"Stanley Cooper was the best of us. We should strive every day to be as hard working, kind, and loving as he was. He was a good friend, and brother . . ."
"And husband," Ashley whispered. Her face crumpled, and her body shook with quiet sobs.
"And husband," Nathan repeated, his voice breaking. "He was a hero. He saved a life. And we should all strive to live the way he did so we can see him again in heaven.
"Cooper told me once about his little sister Savannah, how close they were, how much he loved her, and he also told me he worried daily if she and his mother were alive. If they're not, he's with them again. Maybe we can take comfort in that."
Bryce smiled. "I remember the first time I met Coop. It was in class, and he was staring at Ashley. Of course, I was dating the sister, so as soon as he heard that, he was automatically my best friend. Except, he didn't fake it just to be my friend, ya know? He was a good best friend. The best." He cleared his throat. "I'm going to miss him. The world isn't as good without him in it, but heaven is better off."
Scarlet smiled. "That was nice."
"Don't speak," Ashley said. "Don't talk here, Scarlet."
Nathan took a step toward Ashley, but she pulled away. "This isn't her fault, Ashley. She had to, you know that."
"It's okay," Scarlet said, motioning to Nathan. "She gets to be angry."
"Don't be nice to me," Ashley said, her emotional state quickly going downhill. "Don't fucking be nice, Scarlet. Just don't talk. I don't want to hear your voice, do you understand me?"
Scarlet looked down and nodded. Scarlet was one of the strongest women I knew, and she was letting Ashley talk to her that way in front of everyone. Even though we all knew Ashley didn't mean a word of it, I was still in awe of Scarlet's patience.
Nathan began to speak in Scarlet's defense again, but Scarlet touched his arm and shook her head.
We stood out there for half an hour, crying, telling stories, laughing, and remembering. Ashley began to weave back and forth, so emotionally exhausted she could barely stand. I took her inside, supporting her weight while we walked. She went straight to bed, and cried herself to sleep.
"Hey," Bryce said as I closed Ashley's door. I held up my finger to my mouth. Bryce nodded, and began to whisper, "How is she?"
"The same."
"How are you?"
"The same." Bryce put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the empty living room. "Where is everyone?"
"Joey is on watch. Scarlet said it might be a good idea to get onto the roof, so Joey found a ladder and climbed up. He said he can see a lot farther. We'll have better warning this way."
I nodded.
"Nathan is with the girls. Skeeter and Scarlet went down the road."
"Clearing?" I asked.
Bryce nodded.
"Just the two of them? After what happened?"
"I'm going with them. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
I took a deep breath. "I know Scarlet feels like she needs to do this, but I think it's time we accept that her girls aren't coming. It's been nearly four months now."
Bryce shrugged. "I don't know. It took Nate and Coop almost all day to cross fifteen miles. That's a long way for two little girls if they're on foot. I think if they don't make it by winter, we can call it."
"That's a long time to let her hope."
"Not long enough, if you ask me." He kissed my forehead. "See you soon."
"Be careful."
I watched Bryce leave, jogging to catch up to Scarlet and Skeeter, who were already out of sight down the road. My stomach felt like it dropped, and I wondered if it was a good idea for him to be alone at all, even for the few minutes it would take him to join Scarlet and Skeeter.
Once Bryce was over the hill, I pushed the door open, and noticed the ladder against the roof. One hand after another, I climbed to the top, seeing Joey sitting on the seam with a hunting rifle, a box of ammunition, and what I was sure was my father's best scope.
"Want some company?" I asked.
Joey looked up to the sun and squinted. "Always."
I sat down, but could see the bottom part of Cooper's grave, so I moved closer to the middle of the house. Nathan was by Butch's pen with the girls, watching them talk to the bull. He looked away only long enough to take a quick glance around, and then his eyes were on them again.
"Zoe seems okay. It's kind of weird," Joey said.
"I don't think she's like us."
"What do you mean?"
"I think she's a little different, that's all."
Joey nodded. "Nathan is a saint. I'm glad he and Scarlet have each other."
