Eden was mesmerized, or shocked perhaps. She’d never seen a man do this, and he was owning it, eyes on her as he pushed into his hand faster and faster, harder until his hips bucked and he gritted out her name. She was so worked up, so excited, desperate for him to finish. Please don’t stop.
He pushed into his hand again and froze as warmth spilled onto her belly. Another stroke, more warmth, and more and more until it was running down the sides of her ribs. His teeth were clenched, his eyes intense as he finished on her. He hadn’t bitten her thigh, but in a way, this felt like a claim. It wasn’t sex, but it was something big.
She thought he would stand up and walk out, throw up another wall, but instead he frowned and murmured, “I don’t think I should’ve done that.”
“Why?” she whispered.
He lifted her palm to his chest, right over his heart, but she couldn’t tell if he was trying to share how fast it was beating or the rattle of the purr that was working its way up through his torso.
Barret leaned down and plucked gently at her lips. He angled his face and brushed his tongue against hers softly as though coveting her. As though he was adoring her. He brushed his knuckles down her cheek, cupped the back of her neck, and kissed on and on.
And when at last he rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, seemingly content to just be like this, touching her, she realized something huge.
She was pretty sure he was a man who didn’t allow it often, but Barret had just let her past the wall.
Chapter Five
Lynn’s Change today had been bad. The panther had been aggressive and gone after Eden as if she didn’t recognize her. At the last second, she’d had to Change and fly out of the panther’s way. Lynn had shredded the clothes she’d left behind, even pissed on them for good measure, like she was mad at Eden for trying to help. It was as if the panther wanted the human part of Lynn to stay broken so the animal could have the body when she wanted. There was too big a disconnect between Lynn and her animal.
She had a plan, though. Or more specifically, Barret had come through and come up with a plan.
When Eden’s phone chirped on the bathroom counter, excitement flooded her chest. Barret had asked for her number, and he’d done it sweetly. He’d knocked on her window right as she was about to pull away from his mechanic shop earlier. He’d struggled for words for a moment, shuffled his feet, and then blurted out, “I’ll help with Lynn. We’ll try to save her. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst and all. I need your number. No.” He’d shaken his head and scratched the back of his hair in an irritated gesture. “Can I please have your number? To call you. Or text you?”
He inhaled and let off a quick breath, then opened his mouth to dig himself in deeper, but she’d interrupted. “Yes. I’d like for you to call me. I mean, don’t call me. That’s a rule.” Because reverse psychology.
The devil had been in his smile as she recited her number for him to save into his phone.
When she’d arrived at the tree house, Lynn had been writhing on the forest floor, fighting a Change, and Eden had been wracked with guilt at taking so long. Now she was washing Lynn’s hair in the bathtub so she could soak her sore muscles in some Epsom salts. Lynn Changed too much. Too many shifts were hard on the body. She never complained, but even now, Eden could see her muscles twitching with discomfort. Her friend had always been tough.
She looked at her phone and smiled at Barret’s short message. Almost ready. Good luck. p.s. you taste really fucking good.
The last part made her cheeks heat with pleasure. She didn’t know why that was so flattering. Barret was wild, and likely more animal than man, but he’d just put to rest any insecurities she could’ve had about him going down on her. Good man.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Lynn asked from where she was sitting tits-deep in bathtub water. She didn’t talk much so her voice had come out hoarse. Her red hair was soaking and plastered to her flushed cheeks, and her soft brown eyes were narrowed with suspicion. “Who texted you?”
“Barret.”
Looking panicked, Lynn gripped the edge of the bathtub. “Why does he have your number?”
“Because he invited us to dinner with Red Havoc. He’s barbecuing ribs.”
“Oh.” Lynn relaxed by a fraction and sank back away from the edge. “Ribs used to be my favorite.”
“Used to be? What’s your favorite now?” Lynn hadn’t talked this much in a long time, not coherently, so Eden was going to drag this conversation out as much as possible.
