her family it had always been hard for Winterburne to think of the woman so. He remembered his birth parents as clearly as if he had seen them but yesterday, and every time he thought of the word the memories stung.
'And, when did you become such a velvet-tongue?' Amanda Winterburne asked. 'You lie badly,' she added.
'Lie My Lady?'
'I am getting old,' she said, with a glint in her eye. 'This world has sent me many troubles to deal with, and while I do my best to manage them, time is catching up with me.' She smiled at him, and the lines on her face were indeed more numerous and deeper than he remembered the last time he had seen her. 'And besides, I haven't radiated for years,' she said, laughing.
oOo
As Lady Amanda led Winterburne through the corridors of the castle, much of the interior was still as he remembered it, and there were hardly any changes to speak of; perhaps a different rug here, a new woven wall-hanging there, but not enough to make him feel out of place. The halls were cool, the bare thick stone preventing the warmth of the sun from penetrating deep inside, but equally, he remembered, that was also true of the winters where the bitter cold of the darkest days did not find its way far within either.
On the lowest of the levels there were few windows, and those that did exist were not much more than wide slits, built into the walls to afford the opportunity to fire arrows or bolts down upon, or across to, the perceived vulnerable approaches to the stronghold. As far as he could remember, history did not seem to recall whether any attacks had ever been made on Castle Winterburne, but if they had, they had not left the scars of battle on the external walls.
Great rough hewn wooden stairs wound their way up through the centre of the towers and at regular intervals fire pits, now covered with heavy boards, had been strategically placed, if not to totally stop intruders in their tracks, then to certainly ensure that they were slowed to such a degree that the place could be defended.
Winterburne's old room was situated in the main central tower of the castle, as were all the other bedrooms of the family, and as he followed Lady Amanda along the darkened hall he found that he could remember every nook and cranny in the place. Indeed, he and Robert must have hidden in each and every one of them at one stage or another. The door into his room was thick and heavy, especially for a young boy, and intricate carvings of flowers and beasts covered the face. He remembered this door well; his fingers had traced over the animals many times as he grew, feeling the shapes of the exotic creatures, many with fangs and teeth as if they were large cats, while others wore horns and tusks. Whether they were true representations of the beasts they pretended to be or whether they were mythical he did not know but it was without doubt a fabulous piece of work that he had never truly appreciated as a child.
'You need not have shown me up yourself, My Lady,' Winterburne said. 'I would have been able to find my own way.'
'I know,' Lady Amanda replied, 'but humour an old woman, just for a while, Thomas. It has been so long since I last saw you and I would make the most of every moment that I have with you now that you are back here.'
Winterburne smiled at her, she was still as warm and loving as she had been whilst he grew to adolescence in the protection of her home, and it was true that perhaps he had not always made his own feelings known as often as he should have.
'I have no plans to leave at any time soon,' he replied. 'I mean to stay around for some time.'
Lady Amanda gave him the fullest smile as she pushed his bedroom door open, and led the way into the chamber. The room was large, at least compared to his dwellings in Highport and a wide window, crossed by thick leaded beading, allowed the light into the room. It was clean too, and that task was obviously a routine that must have been repeated on a regular basis. The same tapestries that he remembered hung down from the wall in front of him, the same wall on which a large four-poster stood, made up and ready for occupation. At the foot of the bed had been placed a large chest, for boots and other items he recalled, and over to his right stood a large robe, its double doors closed tightly.
'It's exactly as I remember it,' he said, walking across to the bed, and grabbing a post. It creaked as he leaned his weight against it.
'I kept it ready for you, in case you should return,' Lady Amanda said. 'I somehow hoped that you would be back one day. It seemed the right thing to do.'
'There was always so much to occupy my time in Highport. It was not possible to get away, even though I thought of you and Robert regularly.'
'Do you know, I remember the day I was told that you had been made Captain of the Watch, Thomas? I was so proud.' Amanda's face beamed. 'I always hoped that you might one day know how much Robert and I were missing you.'
'I think I always knew.'
