Tessa looked in the direction of his voice. Thank God! Kevin stood alone with a group of students gawking from the lunchroom window.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Freak. I promise I’ll mess you up permanently this time.” After his warning to Kevin, Brian leaned in to kiss her again. Tessa wasn’t having any of it and bit his bottom lip. Brian grunted in pain and pulled away. He immediately slapped her face with enough power to throw her off balance.
Kevin was already there, slamming into Brian. Kevin held him down, but Brian kneed him in the chest. He lost his grip and Brian immediately grabbed his injured arm, twisting it back ruthlessly. Tessa wondered why Kevin didn’t punch him.
Brian jumped on top of Kevin and started beating him without restraint. She heard the sickening thuds as punch after punch landed on Kevin’s face. Tessa was disgusted to hear cheering coming from the lunchroom. The crowd was hungry for the fight. She tried to intervene, but Sam threw her up against the wall, holding her in place.
Tessa cried, “Stop him!”
“You caused this, bitch!” Sam jeered. “You just wouldn’t listen to me.”
Kevin never cried out as he took the onslaught. Tessa wailed at the top of her lungs, “Somebody stop him! Please!” Eventually, the teachers noticed the commotion outside and broke up the fight.
The four spent the rest of the afternoon in the principal’s office. Brian received a week of suspension, but Samantha only got three days of afterschool detention. Kevin, on the other hand, received two days of suspension for “initiating” a fight that didn’t involve him. The principal insisted that Kevin should have handled the situation more maturely as a legal adult. “You go to the authorities, Kevin. Never take the law into your own hands.”
“I didn’t even hit the turd.”
“But if you had, you’d be looking at assault charges. I hope this is a lesson to you.”
As the obvious victim, Tessa was exempt from punishment. Her mom came to pick her up after school. Tess announced on the drive home, “I’m not going back. They’re all a bunch of creeps, Mom. Every one of them except Kevin.”
“How come I didn’t know anything about this Kevin person?”
“He’s new to the school. Kevin’s been here less than a week.”
“I don’t approve of him, Tessa.”
Tess stared at her in disbelief. “What are you talking about? He was the only one who stood up for me, Mom!”
“Still, that kid obviously has problems and you don’t need that in your life.”
She looked out the window and mumbled, “You don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Look, Tess, a kid as messed up as that has got to have serious emotional baggage. I see it all the time in court.”
Tessa turned on her and yelled, “Who doesn’t, Mom?”
“Don’t talk to me that way, young lady!”
“I’m practically an adult! You can’t treat me like a kid anymore.”
Her mother’s face got a scary color of burgundy. It built up slowly like a kettle on the stove. When they got to the house, Julie exploded, “Go to your room, now!”
Tessa glared at her. “No.”
“I mean it, young lady. To your room, right now!”
“You’re acting like an idiot, Mother.”
“Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” she screamed. Tess could tell she was winding up for something big. “That’s it! I’m canceling your party.”
Tessa laughed. “Fine. I never wanted it in the first place!” Having no other place to go, Tessa ran to her room and slammed the door. She couldn’t fathom how the day had disintegrated into this. How could her mother possibly dislike Kevin when he was the one who protected her?
Tess wiped her hand across her lips angrily. The feel of Brian’s aggressive kiss still tainted her. How dare Samantha encourage him to do that! How could her ex-friend think that forcing Tess to kiss Brian would make her want him? Gross!
She lay on her bed and closed her eyes. Her thoughts drifted back to Kevin. She wondered how hurt he was after the brutal attack. Did he regret meeting her? Maybe Kevin was angry with her for being stupid enough to acknowledge him in class. In the end, this was really her fault. Tess wanted to flaunt her relationship with Kevin.
But why? She wasn’t even sure.
She hoped that Kevin could forgive her. Tess wanted to call him, but her mother had cut off all phone privileges. She lay there and imagined herself lying beside Kevin on her bed, his arms wrapped around her and his body pressed up close. Tess fell asleep pretending she was in his embrace.
