Chapter Two
That night I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t. My mind kept turning, and the more it turned, the more depressed I became. I desperately wanted to text or call Heath but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’d know something was wrong and I couldn’t tell him the truth. Being back in my apartment made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin. I kept staring at my hands waiting for flames to burst out of them. Well, not really flames, but blue sparks that killed small appliances.
“Don’t be stupid, Lorelei,” I muttered to myself. Great, now I was talking to myself to boot. But I couldn’t help it. Sitting on my bed, remembering my hands on the clock that morning, the feel of energy powering through me as I hit Patrick’s car. But his car hadn’t died. It had kept on going, so maybe I was delusional… or I could only massacre small gadgets. I shivered. Jumping up, I went into the kitchen, flipping the light on and staring at the appliances. If I touched one, would it fizzle beneath me? Decision made, I tentatively reached over, lightly touching the toaster with my index finger. Nothing. Frowning, I placed my whole hand on it. Nothing happened.
“You are an idiot!” Blushing furiously at my own ridiculousness, I went back to bed.
I hardly slept, going to work the next morning in a foul mood. Luckily, I was working with a few good people and friends at the customer service desk. I knew they would help me get through the day and refocus. After a few angry customers and about halfway into my shift, I chatted with my friend and co-worker Madison Cooper. Only a few years younger than me, she had graduated from high school the year before and was taking time off before starting college. While she tried to decide on a major, she started to work full time at the customer service desk with me, graduating from part-time cashier. We became close, managing to get into frequent trouble for standing around and talking, instead of manning the floor: monitoring the cashiers, bagging groceries, running breaks, and what-not in our down time.
Of the front end team, I was second in command. I had the ability and the know-how to move up the grocery retail ladder but no desire. So, I stayed second in command to Jackson Crale, a man in his early thirties, with a wife and three young children, and another on the way. He was smart, dedicated, and someone I greatly admired. Jackson was a man who had a firm handle on his life and knew exactly what he wanted and where he was going. He confessed time and again that his life was perfection; in fact, he was a candidate for management in the next few years, he never minded his job, and he had the extraordinary ability to brush people off with a smile. He never let anyone or anything bother him. He loved that I was in college and that I wanted more. As he told me, he never cared what he did; it wasn’t important to him. To him, family and friends were everything. Even though he never had any goals beyond marriage and children, he wanted education for his children—and for me. He wanted us to dream big and not get stuck in retail, working every weekend and holiday. I admired him, always a gentleman, always honorable, always a great man.
All in all, there were eight people who worked customer service. Our counter stood overlooking seven check-out lanes and four self-scanners, so we could easily monitor our cashiers and baggers. Aside from Jackson and I, my friends, Theo Walker and Anabel Turner were directly below us, in charge when Jackson and I were not around. They were followed by Madison, her boyfriend Caleb Connell, Jessica, and Maura, our customer service helpers. Jackson, Theo, Anabel, and I did accounting work, handled the money going in and out of the safe, and trained the cashiers and baggers, while our helpers did whatever we needed them to do.
And so today, Jackson was upstairs writing our work schedule for the following week as Madison and I avoided work. She stood behind the customer service desk with me on the other side. My elbows were on the countertop, my chin in my hands as I leaned across the counter, listening to her describe her latest boyfriend troubles.
“I mean, really, how ignorant can he be? I don’t want to be a doctor or a nurse. I don’t want to help people. I don’t like people. Why would I want to help them?” she said while I laughed. We were really quite alike sometimes.
“He just wants you to do something meaningful with your life,” I reasoned.
“Meaningful. Ha. He wants me to make a lot of money so he can do nothing and be a bum!”
“Then why are you dating him?” I asked.
“I don’t know. We’ve been seeing each other for a month, but we just … I don’t know. We just don’t get along. We’re better friends than a couple. I think he feels the same way but just doesn’t want to admit it,” she said.
So our conversation continued. We were each other’s therapists, and we confided everything to one another. Almost everything. I never discussed how alone I felt, how much my life had gone off its path, but to some degree I think she knew.
Feeling the hairs on my arms and on the back of my neck prick up, I looked around to see who was watching me. Assuming Jackson or a member of management, I slapped the counter. Taking my cue, Madison turned her back to the counter and began to busily organize a pile of receipts, while I picked up a clipboard with a list of cashier and bagger breaks on one side and a cleaning list on the other. With it in hand, I walked off to stand in front of the registers and monitor the front end. Still sensing I was being watched, I looked around, but to no avail. No Jackson, no management.
“Hey,” a familiar voice said from behind me.
I turned, grinning, into the open arms of Heath, my long-time best friend. I would know his voice anywhere. When I moved to Astoria, he had been one of the few people to talk to me and accept me. He had moved to Portland and had gone to Portland State University directly after high school, graduating with a bachelor’s in engineering. We kept in touch and saw each other steadily. Now he worked as an engineer while working on his master’s degree. I was unbelievably proud of him and admired him for his achievements.
