“How often do you break each other’s bones?” Ben asked an octave too high. His face was still the shade of a cherry.
Jax shrugged his shoulders and didn’t answer.
Anson rolled up to a sitting position. He was a butt-naked, muddy mess. “You didn’t make up a rude name for Princess Panther.”
As everyone’s gaze drifted to Annalise, she slowly covered up her lady bits as best she could. “Hi,” she said lamely.
“Stop calling her Princess Panther. She can go by Annalise. She’s perfect. A-team. The rest of you like to throw your judgement around, but what just happened here?” Jax said, leveling her with brownish green eyes. “Reminded me of home.” His nostrils flared slightly. “Except it smells like moonshine and cat piss, and you have cabins instead of trailers.”
“Speaking of, you destroyed Annalise’s house.” Ben did a Vanna White gesture toward the cabin Jax had barreled through. The entire front half of it was destroyed. Even the small loveseat was hanging off the porch. “We aren’t exactly rollin’ in the money, asshole.”
“I’ll fix it.”
“No, you won’t. You’re banned from my territory. I take my mission back. I’ll handle it. You just tried to kill Annalise—”
“Claim her, not kill her.
“Doesn’t fucking matter, Grizzly! I saw you going after her. Your bear is out of control, and you drew all our panthers out and into battle. Maybe that was fun for you, but it wasn’t fun for us!”
Anson raised his hand. “It was a little fun before he broke my leg.”
“Shut up, Anson!” Ben yelled.
Anson zipped his mouth and pretended to throw away the key. But the slight curve of his lips said he was amused. God, this crew was weird.
Annalise slowly picked up a shredded couch cushion that was sitting on the lawn beside her and put it in front of her naked body. “I vote he isn’t banned.”
“This ain’t up for votes!” Ben said, exasperated. “This is my call. I’m alpha, and all of your safety is my responsibility. There’s blood every time you come here,” Ben said, his pissed-off glare on Jax now. “No more. This is your warning. Next time you come up here, I’m listening to Barret.”
“Yes!” Barret hissed from near his cabin. “You should come back tomorrow, Grizzly!”
“Oh, my God,” Ben groaned, running his fingers down his face and looking exhausted. “Just leave. Go back to Damon’s Mountains. You aren’t welcome here.”
“You remember Beaston’s call?” Jax jerked his head toward Annalise once. “You’re supposed to let her go.”
“I don’t understand,” Annalise spoke up.
Ben shook his head for a long time, hands on his hips. The silence in the clearing was deafening. “Beaston has no place here, and neither do his visions. I could’ve done it if I hadn’t seen the look of determination in your eyes when you were going after her. I can’t let you take her. You aren’t safe, Jax. She isn’t safe with you. Surely, you can see that.”
There was a moment of surprise on Jax face, and then something awful happened. Annalise could practically see the realization wash through him as he dragged his attention to her. His eyes muddied to the soft brown of his human side, and his expression held ghosts. He glanced down at the long claw mark on his chest, kept his chin tucked, blinked slowly, and then looked at her again. “Anna…”
“Don’t.” She shook her head and approached him slowly. “Don’t go.”
“You need a crew—”
“But I need you, too.”
“No, Kitty. Ben’s right. You aren’t safe with me. What can I give you? I can’t be intimate with you anymore because this will happen. You’ll beg for the bite and eventually I’ll give in. And it’ll hurt, Anna. It won’t be gentle, or romantic. If I allow the bond, you’ll be stuck with…” He gestured to himself.
But to her, being stuck with Jax sounded like the best thing in the world. He stood there tall and strong in front of her. Steady. Powerful legs, eight-pack flexing with each breath, covered in tattoos just right. Beard perfectly trimmed, eyes soft and sad, black hair mussed from the battle. Towering over her. Strong.
“I still feel safe,” she whispered, her eyes burning. “I don’t want you to go.”
“It ain’t his choice,” Ben said.