Day 8
No amount of prodding could get Tessa to go to school the next morning. After a half-hour of heated arguments, her mother finally gave up. “I don’t appreciate this drama when you know what a busy week this is for me. I simply don’t have time for your shenanigans, Tessa.”
Tess couldn’t believe her mother was acting so selfish. Instead of responding, Tessa just stared at her mom with her mouth tightly shut.
It threw Julie off, she wasn’t used to her daughter disobeying. “Since I won’t be home until late, I expect you to stay in your room the entire day. Think on your future, Tessa. Nothing and no one is worth ruining your life.” Julie adjusted her skirt and brushed back her hair. “I’m not going to let this ruin my success today. You hear that?” She left abruptly. Tess could hear her heels clicking on the tiles in the kitchen before the garage door sounded.
What have I done wrong? Tessa wondered. Kevin and I are the victims here.
Instead of demanding justice from Sam and Brian, her mother was punishing her and blaming Kevin. How messed up was that?
Tessa snuck out as soon as nine o’clock rolled around. Without phone privileges, she could claim “obedience” when she didn’t answer her mother’s phone calls. Because of the big trial, there was no chance her mom would surprise her during the day. That meant a whole day to do whatever she wanted—and what Tess wanted was to see Kevin. Would Kevin even answer the door? If he did, would he slam it in her face when he saw who it was?
Tess approached his house with trepidation. She knocked lightly at first, but got no answer. Tessa knocked louder the second time and rang the doorbell several times. After an eternity of waiting, she gave up and turned to leave. That was when Tessa heard the door creak open. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Kevin standing in the doorway, his poor face all bruised and swollen. “Oh, Kevin!” she gasped.
He didn’t say anything, but moved aside so she could walk past him. She gratefully entered his house, whimpering, “I’m sorry…”
“For what?” he asked irritably.
Tessa was thrown off by the sharpness in his voice. “I’m sorry for saying hi to you in class. It was foolish of me.”
“What are you talking about? There’s no need to apologize. That asshole had no right to touch you. There is no excuse for what he did. Get real!”
Even though Kevin was upset, the fact he wasn’t angry with her made Tessa exceedingly happy. “Thank you, Kevin. Thank you for standing up for me.”
“How could I not?”
She grumbled, “Nobody else did.”
“That’s because your school sucks!”
“Our school,” she admonished.
The slightest grin played across his face. “You shouldn’t joke, Tesse.”
“I have to. It’s either that or cry.” She threw caution to the wind and ran over to him, burying her face in his chest. He hesitantly embraced her. Tessa closed her eyes and reveled in the closeness.
“Oh, Tesse,” he murmured. His voice was like a second caress. Her whole body reacted to it and she trembled. “Are you okay?”
She looked up, staring directly at his lips. She lifted her chin, not wanting to appear too forward but wanting him to know her desire. Kevin’s lips were close enough she could almost feel their warmth. Tess noticed the scar tissue in the right hand corner of his mouth twitch in anticipation. Kiss me, Kevin…
He broke t
he embrace and moved to the kitchen. “You want some water or something?”
Tessa’s heart was still beating a mile a minute. So close! “No, I need you to hold me.”
He looked at her and shook his head. “I’m no good for you. I realize that now.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Tesse, you never would have been in that situation if it weren’t for me.”
She violently disagreed. “Brian has been hounding me all year! It was bound to happen. Only I wouldn’t have had my knight in shining armor there to protect me.”
Kevin sounded displeased when he replied, “I’m no knight. Don’t even joke about it.”
“You are to me,” she insisted.
“You don’t know anything about me. Don’t be an idiot.”
“Of course I don’t know anything about you. You won’t tell me. Why won’t you let me in?”
“I don’t want to go there,” he warned.
“I think we have to.”
Kevin looked at her with such agony it hurt her heart. “I don’t think I can.”
“Then I will give you my strength.” Tessa walked over and wrapped her thin arms around his waist.