Lady Amanda walked over to Winterburne and placed her hand on his shoulder. 'Why have you come back? God knows that my heart sings that you are here, and I wondered if my eyes would ever see your face again, but why now?
Winterburne sighed, then said, 'I don't know where I belong any more.'
The sense of feeling lost in a world that he thought he knew was beyond anything that he had ever experienced before. It was not a feeling that he was enjoying and now that he had had time to dwell on matters he found himself feeling deeply uncomfortable. If he could have somehow closed his eyes and returned to the days when he had a purpose he would have done so. He lowered his eyes as the empty, uncomfortable feeling found its way into his mind again.
'This is the only sanctuary that I have,' he said.
Amanda reached out and took his hand. 'And you are most welcome, Thomas. This will always be your home, no matter what. But you still haven't told me why.'
Winterburne lowered his head, placing his hand on hers, then he raised his eyes to look at her directly, and sighed. 'The Emperor has seen fit to remove me from my position, for good I think,' he paused, 'although he has not said as much. There was an attempt on the Emperor's life last week and people under my command died. And although I could dress up the story with flourishes and details to make the truth sound more palatable, it was my fault. Someone had to pay the price.'
'Surely not.'
'Whether they died by my hand, or by the hand of another, it matters not.' Winterburne lowered himself onto the bed, and looked over at the window. 'My orders, or lack of them, caused their deaths.'
'Did you intend for them to die, Thomas?'
'No, of course not.'
'Then do not be so hard on yourself.' Amanda's voice was soft and full of authority. 'People like us, the Lords and Ladies of this land, have a responsibility to lead and to command,' she said. 'It is our duty to take precisely the decisions that affect the lives of ordinary people. In fact, they expect it to be so, and consider us remiss in our responsibilities if we do not.'
A half smile crossed Winterburne's face. 'That sounds just like something that Lord Winterburne would have said.'
'He did say it.' Lady Amanda sat herself next to Winterburne on the bed. 'To you. Do you not remember?'
'I do not recall.'
'You would have been young,' Lady Amanda said. 'Perhaps thirteen or fourteen years old. I do not remember exactly.' A silence settled over the pair and Amanda just sat next to Winterburne, looking at him. After a while, she said, 'I had a half expectation that the next time that I saw you it might be to celebrate your marriage to some city-girl.'
'Mother!'
'You see,' Lady Amanda said, 'that didn't hurt too much, did it?'
'No,' Winterburne replied, 'it didn't.' He smiled.
'Well,' she said, 'why haven't you wedded someone?'
Winterburne laughed and shook his head. 'I just never found anyone that...well...'
'Kept your attention?'
'Something like that.'
Winterburne fell quiet, rising from the bed to walk over to the window. The view out over the fields was clear in the bright sunlight and white clouds floated in the blue overhead where birds winged their way across the sky, swooping and wh
eeling as they chased each other. Beyond the trees that marked the boundary of the castle lands proper he could make out the chimneys of the houses of the village, smoke rising from one or two of them. To his eyes, it was idyllic. Then, he thought of Alyssa.
'There was someone,' he said.
Amanda waited for a moment before replying. 'Was?'
'If I had stayed in Highport, then perhaps...'
'Perhaps what? You might have become close?' She walked across to join him at the window, taking his hand in hers.
This was the first time that Winterburne had truly acknowledged to anyone but himself that his feelings for Alyssa ran far deeper than he had realised or planned, and that perhaps, for a while at least, he had thought that they might have had a future together.
'Yes,' he said.
'You still have feelings for this woman?'
'I do,' Winterburne replied. He glanced at his adoptive-mother and then lowered his eyes from her gaze.
'Then what in heaven's name are you doing back here?'
'It seemed like the right thing to do.'
'Well, Thomas,' Lady Amanda said, 'you must know your own mind, I suppose, but acting in haste is often the worst thing you can do.'
Winterburne turned to look at the woman. Her sharp blue eyes still had the sparkle in them that he remembered, and despite her age she was still beautiful. 'Do not make me feel any worse than I already do, My Lady.'
'You know, sometimes,' she replied, 'a period of calm, and the chance to