifters who got put down for the good of others. So close.
Crazy Lynn—she was really supposed to be Crazy Lynn? More questions… Beaston had visions that came true, so she really would get Amberlynn back? After some war she had no clue about? Be the ripper? Protect her alpha? She could barely take care of herself!
But one question repeated in her head over and over until she was consumed with it.
Who the hell was hunting her crew?
Chapter Fifteen
Well, that was the fanciest fucking experience she’d ever had in her entire life.
Lynn stood on the side of the airport runway and stared at the small private jet Damon had chartered for her to get back to Red Havoc territory. They’d landed a while ago, and then she’d just stood here for probably the last five minutes trying to wrap her head around the experience she’d just had. They’d fed her caviar, like in the movies. And she had sipped champagne like a fancy lady and even remembered to hold her wine flute with one pinky up so she could take a selfie for Eden, her best friend. She’d texted it to her, and the only response she’d gotten was, OMG, wherethefuckareyou and is that a smile I see?!?!!!!!!! Lynn?!! YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU AND SERIOUSLY WHERETHEFUCKAREYOU????
Eeeeh, she hadn’t been the best at keeping her crew updated on her progress apparently. Now she felt really bad for worrying them. She definitely ne
eded to work on her friendship skills.
Damon had probably put her on a private jet so she didn’t Change in a human flight and bite people. She hoped Monster wasn’t capable of that, but she might be. Caviar. That was crazy. And awesome. And before they served her a lavish dinner, they’d even given her a hot towel. She hadn’t known what to do with it, but the stewardess told her to wash her hands with it. She put it on her face when the lady wasn’t looking though, because it felt good. She probably shouldn’t have worn booty shorts and a faded red T-shirt that said aliens exist with little cartoon extraterrestrials on it, but then again, she hadn’t known Damon had hooked her up with this fancy flight either.
The airport must be a private one, because it was tiny, with just one runway, and only a few small planes that looked like the one she’d just landed in.
After she rounded the corner, adjusting the strap of her duffle bag, she spotted Ben beside his truck at the edge of the parking lot. There was no smile on his face. There was worry, trepidation perhaps. He looked wary and weary, his eyes the bright gold of his panther. She hesitated, faltered a few steps, then made her way to him.
“Tell me you’re upright again, Lynn,” he said in a low voice. His eyes were hollow. They looked like Barret’s in that vision, as though he hadn’t slept since she’d left Red Havoc Territory.
No tears. Time to find your backbone.
Lynn straightened up and lifted her chin. She wished she could say yes, but he would hear her lie. So instead, she said, “I’m getting there.”
Benson Saber, the previous alpha of the Red Havoc Crew, now the Second of the Red Havoc Crew, the man who took her in, took her under his wing, deflated with a huff of emotional breath. “Thank God,” he murmured and pulled her against him roughly. She couldn’t breathe but she didn’t care right now. She hadn’t allowed touch in the year before Jathan, and it had hurt her. She hadn’t realized that until now. Ben holding her, his relief wafting from his body into hers in waves, was doing something healing to her soul. It sewed a single stitch where she’d been ripped. A single stitch that put some of the gash back together and made all the difference. Slowly, she hugged him back.
No tears. He needs to see how strong you’re getting.
“Get in the truck, so I can light into you properly. You scared the shit out of us. All of us.”
“Where’s the crew?” she asked, a little disappointed they weren’t here to greet her so she could see them sooner.
“Greyson ordered them to stay home. He was afraid if you weren’t okay…” Ben swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple dipping into his muscular throat.
“What?”
A frown marred his features, and Ben wouldn’t meet her eyes. Instead, he kicked at a pebble on the ground. “You feel different, Lynn. Not as sick, but…” He finally lifted those gold eyes to hers. “You’re a dominant now, aren’t you?”
“Not on purpose. It’s just how the monster ended up. Now, what were you going to say? No sugar coating anything anymore. I want to know everything.”
He bit the corner of his mouth and crossed his arms over his chest. With a resigned sigh, he admitted, “The crew isn’t okay, Lynn. It’s not like when you left. We thought we were gonna lose you, and it did bad things to everyone. There are holes in our bonds. Greyson took the crew just fine, but he was doing it while he was limping. You know? His first big act as alpha was going to be to put you down. He’s not okay losing a crew member. None of us are. If you were as bad off as when you left? Greyson didn’t want the crew to even see you. They would fold. Their animals are already seven shades of fucked up and unmanageable right now.”
“But you’re here.”
“I asked to be the one to see you first. In case you asked me…”
“To put me down?”
Ben spat and gave her one jerky nod, and then was back to kicking the pebble with the toe of his work boot.
“I’m not asking for that anymore,” she said, allowing steel into her voice. She leveled him with a look. “I’m fighting.”
Ben rocked off from where he leaned on the front end of his truck and strode to the driver’s side. “Good, because Beaston says war is coming, and no one in our crew is ready. You need to get them fighting, too.” He yanked open his door and locked that intense gaze on her. “Time to do work, Lynn.”