I smiled. "Me, too."
He glanced around, in every direction, and then pointed. "Look."
There was a single tree in the middle of the north field. A group of birds that were perched took off, all at once, from the branches. Joey looked through his scope and cocked his rifle. "There are four of them. You see?"
I narrowed my eyes; the wheat was now tall and golden, nearly ready for harvest. In the tall crop, it was easy to see a ted stumble through it. I looked at Joey. I could see three heads, and wheat moving around a shorter fourth. It was either a very petite person, or a child. "You can see them? They're teds, right, not humans?"
"Definitely teds."
"You got it?"
"I got it," he said, cocking his rifle.
One. Reload.
Two. Reload.
Three. Reload.
And after a pause, four.
Joey looked up from the scope, took another quick look through it at the area, and then put his rifle in his lap.
Nathan gathered the girls and yelled to Joey from the ground.
"Clear?"
"Clear," Joey called back.
"You see Scarlet?"
"No."
Nathan seemed frustrated. Cooper's death had been a reality check for us all. None of us could talk Scarlet out of clearing because there was no way to argue with her reasoning, but it was still a huge risk.
Joey wiped his forehead with a dirty rag. We were baking up there, even under the partial shade of the oak tree. Joey leaned back, supporting himself with his hands. His index finger brushed my pinky, and then he intertwined all of his fingers in mine. We didn't acknowledge it or talk; we just sat there, soaked with sweat and content that for a moment we didn't have to pretend.
Scarlet
"HEADS UP!" SKEETER YELLED.
We were downwind, and it was easy to smell the rotting corpses as they approached. This time, though, the smell was exceptionally bad. At first I thought it was because we were nearing the hottest part of summer, but then I saw them.
Skeeter laughed once. "Blackened and crispy fried. Like Nathan's fried chicken!"
"They don't smell like chicken," Bryce said, revolted.
We hadn't even reached the highway when we ran into a small herd. They were coming from the south, and as I was busy slamming down the hatchet into the tops of skulls and the sides of faces, I wondered why we were seeing so many more of them. We had been clearing for weeks; it didn't make sense for there to be more on the road, and that frustrated the hell out of me.
Skeeter and Bryce helped me pull the rotting bodies to the ditch. It was a rule I'd made when we started. It was too much work to bury them, and too risky to pile them and burn the bodies because of the heat, wind, and lack of rain in the last month. I just didn't want the girls to have to walk over them as they made their way to the ranch.
I stood up, breathing hard and wiping the dirt and sweat from my face. "I think they're coming from Shallot."
"I was thinkin' the same thing," Skeeter said. "These guys must have gotten too close to the gas station fire."
Bryce jerked his head to the south. "The fire must be out, and they don't have anything attracting them to town anymore."
"And they're starving," I said, nodding to another small herd trudging down the highway less than a quarter mile away. They were skin and bones. I wa
sn't sure if they actually needed to eat, or if it was just the natural state of decay, but they definitely looked starved. "Look at them. Maybe they'll eventually fall apart, or their bodies will give out from lack of nutrition."
"That's a promising thought," Skeeter said. "But I wouldn't count on it. Them ones we just cleared were burnt to a crisp. They were still walkin'."
"They're headed north," Bryce said. "Let's just let them pass."
I shook my head. "Maybe someone saw the one that got Cooper and let it pass. We're putting them all down. As many as we can."
Nathan
I PACED THE LIVING ROOM WHILE dinner cooked, checking the doorway every few seconds for any sign of them. My emotions bounced from worried, to angry, to frustrated, to panicked.
"They'll be back anytime now," Miranda assured me. "Dinner's burning."
I ran to the laundry room and out the side door to the grill. "Damn it!" I said, pulling the chicken off with my bare hands. I licked my burning fingers, and shook my hand, as if that would help.
Miranda stood at the doorway. "I know it's hard for you, watching her put herself in danger like this."
I took a quick glance around our surroundings. Looking over my shoulder was a habit I'd developed; I wasn't sure at what point I'd started doing it, but it happened every time I was outside, like a tick. "Bryce is out there, too . . . and Joey."