Jax cast the alpha an angry glance and then stepped closer to Annalise. He pulled the cushion from her, tossed it into the mud, then gripped her shoulders gently. “Your place is here. I can see it clear as day. You’ll get stronger here. You’ll become as fierce as She-Devil up in these mountains. You need steady, Anna.” Jax shook his head sadly. “I wish…more than anything…that I could be that for you. But I was born with Titan. I can’t wreck your crew. I can’t wreck your life. And I will if I stay.”
A traitor tear escaped her eye. She wanted to be strong because everyone was staring at her, and witnessing her heart being ripped out of her chest cavity. Jax was doing that, and he would hold it in his hand and drive away with it. And she would be left here, pretending for always that she was whole while an important part of her would be roaming the world with a rogue.
She closed her eyes tightly as he pulled her in close, and she slipped her arms around his back. This would be the last time she got to touch his skin. She-Devil was purring. Stupid cat. She didn’t understand what this hug was.
It was goodbye.
“Jax—”
“Don’t,” he drawled, easing away from the hug. He stepped backward step-by-step. “Don’t make this harder, or the bear will come back.” Already his eyes were back to that painfully bright green, and he smelled like fur.
“I like you, Anna,” he said, but she knew what he really meant. They’d said that to each other in all those messages because it had been too scary to say the L-word.
And she meant it when she forced the whispered response past her tightened vocal chords. “I like you, too.”
Jax turned and strode toward his truck.
Annalise’s face crumpled, and she cried. What was the point of hiding her agony? She’d had him for a blinding moment of happiness, and now she had to go back to the loneliness because he was really leaving her.
Right before he disappeared into the Red Havoc woods, he gave her a quick glance out his open window. Such agony was etched into his expression Annalise’s knees buckled, and she sank down into the mud, shoulders shaking with her sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” Ben growled, and then he spun and made his way toward his cabin.
One by one, the panthers slunk into their homes until it was only her left, knees in the mud, her heart in the hand of the man she loved.
Annalise had come here so that life could be easier, but it had just gotten ten times harder.
Inside of her, She-Devil screamed her heartbreak.
Chapter Nine
One week.
One week, and Jax hadn’t been able to force himself from Covington, the small town nestled in the Appalachian Mountains that was fifteen miles from her…from Annalise. His Anna. His She-Devil.
Something bad was happening to him.
He’d become stuck in this small town, as if his veins were full of slow drying cement, and he’d hardened day after day until he couldn’t move at all. This was purgatory. Torture. He was so close to her, but so far away.
Every day was the same. He would wake up in the queen-size bed in the cheap motel and try to convince himself that today was the day he would really leave. Leave the Appalachian Mountains, leave Covington, leave the girl he’d left his heart with.
And just like every other day, he’d spent today trying to gather the courage to pack up his truck and drive back toward Damon’s Mountains. Yet here he sat, in the dark of night, still in the hotel, still unable to leave.
But tomorrow would be the day. He’d made up his mind already and had worked himself up as he’d made his way through today. At the laundromat, he’d thought about her relentlessly. Thought about how he was taking care of her by leaving. At the
diner where he’d eaten three burgers and two orders of fries, he’d thought about pounding her from behind against the counter in her house. The house Titan had destroyed. He’d convinced himself that was just the beginning if he stayed in her life. He was a destroyer.
If she’d been human…if only she’d been human. That’s what he’d been searching for, so he could avoid this bond he already felt tugging at him so hard. He had wanted a mate, but not love. Not devotion like this. He hadn’t wanted to tether Titan to anyone.
He hated the bear. Hated being a shifter. Always had, and always would, because Titan stunted his life. He cut his hope for happiness off at the knees and forced himself to keep his expectations low so that he wouldn’t be disappointed in life. Hope was a slippery slope for a man like him. Wishing for a bigger life than he was capable of would make his animal unmanageable.
Dressed in briefs and nothing more, he sat on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. He’d stopped looking in the mirror at himself. His face was too haunted, and it was all because of this decision.