As he climbed into the cab of his truck, Lynn’s phone dinged with a text message. Jathan’s name popped up on the caller ID. The message was simple. It was perfect for this moment. He’d taken a picture of her brawling with Nox, son of the Cursed Bear. She looked like a fucking warrior, claws sunk in, teeth sunk in to his shoulder. Nox’s huge, blond grizzly had his head thrown back in a roar of pain, and in the picture, her eyes were gold and focused right on the camera.
Be the badass, was all Jathan said.
A slow smile stretched Lynn’s lips as Monster purred happily at his acceptance of both sides of her—flawed human and damaged animal.
Lynn made her way to the passenger’s side of Ben’s truck and climbed in.
Be the badass? Two weeks ago, it would’ve terrified Lynn to be that animal, but now Monster wasn’t as scary.
Now she suspected Monster was part of the reason she was still standing.
Chapter Sixteen
“Whaaaat the fuck is going on?” Lynn murmured, leaning forward in the passenger’s seat to better see the chaos out the front window of Ben’s truck.
Jaxon’s massive grizzly was fighting a panther and a lioness, Eden was sitting on top of Lynn’s roof with her arms crossed over her legs, watching the fight with an empty gaze. Annalise, aka the host of a crazy panther named She-Devil, and Genevieve, Greyson’s hearing-impaired mate, were grilling hot dogs like there wasn’t a war kicking up plumes of dust right behind them. Greyson was hitting golf balls into the woods with a nine iron, completely ignoring the fight, and Barret was lying on the ground in the middle of the clearing with a box of wine cradled in his arm, staring up at the sky like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.
“This is the new normal,” Ben said as he pulled into the clearing. “Welcome back to the C-Team.”
The crew turned at once to the truck and tracked it with lightened eyes until Ben hit the brakes and eased to a stop. With a steadying breath, Lynn shoved open the door and slid out of the truck.
“Lynn?” Eden said from the roof. “Lynn?” she yelled louder as she jumped down, hitting the ground with almost zero impact to her legs before she was sprinting toward Lynn. There was her best friend. Don’t cry. Lynn clamped her teeth down hard against her emotions, and was hit full on by Eden’s hug. She lifted Lynn off the ground and carried her a few yards before she put her down again.
“Oh my God, oh my God,” Eden repeated, easing back to cup her face, then hugging her again, cupping her face and hugging her. The others were rushing for Lynn now, which would’ve been fine, but Jaxon had pulled from his fight, and he didn’t look too welcoming as he charged her. He looked pissed. He wasn’t coming in for a hug like Eden. Clearly, Jax was out of control of his bear.
“Stop,” Ben yelled, holding his hand out.
Greyson yelled louder, “Jaxon, stop!”
The enormous grizzly faltered but was still coming, and Monster screamed inside of her. That roar scratched up her throat as she turned to face the bruin. Jaxon’s reaction to her roar was instant. He locked eyes with her as he slammed down against the ground and slid to a stop at her feet.
“Holy fuck,” Greyson muttered as the others skidded to a stop before they reached Lynn. He twitched his startled golden gaze from Jaxon’s frozen body to Lynn and back to Jax.
Barret was holding his box of wine to his chest like a shield. “Are you still Lynn?” he asked in a soft snarl.
She backed up a few paces and exposed her neck to her crew. “I’m Lynn. Just…different.”
“Who did this to you?” Greyson asked.
She offered him a slow smile. “I’m doing it to me.”
Barret shoved his box of wine into Annalise’s arms and strode directly to Lynn, then smushed her against his chest.
“Stop,” she said. “I have something to say to you.”
Barret squeezed harder.
Lynn struggled out of his arms. The bad cat looked hurt. Pain swirled in his green eye while he ran his hand over and over his cropped hair.
“Barret?”
“Yeah?” he asked softly, ducking his gaze.
“Barret, I’m sorry.”
His startled gaze lifted to her. “For what?”
“For dragging you into that fight with the lions. It was awful of me. I’m supposed to protect you because you’re my crew. My people.” Fuck, she was gonna cry. Don’t cry. Lynn clenched her hands and swallowed hard to buy herself some time. “And I messed up. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was a coward. I didn’t want to do that fight alone, and I could’ve gotten you killed.”
He nodded for a long time, just…stared at her, bobbing his head, with a frown marring his eyebrows. “Can I hug you now?” he asked at last.
“You forgive me?”
“I forgave you for everything the night it happened, you emotional little man-eater, you. I knew you weren’t in your right mind. Red, I never blamed you.”
Stunned that he still cared enough to use his old nickname for her, Lynn stepped forward and slid her arms around his waist. Barret hugged the breath out of her, but breathing seemed really unimportant right now when the man she’d hurt was purring—purring—against her. He rubbed his unshaven cheeks against one side of her head, and then the other, in a sign of affection.
With a helpless sound, Lynn melted against him. A hand rubbed her back, another gripped her arm, and another scratched the back of her head as she finally gave in and cried. The sunlight disappeared, and when she opened her eyes, they were all there, her crew, hugging her, wrapped around her like a blanket, these people who had refused to give up on her, even when she had given up on herself. There were more than a few sniffles, and it wasn’t just from the girls. No one talked. They just touched. Touch was important for shifters, especially big cats. Time and time again, hands brushed her back, her head, her arms, as if they were reassuring themselves she was still here, still warm, and still breathing.