Lynn blinked slowly, and her eyes glazed over. “Nothing is my favorite anymore. I don’t like the boys. I want food but not with the boys. I would rather starve.”
“There’re females in the crew now. Two new ones. Annalise and Kaylee. One is a panther shifter and one is a brand-new lioness. Barret says they’re both nice when they’re human.”
“Girls,” Lynn repeated absently, playing with a long strand of wet, copper-colored hair. “I don’t like the boys. I want you to go get the ribs. You go eat with the boys. Don’t fall in love. Bring me food back. I want to be alone with my bird.”
Eden frowned. “I am your bird, and I want you to come with me. I don’t want to meet your crew alone. You should be there.”
“Can’t.” Lynn shook her head slowly. “Just can’t.”
Fuck. A little wrinkle of stubbornness formed on the bridge of Lynn’s nose that said she wouldn’t be moved on this.
“It’s okay, I’ll just stay here. With you.”
“I want you to go away. Go to Red Havoc.” Lynn’s eyes were churning with a fury Eden didn’t understand. “I want to be alone. I’m never alone.”
Eden narrowed her eyes. “You’ve been alone too long. I think that’s the problem and remember, Lynn, you were the one who called me here. The only reason I’m here is for you, not to rub elbows with your crew.”
“Not crew. Barret. Don’t. Fall. In. Love.” Lynn got out of the bathtub, splashing and dripping everywhere, and strode directly out of the bathroom, dove into her bed, then pulled the blanket over her head. “Seriously, Eden. I need time alone.”
Eden stared at the unmoving lump in the bed for a long time, but Lynn was snarling. If she got angrier, she would Change again, and it would hurt her. Finally, Eden murmured, “I’ll be back in an hour.”
The growling stopped. Shaking her head at how wrong this felt, Eden made her way to the door and grabbed her wallet. She didn’t carry a purse, but since their plan had failed, she had full intention of paying Barret back for the groceries he’d bought.
Already, she knew the Red Havoc woods like the back of her hand because she’d flown them several times since she’d been here. Her animal missed nothing. The cabins were within walking distance, and it was a nice evening, so she pulled on a pair of hiking boots over her skinny jeans and made her way out of the tree house to the forest floor. A confusing mixture of guilt over leaving Lynn and excitement over seeing Barret swirled in her chest, making her feel light-headed.
The woods here were so different from Damon’s Mountains in Wyoming. Even the bird sounds and the tenor of the creaking trees were different. Sunlight filtered through the canopy, speckling the ground in yellows and golds, and all around was the music of life, from the rustling leaves in the wind to the tiny field mice moving carefully through the leaves around their tiny homes. She checked the sky, but there were no giant falcons coming to kill her or kidnap her away for some barbaric breeder program. The falcons only valued females for genetics, and her feathers were white. Damon Daye said she was the only albino falcon shifter, and she would be coveted in the falcon’s breeding program if they ever found out about her. With a relieved puff of breath she expelled from her lungs, she dragged her attention back to the woods, and suddenly she wasn’t alone like she’d thought.
Barret stood leaned against a tree, still as a stone, his green eyes narrowed calculatingly on her, his arms crossed over his chest, making his biceps look even bigg
er somehow.
“Something is wrong,” he said so softly she almost missed it.
“Yeah, Lynn won’t come.”
“No…I mean with me.”
Eden slowed and stopped five yards in front of him. He felt too heavy, too dominant, too riled up, but his eyes were clear and forest green instead of his panther’s blazing moss green.
“Are you okay?” she murmured.
He shook his head slowly. “I’ve never been okay. And now my head is all filled up with you.” Something about the way he said that reminded her of the way her dad spoke to her mom. But Barret was big and strong and capable. He hadn’t been broken like her father had…had he? Kellen, her dad, had been brought up by a cruel father until he found a home with Tagan, the alpha of the Ashe Crew, when he was ten. Because of his broken animal, Eden had been brought up to recognize damage in others, especially in shifters. She was familiar with it…sensitive to it.