Miranda's cheeks flushed, and she looked behind her before coming all the way outside. "Is it that obvious?" I gave her a look, and her head fell in shame. "I didn't mean to. It just happened."
"It's a complicated situation," I said. "I'm in no position to judge you."
"I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to."
"You can talk to me. Not sure how much help I'll be, but I'll listen."
Miranda smiled, and leaned her temple across the doorjamb. "Thanks, Nate."
I brought in the plate of chicken, and looked at the three empty chairs with a sigh. Miranda left to get Ashley, but came back empty-handed.
"She doesn't feel like eating."
I nodded. "I'll give her a pass tonight, but she's going to have to start eating soon."
Miranda nodded.
We all sat down to eat. Elleny and Zoe discussed their day. They got along really well. Elleny didn't talk much, but she was a sweet girl. I'd tried to talk to her about her family, but she kept it all inside. Scarlet said she'd talked about her parents only once, but it was too difficult and she never tried again after that. I hoped after she healed from what that monster put her through, she might be able to talk to someone. That was too much pain for one little girl to hold inside.
"And then Butch went mawwwwwwwwwrrrr," Zoe said, giggling.
Elleny giggled, too, and pretty soon we were all laughing.
"Daddy!" Zoe said, sitting up on her knees. She pointed to the door as Bryce opened it.
Joey came in after him, and then Scarlet. I ran to her and took her into my arms. Those first few seconds when she returned from clearing always pulled a huge weight off my shoulders, letting me breathe again.
"I've got yuck on me!" she warned.
"I don't care," I said, squeezing her against me, and then kissing her lips.
Scarlet pulled away, lowering her chin. "They're leaving Shallot. Migrating."
"Looking for food," I said, thoughtful.
"If they're hunting, I've got to step up my efforts."
"Scarlet," I began, but she held up her hand and smiled. "I'm going to wash up. We'll talk later."
She walked away, and I sighed. She had already made up her mind.
During dinner, Scarlet explained the basics of her plan. After dinner, while we were lying in bed, she explained it in more depth to me. She was hoping I would agree that it was the right thing to do, but I was running out of reasons to support her daily trips into danger.
"For the next week," she whispered, "we'll concentrate on clearing the road, that way we don't miss any coming out of Shallot on this side. Then, we'll eventually make another trip to Shallot. I don't think they'll be that many left in town, do you?"
I shook my head. "It's hard to tell."
"I think it will be thinned out. We'll stay in Shallot until it's clear, and then we'll work on the road between Shallot and the other highway."
I sat up. "Have you told the guys this?"
"I mentioned it on the way home. Skeeter and Bryce are on board. I'll ask Joey if he wants to come."
"Jesus Christ, Scarlet, when will it stop? When will it be enough?"
"Keep your voice down."
"I'm trying. God knows I'm trying, but you have to tell me when this little project is going to be over."
"Little project?"
I frowned. "Do you have any idea what I go through every morning when you leave? What I go through all day until you come back?"
"Yeah. I have an idea," she said, crawling out of bed.
"God, Scarlet . . . ," I said, feeling terrible. "I'm sorry."
She left without saying a word, and I lay back against my pillow, looking up at the ceiling while I let myself drown in the guilt that washed over me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Miranda
AFTER THE EIGHTH DAY IN a row of clearing, Scarlet and the boys took a day off. We had all been looking forward to it. While they were gone, Nathan and I took turns keeping an eye out on the roof. It was so damn hot that--even guzzling water--we would be nearly sun sick by the time we climbed down. And then we had to keep an eye on the girls. It was exhausting. I couldn't imagine how the boys felt every day.
Ashley had been taking food into her bedroom, but today she decided to venture to the dining room. It was obvious we were trying to keep the conversation light. Ashley didn't eat or speak much, but it was a big step for her to come to the table with us, and we all knew it.
It was my turn to wash the dishes. Joey brought in a bucket of water from outside, and then stuck around to dry as I cleaned.