Stay or go? Stay or go? Stay or go?
Where was his fucking urge to roam when he needed it?
His phone rang. Terror, hope, desperation, and urgency had him reaching for it in a rush. Maybe it was Annalise again.
It hurt to read her messages. He could hear the heartache in her words, but he was trying to be a good mate. A good mate? Fuck. He should’ve never come after her. He’d ruined them both with that decision.
The number on the caller ID wasn’t the phone he’d bought her, though. He’d been good and not responded to her texts. But this wasn’t her.
“Hello?” he asked gruffly after he connected the call.
“Grizzly.”
Fucking Ben.
“What do you want?” he asked, pissed to hear the alpha’s voice right now.
“A favor.”
Jax snorted. “I don’t owe you anything.”
“Are you still hunting Brody?”
“Maybe. If I am, it’s not for you. It’s for her.”
“Well, this favor is for her, too. And surely you know how hard it is for me to ask. You’re still in Covington. I’ve been watching you. Waiting for you to leave. You can’t, can you?”
“None of your goddamn business.”
When Ben sighed, static blasted across the phone. “I need you to come see something. Something I don’t know how to deal with. Something I need help with. It’s about Annalise.”
“When?” Jax asked, panic flaring through his chest. What if she was hurt? Or what if she’d run away?
“Now. Right now. Speed.” The line went dead.
“Shhhit,” Jax muttered as he stood and reached for his clothes on the back of the hotel room chair. Ben was an alpha just like Creed of the Gray Backs. He wouldn’t ask for help until something really bad happened.
The keys scratched the table as he grabbed them too hard, but screw it. Before he even had his jeans zipped, boots tied, or his shirt settled over his stomach, he was out the door and jogging toward his truck.
Please no cops. He couldn’t get pulled over right now as he blasted up the mountain road that lead to Red Havoc territory. His mind was racing with what could be wrong. Maybe Annalise was hurt, or sick. Nah, not sick. Shifters didn’t get sick like humans. There was a bright side to She-Devil he hadn’t thought about before. Okay, not sick. Maybe was lost in the woods? Why was this trip up into the mountains taking so long?
The truck nearly went up on two wheels when he turned right onto the worn, one-lane dirt road. He blasted past the old, dilapidated wooden fence with the No Trespassing signs and Turn Back Now signs that had been riddled with holes, probably from a shotgun peppering them.
When at last he skidded to a stop in the clearing in front of the Red Havoc cabins. He scanned it frantically to find a single panther shifter. Greyson. He was leaned against the ruined porch of Annalise’s cabin, eyes haunted. Inside of Jax, Titan was riled up, ready to steal his skin. Every instinct he possessed was blaring. Something was so wrong.
He threw the truck into park and cut the engine, then got out and bolted for Greyson. “Where is she?”
“This way,” the quiet man said solemnly, jerking his chin toward the mountains behind Annalise’s destroyed cabin.
When Greyson took off at a jog, Jax followed, zipping his pants as he went. No time to tie his shoes, he kicked out of them completely. He was used to running around Damon’s Mountains barefoot.
A panther screamed in the dark, and the sound drew chills from his skin. Jax slowed slightly. That was She-Devil, but he didn’t recognize the call. He couldn’t tell if she was hurt or angry. He ran faster behind Greyson, who had kicked up the pace the second another scream followed.
Up and up the mountain they ran until they reached the broken-down fence and the deer trail. It even smelled like Annalise. What the hell was she doing up here?
Greyson dropped in front of him and morphed into his panther like there was no pain at all. His cat took off at a sprint, and Jax pushed his legs harder to keep up. At a clearing, Ben stepped out in front of him on the trail. Jax skidded to a stop on the dirt path to avoid slamming into him as Greyson ran to join a cat fight.
She-Devil was at the middle of it, brawling. Slapping, hissing, ears flat, eyes like gold fire. The crew ducked in and out, taking slaps, herding her back toward Jax.