Barret scrubbed his hand down the short stubble on his jaw, and when she took a step toward him, he backed up one to match, keeping the distance between them intact. It hurt like a slap and made her angry she could feel pain like that from a man this soon.
“I haven’t been single for long,” she said.
A growl rattled his throat, and he took another step back. “Don’t tell me.”
“No, you should hear why your moving away hurts. I watched all my friends grow up and find mates and move out of Damon’s Mountains. One by one, they left, and I was stuck. I didn’t attach to men, I don’t know why. I didn’t find my mate, and each year, I grew lonelier and sadder and emptier because my inner animal wanted companionship. She craved it. I met Marcus, and I thought he hung the moon. I thought I was out of my slump and normal after all, like my friends who had found their other halves. But he didn’t like touch. He didn’t like my touch. I felt repulsive and plain and invisible and unimportant for an entire year before I left.”
“Why did you stay with him that long?”
“Because I thought no one else would want me. Because I was scared of starting over and not finding my person. Because I’m loyal, and my heart latches onto things that hurt me, and I have trouble letting go.”
Barret gave her a cruel smile. “You’re doing it again. Don’t get loyal on me. I hurt everyone, and you’ll be no different. Stop fucking with my head, Mystery Girl.”
“You’re being mean.”
Stooping, Barret picked up a small rock and then moved toward her. He held out the flat of his palm, and on it sat the offered rock.
“What’s this for?”
“To remind you.”
“Of what?”
“That I can’t stay nice for long.”
Fury blasted through her veins. It was such bullshit. It was a copout. It was him throwing up another wall after he’d let her see through the cracks and into his soul earlier. She took the rock and chucked it as hard as she could into the woods. And then before she could change her mind, she threw her arms around him and hugged him. No…hugging would be intimate. She squeezed his arms, pinning them to his sides as hard as she could. She wasn’t hugging him. She was trapping him against her as punishment.
He struggled. “Stop it.”
“You stop it. You gave me a good moment earlier. You made plans with me to help Lynn, and you’re doing it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Barret struggled harder and hissed long and low as he backed into a tree. “Stop!”
“You’re trying to make me feel alone again.”
Barret went still and stared off into the woods with dead eyes, his back against the rough bark, every muscle in his torso tense against her. A stone statue would’ve been softer to embrace than him.
It felt like hours before he swallowed audibly and rasped out, “You don’t know what being alone is like. You grew up in Damon’s Mountains, safe and protected. I’m the one who will always be alone. Best you don’t talk about shit you know nothin’ about.”
“You’re wrong. I know loneliness. I’m rare. I’m unregistered. Yeah, I was in Damon’s Mountains, imprisoned all my life so I could survive. I was part of a crew, but the only kid like me. On the inside and the outside all at once.”
“My crew is dead.” His voice came out flat and emotionless.
Baffled, she eased back and loosened her grip on him. “W-what? No they aren’t. Red Havoc is okay. I’ve seen them.”
“Red Havoc wasn’t supposed to be my crew. I had a family, friends, other panthers just like me. Red Havoc is the replacement so I can hold onto my skin longer.”
“What crew?”
He shook his head for a long time, denying her an answer, but she wasn’t going to bend on this one. She had to know what had happened that made Barret so closed off. What had happened that an entire crew had died. Fire? Poison?
“My crew was the Four Deadlies.”
A sharp gasp inflated her chest. Eden was so shocked she released him in a rush. No. No, no, no, that couldn’t be possible because all the panthers in that crew had been killed off by falcons. By their war. “The Four Deadlies?” she repeated, hoping to God she’d heard him wrong.
Barret’s eyes narrowed into suspicious little slits. “Do you know what happened to them?”
Murder. It wasn’t poison or fire or a bus accident. They’d been murdered for harboring a female falcon shifter. The Four Deadlies had gotten in the middle of the falcon wars, and the Crestfall Warriors had exacted a horrific revenge. To get to the runaway falcon, they’d wiped out the crew. Barret’s crew.