He stroked her hair with his good hand while his right arm pulled her closer. She could tell he was building his courage, so she waited patiently. Kevin could take all day if he needed. Tessa was in his arms again.
Kevin finally took her hand and led her to the couch. He sat down. She joined him, anxious to learn his secret. Kevin gazed into her eyes and his lips twitched, but no words came out. “Tesse, I can’t look at you when I tell you. In fact, I don’t want you to say anything. Just listen.”
“Okay.” Tessa laid her head on his lap and curled her feet up on the couch. Being like this was just like the movies, so romantic and sweet. She felt the rough scars on his fingers touch her arm, his missing fingers obvious but unnecessary. He’d never touched her with his right hand before. It seemed such an intimate gesture.
“I’ve lived in Emporia, Kansas all of my life. It is a good place to grow up. Well… I didn’t have any complaints. My father traveled a lot, so it was pretty much just the three of us, my mom, Randy and me.” Tessa’s ears perked up when she heard there was someone else in his family. “I had a good group of friends and a little brother who suffered from serious hero-worship. Randy followed me everywhere. I didn’t mind though, he made an effective chick magnet. I was fairly talented at baseball and thought I might get a scholarship if I played my cards right. Like I said, I had no complaints.”
He paused and his fingers stopped moving. Tessa’s heart rate sped up as she felt the tension in his body increase. “My da… father changed when I started my first year in high school. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was a midlife crisis, another woman, or he just fucking went nuts, but when he came home he was abusive to all of us. He yelled at my mom and slapped her around. He even belted me a couple of times, but when he hurt Randy I went ballistic,” Kevin snarled. “I began dreading his return and dreamed of disappearing where he would never find us, but my mom insisted we stay in Emporia. It was all she knew.” He sighed and was silent for several beats of her heart.
“Our lives ended the day that asshole surprised Randy at his birthday party. The neighborhood kids were over to celebrate my kid brother turning eight. As soon as my father entered the house, I felt the air leave. But things seemed okay at first, my father was unusually jovial—until he started drinking. Things got dark real fast. I had to shoo the children out of there while Mom took the verbal abuse he was dishing out. I told Randy to go to his friend’s house…” Kevin stopped. “Why didn’t he listen to me?” Tess remained perfectly still, wanting him to continue.
He started rubbing her arm roughly. “My parents had a huge fight. Randy and I went upstairs at Mom’s insistence. Something was different. Something had changed. I could feel it. I told Randy to hide in the closet if things got bad and then I snuck downstairs to check on my mom. He was beating the crap out of her. I didn’t even think, I jumped on his back and started punching him. He snarled like an insane bear. I was on the ground before I knew it, his hands wrapped tightly around my neck. I could see the rage bulging in his eyes. There was no doubt his intent was to kill. It wasn’t until my mom broke my baseball bat over his head that I could breathe again. My father slumped on top of me and I honestly thought he was dead. I wish she had killed him.”
His fingers began hurting as the rough scars dug into her delicate skin, but Tess didn’t complain—she’d promised to be his strength. “My mom didn’t call the police. No, she made me help stuff the asshole in his truck and we drove to a nearby hotel. She left him there thinking once he sobered up things would be okay. I knew they wouldn’t, but I had no idea…”
Kevin finally stopped stroking her arm. He said nothing for the longest time. When he spoke again, his voice was distant and cool as if he was recounting facts. “We returned home, cleaned up the broken glass and overturned furniture. I went to check on Randy. He was watching TV in his room as if nothing had happened. I went to bed that night with my shattered bat next to my head. I was prepared to stab my father with it if he showed up.” Kevin clutched her arm and started squeezing hard. “I woke up to the smell of smoke. I rushed to Randy’s room. Even though the smoke made it hard to see, I could tell he was already gone. I ran out of the house to check on my mom, but she was screaming that Randy was missing.” His words started falling out of his mouth at a rapid pace. “I ran back in, but had to drop to the floor. The fire had spread quickly and the smoke was thick and black. I crawled up the stairs to his room. I knew exactly where he was, but it was difficult to find the closet. He was hiding in there because of me. I told him to go there if things got bad. It was my fault.”