“What the fuck are they doing?” Jax lurched forward to Change and defend her, but Ben slapped a hand on his chest and pushed him back with a strength that surprised him.
“Look,” he said, tilting his head toward the edge of his territory, up where Jax had asked Annalise to meet him last week. Where his truck had been were four sets of glowing eyes. In the dark, four massive male lions paced the property line.
“She’s calling them in,” Ben said low.
“I don’t understand.”
Ben sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, stared at his crew as they attacked She-Devil again. “They’re trying not to hurt her, but she can’t cross that territory line or the pride will take her.”
“Take her?”
“She’s in heat. Went into it right after you left last week. Did you know she sleepwalks?”
“No,” Jax said, stunned.
“Her cat…she’s broke as fuck. The name She-Devil suits her. Since the day she came to me, she’s been shifting in her sleep. I’m guessing that’s why she had herself locked in that cage room at nights, to protect the outside world from She-Devil. As far as we can tell, Annalise isn’t there at nights, Jax. She’s just a wild panther, running on instinct.
She-Devil screamed again, and something about the agony called to Titan.
“At first, we took shifts. We each took turns Changing with her and keeping her in the territory, keeping her safe. I thought if She-Devil claimed the territory and learned the boundaries, she would settle, and we could eventually stop shifting with her at nights. Maybe even trust her eventually. But there’s a bachelor pride of lions way too damn close to our territory, and after you left, She-Devil started taking her body any time. Not just when she was sleeping. She’s shifting four or five times a day right now. You leaving didn’t do what I had hoped it would. It broke something inside of her cat.”
“What do mean?” Jax asked, troubled down to his bones as he watched his mate fight with her own crew.
Ben signed and arched his gaze to Jaxon. “She’s calling for you.”
Jax squatted down and watched her brawl in the dark. Dominant badass she-panther, she was fully engaged with the biggest one, Barret, right now, and not backing down an inch.
“Jax…what you’re watching right now? She’s taking Second.”
“Oh, my God,” he murmured, standing and linking his hands behind his head. Ma was the only female holding Second in a crew right now, and what had he done? He’d gone and found himself a she-shifter as dominant and badass as her. But unlike with Ma, She-Devil wasn’t a stable membe
r of the crew. A high rank for an uncontrolled animal would cripple Red Havoc.
“Why did you bring me here to watch this?” Jax asked.
“You know why.”
Jax lost it and shoved him backward against a tree. He pulled the alpha by the shirt and slammed him back against it a second time for good measure. He knew why this fuckface was letting him witness his mate taking Second. “You gonna put her down, Ben? You gonna kill her?”
“For the good of my crew.”
“Fuck you. I’ll rip you from throat to dick and make you watch me piss on your intestines before I’d allow it. Call your panthers off her, or your mate will be a widow tonight.”
Ben looked sick, but shook his head. “We’ve been at this for days, Jax. We’re exhausted. There’s no sleep happening. She will bring the lions on top of us. She will deplete us, and when she’s sitting on that throne as Second, with power over the boys, she’s gonna to wreck us from the inside out. No one will be salvageable.”
Jax was gonna kill him. He was going to snap his neck, and then he was going to Change and murder the panthers at war with his mate. And then after he roared his victory over their carcasses, he was going after the lions. He didn’t give a single fuck if he died for this. He couldn’t let her be put down. She was his to protect.
“You came from a crew under Creed Barnett,” Ben said low.
The sound of the panther fight and the roar of a lion pacing the territory line made Jax dizzy. Kill them all.
The question confused him. With a frown, he asked, “So?”
“So, I always respected him for taking in the broken shifters. That’s what I’ve done. I know how hard it must’ve been for him because it’s agony for me.”
“Spit it out, Panther.”
“I need help, or I can’t save this one.”
Chest heaving, Jax pushed off Ben and took a few steps back. He paced the trail, eyes on the panther fight. The biggest panther was slinking away, totally mauled with claw and tooth marks. She-Devil had no blood matting her fur. She screamed again, and it sounded triumphant.