And he was gorgeous. Medium height, sandy blond hair, blue eyes, dimpled smile, and fit. I always wondered why he’d befriended me. He was a man with a future, and I … well, I was his complete opposite, but our friendship had persisted despite our differences.
“Hello, love,” I said while he picked me up, hugging and swinging me about. He had a way of easing my mind and making me forget my problems.
“Well, what’s going on? I came to check on you and see how your first day of your last quarter went,” he said.
“It was interesting,” I replied. Something in my tone gave him pause. He waited for me to say more. When I didn’t, he grinned. His expression changed as he looked past me, from quizzical to fierce.
“Do you know you’re being stared at? Do you know that guy?” I turned around, following Heath’s gaze. Across the store heading for the checkout lanes was Patrick James—and he wasn’t alone. A lean young woman, about my age, with white blonde hair walked in step with Patrick. In front of them walked a middle-aged couple, the man pushing the cart of groceries while the woman kept turning her head around to talk to the small group behind her. Patrick’s eyes were fixated on me, his companions glancing in my direction while talking excitedly amongst themselves.
“Well, do you know him?” My eyes shifted back to Heath.
Before I could open my mouth to explain my day at school, Madison came up to us, smiling shyly at Heath. She was perfect for Heath in every way: funny, intelligent, challenging. She was also just his type physically with her shorter, slim, athletic build. Raven hair, naturally olive complexion, and dark brown eyes. Having met him a few times before, she had grown enchanted by him. She never understood how I could be just friends with him.
“Do you know there’s some guy ogling you over there?”
“Yes,” I said as I quickly began to tell them about how I had met Patrick at school and how we had a few classes together. I left out that I had thought of little else beyond him since our encounter.
“He seems a little stalker-ish the way he’s looking at you. And who are those people he’s with?” Madison continued. I glan
ced up to see his group had picked a checkout lane. He and the blonde woman stood by the exit door waiting for the elder couple to check out. His eyes met mine, and a slight smile crossed my face. I quickly looked away when the side of his mouth quirked up, to find Heath staring at me. My brief smile had not gone unnoticed. A frustrated expression shadowed his face.
“I have to get going. I’ll see you Saturday,” Heath said gruffly, stalking off. As he crossed Patrick, he paused. A look passed between them, and then he was gone.
“I think someone’s jealous,” Madison sing-songed.
“Oh, so jealous,” I mocked.
“He is.” Her expression was suddenly serious, her voice wounded.
“No. He’s just concerned. He wants the best for me. Besides, I happen to know for a fact he likes someone else.”
“Who?”
“You! But you’re taken … for now.” With a wry smile, I walked back to the service desk, leaving her flushed with embarrassment. Heath didn’t have to say anything. I could see the way he looked at her and talked to her. It was different from how we interacted. With us it was friendship. Deep and complicated, but never romantic on either of our parts. With her, he came alive in a whole new way. He just needed a little nudge in the right direction. I glanced at the door, but they were gone. Again, I felt as though the air had been vacuumed right out of me.
And so I felt for the rest of the day. Each idiotic complaint, each self-righteous customer, was a punch in the gut. I felt more and more desolate as I plastered a dumb smile on my face and listened to their drivel. People quibbled over a ten-cent price discrepancy and demanded the product be free. They squawked over their items not being bagged a specific way and wanted to return empty products that they were unsatisfied with even though they had used or eaten the whole container. The worst part was the bitching, as though it were life and death. As though the world were coming to an end. In between customers, I cradled my head in my hands, feeling a migraine coming on.
At last, Jackson winked at me and said, “Go on, get out of here.” Smiling gratefully, I left. I’d been too busy and too downtrodden by customers to think of Patrick and my freakish blue embers. Patrick, who hadn’t said anything, just stared with his piercing eyes. I breathed in sharply. Class tomorrow. I’d see him, and then Saturday, Heath and I were hanging out. Madison was supposed to come as well, dinner and a movie.
It was a bi-weekly tradition that Heath and I had had since graduation. Theo, Heath, and I had all graduated together. While I’d never been particularly friendly with Theo, he was nice and a good friend to Heath. Then Theo and Anabel had started dating toward the end of senior year. Even though she had gone to a different high school, she and Theo were always around. I used to be uncomfortable around her and Theo—too many people for my taste.
After high school, Heath and Theo had gone off to college together, I had done my own thing, and Anabel had started at Larson’s with me, prompting us to grow closer. Then Theo had dropped out and joined our customer service crew. Heath had started to invite Theo and Anabel out with us around this time, on our Saturday nights. I had slowly started to accept them, and warm to them. Now they were friends I couldn’t bear to be without. Theo, Anabel, Heath, and I were our own little group that Madison was slowly becoming a part of.