Tessa opened her mouth to disagree, but he said, “No. Not a word.” She nodded her head on his lap. “It took forever for me to find it. The heat from downstairs was radiating into his room. It felt like a furnace and I couldn’t breathe. If I couldn’t breathe, I knew Randy was suffering. I finally found the door. By then the roar of the fire blocked out any other sound. I felt around for him and finally touched his hand. He rushed into my arms. I can’t describe the relief I felt. I held onto him and started back down the stairs. The hall was catching on fire. I tried to avoid the worst of the heat, but it hurt so fucking bad… I was running on adrenaline and pushed through the pain. We made it down to the first floor, but I was lost. I forced Randy to the floor, trying to grab the last of the oxygen, but I couldn’t see a thing. I had no idea where the front door was. I dragged Randy with me blindly, desperate to get us out of there. Something fell on him. It burned, oh God, it burned! I heard Randy then, above the roar of the fire. He was screaming. I’ll never forget that sound. I pulled at him, but Randy was stuck under the fiery debris… I ripped away at it, but I couldn’t save him.” Kevin choked, “I felt his hand go limp. I knew he was dead. I couldn’t save my little brother from burning to death. Then I felt someone grab at me. I tried to fight them off, but they dragged me out of there, away from Randy. They should have let me die. That’s what I wanted.”
Tessa hugged his knees, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“You know, it would have been better if I hadn’t tried to save him. Randy would have died from asphyxiation. It would have been easier on him.”
“Can I talk?” she whispered.
“I don’t want sympathy.”
“Kevin… if I were your brother, I would rather die knowing my brother came for me than alone in a closet.”
“But don’t you get it? I’m the reason he hid in that damn closet.”
“You couldn’t have known what would happen. It’s not your fault.”
Kevin stiffened. “I told you, I don’t want your sympathy.”
“Fine. But there is something I have to say and you may not like it.”
He paused before answering. “What?”
“You can’t change what happened. But you are ali
ve and you owe it to Randy to live a full life. Living in guilt doesn’t honor him.”
Kevin pushed away from her and walked to the kitchen. He leaned over the counter, looking crushed. “You know what I really think, what I feel every day? Randy should be the one alive not me.”
“Stop.”
Kevin’s face contorted in anger. He looked at Tessa and shouted, “You don’t know anything! Don’t pretend you do. You have no idea what we have been through, the pain I have suffered. Get the fuck out of here!”
Tessa was shocked at the rage Kevin was directing towards her. “I just…”
“Go!”
She got up slowly with tears in her eyes. Was it really going to end this way? “Please, Kevin.”
“Get out!” he shouted.
Tessa didn’t look back as she ran from his house. She stumbled and fell several times as she ran home, tears blinding her way. Tess had never imagined the heavy guilt Kevin carried, but having him turn on her was frightening. Maybe her mother was right. A guy like that was dangerous.
When Tessa finally made it back home, she buried her head in her pillow and screamed. All the pent-up love, tension, and anger rolled out in waves of grief and pain. It was over. Kevin had warned her, but she’d insisted he reveal his terrible secret. Now she knew—and the cost for such knowledge was their budding relationship. It didn’t feel like she was losing a simple high school crush. No. It felt like Tess was losing her soulmate.
The phone rang several times, but she refused to answer it. Around four in the afternoon, she heard a light rap at the door. She wondered if it was one of her friends from school, but she didn’t care to answer it. Tess wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.
The person wouldn’t leave. When the knocking didn’t produce a response, the person switched to ringing the doorbell repeatedly. She growled in anger as she tromped down the stairs. That was when she heard his voice.
“Tesse, open up.”
She ran to the door, quickly unlocking it. Kevin stood there, still battered and bruised but never looking more handsome.