“How old were you?” Damn her voice as it shook.
“Ten.”
Just like Dad had been when he’d had to make a new life. No wonder Barret was so devoted to building his walls. “Do you…do you remember?”
“It ain’t exactly something a boy forgets.” Barret’s face ticked into a feral expression before it settled back into a hard, stoic mask. “Smell that, bird? Meat. Dinner’s on.” And with that, Barret gave her one last fiery glance and walked away. He made it exactly four steps before he yelled, “Shit,” loud enough to echo through the woods. He spun on his heel and strode toward her, his eyes burning like green flames. He crushed her to his chest so fast and so hard it stole her breath away. “You aren’t alone. You’re in my head, filling it up until I can’t think of anything else. Even when you go, a stupid piece of me will be with you. Stupid because I know what’s happening here. I can see it coming. You’re a firecracker with too much powder. You’re a tornado, and you’re sweeping me up so you can toss me somewhere I don’t recognize. And when you fix Lynn or get her killed, you’ll go back to your safe life, and I’ll be here, feeling even worse than I did before.” He heaved a frustrated sigh that tapered into a growl. “And I like the way you hug me like a psychopath!” He released her and steadied her, hands on her shoulders, until she stopped swaying on numb legs, and then he leaned down and kissed her hard. There were no soft lips or sweet smacking sounds.
Barret was wrong.
He was the tornado, and he’d pulled her into his intensity from the second she laid eyes on him. And now he would be the one tossing her somewhere she didn’t recognize, and already, already, and horrifyingly, her heart was changing.
Any man who could do that—change a heart—was the most dangerous type of man to fall for. He had too much power, and she was falling straight into him. Straight into the chaos of Storm Barret.
And she wasn’t scared like she should be! She wasn’t proceeding with caution like a wise woman. Instead, she had this overwhelming urge to collect his stupid pieces until she had them all.
Selfishly, she wanted to keep him. Not out of a sense of guilt over falcon shifters taking his crew from him, no. She was in this because of this right here—his lips on hers, demanding she let go. Demanding she close her eyes and let the storm sweep her away.
Don’t fall in love.
Lynn’s voice was just a whisper in her mind, as quiet as a breath and easily ignored.
Barret wasn’t running now. He wasn’t afraid of her touch or throwing up his defenses. He was letting go just like she was. Eden smiled against his lips in triumph as he slowly softened the kiss. Now he was all fingertips tracing her jaw, pushing her hair back off her shoulders, brushing her neck, gripping, gripping, a soft brush of tongue and then the sweet sipping. She never wanted it to stop. He wasn’t pushing for more, but he wasn’t easing them out of the kiss either. He was just enjoying her, like she was him.
And then at last, minutes or perhaps hours later, he kissed her one last time and took a step back, looking as baffled as she felt. Eden bent down, picked up a rock from the ground, and then offered it to him, palm up.
“What’s this for?” he asked low.
“It’s to remind you that you can be nice to me.”
Barret’s eyes flickered from the small brown stone in her hand to her eyes and held her gaze. She would’ve given everything she owned to know what he was thinking in this moment, but the coward inside of her was too afraid to ask. Without a word, he plucked the rock lightly from her palm, brushing the skin there so gently as he did, then put her gift into his pocket.
She wouldn’t tell him but, by accepting her rock, he’d just bound her to him in ways he would never understand. Falcons exchanged gifts. She’d never offered anything to a man, had never had the urge to, but the need to give him this tiny gift had consumed her, had made her feel reckless just to see if he would reject it. Barret would probably throw it away the second she wasn’t looking, and that was okay. She didn’t want to see him do it though, so she could pretend he kept it.
Don’t fall in love.
She was a falcon, and falcons gave gifts when they chose their person.
It wasn’t L-O-V-E yet, but she’d just arrived at the first letter.