"I hope it rains soon," he said. "Not much water left in the basin."
We hadn't had any time alone together since the day we were on the roof, and even though I played it off, and even though he'd come in with bad news, I was almost giddy when he offered to help.
"You're getting to be quite domestic," I teased. Joey elbowed me, and I giggled.
Bryce walked into the kitchen and grabbed a towel. "I'll do that," he said to Joey.
"We're almost done," I said, hoping I didn't sound like I just wanted to keep Joey in the kitchen with me--because that's exactly what I wanted.
Bryce looked at us both expectantly, and then Joey and I traded glances.
"I was going to get some target practice in, anyway." Joey and I used that to steal a few moments alone together a few weeks back, and I smiled, knowing it was an invitation.
"Better warn Skeeter," Bryce called. "Wouldn't want him to accidentally gun you down," he grumbled under his breath.
The second the storm door slammed, I tried to think of a reason to go outside with Joey. Bryce and I finished the dishes, and he was putting them away. Scarlet, Nathan, and Zoe were playing some kind of homemade board game in the middle of the living-room floor.
"Miranda, Ashley went outside earlier. I'm going to check on her when I'm finished," Bryce said, shutting a cabinet door.
"I'll do it," I said, trying not to sound as eager as I felt. My hands were shaking, thankful I had a reason, and excited that it was Bryce who had come up with one. That would mean fewer questions later. I tried to be nonchalant as I walked casually out the front door.
He wasn't at the back of the house, where we'd met the last time. It didn't take long before I realized I didn't see Joey . . . or Ashley.
"Hey, Skeeter," I called, looking up to the roof. He poked his head over the edge. "You see Joey or Ashley?"
Skeeter pointed south, but didn't say a word.
I walked out to the barn, but Butch and I were the only two around.
Several emotions bubbled to th
e surface: confusion, worry, and even suspicion. Noises from behind the barn piqued my curiosity, so I peeked around the corner. Joey and Ashley were standing in the field together. She was holding the rifle, and he was trying to help her hold it correctly. He said something, making her drop the barrel toward the ground a bit. His hand was on her hip for a fraction of a second. They began to laugh, the ugly kind that produces tears. Joey even doubled over and steadied himself with his hands on his knees.
My face instantly flushed and my eyes filled with tears. At first I was angry with Ashley. She'd been walking around the house nearly comatose, not responding to anyone or anything. All she'd done for almost ten days was cry and sleep. Every time I tried to talk to her, she'd just get angry. But in the field with Joey, she was herself again. Laughing and joking like Cooper hadn't been shot in the face right in front of her less than two weeks before. Suddenly, alone with Joey, she was just fine.
I stifled back a sob, letting the jealousy, and then the guilt, swallow me whole. Of course Ashley deserved to do something other than be miserable. How could I say that I loved her and then be angry with her for having a moment of peace? I slowly let myself slide to the ground and sat in the dirt. Sweat was forming along my hairline, and a drop finally fell just in front of my ear. It was like an oven, even in the shade, but Ashley and Joey didn't notice they were baking with the sun shining straight down on them.
She was alone now, and so was Joey. They would talk about their loss, and find comfort in one another, and I would have to watch them because I had nowhere else to go. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the wall of the barn. God, I was a horrid, selfish bitch.
Joey's and Ashley's voices got louder, and I realized they were walking my way. I stayed very still and didn't dare breathe, afraid they would catch me eavesdropping and crying over them like a crazy person. I was convinced they would both know why if they saw me. Thankfully, they were too busy impressing each other to see me, and continued to the house. I finally took a deep breath and let out a quiet cry. I said once that I wouldn't want Joey if he were the last man on earth. Now I was just horrible enough to wish we were the last ones on earth so I could have him to myself.
That night at dinner, Ashley and Joey sat next to each other. They carried on about their afternoon and how awful a shot she was. For absolutely no reason at all, I was annoyed with Ashley's voice and the entire conversation. No one else was talking, just listening to them go on and on and on about how funny that was, and how hilarious this was, and bragging about how much help Ashley needed.